Seasons of Sugarcreek 02. Spring's Renewal (7 page)

Gathering them all in her arms, she walked outside and strode to the nine-by-twelve-foot rectangle. Their new garden. Neat rows greeted her, as did the distinct smell of freshly tilled dirt and fertilizer.

She found herself smiling as she circled it, trying to get a sense of her mother’s map. Trying to imagine Ty and her mom carefully planting seeds.

She sat down in the grass and organized the stakes, but then caught herself staring at a robin flying with a twig in its mouth. She watched its flight until it settled on a low branch of a nearby crabapple tree.

In the distance, a pair of cardinals was flying together, weaving their patterns in the sun, like they were playing tag. Their bright red coats shimmered in the sky, making everything they came near more beautiful.

To her surprise, she grinned. “Lord, thank you. This was what I needed,” she said out loud. “I need to be outside, where things are fresh. Where new life has begun, and where things are growing and changing. Thank you for giving me the strength to move forward.”

Obviously, her mother knew that. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have left such a job. Ty could have labeled the markers and popped them in the ground in no time. No one had needed her to do it.

So her mother had known she needed the task. Well, she would just label the stakes, then she would take a little walk. Not far, but just somewhere to get exercise. Her legs would appreciate it, she was sure.

Yes, it was time to move on. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, or where she was going to go, but that was okay. After taking her time and labeling eight stakes, she carefully positioned them, then turned toward the creek and started walking.

To where, she didn’t know. She didn’t know if it even mattered. All that did matter was that she had returned once again to the living—just like the verse in 2 Corinthians…
The old has passed away and the new has come.

The sky was a brilliant blue. There was hardly a cloud in the sky.

Altogether, it was far too nice a day to stay another minute indoors.

After quickly cleaning the chalkboards and arranging things for the next morning’s lessons, Clara gathered some papers to grade, set them in her satchel, and hurriedly locked the schoolhouse door.

Next, she decided to take the long way home, by the creek. She wanted to enjoy the beauty of the day and the relative peace nature gave her.

She needed some quiet! Oh, but the children had been a handful. She wasn’t sure if they were grumpy from their weekend’s activities, or merely tired because it was a Monday.

Or they already were feeling a burst of spring fever. But whatever the reason, they had been difficult to control and motivate. She’d sent them home with strict instructions to get some sleep.

That was good advice for herself as well, she supposed. Over the last two evenings, she’d been having trouble sleeping herself. Even that very morning, she’d woken up a bit out of sorts. She’d been dreaming of storms and fires when the alarm clock had shrilly sounded at six that morning. All while she’d hurriedly gotten dressed and packed her lunch, the unpleasant visions that the dreams had brought had seemed determined to sit tight in her brain.

She knew why…over and over she kept reliving the conversation she’d had with Timothy on Saturday night. When they’d been walking, everything between them had seemed relaxed and good. But a cloud had fallen over her conversation, too. She knew he’d been hiding something from her.

Oh, of course, she didn’t expect him to tell her all of his secrets! But she’d left the Graber’s home with the feeling that he’d lied to her about something important.

When Tim had cut off Caleb, he’d looked guilty. She knew she’d stared at him in confusion. What could have caused him to act that way?

Her mother had sure discussed Tim and her visit with him during their long journey home. “Why did you go walking with him?”

“Because he invited me, Mamm.”

“It seemed mighty forward.”

“All we did was talk. It’s a simple friendship,” she’d said, doing her best to convey none of the things that had been running through her head. Actually, she’d gone walking with Tim because he’d seemed to actually want her company. He had made her feel like a normal girl. Like a woman who was admired.

She’d wanted to hold on to those feelings as long as possible.

But as her mother walked by her side in the dim light, far more dark feelings floated between them. “Well, of course you’re just friends. Elsa and Frank told me Tim has a sweetheart back home. Did you hear she writes him on a regular basis?”

With a sinking feeling, she’d wondered if that was who the note had been from. “No.”

Her
mamm
had looked pleased to know something Clara did not. “It’s true. Supposedly they are stretching their wings and such. They can visit and go walking with other people, but it’s just a formality.”

“A formality?”

“Yes. When Tim returns, he and his sweetheart Ruby will take up where they’d left off.”

“I see.”

“I hope you do, daughter.” When they came to the last one hundred yards, the ground turned steeper. Clara had curved a hand around her mother’s elbow to give her assistance. Mamm had leaned close and let Clara bear much of her weight.

It was a shame that Clara had not felt any reciprocal support. “Well, I am glad we went to the Grabers’,” she chattered. “It was a nice change from sitting together alone in this house. Don’t you think?”

