Secret Curves (Dangerous Curves Book 5) (7 page)

Chapter Six

Jax came in to the kitchen and found Sarah sitting at the table drinking a cup of green tea. He dropped a quick kiss on her red curls, sat across from her.

“Hey, doll.” He nodded at the bridal magazines strewn around the big oak table. “So did you and your Mom find your dream dress today?”

“Not even close.”

Jax paused at the look on her face. “What happened?”

“Oh.” Sarah shrugged. “Turns out? I’m way too fat to go wedding dress shopping.”

“
What
?” Jax exploded. “What the
fuck
are you talking about?”

“Well, I didn’t know this until this morning, but the average wedding dress sample size is a ten.”

Jax stared at her. “I – don’t know what that means.”

“It means that I’m three sizes too big to try on wedding dresses in the store.” Sarah drank some more tea. “I’m a sixteen, Jax, not a ten.”

“OK,” he said slowly. “So… they had nothing in your size to try on?”

“Nope. We went to three places, and the biggest dress they had was a fourteen. And it was
fugly
, believe me. I’d have looked like Big Bird being attacked by a snowball.” She managed a smile now, regaining her good humor. “It had
feathers
.”

He grinned. “No!”

“Yes! Huge white feathers all over the skirt, all over the bodice, all down the sleeves.”

“Wow.”

“Right?” Sarah sighed. “I’m sure it’d look gorgeous on someone, but I’m not that someone. I’m not the feathers type, you know?”

“No way, baby. You need something with clean, strong lines, a bit tight in all the right places, with some sparkle to bring out your eyes.”

Touched, she gazed at him. “Is that how you see me coming down the aisle at you?”

“Yeah.”

She smiled now, a real smile. “Anyway. The saleswomen at the stores were really nice, really apologetic, but they all said that larger women usually diet
before
they start looking for their wedding dress. They lose enough weight to get in to the sample sizes, and that way they can see how the dress will look on.”

“So… wait.” Jax was trying to get his man brain around the murky, mystifying world of female fashion. “So… if you can’t get in to a size ten, then you can’t even try a dress on?”

“Oh, you can, kind of. They have extending clips, so you can leave the dress unzipped, and they hold the two sides together with the clips all the way up your back. But then you
still
have to try to squeeze your thighs and shoulders and ass in to a way-too-small dress, and that’s just demoralizing. Believe me, babe,
no
bride-to-be wants to stand there stuffed in to a dress like a sausage.”

“
Christ
.” After this whole thing with Tessa, Jax was good and done with the body shaming of women. “So, what’d you do? Just walk out?”

“Yeah. I mean, what choice did I have? I didn’t sign up for humiliation.”

“Wait. Someone humiliated you?”

“Well.” Sarah looked away. “I heard a few times that I should think about dropping some weight before my big day.”

“
What
?” Jax hollered again, and Sarah jumped. “You’re not doing that, are you?”

“No,” she said, indignant. “I
like
my body, Jax… and I know
you
do.”

“
That’s
for damn sure, baby,” he said, his voice a low growl. “I fucking
love
your body. Every single curvy inch of it.”

She blushed. “I mean, when we first got together, I was a bit insecure about it, but you got my head straight about that soon enough.”

“I damn well hope so,” he said, still angry. “You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of… not you, not Tessa, not anybody.”

“Yeah, well.” Sarah shook her head. “I can kind of see how Tessa got herself all messed up about this, Jax. The
pressure
, you know? The damn pressure to be thin. It’s so overwhelming sometimes.”

“You feel it?” he asked.

“Yeah. Of course I do. I have eyes, I can see who’s on magazine covers and who’s in ads. I can see who’s starring in movies and TV, and I work with computer software, so I know how Photoshop works. I can see what body type for women gets celebrated and lusted after and rewarded, and believe me, Jax, it’s
not
the size sixteen girl who can’t jam her ample ass in to a sample size ten wedding dress.”

