Secret of Betrayal: Book Two of The Destroyer Trilogy (34 page)

I watch as two of my Guardians grimace in
distaste. Neither Braden nor Milo seems to appreciate my plan since it leaves
them somewhere other than watching over me. Lance is the only one who looks
happy about his assignment. It probably irritates Milo quite a bit that I chose
Lance as my guard, but I know Lance will die before letting anyone get to me.
And since I’m the one this whole plan is hinging on, I feel justified in
commandeering the most able protector that isn’t going into the spirit world.

“Wait,” Milo says, “why does Braden need to come
to the spirit world? He doesn’t have Perception. Even if he did, he’s not a
Cipher so he can’t perform an Inquest.”

Lance, Braden, and I all freeze for a split
second. Casey is going to be our lookout, but I need Braden for a completely
different reason, one I do not want to discuss with Milo. I need the boost in
power having him near gives me, and I might need even more. If I can’t do this
on my own, I’m going to have to give in and take his Oath. Milo doesn’t know
any of that. After a moment of panic, I fall back on the same reason I gave for
inviting Casey, shielding and watching. Milo doesn’t seem to appreciate that,
but lets it go with a muttered criticism.

“Look, everyone,” I say, “we’ve been pushing
ourselves so hard for the last couple of months. After you make your
arrangements for getting out of school and decide where you’re going to be
positioned for the rescue, take the rest of the weekend off. Go do something
fun, relax, blow off some steam, okay? We all need a break.”

And if I’m being totally honest, we all know
there’s a strong possibility this will be our last chance to actually take some
time for ourselves. If we fail, we’ll all be dead. If we succeed, it’s going to
be nonstop work for who knows how long. I can’t even begin to think about what
it’s going to take to organize so many Ciphers and plan our next move. I don’t
even know what our next move
is
, yet. I feel as if my head is going to
simply crack open like Humpty Dumpty one of these days.
I
need a break,
even if it’s just for a few hours.

Slowly, everyone starts nodding. They need a
break just as much as I do. Even Dean, who’s only been with us for a few
months, has been through a lot in that time. The quiet begins to break as
everyone starts making plans. I let the hum of timid excitement flow around me,
sucking up a few moments of pleasure from my friends. Casey invites Dean to go
see a movie with her. Lance wants to go to a baseball game with his little
brother, the only member of his family still speaking to him. Mr. Walters is
going to visit his sister. Braden’s quiet presence right next to me doesn’t
escape my attention, either. So I can enjoy this moment more fully, my eyes
close and I let my emotional shield thin. This moment might be one of my last.

I didn’t realize Milo had even moved away from
me until he sits back down. My moment is interrupted, but I turn to him with a
smile. He gives me a quick kiss before saying anything. “My mom wants to take
Celia to visit our grandparents back in Ohio for the weekend. We should go with
them. I know that probably sounds strange given how much I fight with my mom,
but there’s a Cipher family there I want to meet. I told you about Marc
Hasselt, remember? He’s a
Concealor
, and from what
I’ve heard from those who know about him, he’s the best. He can use his
Concealment to create a physical shield that makes him practically invisible to
everyone around him. He said he’d teach us how to do it if we ever got the
chance to come see him.”

I almost say yes. “
Milo, that
does sound like a great opportunity, but I’d rather not.”

“What? Libby, this could be our only chance to
learn from him before we have to face the Guardians,” he says.

I’m tempted, so very tempted. I shake my head.
“We’ll make time to see him later, I promise. It’s just that I have to do
something this weekend.”

“What?” he asks, coming very close to
demanding.

“I want to go see my dad. I haven’t been to his grave
since before my Inquest. I really need to go visit him before all of this
happens.” Maybe that sounds weird to some people, but this is something I need.
It’s more important to me than learning a new technique.

“But it might be too late if we don’t go now,”
Milo says.

