Second Rate Chances (4 page)

             
             
“From what we can tell, right when the two of you bought the house. He keeps talking about how he needs to get home and help you hang pictures so that you don't fall and break your neck.”

             
             
Lil let out the breath she had been holding.  Her gaze slowly drifted to Dr. Walker’s. “And you want me to do what exactly?”

             
             
“In these sorts of cases,” he began to explain, “we think that if you talk to him, maybe spend some time with him that his memory will come back.”

             
             
“And if it doesn't? What if he never remembers? Or worse, what if he does? What if suddenly, in the middle of a conversation, he remembers that he hates me and that he left me?”

             
             
“Sam doesn't hate you, Lil. He never has.” Joshua's voice rang out in the hall, his face stern in his conviction.

             
             
“These things take time,” the doctor said. “Normally the memories return after something happens. It could be the minute you walk into the room. Maybe as soon as he sees your face he’ll remember that you’re not together.”

             
             
“Lil,” Paul took Lil's hand in his own. He gave it what was supposed to be a reassuring squeeze. “All we're asking is that you go in there and talk to him. He keeps asking for you. We can't hold him off forever.”

             
             
“Does he know about us?”

             
             
“We've tried explaining to him that the two of you are no longer together. Chloe has brought pictures of the two of them, hoping that would help jog his memory. Nothing has worked. The only thing we're getting out of him is more agitation. His mind is still with you. Nothing, as of right now, can dissuade him. That's why we think it might help if you go in there and talk to him. Maybe hearing the words from you will make him realize that things aren't as he thinks.”

             
             
Lil laughed silently. “I bet Chloe is having a field day with all of this.”

Paul cracked a smile at her words. “She's beside herself. In true Chloe fashion she’s freaking out. It took a lot for her to call you. Please,” his voiced dropped. He looked at her through his long dark eyelashes, pleading with her to help him. “Do this for us. We're only asking that you go in there and talk to him. We can figure out the rest later.”

             
             
Reluctantly, she agreed. She stood and stared at the closed door, her heart thumping wildly. Drawing upon her calming breaths, she turned to the three men. 

             
             
“I want you to know,” she began, “that this isn't easy for me.” Tears began to well up in her eyes. She was determined to keep them from falling. No way was she going to show just how much stepping foot in that room affected her.

             
             
She exchanged looks with Joshua and Paul. They, of all people, should have known just how hard this was. They were there. They stood on his side of the fence, which was something she would never hold against them. Blood was thicker than water and all that.

             
             
A simple nod, nothing more from Sam's brother and father was all Lil needed. With a deep breath, Lil pushed the door open just a fraction of an inch. She didn't want to jump into the room like a party girl jumping out of a birthday cake. Slow and steady. If she was being honest with herself, she wasn't quite sure what seeing Sam after so many years would do to her.

             
             
Would he still look the same?

             
             
Sound the same?

             
             
Would he still hold a light in his eyes as soon as she walked into the room?

             
             
Slow and steady, she reminded herself.

             
             
Perspiration beaded off of Lil’s forehead and her first thought was that it was hot in the room. As she passed under the air vent, a blast of cold air wafted over her. Lil said a silent thank you. The last thing she needed was to sweat through her clothes.

             
             
And then, there he was. When their eyes met she was torn between running into his arms or running for the door. His eyes softened when he saw her and Lil wanted to break down. It would have been so easy to fall back in the pattern of Sam’s girlfriend. That look he gave her once told her how much he loved her. It took every ounce of willpower she possessed to keep her conflicting emotions in check.

             
             
He looked the same, only older. His hair was still a deep, dark brown. It was cut short to his scalp but not so that her fingers wouldn't be able to run through it. She mentally berated herself. She wasn't there to think about running her hands through his hair.

             
             
She was there to talk.

             
             
Help him get better.

             
             
Nothing more.

             
             
But still, it had been so long since she had last seen him and after today, who knew when she'd see him again. She decided to throw caution to the wind and not care what she thought about him. Yes, he was still beautiful. His brown eyes still had the wonderment of a little boy and with his mouth slightly parted she could still see the slight overbite he had. A single dimple on the left side of his cheek was present only just so.

             
             
His feet hung off the end of the short bed. He had grown to look so much like his father it was uncanny. His mother would have been proud. Then again, she would have been pretty disappointed in Lil for wanting to bolt in the first place.

             
             
“Lil,” Sam breathed.

             
             
Lil wasn't sure what to do. Did she come right out and say that they weren't together? That didn’t seem helpful.