“Sarah –” he began, a bit alarmed now.

“Hey, don’t worry,” she said gently. “I’m not the slightest bit interested in losing weight or doing anything extreme. I work out in the home gym downstairs a couple of times a week, I swim when I can, I eat well – though I never turn down a cinnamon bun – and all that’s good enough for me.”

He relaxed now, and gave her one of his slow, hot grins. “And I give you lots of exercise in other ways, Red. I can get your heart rate going, huh?”

She giggled. “You sure as hell do, Stud. Quite often, actually.” She looked more serious. “The truth is that my body’s strong now, Jax, and it’s almost fully recovered from what happened last year. I
respect
this body, you know? I’m not going to turn around and damage it, or deny it food, just to fit it in to some goddamn overpriced wedding dress.”

Jax nodded quietly. Yeah, God knows Sarah had fought like hell to recover from the beating that had left her in a coma. She’d had to relearn how to walk and how to work, and she still had dark gaps in her memory.

Mac had told her that the brain damage she’d suffered had been bad enough that she’d probably never remember everything that had been lost, but she’d made her peace with that. She was, quite simply, the most amazing woman that Jax had ever known, and the thought that she might have even one fucking second of feeling badly about herself enraged him.

“OK,” he said calmly. “So what do you want to do? You want to find some other places? Places with a range of sample sizes?”

“I could. Or… I could get my own dress made.”

Jax liked the sound of
that
. “Like custom-made?”

“Yeah. The thing is, that’s pretty expensive.”

“Aw, hell, baby. I don’t care about the money. You know that.”

“I know. But
I
do.”

“Well, don’t,” he said firmly. “Let’s get the perfect dress for
you
. Something that makes you feel sexy and beautiful when you agree to be my wife. Yeah?”

She had tears in her eyes, unable to believe – yet again – that she was actually going to marry this rough, gentle, incredible man in six months.

“Yeah,” she said. “Let’s do exactly that.”

“Good.” He stood up. “And right now? Let’s go to bed. I want to see, and touch, and kiss every inch of your beautiful body.”

“Yeah?” Her breath was coming faster now. “
Every
inch?”

“Uh-huh. Though, to be fair, I’ll give some of your inches more attention than others.”

“Oh.” She took his extended hand, stood up. "Which of my inches will get most of your attention?”

“Your elbows,” Jax said solemnly. “You have the sexiest elbows I’ve ever seen, and I want to worship them.”

Sarah laughed, then gave a small shriek as he lifted her right up off her feet.

“Come on, baby,” he said as he carried her down the hall to their bedroom. “Let’s go. I have some inches to attend to.”

**

Aidan and Gabi were curled up on the sofa together. He was holding her close and tight; closer and tighter than he had in ages. He was waiting, though, waiting to see if she’d start to freak out and pull away.

Four months had passed since Gabi had been buried alive and left for dead, and in that four months, she’d had endless nightmares about being trapped in the dark and unable to breathe. Together, they’d worked through so much shit, it was amazing to contemplate: Gabi’s return to their bed to sleep next to Aidan, her return to work at Curves, her return to his arms for longer than ten seconds at a time.

Her biggest fear – the one that she was still struggling with almost hourly – was of being suffocated. It was this fear that made even Aidan’s careful embrace potentially triggering and terrifying; it was also the reason that they hadn’t made love in four months. Gabi was scared to death of losing her breath, and she was afraid of having Aidan pressing down on her. They’d talked about making love with Gabi on top, but she’d backed away from that. She was worried about having him hold her in place, even if she was the one mostly in control.

He’d resolved to wait, though. He’d fucking wait for as long as it took, and that was
not
up for discussion. So here he sat, holding Gabi close and tight, grateful to be able to do this at all. God knows, if he and King and King’s Men had been even ten minutes later getting to Gabi, he’d be alone on this sofa right now. Sex was no damn big deal, in the grand scheme of things.