“We aren’t going to face any Guardians unless
this plan goes horribly wrong. And if we do, I doubt anything is going to save
us. Stay with me, please?”

“You want me to miss seeing Hasselt so I can go
with you to your dad’s grave?”

“No.” His expression becomes even more confused.
“I mean, I want to see my dad alone. It has nothing to do with you, I’ve never
let anyone come with me to see my dad because it’s too personal for me, but I
was hoping we could spend the weekend with each other. I need some time with
you too.”

“We can spend time together in Ohio. If you
don’t even want me to go with you to your dad’s grave, can’t you just go when
we get back on Sunday?” His tone makes it sound like I’m being difficult. Can’t
he understand how important this is to me? I don’t know if anyone else gets
what I’m saying, but our conversation has drawn several eyes.

Standing, I ask, “Can we talk about this
privately?”

Milo follows, but his irritation is obvious.
“Libby, I really think we should meet with Hasselt. I know you’ve been trying
out Concealment shields on your own, but he could help us perfect them.”

“I’m sure what he can teach us will be helpful,”
I say, “but I’m asking you stay with me. This is really important to me. I feel
like I’m becoming second place to the Ciphers.”

“What are you talking about?”

“How many times just this week
have
you either been late to train with me, or forgotten we
had plans to hang out together after training? When was the last time you went
to bed or woke up thinking about me instead of the Guardians or the Ciphers?”

He doesn’t answer me. I know he doesn’t want to
admit this, but I’m struggling and I need a little help from him. I was willing
to look past what happened on his birthday for a long time, and everything
before and after that. I made excuses that he was busy doing the things I asked
him to do. That acceptance started to change the day Saia died. Milo was the
one who was supposed to be with me instead of Lance that day, but continuing to
work with Dean was too important. I gave him the opportunity to walk away from
me later that night, and he took it even though he knew I didn’t want him to
go. It was my suggestion, I know that, but Braden’s accusation that Milo
shouldn’t have left and didn’t understand how important I should be to him
stuck deep in my heart.

Since then, the missed training sessions when
Milo minimizes my need to train because of my power are okay in his mind
because devoting his time to training others or himself is justified. When we
plan to watch a movie or even just have dinner with his family at his house,
and he is nowhere to be seen, he doesn’t understand why I’m hurt after his
excuses about being too busy or getting distracted.

“Milo,” I say slowly, “believe me, I know how important
all of this is, but for me it isn’t as important as you. Every day I feel as
though I get farther and farther from your mind and I don’t want that. I’m not
saying you have to be with me constantly, or always have to put me first. When
I ask something like this, I want you to give it to me.
And
not just because I ask.
I want you to want to spend time with me more
than train or go over schematics.”

“That’s not fair,” Milo says. “If there were
more time, I would spend it with you. Everything is moving too fast to stop and
take time out.”

“I’m asking you to make time for me.”

“I can’t pass up this opportunity, Libby, and I
don’t think you should either.”

I sigh, but try to keep my frustration in check.
I can’t do anything about the hurt spreading through my chest. The ache of
disappointment flows through every inch of me. I want to demand he stay, but I
don’t. I give him a choice, and hold my breath for his answer.

“If you really think you should go, then go, but
I’m staying here. I need to visit my dad.”

“Alone? I really don’t think that’s a good idea.
What if the Guardians come after you? If you get captured or killed, we’ll
never get the Ciphers out.”

 “If I get captured or killed, the
Guardians won’t be crushed?” The corners of my mouth tremble. “Is that really
your biggest concern?”

“Well, we can’t do this on our own,” Milo says.
“You know that.”

“Yeah, I do,” I say, a hint of anger slipping
into my voice. “You don’t have to remind me of how much everyone is counting on
me. Believe me, I know. But if I were to be kidnapped or killed, I would have
hoped your first thought would have been for me, not for the Guardians.” Milo
can’t really be more concerned about our plan than me, can he?

