Secret Heart (8 page)

“
You’re
leaving us?” she cried. “Roarke, is this some new scheme of yours?
One of you should have told me about any change in plans. I will
not have my life arranged without my approval.”

“
We did
agree,” Garit said in a quiet way that Jenia believed was
calculated to soothe her irritation, “that you will present
yourself at the royal court as Lady Chantal. If you are to be
accepted in that role, you will need fine clothing such as Chantal
would wear, a noble horse to ride, caparison for your horse,
servants—”

“
No!”
Jenia cried. “No servants. I refuse to drag anyone else into so
dangerous a situation.”

“
What
danger?” Roarke asked. When she didn’t respond he said, “It’s clear
to me that most if not all of your memory has returned. If you ever
did lose your memory.”

“
I did
lose it. I lost everything except my honor, and that I preserved
only by taking a desperate risk.” She choked on tears. After a
moment she swallowed hard and continued in the belief that Roarke
would be pacified only by the truth, or some goodly portion of it.
If she had any hope of convincing him that she was being honest
about her ordeal, she sensed that she ought to reveal as much as
she dared at once, while Garit was still with them. Garit was more
sympathetic than Roarke, who seemed to know instinctively when she
was lying. If Roarke became too difficult and his questions too
intrusive, she would simply have to declare that she could remember
no more than she had already told them. She didn’t believe either
of them would use force against a woman, so they couldn’t make her
talk against her will.

“
Will you
listen without interrupting me and without accusing me?” she asked,
looking from one man to the other.

“
Of
course, we will,” Garit said immediately. “First, my lady, tell us
if you recall your true name.”

“
I do
honestly believe that my name is Jenia,” she said.

“
Hah!”
Roarke exclaimed, a world of disbelief in the single
syllable.

“
Roarke,
if you want to know what the lady has to say, then be quiet and let
her speak,” Garit warned.

“
Thank
you, Garit,” she said, aiming a wavering, tearful smile at
him.

At any
other time she’d be thoroughly disgusted with herself for her
devious words and her callous disregard of Garit’s feelings. But
not now. The two men staring at her offered her best and, perhaps,
her only hope of reaching Calean City alive. She knew she could not
get there alone and she could never hope to reach King Henryk’s
audience chamber without their help. To stop the clamoring of a
conscience that threatened to undo her stern intentions, she
reminded herself that they were using her, too. So she revealed a
small portion of her story, and most of what she told them was the
truth as she saw it.

“
What I
remember,” she said, “is being dragged aboard a ship. At the time,
I wasn’t sure what was happening because a moldy bag had been tied
over my head. I could see nothing, though I could hear water
slapping against a dock and through the reek of the filthy wool
that blinded me, I could smell the sea.”

“
Where
were you when this happened?” Roarke demanded.

“
Roarke,
you promised not to interrupt,” Garit warned.

“
I
promised nothing,” Roarke said. “You promised.”

“
If I
knew the name of the port, I would tell you,” Jenia said. “But I
don’t know it. In fact, at the time I was so confused and so weak
that I wonder now if I was fed poppy syrup.”

“
Of
course, you were,” Roarke said in the same voice she had heard from
him last night, the voice that made clear he didn’t believe her
assertions.

“
Let her
speak,” Garit said with barely concealed impatience.

“
Very
well.” Roarke consented with a look that warned Jenia he wouldn’t
accept her story without more questions.

“
I was
thrown into a small ship’s cabin, tossed onto the bunk, and the
hood was pulled away so I could see,” Jenia said. “But my hands and
feet were tied.”

“
Why tie
you if you were drugged?” Roarke asked.

“
I don’t
know!” she cried in exasperation. “Please, just be quiet and let me
talk. I am hoping that if I tell the story to you exactly as I
recall it, my thoughts will clear and the rest of my memories will
return. Perhaps then I’ll know more.”

“
Go on,
Lady Jenia,” Garit urged. “If Roarke interrupts you again, I
promise to gag him until you have finished. Take your
time.”

“
Thank
you.” She paused to draw a deep breath, to prepare herself to
remember what she’d much rather forget. “All I could think of was
that I wanted to be untied, so I’d have a chance of fighting back
if the men who stood around me tried to harm me. And, before you
can ask, Roarke, yes, I would remember every one of them. They were
four rough, bearded, unwashed sailors, but their faces, and the
rancid smell of their bodies, is frighteningly clear to me as I sit
here.

“
What I
did,” she continued, “was insist that I had an urgent need to use a
chamberpot, and for that my hands and feet must be freed. I feared
they’d pay no attention to my plea, so I pointed out to them that
they ought to hurry if they didn’t want to clean up a most
unpleasant mess.”

“
That was
very clever of you,” Garit said. “I don’t know many ladies who
would be so daring.”

“
They
argued among themselves that strangling was a messy business and
they’d have less to clean up after I was dead if they agreed to my
wishes while I was still alive. So they freed my hands and feet.
But all of them stayed with me while I used the chamberpot. They
said modesty didn’t matter to me any longer.

“
Then
they informed me that they had decided to exceed the orders they’d
been given. They were going to rape me – all four of them – and if
I was still alive when they were finished, they’d strangle me as
ordered and toss my body into the sea just as they were supposed to
do.”

“
Dear
heaven!” Garit exclaimed.

“
Why did
they have to take you out to sea to murder you?” Roarke
asked.

“
Isn’t
that obvious?” she responded. “They wanted no sign of my death left
on land to incriminate anyone who was involved. I had the
impression that the ship was bound for a long voyage, perhaps to
the lands south of the Sea of Alboran, and wouldn’t return to its
home port for some time. They were going to dump me far out at
sea.”