Gabi felt a tremor of panic start, and she breathed deeply. Her therapist Francine had taught her some self-calming techniques, and she was getting better at using them. Under her clenched hands, Aidan’s body tensed up as he sensed what was happening.

“You alright, angel?” he asked her. “You need me to let go?”

“No.” She took in more air, felt her chest loosen a bit. “No, don’t let go yet.”

“OK. You let me know, now.”

She nodded, focused on her breath and her heart beat. It was working, she knew, and the panic moved to one side, carried right on past her. She took a shuddering breath, a bit stunned at being able to control her own fear, for the first time in what felt like a long,
long
time.

Aidan was watching her face, trying to figure out where her head was. When she looked up at him, her dark eyes bright and lovely, he released his own breath.

“OK?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah.” He heard the surprise in her voice. “I am, actually.”

“Good job, darlin’.”

Her smile was pure happiness. “I – I can’t believe it. It worked.”

“Yeah.” He ran his large hands over her back slowly, not wanting her to feel crowded, but still needing to touch her. “It did.”

“Do you think that…” She hesitated, took the plunge. “That we may be able to sleep with your arms around me tonight?”

Aidan leaned back, needing to see her eyes while they were having this conversation. Until this point, they’d been in the same bed, but they’d slept with space between them. He was on his side, she was on hers, and Aidan had considered it huge progress when she’d started falling asleep holding his hand the month before. The thought of her wrapped up in his arms all night was so damn tempting to make reality – and it may be a huge mistake, one that might derail much of what they’d fought to achieve.

“I don’t know,” he said slowly. “We can try.”

She heard his worry, and she tipped her head back to fully take him in. Aidan had always made her think of the sun, with his shaggy blond hair, and golden eyes, and hot-as-hell Texan drawl, and he was as brilliant and beautiful as a mountain sunrise. Over the past few months, his warmth and light had pulled her out of more cold and black places than she cared to remember, and she knew that he’d been a beacon shining steadily all during a long, dark time in her life.

Gabi wanted that time to end now, though. She was
done
with being afraid of Aidan’s touch,
done
with being afraid, full-stop. She wanted her goddamn life back, and she wanted to start living it on her own terms again.

And right now, that meant being with Aidan. In his arms and against his body, all night.

“It’ll be OK,” she said. “I want this, Aidan. I want it badly.”

“Me too, babe. But I don’t want to rush in to anything.”

She managed a tiny smile. “It’s been four months, honey. We’re hardly
rushing
anything, huh?”

“It ain’t about number of months, Gabi.” He shook his head, and stroked her dark hair. “It’s about an internal time clock that only
you
can see and hear. It’s about your time table, and what you feel comfortable with. That kind of thing’s not marked in weeks or months, or even years… it’s all about what you can handle, and what you feel ready for.”

She was silent for a few seconds. “I feel ready to sleep with your arms around me.”

He nodded. “Lights on?”

“Yes. And the music on, too.”

“OK, then. We’ll try.”

Gabi stood up and he followed. He took her hand, and led her to the bedroom, giving her time to change her mind if she wanted to.

She didn’t change her mind, though. They slept with Aidan’s large arms around Gabi’s curves, and they woke up in the morning still curled up together. And the best part? Gabi had no bad dreams. No, she slept deeply and sweetly, and woke up surrounded by warmth, and light, and love.

Surrounded by Aidan.

Chapter Seven
One week later

Curtis laid in to the punching bag at the gym viciously, looking for some outlet for all his too-fucking-big feelings. Worry, anger, frustration, despair.

Unrequited love.

The sun rose outside, the frost on the ground sparkling a brilliant gold and pink in the freezing mountain air. It was beautiful, he supposed, but he had no real appreciation for it. All he saw everywhere he looked was cold… and that cold stretched out ahead of him for years. Forever.

