Second to No One (23 page)

“Um, yeah.” I stood up straight and looked at his shadowed face. “I just have to ask, Jess. Why haven’t you kissed her yet? I mean, after all this time, all the dates and movies and dances. What’s holding you back?”

Jess stared at me in the dim light. “You really don’t know?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Know what?”

Jess ran his fingers through his hair and let out a frustrated breath of air. “I’m trying here, Gemma. I’m really trying.”

“What are you talking about?” I pressed. “You’re trying to do what?”

“I’m trying to move on. I’m trying to pretend like nothing happened between us, just like you said. But I guess I’m not as good at it as you are.”

“Trying to move on? Pretend like nothing happened?” I shook my head in exasperation. “What are you talking about, Jess? Why are you saying these things? Why did you break up with me—just so you could spend the next six months playing games with my brain?”

“Wait.” Jess stepped closer to me, willing me to stop talking. “What?”

Someone howled with laughter from the other room, and I heard Lauren ask if anyone had seen Jess. “Don’t deny it,” I whispered close to his face. “You’ve been sending me mixed messages all year. You want to have me, my time, and my attention, and at the same time you want to keep me at arm’s length. But you can’t take back what happened, Jess. Things are never going to be the same between us. We can’t be the kind of friends that we used to be. Not after what you did.”

“Gemma.” Jess shook his head in tiny little movements. “I only wanted to be friends with you because I thought that was all I could have. I thought that was all you were offering.”

I closed my eyes and felt my head spinning. “Why would that be all I was offering?”

“Because of Trace.”

“Trace? What does this have to do with Trace?”

Jess stepped back with his hands held out wide. “This has everything to do with Trace.”

“But me and Trace aren’t even together. I don’t even like him!”

“You did like him though. For the past two years, he’s all you ever talked about, and then he showed up that night with that charm and—”

“But I asked you in the court yard that day if you were mad about Trace coming over, and you said no.”

“Because it wasn’t just that. You spent the whole summer with the guy and never said a word to me about it.”

In the other room, Drew announced that we were going to play a game, and Lauren asked if anyone had found a flashlight or, again, seen Jess.

Jess wiped both hands over his face. He looked exhausted as he continued. “Vivian’s bedroom window looks out at your house. She had a front row view of everything you did all summer.”

“You had her spy on me?” I stepped back, a little perturbed.

“No, of course not. But for three months, I got unsolicited reports from my little sister about how often you and Trace were together. She sent me ten texts a night, giving me a play by play of your life. ‘Trace’s car is in Gemma’s driveway.’ ‘Trace was at Gemma’s house past midnight.’ ‘Trace hugged Gemma on her front porch.’
Then the night I got home, he shows up with a charm for the bracelet that he thought was from your
parents
. What was I supposed to think, Gemma? You liked him for so long. What other conclusion was I supposed to come to?”

“That I liked
you
. How could you really think anything else?”

“How could I not?”

“But we kissed—”

“I kissed you.”

“And we talked every day.”

“Yeah, as long as I called you.”

“I didn’t call because you were working.”

“A text or voice message from my girlfriend would have been nice. Though I was never really sure that that’s what you were.”

I stepped an inch closer to him and instinctively reached out for his arm. “That’s what I wanted to be. That’s all I ever wanted to be. That day in the courtyard when you said it was mistake…”—I blinked back the tears that were teasing my eyes—”my heart broke into a million pieces.”

Jess held my eyes with his and effortlessly moved closer to me. The room was completely black except for the tiny little flashlight that was now flickering on the kitchen counter beside us. His face was only a dark shadow, but I could feel his breath close to my face and his hand slip into mine when he said in a low, pleading whisper, “Gemma, I’m so sorry. I thought that was what you wanted.”

“
You guys
!” Drew’s voice snapped through the darkness, and Jess and I both jumped to face her. Her eyes were narrow, and her jaw was clenched. She obviously wasn’t happy to see us alone together, let alone so close. “What are you two doing in here?” She waited for a moment, but neither one of us answered. “Lauren wants to start playing games. We need the light. Now get in here.”

