Second String (In Too Deep #3) (14 page)

"
Aww, why not?" she asked, hurt. " I thought we had such a good time in Austin."

"We did. I had a great time.
You're amazing. Like I said, it's nothing about you."

"
Who's it about?" she asked.

I
was surprised by the question. I had such a buzz that I almost forgot who I was talking to and answered honestly—that it was about a girl named Emily. But I thought a simpler explanation would probably do the trick.

"It's about me," I said. "I'm training like crazy and I'm
tired. Exhausted. I really should be getting back."

She begged a little bit before
finally accepting the fact that I was leaving. I wondered why I seemed to be getting myself into situations where I thought I'd maybe mess around with a girl, only to find out that I can't follow through. The answer was obviously Emily. Sabrina could see I'd checked out. She regarded me with a disappointed but resigned expression. "I know it's something more than your training holding you back," she said. "When you get over whatever it is, you should give me a call."

I
promised her I'd give her a call next time I planned on going out. I hated to leave her hanging, and hoped I didn't embarrass her or anything, but I just couldn't go home with her knowing I wouldn't be sleeping with her in the end.

I gave Sabrina a ride to another club to meet some of her other friends since
Zoey and Layla were both content with their current situations. They were all fairly understanding of my decision to leave since I wasn't a hundred percent convinced about going out in the first place.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I j
erked off that night. I had to do it. I had all sorts of frustration simmering with the whole Emily thing. So yes, I spanked the monkey while thinking about a girl, just like I did in middle school. I did that, and then I had shot of bourbon before falling onto the bed.

Seconds later, m
y phone lit up on the nightstand. It was just a reminder from a random app that needed updating. When I first heard it, I thought for a split second that it'd be Emily, and I was a little disappointed when it turned out to be a bunch of meaningless words on my screen. I was pissed that I'd been reduced to jerking off when I had a bangable chick ready to come home with me. I was suddenly mad enough to text Emily and tell her my thoughts on the subject.

Chapter 17

Emily

My phone vibrated on the
nightstand at exactly 12:43AM. I know that because I was sleeping soundly until the sound startled me awake, making me instinctively check the clock on the bedside table. I figured it was Jeremy. He was still at college in Tucson. We were trying a long distance relationship until he finished, which could be a while, since he was only in his first year of medical school.

One glance of my phone told me it wasn't
a text from Jeremy as I anticipated. It was a number with a 619 area code, which I immediately identified as Ethan. Knowing Jeremy would go ballistic if he ever saw Ethan's name on my phone, I deleted his contact information… but I'd know that number anywhere. It started with 619 and had 007 at the end. The first time he'd given it to me, we laughed about it. I asked if he requested it, but he told me it was just a coincidence. I stared down at the bright screen, blinking as I read the words.

Ethan: "
You better not be fucking sleeping with that guy. Are you? This is Ethan."

Me: "I know it's you. And why are you texting me with demands after I haven't heard from you at all in three weeks?"

Ethan: "Fuck. You're the one who told me to leave you alone."

Me: "Stop. Please don't be mean.
I wasn't trying to mislead you. I told you not to wait for me."

Ethan: "
Screw that. I can't stop thinking about you. I want to be inside you again. I didn't get my fill."

Reading the words sent a shiver of sexual awareness up my spine.
I was tingly all over. The night I spent with Ethan was the first time I'd had an orgasm, and I have to say, it's something I intended to continue on a regular basis. I knew I shouldn't be having those feelings about Ethan when I was with Jeremy, so I made myself focus on a way to put an end to the conversation.

Me: "Are you okay?"

Ethan: "I would be okay if you'd break up with captain underpants and get over here and show me some pleasure. A girl was all over me and I took her home because I didn't want to sleep with anyone else till you figured shit out."

Did he just tell me he wanted me to
show him some pleasure
? And, geez, why did I feel so tempted by the idea? I read it again.

Me: "I did
n't want you to wait for me. I can't ask you to wait."

Ethan: "Did you sleep with
him?"

Me: "God, Ethan. I don't have to tell you that because
I already told you not to wait."

I wanted so badly to tell him to wait. I sent another text before he answered that one.

Me: "We're not sleeping together. You're the last guy I was with."

