Secret Garden (28 page)

That was a big step. A
huge
step. It was terrifying for her to think of that unknown.

But she looked at Colin sitting across from her, so relaxed and casual. His top buttons were undone, and his kilt was askew. Whenever she let herself gaze at him for any length of time, she felt herself falling for him a wee bit more. She thought of the condoms upstairs and the way that he’d kissed her.

She
wanted
that closeness with him.

He noticed her looking him up and down, from the edge of his kilt to the chest hair peeking through his shirt, and he gave her one of those knowing looks, letting his head fall back against the leather couch.

“Rhiannon, do you want to live? Really live with me?”

She was mad with it—the yearning for him, imagining the feel of his hands sliding over her skin, of his hard body close to hers.

“Yes,” she said. “But I’ve got to cross the border first.” The boundary of her estate to the outside world. She didn’t know if she could do it.

“We’ll make it happen,” he said, rising suddenly.

She drew in her breath, dizzy with the power of his presence—even on one foot and with a pair of wooden crutches.

When Colin said he was going to do something, he did it, and with flair that was his alone.

Two more weeks,
she thought.
I have two more weeks with him.

Gazing at him, she wondered if what she felt for him was enough motivation for her to leave.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

B
Y THE NEXT AFTERNOON
, Colin had decided that if he had to be sidelined by an injury, then he was in the best place in the world to recuperate.

Rhiannon fussed over him, moving him into one of the empty first-floor guest rooms in the outbuilding that housed her studio. When he’d returned to his grandmother’s cottage after talking to Rhiannon that afternoon, the first thing he did was pack his duffel bag and his clubs. With a straight face, he told Jessie that the move made sense because he had difficulty climbing a steep staircase with the splint on his foot.

Jessie had only smiled at him. Colin was sure she knew what was up.

He was obsessed with being near Rhiannon. When she’d said she wanted to try again to leave the estate and that she wanted him to help her, he felt a big “Hell yeah!” scream inside him. The part about Sedona—about finding a cabin alone in the desert—had been pure spur-of-the-moment thinking on his part. It made sense, though. It was remote and quiet, similar to her home. He hoped it would be an appropriate first step in helping her experience life beyond the castle.

He stood in the guest room with the windows that looked over the back maze, the morning light warm on his face, and he pulled on his navy T-shirt and a pair of cargo shorts. His grandmother had laundered everything for him, and his clothes smelled like her detergent. He liked it.

Scotland was having a relative heat wave—about time, considering it was almost July now. He would miss the barbecues and fireworks of the holiday on the Fourth at home, but it was a small price to pay, in his opinion. Daisie Lee wouldn’t be thrilled, either, but Colin had phoned her before the gathering yesterday, and he didn’t owe her a call back for another week. The new boundaries in their relationship made him breathe easier. He liked not having to worry about her so much.

He was starting to believe that this could happen—that he could have the change he wanted in his life and that Rhiannon could work to leave the estate with him. It concerned him that she’d refused to bring in a professional to talk with, but if there was anything that Colin knew, it was he couldn’t make people do the things they didn’t want to do. That was just futile.

He heard music drifting from an open window in her studio. The smell of paint and turpentine was heavy in the air. He had appointments—a therapeutic treatment with heated wraps that McGuff had set up, and then a conference call to a tour official in the States—but they weren’t until later.

Rhiannon came bounding down the stairs. She wore that halter top that drove him crazy, the one that didn’t exactly cover everything. He found himself staring, mesmerized. She paused when she saw him.

“Oh! Colin.” Her expression was awkward.

“What are you painting today?” he asked.

“
Who
. It’s a portrait,” she said shyly.

“Someone’s posing for you?”

She flushed. “Paul is.”

She had Paul up in her studio? He fought the annoyance. Paul wasn’t competition to him. Still... “Don’t you want to paint me?” he asked, a little bit hurt.

“Yes. Of course.” She gave Colin a guilty smile before changing the subject. “How is the room? Are you comfortable there? Did you sleep well?”

