Sebastian (The Beck Brothers #2) (11 page)

  After the priest did his thing,
they started lowering the casket. Sebastian felt like his heart was being
ripped out all over again. His throat closed and his eyes stung. He couldn't
hold back the ragged sob that tore out of him. He clapped his left hand over
his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. He had loved Victoria with all his heart
at one time and nothing prepared him for seeing her body being lowered into the
ground.

  His mother's arms wrapped around
his waist and he instinctively hugged her to him. His father gripped his right
shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze. Henry was doing the same on his
other side. Sebastian wished Raelynn was here with him right now. He could
really use her comfort right about now.

  When all was said and done,
Sebastian and his family left the cemetery. He wasn't going to go to the
luncheon. He couldn't sit there with her family and their accusatory glares. He
knew they thought that her death was his fault. That much was obvious. He went
to Jared the day after her death, and every day for the past three days, slowly
understanding that it really wasn't his fault. But he would never get her
family to understand that.

  Sebastian walked into his
apartment. Henry dropped him off after he said he just wanted to be alone. He
yanked the knot of his tie and pulled it over his head. After tossing it on the
counter, he worked open the buttons of the stiff white collar. He shrugged out
of his jacket and hung it over the back of a stool. Sebastian went to the
bottom cabinet of the island that he used as a liquor cabinet and pulled out
the unopened bottle of Jack Daniels.

  Foregoing a glass, Sebastian took
the bottle into the living room and sat in his brown leather recliner. He
planned to drink himself stupid. He wanted to forget everything for one night.
He needed to, if he wanted to keep his sanity. He needed to sleep without
dreaming. He had woken up with more nightmares in the past few days than he has
in his entire thirty-three years, and they were the kind of nightmares that had
him screaming, panting, and sweating. Then he'd be awake for hours, afraid to
fall back to sleep. Jared said he had PTSD. No surprise there.

  About three-quarters through the
bottle, Sebastian was feeling nice and numb. His mind was blissfully blank, although
the room was swaying beneath him. He was actually surprised that he hadn't
passed the fuck out yet. That was coming soon, he could feel it. He needed to
make a call before he passed out, though. He struggled to get his phone out of
his pocket. When he finally did, he found the number he wanted and hit the call
button.

His mother answered on the second ring.
"Sebastian? Is everything alright?" she asked, concerned.

"I'm smashed." Sebastian
slurred. "I just wanted to tell you something before I pass out."

"Okay, honey, what it is?" Anne
said gently.

"I forgive you. I don't wanna fight
with you anymore," he murmured.

"I don't want to fight with you
either, Sebastian," she croaked.

"I'm glad you've changed for the
better, Mom. I like you much better this way."

"You know something, Sebastian, I
like me better this way too,” his mom said. He could hear the smile in her
voice.

Sebastian smiled and closed his eyes
because they were becoming just too damn heavy to keep open. "Love you,
Mom. I gotta go."

"I love you, too, sweetheart,"
Anne said softly.