The world—and all the new information that accompanied it—was spinning around my head as I reluctantly let go of Jess’s hand and followed Drew through the dark. Everyone was waiting for us, even the empty soda pop bottle was looming in the dead center of the carpet. Jess and I took the last two places in the circle on the floor, and Lauren announced the rules (as if anyone really needed them), and the spinning began.

Kit went first, insisting that he had the most experience and therefore could teach everyone else how it was done. The bottle landed on Lauren, and when he aimed his lips for her mouth, she giggled like a little girl and turned her head so his lips landed on her cheek.

It was Lauren’s turn to spin the bottle next. There wasn’t a person in the room who didn’t know what she was after, and no one said a word as that bottle spun round and round, deciding who to land on. It landed on Drew. “Respin,” Lauren said happily, and she bent forward to grab the bottle.

“No way,” said Kit. “You have to kiss the closest guy to her right. That’s how it’s played.”

“Since when?” Lauren said.

“Since forever.” Kit took the bottle out of her hand. “Go on, kiss Trace.”

Trace folded his arms over his chest. “It’s okay, Lauren,” he said tersely. “You’re not the first girl who’d rather be with somebody else besides me.”

I glared at Trace across the circle but was distracted when I caught hold of Jess’s eyes watching me from behind his propped up knees.

“Whatever.” Lauren got on her hands and knees and crawled across the circle to Trace. She kissed him on the lips. It wasn’t long, but it wasn’t exactly short either, and from the way she eyed Jess on the way back to her seat, I gathered the longer kiss was meant to make him jealous.

“Trace, your next,” Kit said since he was apparently the master of spin the bottle.

Trace spun and the bottle landed on me. He came toward me and kissed me on the lips, and though he lingered for a moment, I pulled away quickly and reached for the bottle. My spin landed on Bryce and Bryce’s landed on Lauren. Lauren’s landed on Trace again, and Trace’s landed on Drew. When Drew’s landed on Jess, Lauren watched carefully as Drew crawled across the circle and kissed him quickly on the lips. It was quick and platonic. It was perfect.

“How long are we going to play this?” Kit finally asked though everyone was thinking it. With only seven people at the party, the game was getting old pretty fast.

“Just a few more rounds,” Lauren said, and she sneered at the bottle as though it was purposely out to get her.

I suppose I watched as Jess reached for the bottle though most my thoughts were held hostage by what had just happened between us in the kitchen. All that time, all the pain, and both of us had just wanted the same thing. Each other.

I should have been paying more attention to the bottle and the people around me. But I wasn’t, not enough anyway. I was thinking about Jess and the thunder storm and his closeness in the kitchen. I was thinking about what he said and what I said and the outpouring of confessions. I was thinking about how perfect and strong his hand looked as he spun the bottle and rested it on the carpet waiting to see where it landed. And then it landed on me. Not on Lauren like it was supposed to.

But on me.

There were a million things I should have done that I didn’t. I should have looked at Lauren and remembered how much she liked him and how good of a friend I was supposed to be. I should have thought about the other people in the room that were watching and witnessing and waiting to see how we would respond. And I definitely should have considered the consequences.

When Jess followed the rules of the game and crawled toward me, I should have smiled politely and given him a friendly kiss, because it was only a game of spin the bottle and Lauren was right there, and even though all is fair in love and war, for some reason, it didn’t feel fair to anyone but me. I shouldn’t have waited, cross-legged on the floor, with so much anticipation. But then again, he shouldn’t have come at me either, not with such deep and determined eyes. I shouldn’t have allowed my heart to beat a million times a minute, and he shouldn’t have taken such a deep breath. Our eyes were locked on each other, and for a moment, I honestly forgot that there was anyone else in the room. I honestly forgot that there was anyone else in the world. For that one priceless second, he and I were all that existed. All that mattered. I shouldn’t have looked in his eyes. I shouldn’t have lightly glossed my lips with the tip of my tongue, and I definitely shouldn’t have thought about that perfect night in the rain and the first time we kissed. I should have pursed my lips. I should have turned my head and let him kiss my cheek. But I didn’t, and neither did he. He went for my lips, and I silently begged for him to do it, and time stopped because we were kissing and we were together, again, at last.

