Secret Fire (12 page)

She didn’t have the kind of superficial beauty that made men worship at Tatiana’s feet, but Katherine was fascinating nonetheless. Her unusual eyes, which he could only think of now as sexy, the sensual lips, her hard, stubborn chin. There was character in every line of her face. And since she had been carried into the room, he had been unable to take his eyes off her.

The new dress was a definite improvement. A blue patterned organdy with tight sleeves and scooped neckline that curved to the edge of her shoulders. Those were creamy white, as was her lovely neck. Sweet Christ, he wanted to taste her! But here she was as standoffish as she had been that morning. There was no provocative entreaty now, unlike last night. And yet he couldn’t stop remembering.

He wanted her in his bed. He didn’t care at the moment how he accomplished it, as long as he didn’t have to force her physically. The plan he had come up with was perfect in that it would make succumbing to him easy for her to accept. As long as she didn’t desert the role she was playing, it would work. If he was annoyed with her current abruptness, it was because he had hoped to win her by seduction instead, but that door had been closed to him all evening.

“Princess Anastasia is my sister,” Dimitri told Katherine now.

She didn’t even blink, though that little fact made her feel—what? Relief? How absurd. It was nothing more than surprise. She had thought mistress first, wife second, sister not at all.

“So?”

“If you recall meeting her, then you’ll recall also that she finds herself in supposedly dire need of a new lady’s maid, at least until we reach Russia.”

“Come to the point.”

“I just have.”

She stared at him, not a muscle moving in her face to indicate shock, surprise, anger. He stared at her, eyes studying, intense, waiting.

Easy, Katherine. Don’t fly off the handle yet. He’s up to something. He must know how you would react to such a suggestion, and yet he made it anyway. Why?

“You mentioned two choices, Alexandrov. Is the second as ingenious?”

Much as she had hoped to sound unaffected, sarcasm had crept into her tone. Dimitri detected it, delighted in it, and relaxed considerably. He felt suddenly like the hunter closing in for an assured kill. She would refuse the first suggestion, and that left only the second.

He stood up. Katherine tensed. He rounded the table, stopping at her side. She didn’t look up, not even when his hands closed on her upper arms and gently lifted her to her feet. Breathing became impossible as her throat closed off in panic. His arm came around her. The other hand raised her chin. She kept her eyes lowered.

“I want you.”

Oh, God, God, God! You didn’t hear that, Katherine. He didn’t say that
.

“Look at me, Katya.” His voice was mesmerizing, his breath caressing her lips. “We are not strangers. You already know me intimately. Say you will share my bed, my cabin, and I will treat you like a queen. I will love you so thoroughly you will not notice the passing weeks. Look at me!”

She closed her eyes tighter. His passion was devastating her senses. In another moment he would kiss her and she would die.

“Will you at least answer me? We both know you found pleasure in my arms. Let me be your lover again, little one.”

This isn’t happening, Katherine. It’s just a fantasy, more real than others, but fantasy nonetheless. So what harm in playing along with it? If you don’t do something fast, you’re lost anyway
.

“What if there is a child?”

That was not what Dimitri was waiting to hear, but he was not displeased by the question. So she was cautious. She could be as cautious as she liked, as long as she said yes in the end. But he had never been asked about children before. In Russia, it was taken for granted that the father would provide for his bastards. It was not something that he thought about, as careful as he always was about
not
fathering any unwanted offspring. Unlike his father and brother, he wanted no child of his labeled bastard. And yet he hadn’t been careful last night. He would not so forget himself again, but that was neither here nor there. She wanted the truth.

“If there is a child, he will lack for nothing. I will support you both for the rest of your life. Or if you prefer, I will take the child and raise him myself. It would be your choice, Katya.”

“That’s very generous, I suppose, but I wonder why you don’t mention marriage. But then you never got around to answering if you were married or not, did you?”

“What has that to do with it?”

The sudden sharpness in his voice broke the fantasy. “You forget who I am.”

“Yes, I forget who you
say
you are. A lady would expect marriage, wouldn’t she? But that, my dear, I must decline. Now give me your answer.”

