Secondhand Boyfriends (3 page)

As we left the restaurant, I pulled Claudia aside. “That was a waste of time.”

“I know. Sorry. I didn’t know he was going to bring Amber.”

“Of course not.”

“Really. If Amber hadn’t been there, I think Ridley totally would have spilled the beans on Ayla,” Claudia said. “Another time?”

“It’s all right, I guess. Maybe this was a dumb thing to do,” I said.

“Oh, now you’re coming to your senses?” Claudia laughed. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along.”

Up ahead standing in the foggy light of a flickering streetlamp stood none other than Bennett Townsend.

“Claudia, that’s him. I think that’s Bennett up there,” I said as I tugged her arm in his direction.

“Are you going to say ‘Hi’?”

“Why not?”

We moseyed on up to where Bennett was standing, giggling like little teenagers thanks to the red wine we had just consumed at dinner. As we got closer I saw he was on his cell phone.

“He’s on the phone. I can’t interrupt him. It’s okay. Let’s keep walking.”

Bennett turned around we made eye contact. I kept walking.

“Hey,” he yelled.

“Bennett? That you?” I smiled as I played dumb.

“What are you doing out here? You shouldn’t be out here.”

“What do you mean? We just left Graze. We’re walking home.”

“There was an armed robbery right there in that pawn shop. Someone was fatally shot. The guy who did it got away. He could be out here lurking in the alley somewhere. It’s not safe. Didn’t you see the police tape back there?”

I heard the static from a radio that must have been under his coat.

“I didn’t realize…” I started to say. The more I looked around the more I realized that we had just walked into a crime scene. Police cars pulled up and uniformed officers walked in and out of the pawn shop that stood before us. “I’m sorry. Let’s get out of here.”

Bennett started to say something but an officer wearing latex gloves came up and stole his attention. I glanced back at him as we walked off. He looked so serious, so unlike the happy hour Bennett I met just a couple days before. It was kind of sexy. I definitely needed to ask him on a date. Amaya was perfectly right about Bennett being a potential distraction for me.

The next day at work, I decided to get Sam’s number off of his wedding announcement form. He thought I still had it, so it wasn’t like he would know. I really wanted to catch up with him, and more importantly, I wanted to know what Ayla saw in Sam that I had missed.

I dialed his number before 10:00 a.m., thinking I would get his voicemail.

“This is Sam,” the voice on the other end answered in the middle of the second ring.

“Sam, it’s me, Olivia,” I wanted to kick myself. “It was so good running into you the other day. I just wanted to call and see if maybe you wanted to meet for coffee after work one of these nights?”

“Sure. Tonight is the only night I’m available. There’s a coffee shop next to my apartment we can go to, but I have to be out of there no later than six thirty,” he said. He didn’t seem enthused about it at all.

“I will see you there,” I replied, unable to hide the excitement in my voice.

I also couldn’t help but wonder how he had gotten over me so quickly. Less than a year ago, Sam would have been jumping at the chance to hang out with me again. That boy was really attached to me. Breaking up with him was just as painful for me as it was for him. I still felt guilty about hurting him like that.

In that moment, I turned around only to be startled by Julianne standing in the doorway to my humble corner cubicle.

“Keeping busy, I see,” Julianne said. I could never tell if she was joking or serious. She was incredibly hard to read. “Anyway, I want to go over my stepdaughter’s wedding announcement with you later. It has to be just perfect, and I promised her I’d see to it that it is.”

“Of course.” I smiled like the good little employee that I was. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Just like that, Julianne walked away and Michael approached my cube.

“What can I do ya for?” I tried to joke with Michael. For a movie critic, he was seriously lacking a decent sense of humor. I loved to try and crack a smile out of him once in a while, but it was a challenge.

“Olivia, I know you don’t like movies, but I just got sneak peek passes to the new Tom Cruise film and wanted to offer you first dibs.” Michael looked like a nervous teenager asking a girl to prom. How could I say no?

“Sure, Michael, I’ll take one off your hands.” I was feeling generous, and I could tolerate Tom Cruise movies.

“Don’t go because you feel obligated. I’m sure I could find someone else to go,” he replied.