“
Jah
. But—I don’t think you should make a habit out of going walking with a man who’s practically engaged.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Perhaps you did not, but we don’t want the Grabers to think that you were taking advantage of their hospitality. Making calf’s eyes at their engaged nephew isn’t good.”

“I wasn’t making any calf’s eyes.”

They’d reached their house. Clara lit the kerosene lantern to guide their way inside. But the light only served to highlight her mother’s fierce expression. “Just make sure you do not ever do that again. You’ll embarrass yourself.”

Tears had pricked her eyes when she’d gone to sleep. Wondering how such a good situation had all of a sudden turned terribly wrong.

But now, as she walked by the creek, a sense of fullness came over her. Things always did seem better in the light of day.

There was a chance her mother had been completely mistaken. Perhaps Tim didn’t have a sweetheart at all! It wouldn’t be the first time her mother had scrambled up gossip.

Feeling better, she sat down and stretched her legs in front of her when she heard footsteps behind her.

Clara turned and quickly looked up. Could it be Tim?

Instead, it was Lilly Allen.

They’d never been formally introduced, but Clara would have known the girl anywhere. Everyone knew about the girl’s pregnancy and miscarriage.

Of course, Lilly Allen probably had no idea who she was. As far as Clara had heard, the only Amish Lilly knew were the Graber family and the Amish women who worked at the Sugarcreek Inn.

Lilly nibbled on her bottom lip as she stood rooted to her spot, as timid as a newborn fawn. “Hi. I was just going for a walk,” she said. “The longer I live here, the more I appreciate this little creek. It’s so peaceful.”

“I’ve stood on its banks many times, just to rest and pray.”

Lilly looked around, her eyes widening when she saw Clara’s book bag and such. “Do you mind if I stay here awhile? Were you planning to work? Am I bothering you?”

Clara turned her face to look at her directly. “Of course not.”

“Thanks. I was in no hurry to wander back home.”

When Lilly continued to stare, Clara spoke up. “I’m Clara.”

“Lilly Allen,” she replied.

Clara shifted nervously. It had been a while since anyone had stared at her so rudely. Entrenched in the Amish community like she was, she rarely came across many English. And most of them only looked as far as her dress and
kapp
.

Lilly couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of her face. Clara felt just peevish enough to comment on it. “The marks…they’re just scars. I was burned when I was six.”

Lilly blinked. “I’m sorry to stare at you like that. They took me by surprise, that’s all. Your other cheek is so pretty.”

Now Clara was the one taken by surprise. She’d imagined her forthright speaking would have made Lilly turn in shame. Instead, the other girl was speaking to her directly. “Sometimes, they take me by surprise, too. I forget how ugly they are.”

“They’re not. You’re very pretty.” Lilly looked her over this way and that. “In a funny way, I think they make the rest of you look even prettier.”

“No one’s ever said that.”

Lilly shrugged. “I used to speak my mind too much. I’ve been trying to watch myself, but I guess that habit isn’t completely gone.”

“I heard about your baby. I am sorry for you.”

“Thank you. This…this is the first day I’ve come out of my room since it happened.”

“I imagine it would be a difficult thing.”

Lilly swallowed. “It was. Hey, do you mind if I sit down?”

For a moment, Clara considered telling her that she was just leaving. That she didn’t want to sit and talk. But there was something in Lilly’s face that struck a chord inside of her. Maybe it was the fierce pain?

Or the feeling of loneliness that emitted from her?

“No, not at all.”

After Lilly sat on the rock beside her, she kicked off her tennis shoes and rested her bare toes on the rocks. Clara couldn’t help but look at the English girl’s long legs. And notice how at ease Lilly seemed to feel with herself.

How must it feel? To be so content with one’s body?

“My parents decided to plant a garden,” Lilly said out of the blue.

“We have a garden.”

“I bet. I mean, the Grabers next door do, too. Josh Graber told me it’s the norm for y’all to have gardens. Do you know him?”

“Oh, yes. Our community isn’t too big, you know. We all know each other.”

“He’s been a good friend to me.” She almost smiled. “This past winter, we became pretty close. Some people imagined we wanted to be a couple. Well, my parents did. But we didn’t want to do that.”

“Because he was Amish?”

“No. Not really. It was because I had no interest in having another boyfriend. And Josh, of course, was in love with Gretta.”

“They are happy together,” Clara agreed. “Do you miss your boyfriend?”

“No. Things between us ended badly. You know how it goes.”

She really didn’t. “At least you were in love once though, yes?”

“Yes.”

