Secondary Colors (19 page)

“For Bailey’s sake. How would it be for her if he found out and wanted to take her away from the only home she’s ever known? What would that do to a small child?”

“Doesn’t he have the right to know he has a child in this world? I’ve lived with this deception for so long. It eats away at me every day.”

“I’m not saying it isn’t hard. I’m asking you to think about what would be best for Bailey. There’s a reason we’ve let her believe you’re her cousin. We wanted to keep her life as carefree and uncomplicated as possible. I’m not saying it will be this way forever, but if he does get mad over this, he could take her away from us. He could take her away from you, make it so you never see her either.”

Would Aidan really be capable of doing that? I’d hate to affect Bailey’s life with trials and lawyers and child services and stress. She’s happy and healthy and thriving here. She loves Margo and Jim with her entire little heart. But is it fair to keep this from her biological father? Doesn’t he have the right to know of his flesh and blood’s existence?

“It’s not my intenti0n to hurt anyone more than I already have.”

“Not to mention Christina. Could you imagine what she would do to you?”

“I’m mad at myself for allowing her to get her way. I should’ve told him years ago and not let her determine my decisions. At least then I wouldn’t feel this gut-rotting guilt.”

“Evie! Evie! Watch me!” Bailey yells for my attention. She dances with the fireflies, bobbing in the air like tiny flickering stars. She giggles and twirls like I used to do when I was a little girl. She’s so much like me, with parts of Aidan mixed in, my heart tightens. “Play with us, Evie!”

I rise to my feet and skip out to her in the grass, twirling and hopping around with my daughter amongst the bobbing orbs of light.

dark area created when the light

source is obstructed by an object

Friday, I drive home with plenty of time to reflect. I feel a sense of remorse about Aidan, but when I’m with Holt, his lips, his kiss, his hands, his touch surpass any guilt. If it didn’t, I would’ve run out on him long before this. By the time I arrive home, my mind’s made. I lug my bag from the garage to the house. Max charges down the stairs, his tail wagging wildly, when I kick the door shut behind me.

“Hello, boy.” I bend down to pet him, cupping his ears in my hands and shaking them like he likes. His eyes roll back up into his skull.

A floorboard squeaks. When I look up, Holt’s standing on the staircase, a book in hand and a peach in the other.

‘You taste like peaches.’

I wish his presence didn’t appease me so much. After what I thought would be a restful and therapeutic trip to Vermont, I’m more stressed now. But seeing him lights something up in my chest, fuzzy and electric. I feel happy.

His face is anything but, and my stomach drops.

“You’re home,” he says flatly.

“Yes.”

He eyes me and then walks past and out the door. My hand reaches for him but drops back down to my side.

“Evie?” Meredith calls from the second floor. “I need your assistance please!”

“Coming, Mama,” I call back. I grudgingly walk up to her bedroom and poke my head inside. There’s an overnight bag on the bed with clothes carelessly hanging out.

“What’s up?” I ask, shoving my hands into my back pockets as I step inside.

“Do you know where my red scarf went?”

Went, as if it got up and misplaced itself. She always manages to lose things. I’m surprised she hasn’t lost her mind yet.

“It’s hanging in the downstairs hall closet. You put it there during the party because it was too warm.”

“Oh, right.” She pats me on the cheek and then disappears into the hall. “What would I do without you, baby?”

I place the folded blouses on the bed into her haphazardly packed bag, rearranging things to fit more. I shouldn’t help her pack for a trip with her lover, but I’ve been trying to remind myself it’s none of my business. She comes back with the red scarf flowing behind her, tossing it onto the bed.

I wish she weren’t leaving as I’m coming home. I was hoping she’d play mediator between Holt and myself. I don’t need to ask her where she’s going. She would tell me Margo’s or make up a girls’ weekend. Right now, I don’t have the strength to be lied to. I’m drowning in lies.

Instead, I ask, “When are you leaving?”

“Tonight,” she answers, walking into her closet.

“Don’t you think you should wait until tomorrow? It’s already dark out.”

“I’ll be fine. I don’t have far to go.”

“I want you to be safe, Mama.” I’m not talking about her drive anymore.

“I know, baby. And I love that you worry about me, but I’ll be perfectly safe.” She looks over at me, concern replacing her joy. “What’s the matter?”

“I’m fine.”

“Evie baby, you’re my child, remember? You’re a part of me.” She runs her fingers through my hair, just like she used to when I was a little girl. “Does any of this have to do with what’s going on with Holt?”

Shit.

Does she know about us?

“There’s nothing—”

“Violet,” she warns. “Did you have a fight with him?”

“We’re not talking to each other right now.”

“Why?”

“Aidan.”

“I think I understand what’s happening here.” She sits on the bed beside me, sweeping my hair over my shoulder. “Do you care about him?”

“Aid?”

“I already know the answer to that one. I meant Holt.”

“I’m starting to.” I rest my face in my hands. “How long have you known about us?”

“Probably before you did.” She tucks stray hairs behind my ear, smiling at me. “The way you two look at each other, even in the very beginning, gave it away.”

“How does he look at me?”

“Like he’s never seen a woman before you. His eyes follow you wherever you go, as if he needs to keep any type of connection with you. It makes me nervous.”