But we should have pulled away—when the universal allotted time for a spin the bottle kiss was over—we should have pulled away. But neither one of us did. Because neither one of us could. The past seven months of heart ache, confusion, and torture that we both had been bottling up was now exploding from within us. Our lips were certain and inviting, and I only realized that we had been kissing for an entirely inappropriate amount of time when Drew gasped and Bryce cleared his throat and Lauren ran from the room, crying.

Drew didn’t even look at me when she bolted after her, but Jess watched me with intense apologetic eyes before following Lauren and Drew down the hall and into the darkness.

“Now this is what I call a party,” Kit said with a big grin.

“Shut up,” Bryce said.

“Who needs alcohol,” Kit continued, “when you have a girly cat fight to heat up the night?”

“I’m serious,” Bryce warned. “Shut up or I’ll deck you.”

“I’m going to go,” I said gravely. I hesitated for a moment. Lauren was already so mad at me, maybe leaving her birthday party early would hurt her more. “No,” I concluded. “I’m definitely going to go.”

I grabbed my coat off the hook in the entry way and opened the front door. I could hear Drew and Jess calling Lauren’s name upstairs, and I contemplated helping them find her. But I was the last person Lauren wanted to see. Sticking around would only make things worse.

I stepped into the cold night. Lightning flashed over a distant mountain, but for the most part, the storm was over. I headed down the porch steps and down the long driveway toward my car. I was just about to pull my dad’s car keys out of my coat pocket when I saw Lauren sitting on a rope swing that was hanging from a huge elm tree not far from where I was standing.

“Lauren?” I hesitated. “Are you okay?” My question was hollow, and I felt foolish for even asking it. Of course she wasn’t okay. I was a horrible, horrible person, and no one knew that more than she did.

Her back was to me as she swung lazily back and forth, back and forth. She didn’t say a word.

I stepped closer to her. “Lauren, I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what you must think of me right now.”

Silence.

I inched closer, and by this time, I was coming around to face her. “There’s so much history between me and Jess. But that doesn’t make what we did okay. I’m…I’m so sorry.”

I heard a rattle coming from the direction of Lauren’s lap. She was staring at whatever the object was that she was holding in her hands. She finally spoke in a cold whisper. “I knew it was you.”

I stepped even closer, and now it was clear that the object in her hand was a bottle. A light-brown medicine bottle, one you’d get from a pharmacy.

“All this time, I could tell there was something holding him back
.
Some
one
holding him back.” She laughed a sardonic laugh. “You said something stupid a few weeks ago at the lockers when he was there. You were trying to be funny, but it was so lame.” She licked her lips. “I saw the way Jess looked at you. The way he ate up every word you said. I knew he was still in love you.”

“Lauren,” I said watching the bottle in her hands, “we should probably go inside. Drew and Jess are looking for you.”

“Oh good,” she said too loudly. “Finally I found a way to make Jess Tyler come after me for once.” She clenched the cap of the medicine bottle. “Ow! Dang it!” she groaned. “I hate how hard these things are to get off.”

“Come on.” I reached for her arm.

“Don’t touch me!” she roared, and the medicine cap snapped off. She laughed again. “I love these things.” A strange smile was spread across her face. Like the one earlier when she was talking to Jess—only tainted now with darkness and pain. She shook the bottle a bit then peered into it with one eye. “They make me feel so resistant.”

“Why don’t you give me that,” I said, leaning carefully over the bottle.

“You want to know a secret?” She circled the rim of the bottle with her index finger. “I did it on purpose.”

“You did what on purpose?”

“That game. That stupid, stupid game.” She laughed out loud and rested her head against the chain on her swing. “I wanted to know the truth. I wanted to know what would happen if the bottle landed on Gemma.” She poured the contents of the bottle into her open hand. At least ten to fifteen small blue pills were heaped in the crevice of her palm. “So really, the joke’s on you.”

I reached forward. “Please give me the pills, Lauren.”

This time, she smacked me across the face. Her ring dug sharply into my skin. “Get out of here, Gemma Mitchell! I hate you! I never want to see your face again!”