He’d heard from Gabi and Jax that Tessa was out of the clinic now, that she’d been home for over a week. Nobody had seen her yet, but Gabi and Jax had both spoken to her on the phone, and they said she sounded good. They said that she sounded like herself again.

Curtis hoped like hell that she’d be back at Curves soon, though he didn’t have the first damn idea how she’d need him to act around her. He imagined that she’d want him to pretend that
that
conversation had never happened, and even though it broke his heart to think of it, he’d do it. He’d do it, if that’s what she needed from him. Fuck, he’d do anything she asked. He just wanted her to
ask
something of him – he’d do anything for the chance to give her something that she needed.

“Curtis?”

Stunned, he spun around to face the speaker. When he saw Tessa standing there, all pink and gold and warm in the sunrise, he thought his heart would stop.

So. Damn. Beautiful.

“Tessa.” He wiped his face with his taped hands, suddenly very aware that he was sweating like crazy. He was also shirtless. “What are you doing here?”

She walked a bit closer. Holy God,
look
at the man. She’d always known that Curtis was a big guy, that his muscles were clearly defined through his tight t-shirts… but
nothing
had prepared her for the reality facing her now. In the flesh, and half-naked, and gorgeous.

His muscles were larger than she’d imagined, his body more primal, his tattoos pitch black. His chest and abs were solid steel covered with dark-blond hair and ink. He was nothing but raw power, and she saw now just how much he held himself back in day-to-day life, how tight of a lid he kept on his real, true strength. Curtis’ body was fierce and ferocious, and the fact that he’d touched her gently with this body was nothing but a mystery. And a miracle.

“It’s – I’m…” She swallowed. “Is this a bad time?”

“No.”

She paused at his terse reply, wondered if this was a big mistake. Well, maybe it was, but she still had to ask. Whatever he said, she’d cope with it.

“I – I went to Curves last night.” She bit her lip. “I talked to everyone there, and explained and apologized. Jax gave me some more time off.”

Curtis nodded.

“I hoped you’d be there,” she said hesitantly. “But Luke said you had the night off, and he told me to try here before seven a.m. He said you like to be here when you’re all alone.”

Curtis regarded her. “Yeah.”

“And I just – I wanted to….” She faltered. “I –”

He stared at her, saw her distress. The shock of having her appear out of nowhere was slowly wearing off, and now he could take her in properly.

The first thing he really noticed was that she looked good. Not back to her usual sass and spark, but definitely better. More rested and brighter. The ugly black circles under her eyes were gone, her hair looked thicker and shinier. He eyed her body in her baggy clothes and hoped she’d put on a few pounds. It looked like she had, but she was still way too goddamn thin.

So yeah, she looked better, but she also looked scared and that made his whole massive frame clench up. Was she scared of
him
? He was covered in scars, and his body was intimidating and unrefined, especially when he was punching the hell out of something. He wondered if she’d stood there and watched him let loose on the bag.

“What?” He kept his voice low. “Tessa, what?”

“I –” She took a deep breath, and set her coat down on a pile of mats. “I came to apologize to you. For how I spoke to you, and the things I said. For punishing you for helping me.” She looked down at her feet. “You and Gabi were the only ones who really saw how much trouble I was in, and you did something definitive about it, knowing how angry I’d be.”

He waited, silent.

“I’m sorry.” She gazed up at him now. “I’m sorry I was so awful to you… I’m sorry I said that I hated you. I never did.”

“No?” Sweet relief moved through him.

“No.” She hesitated. “And I – I wanted to ask you something.”

“Go ahead.”

“Did you mean what you said to me? At the hospital?” Tessa flushed. “About how you felt about me?”

Curtis tilted his head at her. “I’m not taking back one thing that I said. I meant every single word of it.”

“You did? You still do?”

“Yeah.”

“You – you love me?”

“Yeah. I love you. ”

“Curtis…” His name came out as a sob, and in two steps, he closed the distance between them. He stopped in front of her, not at all sure what he should do, what he
could
do. Would she let him touch her? God knows, he wanted to.

