Second to No One (16 page)

I walked past Lauren and asked our teacher when our final project was due even though I already knew the answer. Then I asked her if I could use the hall pass to go to the restroom. I took it and walked the halls for five minutes until I was sure class had started. If I had to listen to Lauren say one more word about Jess, I was going to scream.

After school, I went to the lake like Jess and I had planned. When I got to the dock, Jess was already there with his camera in his hands and his eyes perplexed.

“This camera is out of film,” he said as I approached. “I haven’t used a camera with actual film since I was ten. I have no idea how to reload it.”

I sat down next to him and took the camera and some film from his hands and gently opened the side compartment. Just because I hated Jess right now didn’t mean the camera had to suffer.

Jess reached in his backpack for the piece of paper containing our project description. “So we’re supposed to make a PowerPoint presentation using photographs that tell a story about something significant that has happened in our lives.”

“Yeah,” I said into my chest. “I don’t know why Ms. Delrose is having us work together on such an individual assignment.” I figured out how to open the camera; then I carefully slid the new film inside. I shut the compartment and handed the camera back to Jess.

“Thanks,” he said. “Where should we start?”

I squinted out over the dark, cloudy lake. “I don’t care.”

I felt Jess look at the side of my face. “You okay?”

I shrugged carelessly. “Fine.”

“What’s wrong?”

I clenched my jaw. “I thought you were going to stop dating Lauren.”

“I never said that.”

“Why are you doing this, Jess?”

“Doing what?”

“Pursuing her? There are hundreds of girls at our school. Why Lauren? Why one of my best friends?”

“Again with the ‘best friend’ bit.”

I glared at Jess. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you keep saying that like I’m breaking some cardinal rule. But it really doesn’t seem like you two are that close.”

“How do you know?”

“Because Lauren and I talk. I ask her about her day and what she does, and she never talks about you. In fact, the other day, she asked me if in all the years that we’ve lived by each other if I’ve ever had a crush on you. How was I supposed to answer that? You obviously haven’t told her about us. She doesn’t even think we’re friends. How close can you be to a person that doesn’t know anything about you?”

I turned my body away from him. I couldn’t stand to look at him. “Believe it or not, I do have a life beyond Jess Tyler. And I tell Lauren all about the really important things going on in my world. You just don’t happen to be one of them.”

“Do you know anything about her?” he pressed, completely ignoring my obvious stabs.

I turned to look at him. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Do you know anything about her past? Do you know anything about her family, about her current situation?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer that. I knew she was cute and annoying and had a big crush on Jess. I guess I always assumed that was all there was to her.

“There’s a lot going on in Lauren’s life right now, Gemma. You can’t just assume that you know everything about everybody.”

“Okay,” I finally complied. “So we’re not best buddies. But we are friends. I see her and Drew more than anybody else at school. We eat lunch together, we have class together, we used to study together every day after school before I was grounded. That should be reason enough not to date her.”

Jess stared thoughtfully out at the lake in front of us, but his eyebrows were pressed into a tiny crease in the middle of his forehead. “It just seems like you would have told her about us, seeing how much time you spend with her every day. She thinks we’re just neighbors.”

“Well, just like you said, what happened between us was a mistake. I guess it’s better if I just don’t talk about it. I try not to even think about it.”

Jess nodded slowly. “Just because things didn’t work out between us doesn’t mean there wasn’t a reason for what happened.”

“The only reason I can see was to end our friendship.”

“I still want to be friends with you.” Jess’s words were flat and without emotion. “I never wanted to mess that up.”

I shook my head at the camera in my hands. “I think we both know that we can’t be friends, Jess. Not the way we used to be anyway.”

Jess went completely still as he took in my last words. Then in a strange, low voice, he said, “It didn’t have to be this way, Gemma. Had I known that things would end up like this, I never would have kissed you in the first place.”

“I wish you hadn’t.” My words were harsh, but my heart was black and purple from the beating. I was done pretending.

“Well, you’re right then,” Jess finally said, and he buried his camera inside his bag. “I guess there is no point in us doing this project together.” He slowly picked up his bag and draped it over his shoulder. “We obviously don’t consider each other a significant part of our lives.”

Then he got up and stepped around me. He didn’t stop walking, and before I knew it, he was off the dock and up the shore toward the road. I couldn’t figure out what had just happened. I was the one that was supposed to be mad. I was the one that had a reason to be bitter. I was the victim here, not him. So why was he so angry? And why was I feeling so empty and alone?

The next day in fourth period. Ms. Delrose called me to her desk. It was the last twenty minutes of class, and everyone was working quietly on their individual projects.

“Gemma,” Ms. Delrose started, her arms were crossed over her chest and her chin was tilted upward. “Jess came to see me this morning. He said it wasn’t going to work out for the two of you to work together on this semester’s final project.” She shook her head with a concerned expression. “What happened?”

My whole body stiffened. Jess was sitting no more than ten feet away from us, and I was positive that he was listening to every word. “Oh, um, I don’t know. I think it’s just the nature of the project. It’s difficult to work with someone else when the subject matter is so personal.”