“It’s great, thanks.” She’d made up the guest room nicely for him. The bedding smelled fresh, and she’d left him a stack of bath towels. It didn’t have any furniture inside except a mattress and a low table, and that amused him. “The water isn’t working in the bathroom down the hall, though. Do you mind if I use a shower in the castle later today?”

“Oh.” She fidgeted. “My father shut that water off before he left. I completely forgot.” Her tongue came out and licked her lips. “There’s a shower in the bathroom attached to my room. You know where my bedroom is, right?” She was avoiding his eyes.

He knew where her bedroom was, exactly. “Yes.”

“Will you, um, be able to walk up the staircase?”

To get to her bedroom? He’d crawl if he had to. “I’ll manage.”

She nodded. Her hair was messed up, tousled in the back. He had the urge to run his hand through it and fix it. But Rhiannon was being shy with him, maybe about the painting—maybe about him being in her bedroom—so he didn’t push it.

The sharp edges of his car keys dug into his palms. Truthfully he would like to push it but, that wouldn’t be wise or right.

She noticed his car keys. “Where are you going?”

“To Inverness to meet McGuff.”

She frowned at him. “You can drive with your foot like that?”

“It’s my left foot, Rhiannon.”

“Oh.” She nodded. “Right.”

“No, left.”

She didn’t get his small joke. She seemed distracted. She swept her eyes over his torso. Bit her lip. Flicked her gaze up to meet his stare. Blushed and then glanced away again.

He bit back his own smile. His girl was shy, he knew that. Now would be a good time for him to leave, but he lingered anyway, just watching her. There was something about her that made him want to sit and watch her move all day.

One good thing about the delay in his training—it gave him time to spend with Rhiannon. Now he just had to figure out a way to make her feel better about crossing the estate boundaries again.

The door to her studio opened, and Paul came outside. “Hello,” he said when he saw them. To Rhiannon, he said, “Are we finished, then?”

Colin didn’t like the glow that Paul was exuding. He was too damn happy, humming and light in his step. But what man wouldn’t be, with all Rhiannon’s attention focused on him as she painted?

“Sorry,” Rhiannon said to Paul. “I forgot about you up there. Why don’t we take a break for a bit?”

She glanced at Colin. “May I carry that for you to the car?” She indicated his backpack.

Slung over his shoulder, the backpack was his receptacle because he couldn’t carry items and use his crutches at the same time. But he wanted to be clear with Rhiannon that he wasn’t incapable. “No, thanks, I’m fine.”

He resisted the urge to use the crutches and instead, walking slowly, tested the weight on his left foot. The doctor—the sports doctor who McGuff had brought him to—had recommended Colin try this periodically to aid with the healing.

Rhiannon ambled along with him at his snail’s pace. He said nothing to her, and she was quiet with him, too.

“What would you like for dinner?” he asked her when they got to the car. “I’ll pick up something for us to share tonight.”

She blushed again. “You don’t have to do that,” she murmured.

“I get hungry, Rhiannon.” He’d said it harsher than he meant to.

“I know you get hungry. I get hungry, too.” She stared at the car, trembling.

He could kick himself. He’d forgotten how meaningful this damn car was to them. She’d been inside it when she had her panic attack. “Rhiannon, you don’t have to—”

“I
want
to,” she insisted.

She gave him a slight nudge, so he did what she was urging him, and sat inside the car.

Rhiannon got in after him. Lightly sitting atop him, straddling him with her knees, she bracketed his face in her hands and kissed him, light kisses that she rained down on him.

“Hey,” he said softly, and gently touched her cheek. She looked terrified, frankly. “I know you’re worried about something. Please don’t be afraid of me.”

“I’m not,” she whispered.

He kissed her back, slowly and gently. Sifted his hands through her hair.

She made a small whimper. In her shorts, she rubbed against him, as if making love, but with their clothes on.

He did his damnedest not to squirm. He held her hips lightly, caressing her thighs with his thumb.

In the back of her throat, she moaned. Her skin was warm to his touch. The air smelled like the intoxicating sweetness of her perfume. He felt himself growing aroused.