Milo huffs in frustration at me, as if I’m being
ridiculous. “Of course I’d be worried if you were captured, or … I don’t even
want to think about anything worse. I don’t want anything to happen to you, or
for our plan to get messed up. I thought me being worried about you went
without saying.”

Maybe it did once, but I’m not so sure anymore.
“Which thought came first?” I ask. “Worry that I would be hurt, or that our
plan would fail?”

“You’re not being fair,” Milo
argues,
his jaw tightening as he stares at me.

My arms wrap around my body, trying to fend off
the truth. He sidestepped the question, but I feel as if I got my answer,
anyway. I wasn’t first.

“Libby, come with me to Ohio. We’ll have time
together, and we’ll get to work with Hasselt. Then you can see your dad when we
get back.” He says it with such confidence that I will see the perfect fairness
of the compromise and welcome it with a smile.

Maybe it is fair. Maybe I am being selfish. I
don’t know, anymore. I just wanted Milo to give me this one request, and he
can’t. But I can’t give him his, either.

“Milo, I’m not going to Ohio.”

Irritation flashes in his eyes, but he doesn’t
argue. He tries to keep his expression neutral. It doesn’t really work. “I’ll
call you while I’m gone, okay?”

I nod. “Will you come see me when you get back?”

“Of course,” Milo says, his stance softening. He
walks over to me and pulls me into a hug. “Please be careful while I’m gone.
Stay with someone every minute. Lance is still one of my least favorite people,
but I know he’ll protect you. If Lance can’t be with you …” Milo grimaces, as
if his next thoughts are too bitter to utter. “If you aren’t with Lance, stay
with Braden. I still don’t trust him, but he’s more capable than Dean or the
Miniatures.”

I can hardly manage to squeak out an “Ok” in the
face of his actually telling me to stay with Braden. What did Lance say he was
doing this weekend?
Baseball?
I’m not a big fan, but
maybe he’ll let me tag along. What if he says no? Could I really spend the
entire weekend with Braden and survive that? Will I do it anyway? 

Milo doesn’t seem to notice the guilty thoughts
pooling around me. “Hey, no broken bones this weekend, all right?”

I actually smile at his request, glad for the
distraction. “No promises on the broken bones, but I’ll do my best.”

“I guess I’ll have to accept that,” he says. His
lips brush against mine, but it’s brief and missing its usual comfort.

Milo pulls away and walks back to the living
room. A few seconds later, he’s deep in discussion with Dean about something,
as if our own conversation has been forgotten. It isn’t that easy for me. I
follow him back to the living room, but drop onto an empty couch. When I look
up, Braden is watching me. The sadness in his eyes is a clear sign he felt the
emotions running through me during my conversation with Milo. Behind his
compassion is his consuming need to wipe away my pain. I look away, desperate
to find Lance and see if he will babysit me while Milo’s gone.

Instead of finding Lance, my eyes land on Mr.
Walters. I still have no clue what his vision was about, but the twisted little
smile on his face makes my heart drop as I realize I’m probably going to find
out very soon.

Chapter 2
6

Peace

I stayed late with Milo last night despite our
argument. He won’t be back until tomorrow night and I wanted to drown myself in
him, hoping it would change his mind or at least keep me in his thoughts a
little more than I have been lately. The first didn’t happen, but I hope the
second did.  Neither of his parents complained about us lying on the couch
watching movies until two in the morning. Wrapped in his arms for hours, it
would have been perfect if not for the frustration neither of us could let go
of. We said goodbye at the door of my motel room with Milo promising to call,
and me promising to be careful. My sleep last night was especially unpleasant.
 

Stepping out of my Bronco, I carry a bouquet of
flowers through the rows of headstones. The names I pass are all so familiar.
I’ve walked this path hundreds of times before. Almost six years of solitary
walks.

