Secondhand Boyfriends (19 page)

“Bennett was out of my league, too,” I lamented.

“No,” Sam insisted. “Olivia, you’re beautiful.”

I blushed.

“Do you know how much makeup Ayla has to wear just to get out of the house? Do you know how much time it takes for her to look that way?” He laughed. “Have you ever seen her without makeup?”

“No,” I replied.

“She’s just as ordinary as anyone else,” he said. “But you… You have an inner beauty that Ayla can’t even hold a flame to. And it shows on the outside.”

“You’re being too kind,” I said to him. “I was not a nice person to you. I hurt you. I was selfish. I—”

“Olivia,” he said as he squeezed my hand. “Nobody’s perfect. The fact that you didn’t want to see me get hurt today means the world to me. You tried to do the right thing. You tried to warn me not to marry her, and it wasn’t for your own self-serving purposes.”

“I guess you’re right,” I said. I wanted to pat myself on the back. I really was growing up.

“Not a lot of people would’ve done what you did,” he said. “And the fact that you reached out to me tonight, in spite of the way I’ve treated you every time I’ve seen you lately, showed me that you really do care.”

“I know I didn’t always put you first in our relationship,” I said. “But that was the old me. I’ll never do that to you again, Sam.”

He flashed a quick smile and leaned in towards me. I could still smell his cologne from earlier that day as it wafted off of his warm skin. Some sort of magnetic pull was happening between us, and within seconds I found my lips on his. Thankfully, he kissed me back that time.

His kiss was sweet, tender, and almost timid in nature. He meant what he said about not rushing things. He didn’t linger. He didn’t place his hands on me. But I could feel the love that still remained between us. It was a love that had never fully gone away.

My future wasn’t with Bennett. It never was. And I wasn’t even sure about my future with Sam. But in the same day that I thought I’d lost all hope, I gained it all back, and then some.

“You ready, kiddo?” my dad asked as he linked his arm out towards me.

We stood in the back of the church, me in a gown so tight it almost sucked the life out of me and my father in a suit and tie that perfectly coordinated with my flowers.

“You okay?” he asked. He must have noticed I wasn’t myself.

The walk to the altar suddenly felt like a death sentence as I peer up through my veil towards a smiling Sam. If he only knew the conversation I’d just had with Olivia moments before.

As the Wedding March began to play and our guests stood up and turned, all eyes were on me. I plastered on the biggest T.V. news anchor smile I could muster and fought the hot tears forming in my eyes. I refused to let my guard down. I was going through with this. It was too late to back out now.

As my father gave me away and placed my hands into Sam’s, I couldn’t help but notice how happy he was. He and my mom had been this happy once, he had told me. My mom was the love of his life until she passed from cancer when I was eight.

I wished more than anything in the world that she was there with me in person on my wedding day. I wondered what kind of advice she would’ve given me. She was so worldly and adventurous, or so I’d always been told. I didn’t remember her much. All I had were pictures of her and a closet full of her clothes. I knew she was pretty—no, not just pretty. She was drop dead gorgeous. I knew I had her eyes, her mouth, and her long legs.

Julianne and I were close, but she always had such high expectations for me. Everything had to be perfect all the time and we never talked about feelings. She was an overachiever in the biggest way, and I suppose it trickled down to me as I grew up with her as my mother figure.

I looked over at Sam, and I could tell he could sense the anxiety pouring out of my every fiber. He mouthed the words “I love you”, but I couldn’t say them back without getting teary, so I said nothing at all. I lowered my eyes and stared down at the ground, at his shoes. I couldn’t even look at him.

He squeezed my hand as if to tell me everything was going to be okay, but that only made things worse. I felt it in the pit of my stomach. I knew I was making a mistake. We had rushed things. We should have waited another year. I shouldn’t have gotten so caught up in weddings and babies and diamond rings.

I shouldn’t have ended things so soon with Bennett. I was wild about him. We had a fire and ice relationship. It only lasted a few short months, but it was magical. Every day was different and every date ended with fireworks. We could hardly keep our hands off each other, but for the life of us, we could never get on the same page.