“
Who are
you, that anyone who wanted you dead would have to take such
precautions?” Roarke asked. “You must be a person of great
importance – or of great wealth.”

“
I don’t
know,” she insisted. “I wish I did. That knowledge would answer so
many questions, wouldn’t it?”

“
Lady
Jenia, it pains me to ask you,” Garit said, “and I am certain you
find it disturbing to recall your captivity, but what happened?
Obviously, you were not strangled.”

Jenia continued her story, speaking in a low
monotone, trying not to give way to tears or to the rage she still
felt.

“
They
stood me in the midst of them, in that tiny cabin, and they
stripped off all of my clothes except my shift. They said they were
saving that for last. First, they wanted to display me to the other
sailors aboard the ship, to see what they would offer for a ride –
for a few moments with me. They said they’d make a whore of me and
they tore off the neck chain and the little earrings I was
wearing.” She touched one still-sensitive earlobe. “I was so
terrified, I became fearless. That sounds quite mad, doesn’t
it?”

“
No,”
Roarke said, surprising her. “That is the first thing you’ve told
us that makes sense to me. It happens all the time to men in
battle. Fear dissipates and a rush of excitement takes over,
lending strength and courage to those who have nothing left to
lose. Go on, Jenia. Tell us the rest of it.”

“
I’m not
sure how I did it; my memories are only fragments, but somehow I
managed to break free of them. The ship was heaving and rocking in
the storm, so I suppose some of them lost their balance with only a
little push from me, and I know they had been drinking ale. I could
smell it on their breath. I remember screaming at them and trying
to climb up the ladder to the deck while all those clutching hands
pulled me back. And I knew what they would do to me if I didn’t get
away from them.

“
Then,
suddenly, I was on the deck and sliding toward the railing when a
huge wave tilted the ship onto its side. I grabbed the rail and
hauled myself over it. Someone caught my wrist and tried to drag me
back. I saw his face and in that moment I knew drowning would be a
far kinder death than what those men had planned for me. I was
going to die anyway; I preferred to die before they dishonored me.”
She paused to take several breaths in hope of calming her rapid
heartbeats.

“
So, you
went into the sea,” Roarke said in a strange, quiet voice. “Why
didn’t you drown?”

“
I don’t
know,” she said. “I cannot swim, but at least I had sense enough to
hold my breath when the sea closed over me. The water was swirling
and churning and it seemed to buoy me up, so I could occasionally
catch my breath.

“
I
honestly don’t know how I survived,” she said, seeing doubt on
Roarke’s face and amazement on Garit’s more kindly features. “I
cannot remember much except that I fought the waves for what seemed
like hours, though it may not have been very long at all. When at
last I felt sand beneath my knees and hands, I started to crawl. I
wasn’t thinking; I just wanted to get away from the waves that kept
dragging me back to the sea. I kept crawling until I could go no
farther. I slept then, or lost consciousness. When I woke up, I saw
that I was on a beach and I began walking. That’s when you found
me,” she finished, looking at Roarke.

She
couldn’t tell if he believed her, or not. She hadn’t told them the
entire story, of course. She would save the worst part, the dungeon
and near starvation and bloody death to recount during her audience
with the king.

“
And
that’s it?” Roarke asked. “That’s all you can remember?”

“
Roarke,
have a heart!” Garit cried. “Hasn’t she told us enough?”

“
Not by
half. We still don’t know why she was abducted, or who ordered her
murdered,” Roarke said. “Or, who she is.”

“
I’m so
sorry that I cannot recall anything more,” Jenia whispered, keeping
her face lowered, so he wouldn’t look too closely at her and guess
at the lies and half truths. She longed to tell him everything, to
bare her soul to him and to Garit and be done with it. But she
dared not trust them completely. Her quest was too important for
her to take such a risk. She had to reach King Henryk before she
revealed all she knew.

“
It’s a
very strange story,” Roarke said.

“
I know
it is.” Jenia sighed, feeling limp after telling it and wishing she
could cry, but refusing to give way to tears. After she had spoken
to King Henryk in the presence of his nobles, then she’d be free to
weep. Or not. She rather thought she’d choose to hold her head high
instead, to face down the villain who had caused so much pain and
death to innocent souls. Yes, defiance was preferable to weak
tears.

“
My dear
lady,” Garit said, “I cannot begin to describe how greatly I admire
your courage, your fortitude in the face of danger and dishonor.
Your story is worthy of a noble martyr.”

“
Leave
off, Garit,” Roarke exclaimed with a sound of disgust. “We have
only Jenia’s word for it that the tale she tells is the truth. Now,
don’t reach for your sword and make a great fuss.

“
Jenia,”
he said, turning to her, “you admit your wits are scrambled, rather
like a broken egg. May we rely on that much, at least?”

“
I have
told you the truth as I see it,” Jenia said. Noting the look of
fury on Garit’s face, she attempted to calm the rising dispute
between the men. “However, you are correct to say that I may be
mistaken in some details. What I do not mistake is my fear of being
violated by force and the fact that I leapt from a ship into the
sea. If you can think of some other reason why I would have taken
such a desperate action, I wish you would tell me what that reason
is.”

Her eyes
blazed at him like golden flames and Roarke knew with desolate
certainty that every word she had spoken was true. The problem was,
she hadn’t revealed everything she knew about her peculiar
abduction onto a ship, or the reason why anyone would want her
dead, or, most important of all, who she was. So long as she
insisted that she couldn’t remember, he didn’t see much he could do
to force the truth from her. He decided a diversion was needed
before Garit lost his temper entirely.

“
We still
have a long ride ahead of us if we are to reach Nozay by this
evening,” he said, looking from Jenia’s fiery eyes to Garit’s
frowning face. “I suggest that we set aside our questions for the
moment and continue on our way.”