I don't know why added that last part. I knew it probably made me a tease, but I just couldn't bear the thought of letting go of Ethan completely.

Ethan:
"Thank God. I'm better than him, you'll see. Imma wait for you. But fuckin hurry."

I read the text three or four times, all with a huge smile on my face.
I'm waiting for you
? How was I supposed to believe he was going to be loyal while I was testing the waters in another relationship? I hadn't even expected him to be loyal when I was sleeping with him, much less now that I'm not. I didn't know what to make of his promise. He didn't strike me as the type of guy who made empty promises, but then again he also didn't seem like the type of guy that went very long without having sex. I should have written back
insisting
that he not wait for me, but instead I wrote:

Me: "Thanks for being patient with me. I think about you."

I pressed send, and then slapped a hand to my forehead knowing what a freaking tease that made me. I wanted Jeremy and Ethan both, and yes, I knew that made me a bad person.

Ethan: "You are a bad girl for tempting me like that."

I sucked a breath in through my teeth when I read his words. He was calling me out. Yikes. I had to face up to it.

Me: "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."

Ethan: "Sure you should
. I love knowing you're thinking about me."

Me: "I guess we should leave it at that."

Ethan: "I guess so. Unless you want to leave it at you sitting on my cock on a regular basis."

Me: "OMG Ethan. You must be faced."

Ethan: "A little, but I know what I'm saying."

Me: "Get some sleep. We'll talk later."

Ethan: "Choose me."

M
e: "Get sleep."

Ethan: "Night."

Me: "Night."

I told myself I was going to delete that conversation, but I couldn't bear to do it. I knew it would be a while before I got to see Jeremy. I'd be fine as long as I deleted it before then. I read the whole
string of texts again before falling asleep that night.

****

A few days later, I found myself on a lunch date with Gretchen. It was something we did regularly. Technically, it was for work since we discussed The Center, but we also just enjoyed each other's company. Gretchen was a few months pregnant, but she wasn't showing at all. She was hungry for spicy food, so we went for Mexican as usual. We sat in a booth, and Gretchen got out a binder full of ideas and sketches she'd been putting together.

"Oh, before I forget," she said. "Rachel's friend Brit agreed to do the art for Trey and Tonia's restaurant. She's coming in
this weekend to take measurements in the space and have a consultation with Tonya. I'm sure she'll want us all to go out while she's in town and everyone would want you to come if you can." She smiled at me, as she scooped a mountain of spicy salsa onto a chip.

"
I'm off Friday, but the Lakers play Saturday night. I'd like to hang out with everybody, though. Just let me know what you guys decide. And,
hey
," I added. "Did you ever ask her about working at The Center?"

"I did, and she said she'd consider it. She told me she wanted try to do art full time, but if she ended up needing a day job, she hoped I'd still want to
hire her."

"What'd you say?" I asked.

"I told her she'd always have a day job to come home to if she needed it." Gretchen said
.

We talked about The Center for another hour before Gretchen
couldn't take it anymore, and asked me about my very intriguing personal life. "So, are you still seeing the football player? Jeremy?"

I smiled, reluctant to try to explain my very complicated feelings
. "Yeah we're seeing each other… though we technically don't ever see each other in person. We Skype a lot."

"A li
ttle sexting never hurt anybody either," Gretchen said. The conversation I texted with Ethan the other night was closer to sexting than Jeremy and I ever got. In fact, we'd never gotten dirty on Skype, or the phone, or even in person.

"No, no, no. We don't do anything like that," I said. That drew a slightly concerned look from Gretchen, but she didn't say anything. "Jeremy and I have a
wholesome
relationship." I cringed a little, knowing how dorky that sounded. "I don't really know how to explain that other than to say that he'd probably have me admitted into a mental hospital if I tried to talk dirty with him."

"Really?
" Gretchen asked, surprised. "I just assumed you guys had been together, well, with you having a past in high school and everything, I just thought—"

"You're right. I
was
with Jeremy in high school, but it was so long ago, I hardly remember what it was like. I thought I remembered, but it seemed so pale by comparison with the way Ethan—" Holy moly. I might have just inadvertently told Gretchen I'd slept with Ethan. I prayed she wouldn't catch it while at the same time trying for a verbal recovery. "I just don't really remember—"

"I didn't know you were with Ethan,
" Gretchen said. "Oh geez, what'd Ethan say when… " Gretchen trailed off. "God, that must have been really awkward when Jeremy showed up at the house."