The square one with black
lettering.
The one with the angel engraved on it. My hand tightens
around the flowers when I pass the marker for the five-year-old little girl.
But as always, I find myself smiling at the double gravestone of an elderly
couple who lived into their nineties, were married for over seventy years, and
died within days of each other. The epitaph reads, “Together Forever.” I pass
the last few headstones and stop in front of my dad’s.

It hurts every time I see his name scrawled
across the granite. My mom chose the design and wording without ever asking me
what I thought, but for once, I agreed with every decision. The symbol for
Perception is engraved at the top. The two interlocking circles for the heart
and mind with two
ribbons,
are braided together at the
top and loose at the bottom to symbolize the
Perceptives
’
ability to discern the hearts and minds of others. These symbols bring tears to
my eyes no matter how many times I see them.

My blurry vision makes it hard to see the
epitaph, but I know it by heart anyway.
Our source of joy
and endless love
.
The only time my mom and I ever came here together
was at his funeral. I remember standing next to her as they lowered his coffin
into the ground. Maybe it was grief, or perhaps just a moment of weakness for
her, but I remember her hand quietly slipping into mine and squeezing. I was
young enough to believe for a brief second that she would help me through this,
that she would put aside her bitterness and be the mother I needed her to be. That
illusion faded quickly.
Every week after that, our butler,
Manuel, would drive me out here to visit my dad.
Even during the most
difficult times it always made me feel better to sit and talk to him.

Needing that now more than ever, I lay the
flowers down at the base of the headstone and kneel on the soft grass next to
them. This is always the hardest part for me, the beginning. Every time I would
face this spot before my Inquest, it was with overwhelming guilt, believing
that it was my fault my dad was dead. I thought I had killed him. While still
true in a very real way, I now know that it was the only way. If he had stolen
my talents there would be no hope for the Ciphers. There would be no one to
stop whatever else may be coming. I believe he was doing what he thought was
right, so I was eventually able to forgive him. And honestly, I think he has
forgiven me, too. I stare at the grave with a measure of peace I have never
felt before.

Slowly, words start to come. I apologize for
staying away so long, and then I begin telling him about the last year. It
helps me to explain everything. The details I have been struggling to keep
track of all line up perfectly as I tell him our plan. My confidence grows as I
see how well we have laid everything out. My mind searches for holes as I
speak, but I don’t find any. By the time I finish, I think this plan might
actually work. A crisp breeze meanders through the cemetery, winding itself
around me, letting me pretend for a moment that it is my dad hugging me and telling
me that everything is going to be okay. Grateful tears slide down my face.

I spend a few more minutes just sitting there,
wishing my dad was still with me. I know he would be proud of everything I’ve
done so far, and of what I’m about to do. I wonder if he would have any advice
for me. He’d probably just say, “Little Libby, just please try not to hurt
yourself this time.” And I would laugh and smile. Not because I thought he was
being funny, but because I would know that odds were he would be driving me to
the hospital before my grand idea panned out. But no matter how badly I got
hurt, he had always been there to make sure I was alright. Up until facing my
mom, I hadn’t broken a bone since his death. I was too afraid to try anything
risky without him there to back me up.

He won’t be there this time. My smile falters as
I admit to myself that I’m really on my own now. My biggest great idea yet, and
he won’t be there to pick up the pieces if it all falls apart.

Well, I just have to make sure things don’t fall
apart, then.

I push myself up off the ground and whisper a
quiet goodbye. As I start back through the cemetery I don’t look at the
headstones. I walk down the green carpet of grass, glad I came regardless of
the mixed emotions I am carrying away with me. Only when my feet hit pavement
again do I begin to look up from the path I have been walking. The comforting
embrace of his presence flows around me before my eyes reach him. It’s hard to
deny the relief and pleasure I feel at seeing him here.

“I know you heard me tell Milo I wanted to make
this visit alone,” I say to Braden, not crossing the single lane road to greet
him. 

He stands calmly and walks over to me. “I did,”
he admits, “but I’m too familiar with these kinds of visits to listen to you.
I’ve made this same walk too many times wishing there would be someone waiting
for me when I came back.”