They said goodbye and Sebastian just let
the phone drop into his lap. Blackness took over, and he welcomed it.

~~~~~

  Raelynn banged for the millionth
time on Sebastian's apartment door. She knew he was there because she could
hear him snoring on the other side. She hasn't spoken to or seen him in a few
days, and she wanted to make sure he was okay. Plus, Jared called her and asked
her to check on him because he didn't show up for his appointment today, and he
wasn't answering his phone.

Bang-bang-bang
.

Raelynn heard Sebastian groan.

Bang-bang-bang.

"Sebastian! Open the door!" she
called.

"I'm coming, dammit! Keep your
panties on!" he yelled back.

  Raelynn heard him grumble
something else and then slow, heavy footsteps started toward the door. A moment
later, the lock clicked, and the door opened. Raelynn gasped at Sebastian's
disheveled appearance. He was in a pair of wrinkled black dress pants and a
rumpled white button down dress shirt. The top two buttons of the shirt were
undone, and one side of the bottom was un-tucked. His blonde hair was a mess,
and his jaw was covered in heavy scruff. His eyes were barely open, and he
reeked of alcohol.

"Jesus, are you okay?" Raelynn
asked, walking in and shutting the door behind her.

"Never fucking better,"
Sebastian grunted, shuffling over to the brown leather recliner in his living
room.

  He flopped down into it and pulled
the lever back so that his feet were up. He still had his shoes on. He must
have gone to his ex-wife's funeral yesterday. Shit. How much had he had to
drink last night? Raelynn got her answer when she moved into the living room
and saw a practically empty bottle of Jack on the floor next to the recliner.

Raelynn picked up the bottle. "How
much was in here when you started?" she asked, holding it up and tilting
it slightly, as she looked at the little bit left in it.

Sebastian cracked one green eye open to
look at her. "It was brand spankin' new, baby," he grinned lazily.

"You're still drunk, aren't you?"
she asked dryly.

"Possibly." He shrugged and
closed his eye. "I could have still been asleep, too, if you hadn't come
bangin' on my fucking door."

"Sebastian, it's 4:30 in the
afternoon. I figured you’d be awake," Raelynn replied, rolling her eyes.

"You figured wrong." He
pointed out.

"Jared called me. You missed your
appointment today. He was worried," she said.

"Ah, shiiit," Sebastian
groaned. "Alright, I'll call him in a few minutes. In the meantime, why
don't you get naked and come ride me." He smiled and glanced up at her
with his glassy green eyes.

Raelynn barked out a laugh. That comment
came out of nowhere comment. "You're crazy." She chuckled.

"You already knew that, sweet
cheeks,” he said with a devilish smirk.

Raelynn shook her head. "Why don't
you go take a shower before you stink up your whole apartment?"

"Only if you come with me."

"Forget it, Sebastian, not gonna
happen."

"You know you want me," he
said, wagging his eyebrows at her.

"Oh my God, I'm leaving," She groaned
and started for the door.

Sebastian laughed. "Aw...don't
leave, baby. I was just joking."

Raelynn turned around. "Behave
yourself or I'm out of here."

  Sebastian pouted and blinked
innocently up at her. Raelynn fought not to smile but it wasn't really working.
Damn him. Raelynn gave him a bored look before walking into the kitchen to make
a pot of coffee. He chuckled low and put his recliner upright. Raelynn heard
him groan as he stood up. Then she heard him shuffling toward the hallway that
led to his bathroom.

  Raelynn smiled to herself. She
liked Sebastian when he was playful like that, but it seemed like he was only
like that when he was drunk. She had only known him for about a month, and it
had been a horrendous month. He had to kill three people in self-defense,
buried his ex-wife, and was praying that his boss wasn't next. Sebastian was a
strong man - that was for sure.

  Raelynn looked in the fridge when
she heard the shower turn on. Maybe she could make him something to eat to soak
up some of that alcohol. She still couldn't believe that he drank almost a
whole bottle of Jack. He was lucky he didn't need his stomach pumped. She found
bacon and sausage, along with some eggs.

  Sebastian returned as Raelynn was
pouring them each a cup of coffee. The food was still cooking, and it smelled fantastic.
He looked a little better now that he showered. He got dressed in gray
sweatpants and a black wife beater. His face was still scruffy, but it looked
good on him, and his hair was still a mess, only now it was wet. Sebastian sat
down at the island, as Raelynn pushed his mug in front of him.

"Anything in it?" she asked.

"No, I need it black right
now," he replied quietly, staring down at his coffee.

"You okay?" she asked, tilting
her head in curiosity.

Sebastian's head bobbed. "Yup."

  Raelynn let it go. She knew he
wasn't okay. He looked like shit. His eyes were dull, his mouth was tight, and
his shoulders were tense. He sat in silence drinking his coffee while Raelynn
finished cooking. She had a feeling that shower sobered him up a bit, and the
weight of his problems was back.

  Raelynn finished cooking and
filled two plates with bacon, sausage, and scrambled eggs. She set one plate
and a fork in front of Sebastian. Sebastian asked for pepper and ketchup, which
Raelynn got for him. She stood across from him at the counter and ate.

"This is really good. Thank you,” he
murmured, glancing up at her.

"You're welcome," she replied
with a nod.

Sebastian studied her for a moment before
looking back down at his food. "I went to Victoria's funeral yesterday,"
he said, his voice hesitant, as if he wasn't sure if he should or could talk to
her about it.

“Yeah?" Raelynn replied, not really
sure what else to say, but wanting him to go on.

"Have you ever lost someone you were
close with?" Sebastian asked, his green eyes locked on hers.

Raelynn put her fork down. "Yes. I
lost one of my best friends a few years ago to a drunk driver," she said
sadly. It still hurt to think about Gia sometimes. She, Gia, and Nicole had
been friends since the first grade.

"I'm sorry." Sebastian shook
his head.

"It's okay," Raelynn said with
a soft smile.

"I just...God...nothing prepares you
for what it’s going to feel like to watch someone you loved be put in the
ground," he rasped, raking a hand through his hair. "Every time I
close my eyes, all I see is her getting shot. I needed a night of peace or I
was going to lose my mind. That's why I drank so much."

Raelynn frowned. She understood now where
he was going when he brought it up. Did he think she was judging him for
getting trashed by himself last night? "You don't have to explain yourself
to me, Sebastian."

Sebastian searched her eyes. "I don't
want you to think I'm weak." He frowned and looked away.

Raelynn gaped at him for a moment. "First
off - you shouldn't give a shit about what I think. You are doing what you
think you need to do to stay sane, so fuck what I think. And second - you are
the strongest person I know. Not many people can say they did what you did,
just to survive," she snapped angrily.

Sebastian blushed. A slow smile softened
his face. "Thank you, Raelynn."

"You're welcome,” she huffed, picked
up her fork, and stabbed a piece of sausage.

"Anyone ever tell you that you're
hot when you're angry?" he asked, his smile turning into that trademark
naughty smirk of his.

Raelynn pointed her fork - sausage and
all - at him. "Remember what I said about behaving? I'll leave and make
you do the dishes."