Seasons of the Fool (9 page)

“Thanks for the offer,” she said, “but I really do have to work all weekend. I’m on deadline to finish editing that big five-hundred-page report, remember? I’m going to need every spare hour between now and then to get it done. I probably shouldn’t even have come out with you tonight.”

“You’ve got all day tomorrow and Friday,” he pointed out.

“Unfortunately, I don’t,” she said, putting a note of apology into her voice. “I’ve been meaning to tell you for a few days now. I need to go out of town tomorrow and I’ll probably be gone until late Friday.” The massive report was a fabrication, but at least this much was true; after the hearing, Elaine was taking her to lunch, and she had dinner plans with some friends she hadn’t seen in months. She meant to spend Friday at the house in Evanston, sorting through whatever Lance hadn’t either sold off or taken with him, and deciding whether there was anything she still wanted to keep. She expected it to be a draining exercise, and was prepared to stay all weekend if she had to.

Ron’s brows lowered at this news. “Where are you going?”

“Out of town,” she repeated.

“
Where
out of town?”

None of your business, mister.
“Why?”

Clearly, he wasn’t used to anybody pushing back. His mouth compressed into a line, and he began to redden. “Because I want to know, that’s why,” he said.

“I have some business to attend to in Chicago,” she said. His manner began to frighten her; she realized that she was several miles from home, and while she had her winter coat, she wasn’t exactly dressed for a hike in subfreezing temperatures.

“I don’t think you should go,” he said.

“It’s not up for debate.” Now she was getting angry. Who did he think he was, telling her what she could and couldn’t do?

His expression hardened. “I don’t care. You’re not going.”

She put down her fork, lest she be tempted to stab him in the eye with it. “I
am
, in fact, going. And
you
are going to take me home. Right. Now.” She gave him as level a gaze as she could manage, while anger and fear tussled over the contents of her stomach.

His face turned beet red. “I’ll take you home, all right. But you’re not going anywhere tomorrow. Not without me.” He waved down the waitress with a peremptory jerk of one hand.

She slammed down her napkin, grabbed her purse, and left for the ladies’ room – where she promptly threw up her dinner in the toilet. Still locked in the stall, she leaned her head against the gaudy ceramic tile and thought about how she was going to get herself out of this.

There was no bus service and no taxi service. She supposed she could call the police and ask them to escort her home, but that was no guarantee that she would be able to get to Chicago in the morning; she was pretty sure Ron was capable of disabling her SUV, and they wouldn’t post a cop at her place all night.

For that matter, she wasn’t sure she trusted him to take her home. He might take her to his place instead, wherever that was. She had never been to his place – he always picked her up and drove her home. Clearly, she didn’t know him well enough.

Clearly, she didn’t know him at all. Where did he get off, telling her where she could go and when?

She pulled out her phone, weighing it in her hand. Dave was in Chicago, as far as she knew; she hadn’t spoken to him since he’d walked out of her place the day after the big snow. Even if he were here in Michiana, it would be beyond awkward for her to call him.

That left her other neighbors. Mr. Starek had once told her he couldn’t drive after dark any longer. That left Ms. Thea and Ms. Elsie.

She dialed their home number and prayed one of them would pick up.

“Hello?” Ms. Elsie said.

“Oh, thank God.” Relief washed over her.

“Julia, dear, is that you? Where are you?” Ms. Elsie sounded worried.

“I’m at Hacienda,” she said. “I went out to dinner with Ron….”

“Yes, we saw you leave with him,” the older woman put in.

“And he’s said some kind of disturbing things to me, and I wondered whether one of you could come and pick me up,” she said, realizing as she said it that her story sounded pretty lame.

That didn’t seem to bother Ms. Elsie. “We’ll be right there,” she said. “Where are you right now?”

“I’m in the ladies’ room.”

“Stay put. We’ll come in and get you. Goodbye, dear.”

“Goodbye,” she said, but Ms. Elsie had already hung up.