The dam on her temper broke and a full flood was released by these latest insults. “No and no
and no and
no!
” She shoved away from him and flew around the table until she could look back with that safe barrier between them. “No to everything! My God, I knew you were up to something with that first suggestion of yours, but I didn’t think you were this contemptible. And to think I believed you were sincere in offering an ‘acceptable arrangement.’”

Frustration cut a keen edge through Dimitri’s own temper. His body throbbed in need while she indulged in another tantrum. Damn her, and damn this charade of hers.

“You have been given your options, Katherine. Choose one, I don’t care which.” And he didn’t at the moment. If he never laid eyes on her again, it would be too soon. “Well?”

Katherine straightened to her full height, her fingers gripping the edge of the table. She was calm again, but the calm was deceptive. Her eyes gave the lie to it.

“You are detestable, Alexandrov. Be your sister’s maid, when I run not one household but two; when for the past several years I have been my father’s estate manager as well as his business advisor? I help to write his speeches, entertain his political cronies, monitor his investments. I am well versed in philosophy, politics, mathematics, animal husbandry, and I’m proficient in five languages.” She paused, deciding to gamble. “But if your sister is even half as well educated, I will agree to your absurd proposal.”

“Russia doesn’t believe in turning its women into bluestockings, as the English apparently do,” he sneered. “But then very little of what you claim can be proved, can it?”

“I don’t have to prove anything. I know who I am. Consider well what you’re putting me through, Alexandrov. The day is going to come when you’ll find I’m telling the truth. You ignore the consequences now, but you won’t be able to then. You have my word on it.”

His fist slammed down on the table, making her jump back from it. Candlelight flickered. His empty glass fell over. Hers, still full, sloshed champagne onto the lovely tablecloth, staining it.

“That for your truth, your consequences, and your word! It is here and now that you had best be concerned with. Make your choice, or I will make it for you.”

“You would force me to your bed?”

“No, but I will not see a waste of your talents when you can be useful. My sister needs you. You will serve her.”

“And if I don’t, do you have me flogged?”

“There is no need for such dramatic measures. A few days’ confinement, and you will be happy to serve.”

“Don’t count on it, Alexandrov. I was prepared for that.”

“On bread and water?” he tested her.

She stiffened, but her answer was automatic and a measure of her contempt. “If it pleases you.”

Sweet Christ, she had an answer for everything. But stubbornness and bravado would go only so far. His patience was gone, his plans come to naught. Anger decided him.

“So be it. Vladimir!” The door opened almost instantly. “Take her away.”

H
er cabin had been rearranged while she spent the evening with Dimitri. The many trunks were still there, but they had been moved back against the walls out of the way. A washstand had been brought in, a rug found, and a hammock strung up between two beams. Her wardrobe was a trunk, her chair was a trunk, her table was a trunk. A very uncomfortable cell indeed.

If Katherine didn’t yet despise her prison, she did come to hate that hammock in the following days. Her first encounter with it had been a disaster. Four times she had landed on the floor before she gave up and slept where she had been dumped. But aching muscles made her tackle the monster again the second night. She conquered it after only two spills this time and was able to relax enough to fall asleep to the gentle swaying, only to fall out in the middle of the night while sound asleep. Black and blue with bruises, she was angry enough to keep trying, and by the fourth night she had succeeded in staying in the damn thing until morning.

Those were the frustrations of her nights. Her days were another matter.

Katherine had always dreamed of traveling, ever since she was ten years old and had sailed with her family to Scotland for the wedding of some distant cousin. She had discovered then that sailing agreed with her. Unlike her sister and
mother, she had thrived aboard ship, feeling healthier than ever before. By ten she was already well immersed in the wide range of studies her father allowed her to undertake. She had wanted to visit the countries she was learning about. It was a dream she never outgrew.

She had even seriously considered the marriage proposals of several foreign dignitaries she had met at the palace, just because of her desire to travel. But an acceptance would have meant leaving England for good, and she wasn’t quite daring enough to do that.