Tessa stared up at him, longing for him to hold her, to touch her, just
once
. Her body had never,
ever
forgotten what it was like to be pressed close to Curtis Manning and here he was, all that muscle and strength just inches away. So near and yet so far, and all Tessa wanted was to fall in to him.

“Why are you upset?” He raised his hand to stroke her golden hair, saw the dirty tape wrapped around his knuckles, dropped it again. He glanced down at his chest – covered in sweat and scars and tattoos – and knew there was no way he’d be able to hold her against it. Tessa was clean and sweet, and she had no business being anywhere near Curtis at all, but most especially when he was like this.

“Because,” she whispered. “I’m scared.”

“Of me?” he gritted out. “You scared of being close to me, Tessa?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I’m scared of
not
being close to you… of having pushed you away. Of – of losing you.” She took a shuddering breath. “I’m scared that I
did
lose you.”

He stared at her, stunned and almost afraid to believe his own ears. Was she actually saying that she
wanted
to be close to him? That she – that she wanted
him
?

Slowly, terrified that he was going to screw this all up, he reached out again, kept going this time. He brushed the very ends of his fingertips on her face, traced the curve of her cheekbone, praying hard that she didn’t flinch or move away. When she stayed right there, so fucking warm and soft under his rough touch, he damn near fell to his knees in front of her.

Tessa stood very still, barely breathing, as he curled up his fingers and skimmed the front of his hand down her neck, coming to rest against her pulse point. She knew her heart was beating a million miles a minute, and she was sure he felt it.

“Does that feel like you pushed me away?” he asked softly. “Like you lost me?”

She felt tears starting. Curtis saw them and his eyes flashed fire.

“Don’t do that.” Without moving his hand off her neck, he brushed her tears away with his thumb, his touch so incredibly light. “Don’t cry.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered again. “Please don’t hate me.”

“Oh, God,” he said, finally giving in to what he’d wanted to do for so long. “Tessa…”

He moved his hand to the back of her neck, and pulled her to his mouth. Their first kiss was so soft, so gentle, it brought more tears to Tessa’s eyes. The kiss had passion and desire, to be sure, but its tenderness took her by surprise. She hadn’t expected tenderness from this hard, tough body, then she realized that she should have. When had Curtis ever been anything
but
gentle with her?

She pressed herself against him fully, and that was when he increased the pressure, just a tiny bit. His lips moved slowly over hers, his tongue running over the sweet curves and ridges. He was exploring her, getting to know her, and he was letting her do the same with him. When she lifted her trembling hands and set them on his naked chest, he groaned deep in his throat and pulled away. She made a small sound of protest, and he cupped her face in his hands.

“Does any of that feel like I hate you, baby?” He held her eyes, so damn intense and connected to her. “Like you have anything to feel sorry about?”

Since her throat wasn’t actually working, she shook her head. His kiss had been gentle and slow, but it had scorched Tessa’s whole body and taken her voice at the same time.

“Come here.” Curtis wrapped his arms around her now, and she almost collapsed in to his embrace, from sheer relief. “Just come here.”

Tessa stood in the circle of his strong arms, wondering if anything in her life had ever felt better than this. She shut her eyes, and just let herself
feel
Curtis all around her. He overwhelmed every one of her senses, and Tessa suddenly suspected that when it came to this man, she was just a few shorts breaths away from falling so deeply in love with him, she’d never get to her feet again. She didn’t care, though. She just didn’t want him to let go.

Curtis ran his hands up and down her back, comparing Tessa’s body now with the body that he’d held on the sofa at Curves that night. What he discovered disturbed him: she was so fucking thin, her shoulder blades poked out, and her curves had straightened out. She felt way smaller, too… more delicate, somehow. Like he could break her if he wasn’t careful.

She sensed his touch grow hesitant, and Tessa pulled away a bit. “What is it?”