As she waited, she puttered around the restroom – washing her hands, checking her makeup and hair as if she still cared how she looked – and thought about Ms. Elsie’s response. It was almost as if she had been expecting Julia to call. But why? Did she and Ms. Thea know something about Ron that she didn’t? Maybe they’d had some dealings with him before. But then why hadn’t they said anything to her?

Dave had trusted him. But Dave was one of the deep, dark topics she was trying to avoid thinking about.

It felt as if it took forever for her rescuers to arrive, while she hung around in the ladies’ room and tried to look unobtrusive when other patrons came and went. But it was probably only ten or fifteen minutes before Ms. Elsie strode in through the door. “Julia,” she said, and hugged her tightly. “It’s all right now. Thea’s gone to have a word with Ron, and then we’ll leave.” She pulled away to look at Julia’s face. “What did he say to you?”

“He said he wasn’t going to let me go to Chicago tomorrow.”

“Wasn’t going to
let
you?” Ms. Elsie said, surprised. “As if he
owned
you?”

“Yes. That’s exactly how it sounded to me.” Julia nodded emphatically. “But I have to go. Tomorrow’s my divorce hearing. I have to be there.”

“Of course you do,” Ms. Elsie said.

“I didn’t want to tell him why I was going,” she went on. “I don’t know why. But something told me it wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“I’m glad you listened to your gut,” Ms. Elsie told her. “You don’t have to justify your movements to anyone.”

Ms. Thea poked her head in through the door. “Let’s go.” And the three of them walked out to the older women’s car, with Julia averting her gaze from the table where she and Ron had sat.

She crawled into the back of the women’s tiny two-door car, and Ms. Thea drove them sedately home.

No one spoke until they pulled up in front of Julia’s cottage. Then she said, “Thank you so much for coming to get me. Maybe it was crazy, but Ron was acting so strangely that I just didn’t trust him to bring me home.”

Ms. Elsie turned in her seat. “Always trust your gut, Julia,” she said. “It will never steer you wrong.”

“Julia,” Ms. Thea asked, “what if you drove to Chicago tonight? Would you have somewhere to stay?”

Julia looked at her in surprise. “You think I should?”

“I think Elsie and I would feel better if you did,” she said.

She pondered her options. “I suppose I could stay with Elaine.”

“Why don’t you call her right now and see?” Ms. Thea said.

“I’m not packed yet, but it won’t take long,” Julia said as she punched up Elaine’s number. “Hi, Elaine, it’s me. Fine, fine. Listen, what if I drove in tonight and stayed with you and Greg? The hearing starts kind of early, and if I leave now, I won’t have to deal with rush-hour traffic in the morning…. Great! Thanks a million. See you guys in a couple of hours.” She ended the call and turned to the older women. “She thinks it’s a great idea.”

Both Ms. Thea and Ms. Elsie looked relieved. “Of course, it is,” said Ms. Elsie. “Now go on in and pack your things and get going.”

“And don’t worry about anything here,” Ms. Thea said. “If Ron shows up in the morning, we’ll take care of him.”

Ms. Elsie nodded. “Have a safe trip, dear, and let us know how it all turns out.” She hoisted herself out of the car so Julia could get out.

Julia gave her a hug. “I will. And thanks again for picking me up. I think leaving now is a good idea, too. I didn’t realize until you suggested it how much I just want to get all of this over with.”

“Say, Julia,” Ms. Thea called, “when you get back, would you like to walk the labyrinth again? It’s not a bad idea to check in every now and then, particularly when you’re going through a big life change.”

“And divorce is a big life change,” Ms. Elsie added.

Julia looked back and forth between the two women. “Sure,” she said with a shrug. “I don’t see why not.

“Good,” Ms. Elsie said. “We’ll see you in a few days, dear.”

~

Elsie sat before her loom, rubbing her upper arms and peering nervously at her weaving. After a moment, she looked up. “Well?”