“Michael. I’m going,” I said.

“Sweet,” Michael smirked as he walked away.

I had just agreed to a pseudo-date with Michael, the nerdiest movie critic in the world, and I didn’t even realize it. And I hated movies. Maybe he was smoother than I thought.

Before I knew it, seven hours had passed and it was time to meet up with Sam for coffee. I knew exactly the place he was talking about. It was the place we used to meet for lunch when we dated, Caffeine. They had the most amazing caramel macchiatos and the most deliciously inventive salads.

As I locked up my desk for the day, I whipped out my compact and lipstick for some subtle touch ups and quickly combed through my thick, blonde hair with my fingers. I found myself desperately hoping he still found me somewhat attractive. Secretly, I felt like cat food in comparison to Ayla Giovanni.

As I sat and waited for Sam to arrive at the coffee house, I wondered if it was such a great idea to meet up after all. What would come of this? What if I broke up his engagement? What if he found me repulsive? What if we had nothing to say to each other and we sat in awkward silence the whole time?

“Hey, Olivia.” Sam walked up in a pair of fashionably ripped jeans and a dusty gray, graphic print t-shirt. I could tell right away he didn’t pick out that outfit himself. He grabbed a chair.

“Nice seeing you again, Sam,” I said. “It’s nice to be able to reconnect like this.”

He gave me a blank stare and then sort of winced. He looked like he didn’t want to be there. I knew something was on his mind, and it killed me knowing that it wasn’t my place to ask.

“So, what’s new in your life these days? Still over at HarlaTech?”

“Yep,” he said.

“That must be nice. You working your way to the top still?”

“Trying,” he said.

This was getting really awkward, just as I had feared. “I got transferred to wedding announcement writer.”

“Oh, wow.” Sam almost sounded sarcastic. “You must really enjoy that.”

He looked to the left and smiled to himself. I knew it wasn’t a prestigious position, but it was a lot better than what I was doing before.

“It’s not as exciting as I thought it would be, and it gets a little redundant at times, but it’s much better than the obituaries,” I said. This conversation was becoming very one-sided. “Although it pays the same. Who would’ve thought?”

It was quiet for a moment.

“Would you like me to order you a latte or something?”

“No, that’s alright. I don’t plan on staying long,” Sam said while looking straight into my eyes. I wondered then and there why he even bothered meeting up with me in the first place.

“Oh. Okay then,” I began to gather my things. “This was pointless.”

I spoke quietly but loud enough that he could hear it. In the old days he would’ve picked up on it and immediately asked me what was wrong. I knew he heard it, but he didn’t say anything.

In five seconds flat I had exited the coffee house and my feet were hitting the hot pavement outside. Two seconds later I heard, “Olivia, wait.”

I turned to see Sam standing in the doorway. I stopped, turned, and walked back to him with my head down. I felt embarrassed for even getting myself into this situation, but it seemed like maybe things were starting to turn around for me.

“You forgot this,” Sam reached out to hand me my cell phone.

I couldn’t help but laugh. I probably seemed crazy by laughing in that moment, but it was all I could do to keep from crying. I snatched the phone from his hand and walked as fast as I could towards home feeling like a fool all the while.

I can’t remember how long it took to actually get home that night, but I booked it and made it in record time. The smell of my apartment had never been so sweet, the carpet had never been so soft, and my bed had never been as inviting as it was that night.

I laid in my bed for a while feeling sorry for myself, but then I got hungry. I decided to drown my sorrows in a big bowl of Frosted Flakes with extra sugar sprinkled on top. I didn’t need it, but I sure deserved it.

The next morning happened to be a Saturday. It was tradition for Claudia and me to go down to the farmer’s market together, but she was missing in action. As I thought about it, I realized she hadn’t been home when I arrived last night, either. That was definitely unusual.

I pored over the kitchen table and counter tops for some kind of note, but there was nothing. I glanced in her bedroom and her bed was still made. She likely didn’t come home the previous night. I resolved that I wasn’t in the mood anyway for those insane farmer’s market crowds so I was perfectly fine staying at home for a change.