He looked down at her, torn between telling her the truth and glossing things over. But lies and evasion never did anyone any good, in his experience, and no damn way he was starting things between them with holding back.

“This ain’t your body, baby.” Slowly, he ran his hand over her angular hip, remembering by touch how generous and rounded it had been. “This ain’t
you
.”

She was quiet, and he was worried that he’d upset her. But when she spoke, her words broke his heart.

“And who am I, Curtis?”

He froze at the pain in her voice. “You don’t know?”

“No. I don’t have a clue who I am anymore.” She bit her lip, hesitated. He waited to see what she’d say next. “That’s why I… I’m finding it hard to believe that you love me.”

“What?” He was shocked. “Why?”

“Because how can you love me if you don’t know me?”

“Wait up.” He shook his head at her. “You think I don’t
know
you?”

Tessa looked away from his ferocious glare.

“Hey.” His voice was a low, dangerous growl. “Look at me, Tessa. I mean right now.”

She forced her eyes up. God, he looked pissed off, and suddenly she was sure that she’d messed this all up with him. Well, that was normal, right? She was a first-class fuck-up, and she knew
that
damn good and well.

“I
know
you. I know the person that you
really
are – the one that you were before you lost those sweet, true parts of yourself. Before you lost all the best and brightest and most beautiful things about you.”

Tessa stared up at him. In all the time that she’d known Curtis, he’d never strung more than a dozen words together. Not until the hospital, when he’d opened up his mouth and shown an emotional and almost poetic side of himself. Not soft or mushy, though: even at his most eloquent, the man was uncompromising and unflinching.

“I know that you used to put two scoops of sugar in your coffee, and that you hid red licorice in your purse.” Curtis held the back of her neck loosely, his thumb stroking the side of her throat. “I know that you bought little gifts for the other girls, and hid them around the staffroom for them to find when they were having a shitty day at work. I know you baked cakes and cookies, and took ‘em to the battered woman’s shelter close to your apartment, and you’d stay there sometimes and play with the kids.”

Tessa started. “How’d you –”

“I know that you never talked about your parents at all, but you loved to hear about other people’s families. I know that you ordered in Thai food when your dickhead ex was away at one of his bullshit banking conferences. You loved chicken with green curry sauce and glass noodles, and you hid all the evidence before the asshole got home. You liked silver, not gold, and your favorite color was purple and you’d wear it almost every day. You used to
sparkle
, baby, just fucking burst with life and color inside and out. But lately? Lately you’ve been flat and gray. So goddamn sorrowful, and it’s ripped my heart out.”

“Curtis,” she said, disbelieving and touched. “How do you know all of this?”

“The staff at Curves talk, baby, and I don’t. I listen. I watch.”

She gave a small laugh. “Yeah. That’s true. You aren’t known for being all that chatty.”

“But I want to talk with you, OK? I want to know every single thing about you, and – fair is fair – I want you to know about me. All the things I don’t tell anyone, I want to tell you.”

“You – you do?” Her green eyes were so clear as they studied him. “Even about your… how you grew up? Your childhood?”

“Yeah. Even that.” Curtis paused. “You know it was bad, right?”

“It had to have been,” Tessa said quietly, stroking the largest scar on his chest. “What kid never got a birthday cake?”

His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Me.”

Tessa’s heart clenched up tight for him. The thought that this huge, powerful man could have been so badly hurt when he was young and vulnerable made her ache.

“So.” Curtis cocked his head at her. “You want to go somewhere and talk, baby?”

She nodded.

“OK.” Curtis looked down at himself. “Gimme fifteen minutes to get cleaned up.”

She grinned at him now, and he rejoiced to see that sassy, sunny expression on her face again after so damn long. “I kind of like you like this.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mmmm-hmmm.” Tessa reached out and rested her palm flat on his incredible chest, loving his strong, steady heartbeat. “Actually, I
really
like you like this. You should run around with no shirt on
all
the
time,
in my humble opinion.”