             
             
“So,” Lil said breaking the ice. “Took a nasty bump on the head, eh?” She face-palmed herself for saying something so stupid. “Sorry,” she shook her head unable to meet his eyes. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

             
             
“It's fine,” Sam said. The sound of relief in his voice made her lift her head. He was staring at her at her like he could see right through her. “I’ve been asking for you.”

             
             
Lil gave him a weak smile. “What's the last thing you remember?” she asked. She didn’t need to hear him go into how much he had missed her. She needed to handle one thing at a time.

             
             
Sam drew his lips together in a tight line. The wrinkles in his forehead, that weren't there the last time she had seen him, creased together. “I remember us closing on the house. I remember standing in front, admiring something that was ours.” He laughed lightly. The sound was music to Lil's ears and a knife to her gut. “I remember telling you that nothing would ever come between us.” His eyes were sad as he recalled the final moments he remembered between them. Lil had the sudden urge to curl into a ball and cry. Cry for the loss of her one true love. Cry for what lay ahead for him. The recovery, the memories, and the heartache of knowing they weren’t together anymore.

She remembered that day clearly and looking back she would have laughed in the face of anyone who told her that she and Sam wouldn’t last. They were a solid unit, totally in love with one another. Funny how one moment in time could change all of that.

             
             
“
That's it?”

             
             
“That's it. I woke up a couple of days ago confused as to where I was. The walls were white and I thought to myself, 'man we have a lot of painting to do.' Then I heard a beeping noise. I rolled over to tell you to turn the alarm off, that it was Saturday and against the law to hear that sound on the weekends. But when I reached out you weren't there and my boss’ daughter was asleep on the couch. I thought I had lost my mind, Lil. Then she started crying and said how happy she was that I woke up. For a second I thought maybe I had been in a car accident and she was some crazy that hit me. You know, like maybe she felt so bad and thought she had killed me and camped out in my room to make sure I was okay. I even told her I wouldn't press charges. That only made her cries harder. She thought
I
was the crazy one.” Sam sighed and pushed the sheet past his legs. He was wearing a hospital-issued gown and his long, lean legs were shaded with the same color hair as his head. Lil had to avert her gaze. She didn't want to be caught staring or, worse, risk seeing something she shouldn't have.

             
             
“Things only got worse from there. The doctors kept asking me questions. My dad and brother came up here. Mr. Miles' daughter kept crying. And the whole time I only wanted you. I didn't understand why you weren't here. I had a moment of panic when no one would tell me what was going on. I thought that maybe they were trying to protect me. That you had been in the accident with me and you didn't make it. Then I find out that I've lost three years of my life. I find out I'm engaged and it's not to you. That's when I thought it was all a joke. When Dad told me earlier that you were on your way I was so happy. You weren't dead, you were alive! I would finally get my answers.”

             
             
He laid his head back against the pillows and sighed. “And now here you are and all I want to do is get out of this bed hold you in my arms.”

Dear God. She didn’t realize how strong her pull to him was.  A lot of tears and heartache might have broken her down, but looking at him now brought about how much she loved him and it made her realize how she never fully stopped.

             
             
“As much as I hope this is one messed up dream,” Sam continued, “I can tell by the look on your face it’s not. Three years have really passed?” Lil nodded. “You look older. Not bad,” he clarified quickly. “You look good. Your hair is longer.”

             
             
“Yeah,” Lil said softly.

             
             
They were quiet for a moment. Lil was letting all that Sam had said sink in. She thought back to that day he last remembered. She had everything she wanted. Then she didn't. In the last three years she had worked really hard to gain back her life.

             
             
“How?” he asked in a whisper. “How did we go from being what I remember – happy and in love – to,” he waved his arms around the space that kept them apart, “this? To you standing what feels like a world away? Lil, we promised one another forever.”

             
             
The tears ran down Lil’s face. She knew eventually, if Sam didn’t regain his memories, she’d have to answer this question. But for now, the only response she could give was the lamest excuse she could muster.

             
             
“I’m sorry,” she said between sobs. “I’m so sorry, Sam.”

29

SECOND RATE CHANCES

CHAPTER 5

Lil was two seconds from bolting from the room. She couldn't take the look on Sam's face a minute longer. He was heartbroken. His world had just been turned upside down. Lil knew the feeling. She knew all too well what it felt like to have your world come crashing down around you.

Before she could make a run for it, Dr. Walker stepped in. “How's it going in here?”

             
             
“Um...” Lil stammered. “I need to be going.”