“That is a lucky thing.”

Lilly blinked. Blinked again as her eyes watered.

Immediately, Clara felt ashamed. Obviously any conversation that made Lilly think of her losses was a bad idea. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I speak before thinking, too. I was just imagining how nice it would have been to know you were loved, at least for a little while.” She rolled her eyes. “Now I sound like a terribly sad sort, don’t I?”

She looked up to see Lilly blinking back tears.

“I’m crying because I realize you’re right. I’ve been going through so much pain, I forgot to think about the good things that had happened to get me to this place. Back when Alec and I were together, all he had to do was look my way and I’d be so happy. I’d forgotten that.”

“Still, I am sorry to make you cry.”

“Don’t be.” Lilly swiped a cheek with one hand. “What are you doing? Out for a walk, too?”

“Oh, no. I am on my way home from work. I’m a schoolteacher.”

“That’s an awesome job. Do you love it?”

“I do. I love it very much.”

“I’m only waitressing at the Sugarcreek Inn. Do you ever go there to eat? I don’t think I’ve seen you there.”

“No. My mother and I are on a tight budget, I’m afraid. We don’t have too many opportunities to eat out.”

“Well, usually I work the lunch shift. This summer, if you ever want a piece of pie, come in. It will be my treat.”

“I couldn’t…”

“Sure you could. Gretta’s there. You could visit with her.”

“I suppose.”

“Well, come in. It’s the least I can do,” Lilly said as she pulled her shoes closer and slipped them on. After quickly tying them, she stood up. “It was nice to meet you.”

“I hope to see you again.”

“Me too.” She brushed her hair from her face. “Well, I better get going. I need to water the garden and finish cleaning up before my little brother comes home.”

And before Clara could say a word to that, Lilly turned and walked away.

Clara got up far slower. After shouldering her bag, she walked in the opposite direction. Thinking about Lilly’s words. How she’d said the scars made the rest of her look pretty. About her offer for free pie.

About her gratitude for the reminder her that it was a good thing to love…even if it didn’t work out.

Suddenly, she wondered if maybe her thoughts about Tim hadn’t been quite so foolish after all.

All weekend, Monday, and into Tuesday, Ruby’s letter burned a hole in Tim’s pocket. As was his usual habit, he’d slipped it there so it would be easy to refer to when he wrote Ruby back.

But so far, he hadn’t been able to open the envelope again.

Timothy felt shamed as he recalled the look Clara had given him the moment Caleb had started to announce that Ruby had sent him another letter. Tim should have been pleased that Ruby had written him again. He should have been eager to read her note. Instead, he’d been embarrassed.

Soon after, Clara had walked home with her mother and the rest of the family had gone back inside to give him some privacy. He hadn’t been looking for it. With a great reluctance, he’d ripped open the flap of the envelope, nearly tearing the letter written on simple notebook paper inside. How different that was from when he received his first letters from Ruby. Just a few weeks ago, he’d gently opened the envelopes, carefully smoothed out the creases from the paper, read each sentence like it was a special gift.

Greetings, Timothy
, she’d written.
Are you all right? I have not received a letter from you in four days.

With some regret, Tim knew she’d have to wait even more days. He’d only sent off his second letter in ten days yesterday.

I miss you. When do you plan to visit your parents? Or, can you have company? Perhaps I could come see you.

One thing he knew for sure, he didn’t want her to come to Sugarcreek.

Why didn’t he want her there? She’d had his heart. At least, she’d thought she had. But now all his thoughts seemed to center around a far different sort of woman. Had his feelings really changed that quickly? Or was he simply infatuated with someone different? What would he want to do when he got home? How could he not want Ruby Lee then?

In spurts, he finished the note yet again, taking time between each paragraph to look out in the dark distance. The nearby lantern cast golden shadows across the page, blurring the words, bringing them in and out of focus. Tim thought the light was fitting. It was also how he felt, even now, several days later…confused about his feelings toward Ruby.

Like a thief in the night, he started when the door opened. Prepared to see his uncle Frank, he was surprised to see Joshua instead. He and Gretta had come over for dinner again.

“Am I interrupting?”

“Not at all,” he said as he hastily stuffed the letter back into its envelope. “I would have thought you and Gretta would be on your way by now.”

“Gretta decided she wanted to stay the night here. Even though it’s a Tuesday night, and we’ll have to get up early in the morning to open the store, I was happy to agree. It’s nice to have some time with everyone that is unhurried.”

Tim nodded. Not knowing what else to say, he tried to smooth the crumbled envelope a bit, then giving up, set it beside him.

Joshua watched, smiling.