Those were her only offers of marriage. There could have been others, but she didn’t encourage any courtship. And without any encouragement, Englishmen found her too formidable, too competent—perhaps they were afraid to compete. It wasn’t that she didn’t see herself married eventually. The time had simply not been right for it. She had had her one frivolous season, then served the Queen for a year. She might have continued to enjoy court life if her mother hadn’t died. But she had, and Katherine took her place as the one person in the family that everyone brought their problems to, including her father. But even though the household would have fallen into chaos without her, she had intended to marry. She had only wanted to get Beth properly wed first and Warren reined in enough to carry some of the load. Then she would have made an effort to find a husband.

Now she would probably have to settle for a fortune hunter for a husband, thanks to her loss of virginity. That was all right though. Buying a husband was commonplace. If she had been hoping for a love match, she would probably be
devastated. It was fortunate that she was too practical for such silly dreams.

But her one dream had come true. What she had never had time for was now being forced on her. She was traveling. She was on a ship sailing for a foreign land. And she wouldn’t have been normal if she hadn’t felt some degree of excitement mixed in with all her other emotions. Russia might not have appeared on her imaginary itinerary, but then she wouldn’t have chosen to travel virtually as a prisoner either.

If she viewed her situation with an open mind, putting emotions aside, she knew there was room for improvement. She accepted that she was going to Russia—nothing was going to change that. The practical thing to do would be to make the best of it. It was in her nature to do just that. And she could, if it hadn’t been for these foolish emotions that were fighting her natural inclinations.

Pride had become her worst enemy. A close second was this unreasonable stubbornness that even she hadn’t realized she was capable of. Injustice made her inflexible. Anger served only to spite herself. After all, it would cost only a little pride to give in. She needn’t even do so gracefully. Surrendering under duress, it was called. People did it all the time, in all walks of life.

If she had to be forced to do something, good Lord, why not something she could have found immense pleasure in? Why did the Prince have to choose for her, taking away the one option she would have gladly given in to in the end? Why did she deny him in the first place? Other women took lovers. A love affair, they called it. It should rightly be termed an affair of the flesh.
Lust, wrapped in a pretty package. But whatever it was, she had all the symptoms. She was so attracted to the man that she couldn’t even think straight in his presence.

And he wanted her. Incredible fantasy. This fairy-tale prince, this golden god wanted her.
Her
. It boggled the mind. It defied reason. And she said no. Stupid ninny!

But you know why you had to refuse, Katherine. It’s morally wrong, sinful, and besides, you’re just not mistress material. You were raised to respect the sanctity of the home, and he did not, repeat,
did not
offer a respectable proposal
.

All valid reasons, but they made cold bedfellows. Yet even if she was given a second opportunity, her answer would still have to be the same. She was, after all, Lady Katherine St. John. And Lady Katherine St. John could never take a lover, no matter how much she might secretly want to.

These thoughts filled her waking hours and only increased her sense of frustration. But she knew how to end it. All she had to do was play maid for the beautiful Princess. Nothing challenging in that. Then she would have the freedom of the ship, be able to catch glimpses of foreign coastlines, watch the sun rising and setting into the sea, in effect, enjoy the voyage.

Much as she despised the notion of acting the servant, she knew she would do it eventually. The Prince was clever in that respect. There was just so much she could take of her own company and having absolutely nothing to do. Even the clothing she was supposed to alter had been removed and given to others to work on. Hands idle, mind idle, she was bored silly.

But she wasn’t climbing the walls yet. And she wasn’t starving on her bread and water, since Marusia managed to sneak fruit and cheese in to her each day, and some of her meat-filled pastries, without the two guards stationed outside her door being the wiser. But that wasn’t why Katherine was still holding out. It was because Dimitri’s servants were begging her to give in. It seemed the Prince wasn’t taking her confinement by his order any better than she was, and
that
gave her the incentive to hold out longer than she might have otherwise.

Lida was the first to make her aware of Dimitri’s attack of conscience. At least that was what Katherine assumed it must be, what with the girl swearing the Prince’s black mood would lift if Katherine would just be reasonable and do as he wanted. Lida didn’t know what it was he wanted, but as far as she was concerned, nothing could be so terrible or worth rousing his anger for, because when he was angry, everyone suffered.

Katherine said nothing to this. She didn’t defend herself, offer reasons, or make excuses. She didn’t scoff either. She heard the silence the first day of her confinement and knew something was definitely wrong. It was eerie, as if she were the only one alive on the whole ship. And yet she had only to open her door to see her two guards sitting in the corridor, quite alive, if utterly silent.

