Second Chances (25 page)

Grey shook his head again. “No.” H
is eyes were no longer filled with tears but the wet tracks on his cheeks glistened in the harsh glow of the bare overhead lights. “She became so upset during our argument she went into labor, a month early. Her water broke right there in our kitchen and she began to bleed out before we could get her to the hospital. If I hadn’t said those awful things, made her so upset, she wouldn’t have gone into labor so soon.”

“Oh, Grey.” Claira’s
heart ached for him. She reached over and traced her fingers over his broken and aching heart, inching her way closer to him like she would an injured animal. She wished she could take the pain and guilt away from him. She knew how it felt to think you were responsible for some one’s death; someone you loved more than your own life. He had carried the blame for Sarah’s actions all on his own for so long, so much like she had with Stephen. “Grey, you can’t…”

“We c
ould have made arrangements for a C-section, anything that would have been less stressful on her.” Grey ran his fingers through his hair and pulled in frustration. “Her heart exploded after Car was born and Con nearly suffocated before they practically ripped him from her lifeless body. I can’t go through that again, Claira. I can’t lose you like that.”

“Oh, Grey, you won’t lose me.” She threw herself into his
arms. Ignoring the dirt floor and the fine sheen of sweat that coated his strong body, she wrapped herself around him. “I don’t know what name to apply to how I feel when I think about you, and Matt, and Mason.” She glanced up and caught the shocked and tortured looks on her other two lover’s faces. “But I do know that given the chance to stay I’d never leave you. I’m sure she had her own twisted reasoning for not telling you, but I could never keep something like that from you.”

Her gut twisted instantly when she was reminded of her own deadly secret. Sh
e had to tell them. She was already in too deep to not tell them. If her love for them was any more real it would take on its own life form. She would tell them, but not now. “You can’t keep blaming yourself, Grey. I could never hold you responsible for what you’ve just told me. I’m sure Matt and Mason don’t blame you.”

Another wave of guilt rolled
through him as he thought of the pain he’d caused his brothers. He would die a thousand deaths to keep them from having to live through that.

Matt got to his feet an
d stumbled across the aisle then stood next to his brothers. “She’s right, brother. We would never have blamed you for what happened.”

“We’d have
been pissed as hell, too.” Mason said, his bright blue eyes shining with his own unshed tears. He wanted to go to Sarah’s grave and kick her damn headstone he was so pissed at her for doing this. He couldn’t imagine the weight of the guilt Grey had been carrying around all these years.
No wonder he’s been such a fucking mess.

“I should have never said the things I said to her. I’m so sorry.” Grey rocked his forehead against Claira’s shoulder as he tried to control his breathing. He’d never been such a big pussy and shed so many tears in all his
life. He really didn’t care anymore. His head was pounding and nose was running but the ache that had lived in his chest for the past six years had subsided more than he’d ever thought possible. He was mildly comforted when he felt his brother’s hands squeeze his shoulders and he looked up to see they were both choking back their own pussy tears.

“God, what a fucking mess.”
He wiped the back of his arm across his burning eyes and cleared away the evidence of his weakness. “I’m just so damn sorry I didn’t tell you. I couldn’t face what I’d taken from you.”

Mason reached a hand out to Claira and pulled her from Grey’s lap. Matt reached down helped
his big brother to his feet then pulled him into his chest. “You didn’t take anything from anyone, Grey. She was an incredible woman, and our first love, who we will always love, but she should have never lied to us. The only thing you kept from us was the anger and guilt we should’ve been there to share with you, you stupid fool of a brother.” He pushed Grey away from him and fisted his shirt in his hands, shaking a little sense into him. “You were a good husband. You have to let this go. No one’s perfect, not even Sarah. You still have us, and our sons. And Claira.”

One look at Claira and Grey snatched her into his
arms. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t upset about what we did, baby. It was incredible and right and I’d never regret that for one second.” He held her away from him then stooped to look her in the eyes. “I didn’t use a condom. I know there’s no excuse but I…”

“It’s ok,” Claira shook her head. “I saw the doctor last week during my lunch break and I
got a birth control shot. They’re good for six months, so you don’t have to worry.”

Grey saw the way she wouldn’t meet his gaze and it nearly ripped his heart out. How could he have been so stupid for so long. “Hey,” He tilted her chin until she looked up at him. “I meant what I said. I love you. I’ve just been too much of an ass to see it for what it was.”

Claira looked at him carefully and saw that the ghosts that had haunted him were no longer there, but she couldn’t deny the presence of her own ghosts. She couldn’t tell them how much she loved them. Not yet. Not until she told them the truth about everything else.

Mason and Grey whirled around the kitchen putting the finishing touches on the picnic lunch they had planned for Claira. Since they had no plans of ever letting her go, they’d decided it was high time to get her comfortable with ranching life. Lesson number one….ride em’ cowgirl!

Judging by her reaction to his roan st
allion, which he had aptly named Magic, Mason knew without a doubt she’d never ridden a horse in her life. They aimed to change that today. A guided tour of Falcon Ridge should give her enough practice for one day, and them enough time to get to the bottom of her skittishness and uncover a few of those secrets she kept under lock and key.

Mason glanced over at his big brother slathering mayonnaise on a few slices of bread and noticed the ‘cat that ate the canary’, shit eating g
rin on his face.

“What?” Grey glanced up from his work to see Mason shaking his head at him, an ‘I told you so’ smirk on his sorry mug.

“Nothing,” Mason chuckled, pushing away from the counter to grab a few sandwich bags. “Guess you figured out a few of those
things
last night, huh?” He closed the cupboard door and walked back to stand by Grey, stuffing the completed sandwiches into the bags. “You know, I never understood why you couldn’t stand being in our kitchen after…” He glanced up at Grey and decided not to finish that thought. “Anyway, I’m sorry we gave you so much shit about not taking your fair share of the cooking. I’m just glad to have you back.”