My threatening posture slackens at his words,
and I lean against the Bronco for support. It’s hard to be angry with him when
he says something like that. He understands loss and grief. I’m glad I came,
but it is hard to walk away not feeling the loss all over again. I chew on my
bottom lip, unable to say anything for a moment. It isn’t Milo’s fault he’s
never lost anyone close to him and didn’t understand why this was so important
to me. Maybe I didn’t try hard
enoughto
make him
understand.

“Are you all right?” Braden asks. He moves
closer and leans against the Bronco next to me. When I don’t move away, he
presses his shoulder against mine. Guilt that I don’t move away is overpowered
by his warmth. I need someone to talk to.

“I’m okay. It’s just been a while since I’ve
been here. I’ve missed talking to him.”

Braden nods. He knows exactly what I mean. I
have no doubt he follows the same ritual I do.

“Do you visit your family very often?” I ask
him.

“As often as I can,” he says. He smiles softly
as he looks down at me. “It’s actually been easier since meeting you. I used to
have to travel a lot, collecting Ciphers all over the country. Getting demoted
has freed up a lot more of my time.”

“Well, at least that’s one good thing about
knowing me.”

He smirks at me and doesn’t bother to respond.
Oh yeah, he’s crazy enough to think there are all kinds of great reasons to
hang around with me.

“I should have come here before this,” I say. I
turn away from Braden and sit down on the grass. He follows, me leaning against
him as soon as he sits.

“Why didn’t you?”

I sigh and shake my head. “I don’t know. At
first it was just too hard to face him. After my Inquest, I was ashamed of who
I was. He knew before he died, but he told me to keep it a secret. I felt like
I had failed him because I couldn’t figure out a way to hide being the
Destroyer. Then I found out what he was doing the night he died, trying to steal
my talents, and I refused to come here. I know he was trying to help me, but I
was still angry and hurt. He could have told me what he was planning, warned me
at least. I spent five years thinking I had killed him. It wasn’t easy to let
go of that kind of pain. And I’ve just felt so overwhelmed lately. I’ve wanted
to come, but there hasn’t been any time. Every moment of my life is dedicated
to rescuing the Ciphers. I’ve had a rough couple of months.”

“That’s an understatement if I’ve ever heard
one,” Braden says.

We both laugh quietly. It feels good to laugh,
even at how insane my life is right now. So often I find myself wishing that I
weren’t in this situation, that the Ciphers weren’t my responsibility. I wonder
what it would feel like to have an average life. Would I even be able to
function if my biggest concern was what top I was going to wear on a date later
in the week? I can’t imagine such a simple existence. That has never been the
fate laid out for me.

But maybe for a few hours I can try to forget
and do absolutely nothing. Milo asked me to stay with someone who could help
protect me, but all I really want is to go home. The Guardians watch my motel
around the clock, thinking they’re protecting themselves from me, but most of
the time it feels like the opposite.

I stand up and look down at Braden. “I know I
said I wanted to do this alone, but thanks,” I say. “I needed to talk to
someone.”

He stands as well, and says, “No problem. It’s
been killing me to feel how unhappy you’ve been.”

Turning away from his concern because I don’t
know how to fend it off, I walk toward the driver’s side door of the Bronco. I
start to pull the door open, but Braden is there stopping me. “Where are you
going now?”

“Home.”

“To do what?”

It’s not really his concern, but I answer. “To
sleep, or draw, anything to take my mind off what we’re about to do … and other
things, too.”

“You’re not supposed to be alone.”

My face scrunches into a scowl. “How much of my
conversation with Milo did you listen in on?”

“All of it,” he says with no shame.

“Why?”

He gives me a look that says
,
do you really need to ask?
Of course I don’t, but it’s still irritating
that he would eavesdrop. I push my door open and slide into the seat. When I
hear the passenger’s side door close I keep staring straight ahead until the
urge to strangle Braden passes. When I do look over, he’s already buckled in.