Marusia was even more enlightening later that same day. “I don’t ask what you did to displease the Prince. If it was not one thing, it would have been something else. I knew it was inevitable.”

That was too intriguing to let pass. “Why?”

“He has never met anyone like you,
angliiskii
. You have a temper to equal his. This is not so bad, I think. He loses interest very quickly in most women, but you are different.”

“Is that all I have to do, then, to make him lose interest in me? Keep my temper under control?”

Marusia smiled. “You want him to lose interest? No, don’t answer. I won’t believe you.”

Katherine took exception to that. “I thank you for the food, Marusia, but I really don’t care to discuss your prince.”

“I didn’t think you would. But this has to be said, because what you do affects not only you, but all of us.”

“That’s absurd.”

“Is it? We are all aware that you are the cause of Dimitri’s present bad temper. When he gets these dark moods at home, it doesn’t matter so much. He takes himself off to his clubs, to parties. He drinks, he gambles, he fights. He releases his ill humor on strangers. But on ship, there is no outlet. No one dares raise their voice above a whisper. His mood affects everyone, depressing everyone.”

“He’s just a man.”

“To you he is just a man. To us he is more. We know in our hearts there is nothing to fear. He is a good man and we love him. But hundreds of years of serfdom, of knowing that a single man has the power of life and death, the power to make you suffer cruelly at a whim, are fears not easily ignored. Dimitri is not like that, but he is still the master. If he is not happy, how can any of us be happy who serve him?”

Marusia had more to say each time she came. And Katherine welcomed the stimulating arguments that relieved the boredom. But she wasn’t willing to accept responsibility for what was happening outside her small cabin. If Dimitri’s servants were fearful of becoming the outlet for his ill humor because he had no other, what was that to her? She had stood up for her rights. She could have done no differently. If that put the great Prince out of sorts, she was secretly glad. It was too bad of him, however, to frighten his servants so much that they would come beseeching her to make things right with him. Why must she forsake her principles for virtual strangers?

But then Vladimir came on the third day, forcing Katherine to reevaluate her position. If he could humble himself, however stiffly, when she knew how much he disliked her, how could she continue adhering to her pride so selfishly? Truthfully, however, he gave her the excuse she needed to compromise.

“He was wrong, miss. He knows it, and this is the reason his anger is self-directed and growing worse instead of improving. Since he never had any intention of treating you like a prisoner, he undoubtedly assumed the threat of such treatment would be all that was necessary to bend you to his will. But he underestimated your resistance to his requests. Yet it is a matter of pride now, you understand. For a man to relent and admit he is wrong is harder than it is for a woman.”

“For some women.”

“Perhaps, but what can it cost you to serve the Princess, when no one of your own acquaintance will ever know?”

“You were listening at the door that night, weren’t you?” she accused him.

He made no effort to deny it. “It is my job to know my master’s wants and needs before he makes those needs known to me.”

“Did he send you here?”

Vladimir shook his head. “He has not spoken two words to me since he gave the order for your confinement.”

“Then how do you know he regrets that order?”

“Each day you remain in this cabin his mood grows blacker. Will you please reconsider?”

It was a magic word, please, especially coming from him, but Katherine wasn’t ready to let him off the hook yet. “Why can’t
he
reconsider? Why must
I
be the one to give in?”

“He is the Prince,” he stated simply, but he had already lost his patience with her. “Sweet Mary, if I had known that your behavior could have such an effect on him, I would have risked his displeasure in London and found him some other woman. But he wanted you, and I wanted to spare us this very thing happening. It was a mistake. I am truly sorry. But what’s done is done. Can’t you see your way clear to being at least a little cooperative? Or is it that you feel you would fail at the job?”

“Don’t be absurd. What the Princess would require of a maid cannot be so different from what I would require of one of my own.”

“Then where is the problem? Did you not say you served your Queen?”

“That was an honor.”

“It is an honor to serve Princess Anastasia.”

“The devil it is! Not when I am her equal.”

His face had flushed with anger then. “Then perhaps you are better suited to the Prince’s other suggestion.”

He left her with that, as red-faced as he.