Abruptly she backed away. She was filled with emotion, her chest rising and falling and her hands trembling with it. “Colin, I
want
to drive with you. I
want
to shop with you for dinner. I want to do everything that other people take for granted.”

“We’ll do all that,” he said, still breathing heavily, not sure where this was going, but wanting to reassure her. “I swear we will.”

“I honestly worry,” she said in a low voice. “I thought about it last night after we went to bed, walked through it all in my mind, and I think I got scared. That’s why I’ve decided to paint everybody. I’m trying... I want to say goodbye to them that way. I think it will nudge me forward.”

“You’re not saying goodbye to me, are you?”

“No.” She gave him a hesitant smile, but she climbed out of the car and stood on the loose gravel. She rubbed her arms, glancing around, but there wasn’t a soul to see them. The guardhouse wasn’t visible from this angle and Paul was out back in the kitchen.

“But, you’re afraid of me, is that it?”

“No. It’s just that... I’m not experienced.” She looked inside the car at him. At his eyes, then...down at his pants.

He was still aroused.
Damn it.

He placed his backpack on his lap. “I think I know what we need to do.”

Romance her. Make her a really nice dinner and help her relax.

“Yes,” she interrupted his reverie, “I know what I need to do, too. Please give me some time.” She set her chin.

Before he could say a word, she’d turned and walked off in light, quick steps, across the drawbridge before disappearing inside her castle.

He closed his eyes and groaned, still leaning back in his seat. He knew better than to chase her. She was skittish, and even contemplating leaving the estate was a huge step for her—he knew that.

Let her go. You can’t change her
.

But it was a good lesson to learn now—if he gave her his heart, he might not get it back. As much as he pretended that wasn’t so, it was.

* * *

F
OUR HOURS LATER
, Colin returned to the castle from his day in Inverness.

He was hot and irritable. He’d sweated through a workout that involved floor work, stretching, some moves with rubber bands, but nothing that stressed his injured foot. Then he’d had a long talk with McGuff about the upcoming tournament. But it was hard to concentrate on anything else but Rhiannon, especially after what had happened in the car earlier.

Privately, Colin had decided that he wouldn’t push her until she was ready. She’d asked for more time and he would give it to her.

He just felt so raw with her. He didn’t think he could deal with her not being able to be with him. Not after everything else that had gone wrong in the past weeks—his injury, his break from Mack, his failure with his father.

He’d brought back some dinner, enough for three, so that Paul could join them. Colin would use him as a buffer, at least for now. He’d found some great-looking fish at a stall in town, and together with some local vegetables and a box of pastries, he’d assemble an easy meal.

He slung his backpack over his shoulder and hobbled his way toward Paul’s kitchen using the crutches. He left the dinner in the refrigerator for now, and then concentrated on his slow, painful course up the long, curved central staircase to the working shower Rhiannon had suggested he use.

Her bedroom was in the same place at the end of the long hall where he remembered it, but that was where the similarity ended. She had a king-size bed now, unmade, and a sitting area off to the side. He felt as though he was intruding, so he didn’t look at her things any more than he had to. He just grabbed a clean bath towel from a stack inside the bathroom, took off his medical boot, stripped out of his clothes and turned on the water.

Before he hopped inside the large, tiled space, he shut the door and locked it, too. Just in case she came into her room. He didn’t want her embarrassed.

But he’d forgotten to bring his toiletries, so he had to use hers. Her soap. Her shampoo. Now he had the scent of Rhiannon on his skin. Great. Way to drive himself crazy.

Before he got out of the shower, he turned the water to cold. The showerhead was huge and it gave a waterfall rinse, so he just put his whole head under the spray and gritted his teeth, chattering with the chill of it.

He was breathing a whole lot easier when he finally stepped out and toweled himself off. There were a few cubbyholes inside the modern, built-in vanity, so he glanced through them, searching for a comb.

He found one beside a stack of what appeared to be...
condoms
.

What was she doing with condoms? Colin paused. He pulled out the stack. Three of them. Lubricated. Extra large.