As if on cue, Claudia walked in the front door.

“What’s with the smug look on your face?” I said.

“What are you talking about?”

“Where did you go last night? You hate not sleeping in your own bed,” I pointed out. “Did you have a date?”

“What’s with the fifty questions? I went out last night with my cousin and his girlfriend and their friend, Eric,” Claudia finally answered. “Eric Hansen.”

“Eric Hansen? Do I know him?” I asked. “Why does that name sound familiar?”

“No, but he’s the guy who dated Ayla Giovanni back in college. Ripley’s friend, remember? It wasn’t exactly a double date, but it kind of was. It was just dinner and drinks. I stayed at my cousin’s place afterwards.”

“You didn’t happen to get any scoop, did you?” I had to ask.

“Actually, Eric got really drunk and wouldn’t shut up about Ayla,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her left ear. “It was kind of annoying.”

I grabbed her arms and shook her. “Spill it all!”

Startled and laughing, she began, “Well, apparently he cheated on her and he really regrets it. He said she was an amazing girlfriend.”

Claudia winced, knowing she had not told me what I was expecting to hear.

“Interesting,” I said. I got lost in my own thoughts for a few minutes as I tried to erase my mental image of a bitchy, snooty Ayla Giovanni and replace it with a kinder, gentler Ayla. As hard as it was, I finally wrapped my mind around the thought of Ayla as someone I could see myself befriending in another life, under different circumstances.

My mind gradually flashed back to my two year anniversary with Sam. The newness of our relationship had long worn off, and I was struggling to keep some kind of pilot light going in hopes that someday the spark would return to our mundane relationship. Sam craved the comfort and stability of a long-term relationship, while I was still trying to figure out what I even wanted to do with my life.

Sam always took care of me. He was my biggest advocate. When I announced to my parents that I wanted to go to nursing school a week after announcing I wanted to be a real estate agent, Sam stuck up for me. When I got the bright notion to make extra money by donating blood, Sam did the research for me to make sure it was safe and worthwhile. When I had a long day at work, I knew I could come home and count on Sam to be there with dinner on the table and my favorite movie already in the Blu Ray player.

He was everything anyone could’ve wanted, but the relationship bored me to tears at times. There was no drama. No chaos. No rollercoaster of emotions. It was too safe. Too predictable.

Part of me felt guilty for staying with Sam, for keeping him all to myself. He made me happy in the most self-centered of ways, and I knew deep down I didn’t truly appreciate him. I felt like I was hoarding him away for my personal, selfish needs when I knew there was someone out there who would love him the way he loved me.

Then I met Jake. Jake was dashing, charismatic, intelligent and lit a fire under me like no one had before. He made me feel alive for the first time in over two years, and I realized how much I missed that. Poor Sam; he never saw it coming. Although the Jake thing lasted a mere three weeks, it was life altering. Sometimes I think that if it weren’t for meeting Jake, I’d still be with Sam living my Groundhog’s Day life over and over again, day in and day out.

When I broke the news to Sam that it was over, he didn’t cry at first. He admitted that he didn’t see it coming, but he didn’t cry. He asked if it was something he did, and he wanted to know why I was unhappy. I couldn’t give him an answer. I couldn’t give myself an answer. Sam was the perfect boyfriend, and I didn’t know why I couldn’t make it work.

“Olivia, I’ve never met anyone as fickle as you,” my mother said when I told her what I had done. “When are you finally going to know what you want?”

I thought of my two older brothers. They were happily married and well educated, each with two children. My parents adored them and my father constantly praised each of them for their “stick-to-itiveness.”

“Preston knew he wanted to be an attorney since he was in middle school. He graduated from college and went straight into law school. Alston knew he wanted to be a politician and he’s now on the city council,” my father would always remind me.

Preston and Alston were fraternal twins and older than me by six years. We weren’t exactly close, and growing up I hated living in their shadows. I never considered myself one of those lucky people who always knew what they wanted to be when they grew up. I was constantly looking for something to ignite my inner flame, flitting from one dream to the next. .I doubted I’d ever lived in the present, and maybe that was the reason behind my constant malcontent.