             
             
“Sam, have you had a chance to talk to Lil?” he asked, ignoring Lil altogether.

             
             
Sam didn't speak. He stared at Lil from across the room like he was still waiting for her to tell him what had happened to them.

             
             
“I think it's a good idea for the two of you to talk. Sam, I know this isn’t easy for you.”

             
             
“Lil has told me enough.” Sam said, his voice void of any emotion.

             
             
“I see,” Dr. Walker said in a disbelieving tone. “And you’re okay with all that she’s told you, Sam? You completely understand that the two of you are no longer together? That you no longer live in the same house? Did she tell you the events that led up to that point?”

             
             
“Stop it!” Lil yelled. “Please, just stop!” She couldn’t stand to listen to the doctor talk like she wasn’t in the room. It was her who should open up the past to Sam. Yes, it was a past they once shared, but if Sam wanted to know what happened, it was going to take time.

             
             
Sam regarded Lil as her body was racked with sobs. She almost felt naked the way he was giving her the once over. His eyes took in her face, her body language, everything about her as she stood helpless five feet away from his bedside.

             
             
“No,” he finally said. “She hasn’t told me anything.”

             
             
“Because it’s not easy for me, Sam!” Lil exclaimed, her voice rising.

“And you think losing three years of my life – apparently three very important years – is easy for me?” he yelled back. “You think it’s a walk in the park for me to hear that you don't love me? That you don't want to be with me? Pardon the hell out of me, Delilah, for wanting to know what happened.”

             
             
“Don’t you dare,” Lil said in an eerily calm voice. Damn him for using her given name. No one, but Sam had ever called her that. She pointed her finger at him and moved with the stealth of a predatory cat toward him. “Don’t you even.”

             
             
“What?” he asked. “Don’t ask questions? I have a right to know.”

             
             
“I know that, Sam. You have every right to know, but please, for me,” she pleaded with him. “Please don’t ask me this now. I have to live through it twice and it was hard enough the first time. I need some time to prepare for a trip down memory lane.”

             
             
“Well,” he said, his voice returning to normal. “At least you have your memories. Me? I have a big void.”

             
             
The selfish part of Lil wanted to tell Sam that he needed to hold on to those memories he had of her. They were happy memories. They were what she tried desperately to cling to when he walked out. He didn’t want the memories of what pushed them apart. He didn’t want the memories of sleepless nights alone, crying until her body could no longer fight to stay awake.

             
             
Dr. Walker cleared his throat. Lil had forgotten the man was still in the room. “Sam and Lil, I know that this is tough for the both of you but the more function Sam’s brain has at remembering the past, the better the chance that he will regain those memories.”

             
             
Dr. Walker gave Lil a sympathetic look as he excused himself from the room. When he walked past, he lightly patted her back and whispered in her ear. “Take it slow.”

             
The door clicked shut and she looked at Sam to see if he was going to speak first or if it was all up to her. His head was down and it looked as if he was counting the thread count of the sheets on the bed.

“Listen, Sam. I'm really sorry about everything. I wish there was something I could to do to help but there's not.” Sam opened his mouth to speak but Lil kept talking. “There is nothing I can say that will bring back your memories. There's nothing I can do to make you well. The best I can do is leave you right now. Just like this. If this is all you remember of me, then it's bound to be better than how you remembered me last.” The tears fell freely down Lil's face the more she spoke.

“I know I can't compare my pain to the kind of confusion you're going through right now. It's selfish of me but this is the first time we've been in the same room together, much less spoken to one another, in three years. I’m a shell of the person you think you know. Broken, Sam. That’s what I am, that’s how I’ve been for a while. I can’t help you get better.”

             
             
Lil started to back away from Sam and to the door. “I'm going to go and I wish you the best. I do. You'll bounce back from this, Sam. You may not believe that now, but you will. Who knows?" she said with a tiny shrug. "Maybe this talk and seeing me have already helped. Maybe you’ll wake up in the morning and remember all that you’ve lost.”

Lil stopped with her back against the door. She looked at Sam through the wetness of her tears clouding her vision.

“Take care, Sam.”

With those parting words, she turned her back on Sam, afraid to give him one last glance but knowing that the pained and confused look on his face would haunt her dreams later that night. She had to leave and get out of there. She was telling him the truth. There was nothing she could do for him.

             
             
When she opened the door, she didn't pay attention to the chorus of voices that called her name. All three Travers men were calling after her but all Lil could hear was the sound of her sobs echoing off the white sterile walls.

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