Grey finished with the last piece of bread and dropped the knife into the sink beside him, standing there a moment before he turned and faced Mason
. He shook his head and leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t have all the answers, yet.” He took a deep breath and he felt his smile, which hadn’t quite relaxed since the night before, start to grow a little bigger. “I need her.”

Mason reached out and pulled his brother in for a ba
ck slapping hug. “We all do, man.” He pushed Grey back and then snapped him with the damp dishtowel he’d picked up. “Now let’s go show our girl a thing or two about ranching, McLendon style.”

An hour a
nd a half later Claira, who was mounted precariously on top of Biscuit, the gentlest gelding within a three state radius, followed Mason and Grey as they ducked out of the barn and made their way toward the lowland pasture. “You’re doing just fine, sweetheart. Give him a little more head and he’ll keep right up with us.”

A little more head. Fuck!
Grey shifted in his saddle to ease some of the pressure on his balls.
I should have grabbed another bag of those damn peas!
Waking Claira up had been one of the most erotic experiences of his life. Her sleepy smile greeted them first, followed by the plump swells of her breasts, her coffee colored nipples beaded to a pair of perfect berries from the sudden rush of cool air that spilled over them when she’d turned over to greet them.

Grey swiped quickly at the drool that slipped out of the corner of his lips, trying his best to keep Mason from seeing his movements as he leaned down and unlatched the first of two
cattle gates on their planned route. The memory of how those sweet, mouthwatering berries tasted on his tongue had flooded his mouth with saliva so fast it made his jaw ache. He gave Mason the middle finger when he rode by and caught his all-knowing smirk, mumbling “
Smartass”
low enough to keep Claira from hearing it.

Claira looked back at the brothers when she heard Mason chuckle and her heart swelled in her chest.
Waking up in Grey’s bed to two sets of hands caressing every inch of her bare skin was like an erotic dream that she couldn’t wake from. Didn’t want to, either. She thought she had been dreaming when she stirred to see both a green and baby blue set of mischievous eyes full of lust and something else she couldn’t quite place, looking back at her, greeting her with a life she’d never imagined she wanted.

Their deep voices played along her nerves like a base guitar in a smooth blues song
, making every cell in her body hum with arousal.
Now
she understood the carnal fascination with the joys of sex. The sights of their bodies entwined together, the sounds of their hearts racing, their breaths mingling frantically together in pants and moans, the musky, sweaty smell of their combined arousal mixed with their salty and all male flavors budding on her tongue made for one hell of memory.

Goosefle
sh raced up her arms to converge at her breasts, pebbling her nipples beneath her lacy, cotton bra even in the morning heat of summer. Even with the emotional upheaval afterwards, making love to Grey the night before had been amazing. Making love to Grey and Mason together in Grey’s bed….
phenomenal
. She had never felt more loved or cherished except with Matt. The only thing lacking about the morning had been the absence of Matt’s flirty touch. What did that say about her? Could she honestly be in love with three men?

“Too bad Matt’s not here to liven things
up with some of his slapstick poetry about life on the trail.” As if he shared her thoughts of missing his twin, Mason’s comment conjured up an image of Matt’s lazy smile and playful soul.

“How long did you say the trip to Sarah’s parents would take?” Claira couldn’t wait until they were all together. She’d made up her mind
, while taking a much needed shower that morning, she would tell them about her past today. She dreaded it completely, but knew she couldn’t keep it a secret any longer. Although, knowing might dissuade their feelings about her, not knowing could be dangerous for them if Lucian ever found her. She couldn’t put them and their family in that kind of danger without giving them the choice. After Grey had bared his soul she owed him the truth. She didn’t think she’d survive if they decided they didn’t want that kind of trouble in their lives, but she couldn’t lie to them either. Besides, they needed to know her possible roll in what had happened. That was the part that could change their feelings for her and it scared her death.

“Eight
hours round trip, baby.” Grey sighed. “Give or take a couple for visiting time and pit stops.”

“I’
m glad he took the boys up there this year instead of you.” Mason turned to see Grey’s expression. “I can’t believe they kept Sarah’s condition from us the whole time she was pregnant. What did they say when you first confronted them about it?”

Grey shrugged and took off his hat, brushing his forearm across his forehead before donning the Stetson again
as he rattled off a list of excuses Sarah’s parents had given him the day of Sarah’s funeral. “‘They thought she’d told us’, ‘what was done was done’, ‘she wouldn’t have listened to their advice any more than she would have listened to ours and there was no going back once she was pregnant.” That last one bit Grey hard because he knew they were right. They would have never terminated the pregnancy but they could have taken better precautions had they known.

Forgetting her need to keep all her attention focused on Biscu
it, Claira turned toward Grey, expecting to see the agonized, haunted look in his eyes she’d seen any time she’d heard him speak of Sarah and what had happened. She was wracked with a mixture of remorse and hope when she saw only a hint of sadness before he caught her gaze. He lifted his chin and gave her a quick wink, trotting up beside her.

“
Don’t worry. He’ll be back for supper, baby bird.” He leaned over and gave her a quick peck on her temple, steadying her in her saddle before he slid back into his own. “You’re riding like a pro, by the way. We’ll make a ranching cowgirl out of you yet.”

“I can think of a few other things I’d rather be riding.” Heat flushed her cheeks at her bold statement
and her hand shot up to cover her mouth. What had gotten into her?

Mason’s loud
laughter filled her ears and she whipped her head around to see him doubled over in his saddle. “I think we’ve created a monster,” he said between laughs.