Sometimes he ran cold while I ran hot, and vice versa, and for whatever reason, neither one of us trusted each other. I think we were both insecure, but it was nothing that we couldn’t have fixed had we ever tried.

Instead, I broke up with him on a whim, thinking he’d fight to get me back. He didn’t. He didn’t even send a single flower or text or anything. At my lowest point after our breakup, I’d gone out to the bars by myself.

That was the night I met Sam. He seemed easy and obtainable. He was low-hanging fruit. Most of the guys I tended to go for were afraid to even approach me, so I always had to approach them. Sam was definitely approachable.

Once I got to know Sam, I couldn’t believe how sweet he was. He was different from anyone else I’d ever dated. I knew he was special and that I’d be stupid to let him go. He waited on me hand and foot. He was drama-free and straightforward. I never had to read between the lines with him, and being together felt good.

Then Bennett moved into my building. Seeing him while I was with Sam gave me a rush. I loved shoving my happy little relationship in his face and showing him what he was missing out on. It gave me great pleasure and satisfaction to watch him eat his heart out, but I guess I got a little carried away.

Before I knew it, Sam had proposed to me, and I couldn’t say no. My family was crazy about him. He fit in so well. He was so kind, and I knew he’d make an amazing husband.

I could hear the pastor speaking, but it all sounded like Greek to me. I couldn’t focus on his words. I couldn’t focus on the beautiful ceremony taking place. All I could do was close my eyes and pretend I was marrying Bennett.

I knew then and there that I wanted a relationship with fire and spark and passion, even if it wasn’t always perfect.

I forced myself to look up at Sam and flash him a smile. I didn’t want to hurt him. I loved him, but I wasn’t in love with him. I had no business marrying him. He deserved a nice, boring girl. Not someone like me who thrived on attention. The past year had been great, but it had also bored me to death. I couldn’t imagine a lifetime of that.

As the pastor asked our guests if anyone objected to our marriage, I squeezed my eyes tight and hoped and prayed for a miracle. I knew it wouldn’t happen. Those sorts of things never happened, and especially not when you wanted them to.

I heard gasps from the pews and the creaking and shifting of people moving around in their seats. I turned my head and looked out, only to see Bennett standing in the sixth row.

“Who invited him here?” I yelled,

My words sounded angry, but on the inside I was relieved. It was nothing short of the miracle I’d just prayed for.

“What’s going on?” Sam asked me. I couldn’t answer him. Not there. Not then.

Next to Bennett was Olivia, the girl who worked for my mom. She had a lot of nerve bringing him there, especially when I’d recently told her about how we’d once dated.

“Get him out of here!” I heard my father snarl. Within seconds, two security guards headed towards him to escort him out of the church.

Bennett and I locked eyes, and it was like we both knew.

My hand loosened from Sam’s and I ran after him. I didn’t even think about it. I just did it. I probably looked silly, running down the aisle in a poufy white dress after the man who had just objected to my wedding. I was going to have a lot of explaining to do, but I didn’t care.

“Bennett!” I yelled after him as I saw him slip around the corner.

He spun around, and his expression softened when he saw me.

“Ayla,” he said as he walked towards me. He slipped his hands around my waist.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him.

“I came with a date,” he said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t expect to stand up at your wedding. Something just came over me.”

I was secretly glad he did what he did, but I didn’t want him to know that. Not yet anyway.

“Why did you do that?” I asked him.

“Because I still love you,” he replied.

He leaned over and softly kissed my lips, and it only confirmed what I’d been feeling. I still loved him too. I wanted to be with him and only him.

“I missed you so much, Ayla,” Bennett continued. “This last year has been the worst year of my life.”

“Yeah, but you moved on,” I replied. “You’re dating that girl from my mom’s work.”

“She’s not you,” he said. “No one could ever be you.”

He leaned in and kissed me again. His hands traveled down my hips and pulled me closer.

“Do you still love me?” Bennett asked. “Be honest.”

I paused for a second before responding with a simple, “Yes.”

“It killed me seeing you with him,” Bennett said. “Watching you day in and day out. Watching someone else steal my happiness. Our happiness.”