I was relieved to realize that I didn't care if Gretchen knew
Ethan and I had been together. In fact, part of me might have even been
glad
she knew. Maybe that's why I made the slip in the first place.

"Which one do you prefer?"
she asked.

I hadn't let myself slow down long enough to ask
that question. Maybe I felt too guiltily, like having options was too arrogant for me to even think about. I regarded Gretchen, and she seemed to genuinely want to know what I thought.

"Jeremy's everything I want in a h
usband. I've dreamed about marrying him since I was a little girl," I said.  "He's super smart, and sweet, and talented, and handsome. I'd be crazy not to want him."

"He does seem nice," Gretchen said. I knew she wouldn't speak poorly of Jeremy if she thought he made me happy.

"But Ethan has somehow weaseled his way into my brain, and I'm having trouble making myself stop thinking about him."

Gretchen's eyebrows rose slightly.

"I know I'm a terrible person for saying that since I'm with Jeremy now," I said. "I'm not supposed to be having those feelings about someone else. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"I'm the one who asked you. Plus,
if you can't say something to a friend, then who can you talk to?" she asked.

That made me feel slightly better, but I still tried to
change the subject. "Don’t forget to let me know what you decide with Brit this weekend," I said. 

"Yeah,
you getting to hang out with us this weekend is probably not going to work out for more than one reason," she said.

What'
s that supposed to mean?
I gave her a questioning look.

"
For one thing, it'll be Saturday night, since Brit isn't even going to be here until Saturday morning. I didn't know you had a game that night." She paused to eat another bite of chips and salsa before continuing. "On top of that, I'm sure you wouldn't want to hook up with us anyway—since Ethan's going to be there." Gretchen winced a little as she smiled like she had absolutely no idea what was going to come out of my mouth.

"Ethan's coming to town?" I asked. "How do you know that? Do you know for sure?
"

"As far as I know, he and Josh are both planning on co
ming up this Saturday afternoon. Ethan has off this Sunday. I only know that because they have plans to play golf with Joel on Sunday before they go back home. I told Joel to text and let them know they should go out with us Saturday night. It's rare that we go out these days, and I figure I should do it while I can." Gretchen patted her still-flat tummy. "I'm the perfect designated driver. The only bad thing is... I'm pretty sure I can only handle a few hours of driving you guys around before I get bored and want to go back home."

"You should just have a get together at your house," I said.
"That way you can just crash in your own bed when you feel like it." I could see the wheels turning in Gretchen's head. She was totally considering the idea. That little scenario would work for me as well.
If
Gretchen had everyone over, and
if
Ethan showed up, I'd have the option of seeing him after work. On the other hand, if I ended up doing the right thing and avoiding him, my place was totally separate from Gretchen's. I could just sneak in after work, and no one would even know I was back there.

"That's not a bad idea," Gretchen said. "I might see if Brit's okay with hanging out at my place. We just put a new pool table an
d dart boards in the game room."

"I don't want you to do all that just because I mentioned it," I said.
"It was just a thought."

"No, I actually like the idea. I think
a get together at our place would be fun. I'm sorry you have to work."

"That's okay, it's probably best with the Ethan thing," I said.

"If I end up having people over, I'll text and let you know if he shows up. That way you know what you're walking in to when you get home."

I thanked Gretchen
for being so thoughtful. I wasn't sure if I'd have enough willpower to be face to face with Ethan and not flirt with him or otherwise give him the wrong impression. Would it
really
be the wrong impression, though? I was reasonably sure I would cheat on Jeremy if I hung out with Ethan. Did that make me a bad person? For as long as I can remember, I've had a firm stance on the whole
no cheating
thing, but now I was leaning in the other direction. By the end of lunch, I'd convinced myself that I wouldn't go to Gretchen's after work that coming Saturday. The clear choice was for me to steer clear of Ethan. Unfortunately, the fact that I thought of him as being so forbidden only served to make me think about him more. I could imagine his amber eyes as if I'd seen them just moments before. God help me.