Searching for Pemberley (22 page)

Mr. Lacey has been meeting me on my walks most mornings. I will now alter my schedule so as not to encounter him. I actually thought I saw improvement in his behaviour and attitude here in Kent, but now I know I was wrong. You must write to me immediately upon hearing from Charles, and I know you will hear from him shortly.

Love,
Lizzy

So much in life is timing, and Will Lacey's timing couldn't have been worse. Clearly, he was making an effort to show Lizzy his good side, only to have all of his efforts thrown to the wind because Lizzy had found out about his visit to George Bingham.

3 August—Miss Lacey and Anne Desmet visited the parsonage this morning. Despite Miss Lacey's advantages and station in life, she seems to be a sensible girl, and she plays the pianoforte so beautifully. It is a delight to hear her, even on Charlotte's poor instrument. She is to return to London shortly and will be accompanied by Mr. Oldham. There is a story there, but Charlotte and Anne say nothing about Miss Lacey's guardian. I have successfully avoided her brother, but I will see him at dinner this afternoon. It is Thursday, and we must hear Mr. Chatterton's Sunday sermon. I am seriously considering feigning illness. I am tired of listening to Lady
Sylvia's soliloquies on every subject, no matter how trivial, and I have no wish to see Mr. Lacey. Uncle Sims has written that he is sending his man, so that I may return home. If I do not leave soon, all benefits of the visit will be lost, and I want to be home when Jane receives her good news.

Lizzy did not dine at Rosings Park that afternoon. Will, who was probably wondering why he was no longer meeting Lizzy in the park, must have assumed she was unwell and went to call on her at the parsonage. His proposal was so insulting that it must have spilled out of him without any idea of how awful it sounded.

8 August 1792

Dear Jane,

I will return home early next week, but I have news that cannot wait. After reading your letter regarding the role Mr. Lacey played in separating Mr. Bingham from you, I was in a very unpleasant mood, so I told Mr. Chatterton I was unwell and would not attend the dinner with Lady Sylvia, claiming I did not want to put Miss Desmet at risk of also becoming ill.

I was sitting in the parlour when the servant announced Mr. Lacey. I was not pleased to see him, as I felt I could not forgive him for his interference in his friend's personal matters and the disservice he had done to you. His behaviour was very odd, and finally I asked him if there was something he wished to say to me. To the best of my memory, this is what followed:

'I have put aside every consideration: your lack of fortune and connections, the inferior position your family
holds in society, the criticism that will ensue, but I have lost the struggle. I have been unable to repress my feelings.' The speech continued on in this vein, but all I can remember is that whatever it was he was going on about, it was done against his better judgement. At this point, Mr. Lacey stopped speaking, and I told him I did not understand him, and then he continued:

'I love you and have almost from the first moment of our acquaintance. I am now asking for your hand in marriage.'

Jane, you can appreciate the shock I experienced upon hearing his proposal. Mr. Lacey was in love with me! For a second I was quite flattered, but then I thought of the mode of his declaration. I believe this is what I said when I could finally speak.

'I thank you for the honour of your proposal. I appreciate the difficulty of your struggles, and I am sure with the passage of time you will be successful in overcoming those feelings which you found so distressing, and your initial reservations will prevail.'

'May I ask why my offer is rejected with so little consideration?'

'I might ask why you would make an offer of marriage to a woman whom you consider to be unworthy of you. You tell me that in making this offer, you are acting against your better judgement. From your perspective, I would like to know why you would want such a wife, and, more importantly, why would I want a husband who regrets he was unable to overcome his feelings for me? Does such a union have any possibility of success?'

When he had gone, I found I was shaking. I had no
idea he had feelings for me. When Charlotte remarked that Mr. Lacey might be in love with me, I had dismissed it. Just because he had stopped being rude did not mean he was in love. I did notice a change in his demeanor, and I will admit I found him to be very pleasant company on our walks and out on the lawn when we played at croquet, but an offer of marriage never entered my mind.