“What are you doing?”

“You don’t need to be alone today,” he says.

“I don’t need you to protect me.”

Braden looks at me with no edge of command or
force. “I didn’t say I’m here because Milo demanded you be protected while he’s
gone. You are more than capable of protecting yourself. I said you don’t
need
to be alone today.”

“Maybe I want to be,” I counter.

“No you don’t. You
didn’t last
night when you asked Milo to stay with you, and you don’t now after seeing your
dad
and are still upset about last night.”

His words wrap around me like an embrace. He’s
right about everything … but I won’t let myself admit it. “You don’t always know
what I want, Braden. I want to go home and go to bed for the next two days.”

“I do know what you want,” he says, “and not
because I’m your Companion. I can see in your eyes that you don’t want to be
abandoned again. I’m not trying to push you into anything. I just can’t leave
you like this.”

All my bravado falls away. The first tear slips
down my check, but before it can splatter on my jeans Braden wipes it away. His
fingers linger on my face, their touch infusing me with his strength and love.
It wasn’t supposed to be Braden here today. Another tear falls. I shouldn’t be
crying and missing Milo. He should be the one here. Tears spill over Braden’s
fingers. He gives up any semblance of restraint along with me and pulls me into
a hug that cradles me and my heartache alike. My own arms latch around him. I
don’t want him to leave. I bury myself in his embrace and let my tears fall.
After a long while, I slowly calm back down as his presence soothes my dejected
spirit.

When I am finally able to pull myself out of his
arms, he asks, “Are you going to tell me to go away again?”

“No,” I say quietly.

He
nods,
the barest
hint of pleasure gathering around him. “Will you come with me somewhere?”

I look over at him, doubtful. “Does that really
seem like a good idea? You have permission to come to my motel and pull me out
of school, but being seen around town might look pretty suspicious.”

“I wasn’t planning to drag you all over
Albuquerque,” he says drily.

“Then where?”

“Come out to the Bosque Del Apache with me. It’s
one of my favorite places to go when I need a break. I know some pretty remote
areas that are private and beautiful. I think you’ll like it, and you could use
a day to relax.”

Hiking … that sounds okay. Doing something
physical will keep me from thinking too much, and being outdoors actually
sounds great. Guilt slithers around in my mind as I consider saying yes. Milo
mentioned staying with Braden, but he had no idea what he was asking. Lance
wouldn’t turn me down if I were to call him instead. But I don’t.

“Should I follow you?” I ask Braden, not
actually admitting I want to go, but making my answer obvious regardless.

“My car’s not here. I took a cab to avoid anyone
noticing it.”

Grateful he considered that before following me
here, I offer him my keys. “Do you want to drive then?”

“Haven’t you been there before?”

“Not in a while. They don’t allow four
wheeling.”

Braden laughs as he heads out of the cemetery.
“Well, no four wheeling today, but I think you’ll still like it.”

I am doubtful as he drives away from town toward
the wildlife refuge. Spending the day in bed still sounds like a better plan,
given how awful I feel. The doubt lasts until we get to the refuge and get out
into the sunshine amidst a flock of
Sandhill
cranes
taking flight and soaring over our heads. Their beauty brings a bright smile to
my face. White feathers against blue sky, they look like angels, or maybe
spirits of friends lost, swooping overhead to remind you they miss you as well.

“See,” Braden says from right next to me, “I
told you that you would like it.”

I needed this. “Thanks.”

“Come on, I want to show you a few of my
favorite places.”

Braden takes my hand and tugs me toward a
trailhead. He doesn’t let go right away, and I don’t make him. Every time he
touches me my melancholy dims. No matter how many times I tell myself I don’t
want Braden, my spirit begs for him. It gets harder to bury the pleasure I feel
at being around him every time I give in to his touch or glance or embrace.
Right now ignoring how I feel is impossible.