“Why?”

“I’ve seen it before—” Her eyes glaze over as she thinks back on a distant memory, taking it out of its box and dusting it off to admire it for a brief moment. She smiles at me when she comes back from that time and place she visited in her mind. “I won’t tell you who to be with or how to live your life. I only ask that you’re careful with your choices.”

“Are you mad? He didn’t feel right about doing anything. He really respects you and—”

“You want who you want.” She doesn’t mean only me. “I’ll support anything you choose.”

Even though I’ve been torn about her affair, when I see how accepting she is, I want to be the same for her. She’s my mother. I love her unconditionally.

“Have things become serious between you and Holt?”

“It depends on your definition of serious.”

“Have you two dot, dot, dot?”

“Did you really say dot, dot, dot?”

We chuckle.

“I’m serious.”

Holt and I have been on bad terms these past few weeks, but I’m not about to get him kicked him out for fooling around with me. My mom is a free-spirit, but she’s not that free.

“Will my answer affect whether or not you let him stay?”

“Evie, I wouldn’t throw the boy out. He’s helped me so much. He’s helped you, too. I see it. How could I throw him out for that?” She tosses the red scarf into the bag. “Now, be honest with me. Did something happen between you two?”

“Not dot, dot, dot.” I poke the air three times for emphasis.

“That’s what I thought.” She contemplates. “We’ll need to put down ground rules. Like, I don’t want to catch you two getting it on. Please, keep it discreet. But I don’t intend to step in the middle of this.”

“Yeah.” My eyes drop to my lap. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem,” I mumble under my breath.

Once I’ve helped Meredith pack and seen her off, I escape to my room for a shower and a nap. I’m lying down, halfway between awake and asleep, when my cellphone rings. I pick it up without checking the screen.

“Hello?”

“Evie? It’s Aid.”
How did he get this number?
“I hope you don’t mind me calling your private line. When I couldn’t get you on the house phone, I got it from Taylor.”

I’m going to ring her neck. She knows I’ve been avoiding everyone, especially Aidan.

“Yeah, I’ve been out of town.”
Visiting our daughter.
“What’s up?”

“I—” he pauses, silence filling the speaker, “I feel awful about how we left things. I never meant to hurt you, Evie. You have to know it was never my intent.”

“I know, Aid.”

“I want to fix this between us.”

“Aidan, really, you don’t have to feel guilty or responsible for what’s happening with our parents. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were honest with me.”

Which is a lot more than I can say about myself.

“Listen, there’s this event I need to make an appearance at tonight, champagne and stuffy rich people. You’d be doing me a huge favor if you’d be my plus one. I’d really like to see you and talk.”

Talk. The talk?

All I want after driving and helping my mom is relaxation.

“Do I have to wear a gown or anything?”

I’m not gowns and champagne. I’m old concert tees and beer. And it’s not like I keep a gown handy for emergencies.

“It’s semi-formal.”

I might have a black dress from my grandma’s funeral I could wear. God, that’s morbid.

“Will you come?” he asks again, his voice pleading.

How can I say no to him? After everything, I owe him this at the very least and an explanation about my avoiding him.

“I’d like that.”

He gives me the need-to-knows, and we say goodbye. As soon as I hang up, I hit Tay’s number on my speed dial.

Aidan and I arrive at The Grand Victorian an hour later. He looks nice in his suit and tie. Thankfully, Tay had a sophisticated, knee-length dress that fits me. She stayed to help me with my hair and makeup. I didn’t wear boots this time.

We make rounds, and I only speak when I’m spoken to directly. Other than that, I listen and hide the occasional yawn. We work the party until my feet throb. Fortunately, Aidan excuses himself when he sees another important someone. I hunker down at our assigned table and give my dogs a break from my borrowed heels, kicking them off.

“Is someone sitting here?” an older female voice asks.

I’m not sure which seat she points to, my eyes on my throbbing feet, but if anyone has a problem, they’re welcome to tell her themselves.

“It’s free.”

She selects the seat across from me. When my gaze rises from the floor to the woman, they grow with horror.

“Christina.”

“You’re looking very well, Evie.”

“Yes,” I mumble, swallowing down the shock. The last time I saw Christina, she was standing over my hospital bed hours after I’d given birth to her granddaughter, ordering me to leave Aidan’s name off the birth certificate. She blamed me for having
the baby
and not aborting
it
like she wanted. She wouldn’t even say her name. I haven’t the faintest idea why she’d choose to sit with me, let alone actually acknowledge my presence.

“I didn’t know you’d be here, Mrs. Channing.”

“Yes. I am.”

“You are what?”

“Mrs. Channing. I seldom remember these days with your mother acting the part.”

“I’m sorry? What you’re talking about?”

“Please, don’t play the naïve card, Evie. You’re a bright girl. Every yokel in this one-horse town knows Meredith is fucking my husband. She’s always wanted what I had, and Charles was no different. Is she enjoying him? Is she enjoying the privileges of being me?”

“Mrs. Chan—Christina, what happens between the three of you is none of my
or
Aidan’s business. You aren’t the only one who’s been hurt by your husband’s indiscretions. Because the plain truth of it is,
Christina
, he’s the one stepping outside of your marriage. Not my mother.”