“Are you amused at something?”

“Only that you are reminding me a bit of myself.”

“How’s that?”

“I can tell you’re feeling torn.”

Tim didn’t appreciate the comment. He didn’t want to think about how his feelings toward Ruby were changing. It made him feel guilty. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re referring to. Ruby and I are fine.”

“Oh,
jah
. I imagine you are. My mistake.” He shook his head. “Sorry. I guess I had just thought on Saturday night I saw something between you and…never mind.”

“Were you thinking there was something special between Clara and me?”

“I was,” Joshua replied slowly. “But, like you said, I must have been wrong. It doesn’t matter what I was thinking.”

“Clara is a nice woman, but she and I are just friends.”

“She is nice.” Narrowing his eyes, Joshua looked him over. “It’s none of my business, but the way she was looking at you looked like something else. Something more than friendship.”

“We only took a walk.”

Joshua held up his hands in surrender. “Again, this was my mistake. I apologize. I didn’t mean to come out here to make you upset.”

“You didn’t upset me.”

Warily, Joshua looked him over. Tim looked away, knowing what his tone sounded like. Mad and irritated. Like he was completely overreacting.

Which he was.

Joshua sat down on the porch and kicked out his legs. “Actually, I came out here to try to lend you support.”

“For what?”

“Just a couple of months ago, I was wondering if Gretta and I were meant to be together. I thought that perhaps we’d grown apart.”

In spite of himself, Tim’s interest was sparked. “What happened?”

“Well, Gretta and I had been friends and sweethearts for a long time. Years. Maybe just like you and Ruby. But when we got new neighbors, I found myself thinking about another person. A person who wasn’t even Amish.”

“Did you think about courting her?”

“Not really. I liked her not because she was so different from me,” he said thoughtfully. “It was because she brought out something new inside of me. She made me think that there was more to me than I’d originally thought. More to me than Gretta had ever guessed. I didn’t want to give that up.”

Thinking about his time spent with Clara, Tim understood his cousin’s words. “How did you deal with it?”

“Not very well. I was ashamed about my feelings. Worse, I didn’t immediately consider that Gretta might be thinking the same thing. When I did, I suggested we take a break.”

In spite of his intentions to remain aloof, Tim was drawn in. “Did she agree to that?”

“You know what? She did.” Joshua shook his head. “And at first, I wasn’t very happy about that. I guess part of me wanted her to be miserable without me. When she wasn’t, when she almost seemed relieved not to have to deal with me all the time, why I got a little jealous.”

“Then what happened?”

“Finally, we started talking about things. About things we thought we already knew about each other. And about things that mattered to us, in our hearts. I learned that there was much more to Gretta than met the eye.” He stretched, a funny smile on his face, like he was recalling each word they’d exchanged. “I guess I sound really girlish, huh?”

“Not at all. Did all this talking help?”

“It did. Before too much time passed, we grew to truly love each other, that’s what happened,” Josh said with a smile. “We found love when we thought we were finding something else.”

Tim didn’t know if that was in the future for him and Ruby. “And are you happy about that?”

“Happy? Why, of course I am. My wedding day was the happiest of my life.”

“And you’ve had no regrets.”

“No. But…remember what I said. This didn’t come easily. I think the Lord put obstacles in our way just so we’d think about those things before vowing to love each other for the rest of our lives. And Gretta feels the same way. We’re happy.”

Recalling the ease in which the two newlyweds acted together…and the obvious love they shared, Tim knew that to be true. “Thanks, Joshua. For sharing.”

“Thanks for listening.” Climbing to his feet, Josh yawned. “It’s getting late and we’re going to have to leave at dawn in order to prepare the store for shoppers tomorrow. I’m going to go see if Gretta’s ready for bed.”

He left Tim’s side. So his only company was the lantern once again. But since it only illuminate his feelings of loss, Tim felt even more confused.

Because as much as he was trying to hide his feelings from everyone, the truth seemed to be shining through more brightly than ever. He was falling out of love with Ruby. Or, perhaps he’d never even been in love and he was just now seeing that. What was worse was that Ruby Lee didn’t even know it.

It certainly didn’t seem fair.

As he continued to reflect, he realized that there was one good solution. Perhaps Ruby should come to Sugarcreek to visit, after all. Maybe they needed some time together like Joshua and Gretta had. Maybe they needed time to talk and sort things out.

Then his feelings would come back and all would be well again. Now he knew what he had to do.

On Wednesday morning, he pulled out a sheet of notebook paper and finally wrote Ruby back. He told her he missed her.

And then he invited her to come see him.