Ms. Delrose nodded, but she didn’t look convinced. “I did this for you, Gemma. Jess is just taking this class as an elective. I’m not concerned about him. But you have so much talent. Teaching someone else your form can only help you improve.”

“Well, um, maybe there’s someone else in the class that I can help.”

Ms. Delrose leaned deep into her chair. “So this is about you and Jess?”

“Um…” I shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “I just, well, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I think, if it’s okay with you, I’d prefer to just work alone on this project. If, you know, if it’s okay with you.”

Ms. Delrose examined me for a moment before taking in a deep sigh. “Yes, that’s fine. If that’s what you would prefer.”

I thanked her and walked back to my seat like a puppy with its tail between its legs. Now Ms. Delrose hated me too. When the bell rang, I walked slowly and sluggishly to my locker. The last person in the world that I wanted to see right now was Lauren. She had only been in Franklin for three months, and somehow she had single-handedly turned everyone in my world against me. Or was I the one that had done that? It was hard to tell. When I approached the B hall I was relieved to see Drew hunched down and alone digging into her locker.

“Hey.” I said to her as I turned my lock clock-wise.

Drew looked up at me, “Oh hey.”

“What are you doing this weekend?” I asked, “Are you and Bryce going out?”

Drew looked pre-occupied as she zipped up her bag and grabbed one last book off the top shelf, “I don’t know.” She muttered then she closed her locker and stepped close to my side, “Listen to me Gemma. You have to end this.”

“End what?” I stopped and searched her face for the answer.

“This whole stupid game that you’re playing with Lauren and Jess.”

I rolled my eyes and turned back to my locker, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You have to stop lying to her.”

“I’m not lying.”

“She’s going to find out about you and Jess and then she’s going to hate us both. We’re her friends, Gemma. The only ones she has right now.” She stepped back and relaxed her shoulders slightly, “Look, you’ve been grounded so you haven’t been around but Lauren has told me a lot of things. She’s going through a lot right now. She needs good friends.”

I glared at Drew. I was so sick of hearing about Lauren’s hard life. “I’m going through a lot right now, too, Drew. I need good friends,
too
.” I slammed my locker shut, “I have never lied to her. Not once. Just because I haven’t told her everything about my life doesn’t make me a bad person. Jess and Lauren are going to the Christmas dance. They’re going to dance, they’re going to hold hands, she’s going to laugh at his jokes and he’s going to kiss her goodnight. The thought of it makes me crazy but I can’t do anything about it. Jess is falling for somebody else and I am dying inside. So I’m sorry that Lauren is going through some sort of crisis but she has Jess. So as far as life crises go, I think I win.”

Drew frowned at me and her eyes looked a darker shade of blue than I had ever seen them before. “I love you Gemma.” She finally said through tight lips, “I honestly do. You’re my best friend on this planet and I don’t know what I’d do without you. But sometimes,” she took a deep breath and grabbed hold of her backpack, “Sometimes you make it really hard for me not to hate you.”

Five minutes later, I entered fifth period alone. Drew and Lauren sat next to each other and gabbed about dresses and jewelry and boutonnieres while I sat silently two rows away from them, pretending to work on my assignment. What was happening? How did everything in my life go downhill so fast? Four months ago, everything was perfect. I had Jess, I had Drew, and I had a life. But ever since Lauren moved to town, everything was slipping through the cracks. Now
she
had Jess, and
she
had Drew. She was taking over my life.

“Well, technically,” Bridget said after school as she leaned against the kitchen sink, “you lost Jess long before Lauren moved here, and if you want to know my opinion, Drew is right.” Yale was out for the winter break and Bridget had moved all her stuff back in that afternoon. “Lauren may not be your favorite person right now, and with good reason because she sounds like a hag, but she’s still your friend and she deserves to know that you and Jess dated.”

“I don’t want to know your opinion,” I said with my head against the kitchen counter. “How am I supposed to tell her the truth, anyway? What would I even say?”

“Say that you had temporary amnesia from your car accident, and you forgot that you and Jess ever dated.”

“I would totally say that because that is such a believable excuse. But she told me she liked Jess before the car accident.”

Bridget shoved some popcorn into her mouth and shrugged her shoulders. “Well then, I really can’t help you.”

The truth was that nobody could. I was the one that had gotten myself into this mess, and I was going to have to get myself out of it.

The next day after school, I had to meet with my chemistry teacher to go over some incorrect test questions. By the time we were finished, the halls were empty and the floor was covered in gum wrappers and crumpled white notebook paper. I went to my locker, then headed out the main doors to the parking lot. Only a few cars remained in the student lot, but out ahead in the distance, I saw Lauren at her car, unlocking the front door.

“Lauren!” I shouted before realizing what I was doing. I hadn’t come up with any speech, and I hadn’t written out my explanation. But I knew this was maybe the one and only time that she and I would be alone, and I had to clear things up before I went mental.

Lauren stopped and looked up. Just over the hood of her car I saw her face light up with a smile. “Hey!” she shouted back.

I walked briskly to her car then, leaning against the back door, said, “What are you still doing here?”

She pointed behind her to the empty parking lot. “You just missed Jess. We were talking out here for a while.”