Secret Desires (17 page)

"I don't know what you're talking about, Miss Harlow," he deadpanned.

"I want a relationship to mean more than just the physical, and I can't do that when every time I try to figure out who I am when I'm with you, you find some way to seduce me."

"Okay," he breathed, seemingly relenting to the notion. "I do admit it's rather easy to divert your attention elsewhere sometimes."

"Only a man who looks like you could get away with it for so long."

"Baby, why would you think I wouldn't like you telling me this?" His arms moved swiftly up her thighs until his hands were cupped around her hips. "I never want you to think you can't tell me something because of how I might react."

"Good, because I'm not done yet." She looked away as she inhaled deeply, then exhaled and looked him in the eyes, preparing herself for the words she didn't want to speak, but knew she had to. "I think we need to take some time apart."

His face fell. His tongue swept over his bottom lip thoughtfully before he brought one arm up and propped his chin on the backside of his hand, his elbow digging deeply into her leg. "Why?"

"I realize I accused you of not trusting me, but I've come to the realization that there's a part of me that doesn’t trust you either. " James closed his eyes and scrubbed his hand over the unshaved hair across his jaw. "And then there's Celine."

He eyed her studiously, biting his bottom lip as though to keep from saying something. "What about her?"

"You need to settle things between you, especially given that she's pregnant."

His eyes danced wildly with thoughts unspoken, thoughts she knew weren't in any way favorable to Celine. "It's probably not even mine."

"I know," she nodded. She took the hand that still sat at her hip and put it on her stomach. "But this one
is
."

He did a double take, his face contorting into a myriad of emotions too fast for her to process. "What?"

"The night Quinn picked me up after I found out Celine is pregnant? She took me to see her doctor, since I was so distraught and had thrown up all over you. I'm really sorry about that, by the way," she said nervously. "He took some blood, ran some tests, and called me this morning."

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes. And I'll be very offended if you ask me if it's yours."

"No, no I wouldn't." He closed his eyes and bowed his head before her. She thought she saw him clench his jaw, and her heart sank at the prospect that he was truly upset by the news. When he finally looked up his eyes were slick with tears. "Are you going to-" He stammered and then cleared his throat. "You know..."

Are you going to keep it?
is what she knew he was asking. "I haven't even thought about that.
Not
keep it isn't something I ever considered I would do." She watched him for a long moment, watching his face as he processed the information in his mind. He seemed to be fighting something. "Are you upset?"

"Upset?" he repeated the word with something akin to an exasperated chuckle. "Uh, confused. You're pregnant but you're breaking up with me?"

"I'm not breaking up with you, I just want some time! I want things to slow down. Obviously that's not really possible anymore, but in as much as it is possible I want us to slow down. We've only been together a few months and there's a baby involved. I was literally just fired from my job and you are possibly the father of
another
woman's baby. You have to admit that's a lot of baggage for one relationship!"

James grimaced and rubbed his hands across his face again, a sure sign that he was emotionally distraught, but still holding it together. "And what would slowing down entail?"

"Well for starters we would remain living separately."

"You're unemployed, have three months worth of savings, you're pregnant and you won't accept any help from me."

"I know how that sounds," she said, rolling her eyes.

"It sounds crazy and irresponsible," he finished for her.

"Yeah, well in case you've forgotten, I'm 24 years old, I only finished school barely a year ago, and I've just found out I'm pregnant with my married boyfriend's child. I'm overwhelmed." She sniffled and dabbed at falling tears with the back of her hand. "Is it so much to ask for some time to myself? To figure my shit out?"

All at once his face softened, as though he suddenly seemed to understand her. "No, it's not. Come here." He held her hands and picked her up from off the chair before embracing her so fully she could barely breathe. "Sorry," he said as he lessened his embrace. He brushed away her tears with his thumbs, ignoring his own tears on his cheeks. "Promise me you'll come back to me."

"I'm not going anywhere, James. We can still see each other. It just has to be slower."

"I have no idea what that means," he admitted, his eyes searching between hers. "You'll have to help me."

"I will," she promised. "I love you."

"I love you, too." His lips entwined with hers, unrushed and sweet. There was always the familiar pull when he kissed her, the longing inside to feel him in every way. She'd have to learn to control it, or perhaps just ignore it.

"Come to me if you need anything," he said.

"Okay."

"I mean it! Even if you're too stubborn to ask, ask anyway."

"I will," she laughed. "I'm still going to collect on that Bugatti Veyron you promised me."

He laughed so suddenly and loudly it nearly startled her. "You never told me what color."

She smiled, the first real, genuine smile all day. It was the kind that made her feel like everything would probably be okay, a feeling she welcomed.

"Audra's Tesla was pretty sweet, too."

"I'll keep that in mind." He leaned in and kissed her once again, more chase than the last time. "Go. You look exhausted."

"Okay." And she was exhausted. Tired down to her very bones. But not without a bit of hope for what tomorrow would bring. The uncertainty of her future wasn't as disquieting as it had previously been, and she knew staying positive would be the hardest part. She'd have to find a job and new insurance. There was simply no other alternative. She would suspend non-essential purchases, order takeout less often and do everything she could to make what little she had saved last as long as possible. James' offer to help was greatly appreciated, but she needed to do things herself.

Natalie grabbed her bag and left quickly, drying tears and wiping at her nose as she left his office and rode the elevator back down to the main lobby. Just as she reached the valet service to ask for a cab her phone vibrated from within her purse.

Already? I'm still technically on the premises!

When she looked at the display she saw not
Gentleman Twelve
emblazoned across the screen, but
Joe Gallo
.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Good, I'm glad I caught you. Where are you?"

"Just leaving Fitson's offices."

"Can you meet me at my hotel?"

Odd...
"Why?"

"Harry Brucker's decided
not
to sign with Brighton. He wants to sign with
us
."

She gasped. "
With us
?" What did that mean exactly?

"Remember I told you one day I might start my own agency?"

"Yes..."

"How would you like to be my partner,
and
have a multi-million dollar account to start with?"

"You're joking!" Natalie could hardly believe what she was hearing. "But what about what happened in Arrowhead?"

"He doesn't care about what we do in our personal lives, Natalie. And to be honest I think he was rather impressed with you, beyond your marketing skills."

"I don't know what to say!" She was flabbergasted.

"Say you'll be here in twenty minutes so I can tell Harry via Skype that we're launching a new agency!"

"Miss?" the valet driver called as a taxicab pulled up to the curb. "Where are you headed?"

Where am I heading?
Natalie didn't need to think too long; her heart answered the question immediately, and for what seemed like the first time the answer wasn't a void in the unknown.

* * * * *

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