I am greatly unsettled and look forward to going home. It will be impossible to avoid Mr. Lacey, as he will remain Mr. Bingham's friend. I will need your guidance as how to act when we meet again.

Love,
Lizzy

Before returning to London, Will shared with his cousin the details of what had happened at the parsonage, and because Anne believed Lizzy was perfect for Will, she decided to intervene on his behalf.

10 August 1792

My Dearest Will,

I have visited with Elizabeth and told her I knew of your proposal of marriage. She was much surprised to learn you would tell anyone about the terrible things she had said to you. We went into the garden, and she began to cry. She said she was very flattered by your proposal and would have been more receptive to it but for two things. She had just recently learnt of your visit to George Bingham regarding her sister
Jane. There is no one in the world who is closer to her, and she considers this injury to her sister to be an injury to herself. Secondly, she said she could never be sure that your love would remain constant, since you said that you would have been happier if you had been successful in overcoming your feelings for her.

Elizabeth told me of your walks in the grove and how much she enjoyed your company. She mentioned you had risen in her estimation with each meeting, but then she mentioned how determined you were to keep Charles from her sister, and she again started to cry.

What is to be done? If you love her as ardently as you said last week, then you must start over. Since it is nearly a certainty her sister Jane will shortly become engaged, then you will have ample opportunity to see Elizabeth because you are Charles's closest friend. Show her you harbour no hard feelings because of her rejection and proceed from there. But you must court her, Will. You should not assume she will want to marry you just because of your fortune and position. If that was all she wanted, she would have accepted you at the parsonage. Go to Hertfordshire. Show her you regret the method of your proposal but not the making of it. If Elizabeth did not care for you, she would have shown defiance and not tears when I spoke to her in the garden.

Your devoted cousin,
Anne

After reading this letter, I felt sorrier for Anne than I did for Will. She had encouraged her cousin to stand up and fight for Elizabeth, not to concede defeat, and to go on the offensive. Yet, she was unable to stand up to her mother. Because she lived such a sad, lonely life, she was determined that at least Will would experience a love she would never know.

16 August—I have told Jane of Mr. Lacey's proposal, and to my surprise, she was surprised but little. She said his interest in me could not be mistaken, but she did not think he would act because of our different positions in society. She was sorry to hear I had rejected him because of the role he had played in separating Charles from her, saying that, in the end, it was George Bingham's influence that held greater sway. Jane added that it was when Charles saw me in Kent that he made the decision to force the issue with his brother. When George recognized the depth of his brother's feelings, he arranged for the meeting that won his approval for the marriage. Jane asked if I had feelings for Mr. Lacey, and I had to confess that I did. Until the night of his wretched proposal, I did not realize how much I had come to enjoy his company, and thought how terrible a thing it would be if I should never see him again.

Never see him again? Considering Charles and Jane would shortly announce their wedding plans, and that Will Lacey would almost certainly be asked to stand up for his friend, was there any doubt Will and Lizzy would meet again? Not really. Lizzy wasn't worried about not seeing Mr. Lacey again. She was worried about what would happen when she did.

ON SEPTEMBER 10, 1792, Charles Bingham married Miss Jane Garrison in the Garrison's parish church. Apparently, it was at the wedding breakfast at Helmsley Hall where Lizzy and Will had their first opportunity to talk since that awful day at the parsonage.

11 September—I was very apprehensive about seeing Mr. Lacey again, but as soon as he saw me, he came over and asked after my health, as he always does. He directed my attention to his sister and Miss Desmet. Mr. Lacey said that, upon leaving Kent, he and his sister had gone to Montclair, as that is the place where his thoughts are clearest. What thoughts were those? Was he thinking of me and his failed proposal? I am sure his cousin acquainted him with our conversation in the garden. I wish I knew what he had said to Anne.

Mr. Lacey asked me to introduce him to Aunt and Uncle Sims, and I mentioned my uncle was in trade and resided on Gracechurch Street. Mr. Lacey said he was often in that
part of London, as that is where George Bingham's office is. After we were back at Bennets End, Uncle told me that upon learning we were shortly to visit the Peak District, Mr. Lacey insisted we visit Montclair, and he informed me with great excitement that the estate is mentioned in Walton's
The Compleat Angler
. Apparently, there is no greater compliment. I should have nothing to be anxious about, as we have had that dreaded first meeting, and he was so nice to me.