Thea blew out a breath and turned away from the window. “She’s gone.”

Elsie’s posture eased, but her arms remained crossed. “That’s a relief.” She looked over her work again. “Do you really think Ron will come by in the morning?”

“I don’t see how he could,” Thea said. “I did a very thorough job of convincing him that he was not Julia’s keeper.” She glanced over her shoulder at the window. “Or as thorough a job as I could on such short notice. It should hold for several days.”

“Oh, Thea,” said Elsie. “I wish we’d never gotten mixed up in this. Why couldn’t we have left well enough alone, all those years ago?” She looked as if she were about to cry.

Thea glared at her. “Now, dear, we’ve been over this,” she said sharply. “We could not have known that plane had a mechanical problem.”

“I know,” Elsie said. “But if we had only….” She glanced over her weaving again. “And now we’re meddling again, and things are just getting more and more complicated. What if all we do is ruin everything again?” Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. “That poor child.”

Thea crossed the room and crouched beside Elsie’s chair. “Listen to me,” she said, putting a gentle hand on Elsie’s cheek and turning her face to hers. “Everything that happens, happens for a reason. You know it, and I know it. All we can do is give a little nudge here and there. Right?”

Elsie nodded.

“And if The All nudges things in a different direction, there’s a reason for that, too,” Thea went on. “We don’t have the big picture, so all we can see is poor, dear Julia, bereft of her family, and poor Dave, saddled with too many worries. But something good – or at least something necessary – will come of it all. We’ve seen it happen before, haven’t we?”

Elsie nodded again. “We have,” she said. “Of course, you’re right. It’s just so hard.” She covered Thea’s hand with her own.

Thea leaned forward and kissed her. “Come to bed,” she said. “It will all look better in the morning.” She bounced a bit, and then consternation crossed her face. “Would you give me a hand up?” she asked. “I seem to be stuck.”

Elsie laughed and lifted her to her feet.

~

Julia drove with the radio off and thought about her gut.

She had heard Ms. Elsie’s advice before, of course. The problem was that sometimes her gut steered her wrong.

Actually, her gut had been steering her wrong for most of the past fifteen years.

Her gut had told her to say yes to Lance, after all. She had craved safety and stability, and Lance seemed to offer that in spades.

And it had told her to pursue Jesse until he noticed her. It had told her to major in political science, of all things, even though her heart had always been in the arts – theater first, and then writing.

If she had followed her heart instead, she would now be that much farther along in her writing career. She might never have married Dave – too many things had been against them – but she might have met someone who was kinder than Lance. Someone who actually cared about her, instead of only about himself.

She might still have been attracted to Jesse, but she wouldn’t have been tempted by him if her marriage had been in better shape to start with.

She snorted a laugh.
Who are you kidding? You would have fallen for him anyway. He was the sort of free spirit you always thought you wanted to be. What you didn’t know was that in his case, “free spirit” was synonymous with “irresponsible narcissist.”

And what had her gut told her about Ron? Nothing, to start with. He was attractive, and he knew it. So he was egotistical. Like Lance.

And like Jesse, who seemed to have no scruples about lying, as long as it got him what he wanted.

Oh, my God. Why am I always attracted to narcissists? Is my own self-esteem so lacking that I need a partner whose ego is big enough for both of us?

At that point, a tiny voice in the back of her mind said,
Dave’s not a narcissist. And you’ve been attracted to him since you were seventeen.

If she’d listened to her heart all those years ago, she would have married Dave – no matter what their parents said.

It’s not too late,
the little voice insisted.

“Maybe. But a lot would have to happen first,” she said aloud.

Don’t give up hope,
the little voice said.

She snorted again. Hope was enticing. It was exhilarating. But it could also lead you down the garden path. Why else had she gone after Jesse, if not for the hope of a better relationship than the one she’d had with Lance? Why had she stuck with him, even after he turned out to be an asshat?