“I couldn’t trust you, Bennett,” I said. “You couldn’t trust me. That’s why I ended things.”

“I’m a changed man,” Bennett replied. “On my father’s grave.”

“I want to believe you,” I replied.

I leaned into him and rested my head on his shoulder as he rubbed my back and held me tight. I’d missed this so much.

“Believe me,” he said as he pushed me away and cupped my face in his strong hands. “I want you back, Ayla. I will do anything. I love you. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else but you.”

“Why did you have to wait until now?” I whined. “Why are you doing this today of all days?”

“I had to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life,” he said. “I knew you didn’t belong with him. He’s not good enough for you, Ayla. No one is. But I’m going to try to be if you let me. I promise you that.”

“Oh, there you are, Ayla.” It was Olivia. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Bennett and I stepped back away from each other. Our magical little moment had just been so rudely interrupted.

“So, um,” she said. “People are wondering what the heck is going on.”

Bennett and I exchanged looks.

“So what are you going to do?” she asked.

“I can’t marry Sam,” I said as I turned towards Bennett. I knew he’d been dying to hear those four little words.

Bennett leaned in and kissed my mouth hard and with passion.

“I’m tired of the games,” I said to him. “I just want to be with you.”

“Really Bennett?” Olivia interrupted our moment once again. “After everything we’ve been through? The talks we’ve had?”

I didn’t know why Olivia was fighting for him. He clearly didn’t want to be with her. It was a lost cause, and now she was just making a fool out of herself.

“I was an idiot to believe a single word you ever said to me,” Olivia added. “Good luck with that, Ayla.”

She pointed to Bennett like he was some sort of repulsive toad and spun around on her heel only to bump into Sam who was standing there with a dumbfounded look on his face.

“W-what’s…” Sam stammered. “What’s going on here?”

“Yeah, you two definitely owe him an explanation,” Olivia said with her hand on her hip. I wished she would just butt out. She was really starting to annoy me.

Bennett stared down at the ground awkwardly as I fidgeted nervously.

“I don’t know how to say this, Sam,” I began as I looked up at him. “But I can’t marry you.”

Sam looked devastated, but I knew this was just the way it had to be. There was no easy way to go about this and there was nothing more that needed to be said. Nothing he could say or do would talk me out of my decision to be with Bennett.

“Ayla,” Sam objected. He was going to fight for me, I knew it. “Can we speak privately?”

He shot me a look before nodding to Bennett and myself in an attempt to ask us to leave.

“No, Sam,” I said. “I’m sorry. There’s nothing more to talk about. Let’s not make this harder than it is.”

“So that’s all I get?” Sam said with a huff. It was rare to see him get angry, but I could tell he was reaching his boiling point. “A year together. A whirlwind romance. And this is what I get? No explanation and you won’t even talk to me?”

“Just go, man,” Bennett said to Sam as he slipped his arm around my waist. “Let’s not make this harder than it is.”

I saw tears well up in Sam’s eyes and watched as Olivia reached over to take his hand. He promptly yanked it away and walked off. The sight of Sam stomping away in his black and white tuxedo, throwing his blue floral boutonniere on the ground, was nothing short of heartbreaking.

I felt bad for him, but I knew his happiness wasn’t going to come from a marriage to me. Somewhere out there was someone else better suited for him. I was doing the right thing for the both of us. I was sure of it.

I turned towards Bennett and stepped into his embrace once again. I could stay wrapped up in his arms forever.

“Take me out of here,” I said to him.

He slipped my hand into his and pulled me towards the nearest exit where we ran off towards his car.

Driving away from the church, from the awful scene that had just taken place, was like a breath of fresh air bringing new life into me. It was a new beginning with an old love, and I was sure I’d done the right thing. The life I’d nearly resigned myself to would have been filled with boredom and malcontent. That life would’ve turned into one of resentment and self-loathing.

Sitting next to me was my future. Things with Bennett were never going to be perfect, that I knew, but they would always be fun and exciting. Bennett injected the passion in my life that I had missed so much.