22 September—I am to go to the Peak District, and Lucy is to go to Brighton as a guest of Col. Fenton and his wife. Papa says nothing can happen to Lucy since she will be under the protection of the colonel. To Papa's amusement, while discussing the militia, Mama told stories of the dances she had attended as a girl when her partners were also handsome officers. With his usual biting wit, Papa said, 'And one of those handsome officers went off to the colonies, where he was promptly dispatched by savages.' To which Mama replied, 'Not killed, dear, but died of dysentery.' I am still uneasy about Lydia, but everyone did have a good laugh.

Lizzy kept up her diary all during her trip. By the time her party had reached Derbyshire, she was thoroughly sick of visiting “great” estates and was looking forward to walking a mountain path. She wrote very little about her upcoming visit to Montclair, and I wondered if it was her way of putting off thinking about her reunion with Will Lacey.

11 October—I will never forget my first view of Montclair. The carriage came over a gentle rise, and there before us was
this beautiful mansion all lit up for our arrival. The carriage stopped near a large fountain where we were assisted by servants in livery. I wore the same ivory dress I had worn to the ball at Helmsley Hall. It is the very best dress I own, but it was nothing compared to the finery worn by Georgiana and Anne. For the first time since we met, I heard Anne laugh. She is like a bird set free from her cage. Georgiana played the most beautiful instrument I have ever seen, a recent gift from her brother.

12 October—Georgiana invited us to join her at Montclair while the men went fishing. When they returned, Mr. Lacey suggested we all walk around the lake. Aunt and Uncle declined, and, of course, Anne could not join us. We had gone but five minutes when Georgiana said she thought she should go back to the house to keep Anne company. It was clear she had planned this all along, and I said as much to her brother, who found it amusing. We arrived at a sitting area where you can view the lake and the beautiful countryside. It was there that Mr. Lacey said in a very halting manner: 'When we were in Kent, my proposal, I mean, what I said, was offensive to you, and I wish to apologize.' I asked him if he regretted the proposal or just the manner in which it was delivered. He then laughed and smiled and said, 'I know I am forgiven, Miss Elizabeth, because you tease only your friends.' I told Mr. Lacey he was like a brother to Mr. Bingham, and because of that, we must always be friends. He looked at me very intently and said, 'I would hope we could be more than friends.' We continued our walk in silence, but he extended his arm, and I took it! I went to the inn that night
quite pleased with how the day had gone. I will gladly return to this enchanted place. It must be enchanted. Look at the change in Mr. Lacey!

After touring the Peak District, Lizzy returned to Bennets End and almost immediately went to see Jane at Helmsley Hall, where she found her sister quite content in her new role as Mrs. Charles Bingham. When the Lacey party returned from Derbyshire, Jane and Charles hosted their first dinner party.

23 October—Mr. Lacey was most agreeable tonight. He asked about our tour of the Peak and Chatsworth after we left Montclair. As much as I enjoyed the remainder of our holiday, it was nothing to the three days we spent near his estate. Mr. Lacey said it was necessary for Georgiana to go up to London, so she might resume her studies. But more importantly, Lady Sylvia had written to Anne insisting she return to Kent for reasons of her health. What nonsense! Anne has never looked better and told me she spent a good deal of time out of doors on the terrace and frequently walked the gardens while at her cousin's home. I think being free of her mother has actually strengthened her.

Before the Second World War scattered everyone around the country and the globe, young people in my hometown who were dating would see each other, if not every day, at least once a week on Saturday night, so for more than three weeks to pass between Jane's dinner party and the next time Will Lacey was at Helmsley Hall seemed like an eternity to me. On the other hand, once they did get together, Lizzy was able to see Will every day because Jane
had asked her sister to stay on at Helmsley Hall because she was feeling unwell.