Searching for Disaster (13 page)

Right now, she needed comfort. Holding her soothed him on a deeper level, allowing his soul to breathe. He reveled in her scent, kissed her tears away, and waited for her to calm down. Finally, she turned a tearstained face up to him, wet blue eyes gleaming with confusion and want.

He smiled. “Want to finish cooking dinner?”

She blinked. Then her swollen lips curved upward and sunshine drenched his vision. “Yes.”

“Then let's do it.”

He eased her off his lap, stood up, and offered his hand.

She took it.

For now, it was enough.

chapter eleven

“H
EY, BABE. LONG
TIME
no chat.”

Izzy lay stretched out on her bed, feet dangling over the footboard, Leia resting on her stomach. The puppy's head was nestled in between her breasts, and her sweet breath came out in little snorts. Izzy had finally placed a call to Raven, guilty they hadn't updated each other in a few weeks.

Her best friend chuckled over the phone. “'Bout time you called. I miss you like crazy. When are you coming to Harrington to see my bar?”

Raven had bought a bar/restaurant called My Place. With her skill for cocktails and the Culinary Institute Academy graduate chef she'd snagged, the bar was becoming a huge success. Izzy was so happy to see her friend's dreams finally come true. It had been a long road for both of them, with lots of bumps and errors, but without Raven, Izzy doubted she'd be clean and sober and happy right now.

“Soon. Guess what I got?”

“A hot man?”

“A puppy! I named her Princess Leia. She's a beagle-basset mix and the cutest thing ever.”

“Aww, text me pictures right now! I can't wait to meet my new honorary niece! Is she wrecking your house?”

“Yes, but I don't care. Are you doing okay over there?”

She sighed over the phone. A few seconds of silence ticked by, which told Izzy her friend wasn't ready to confess something yet. “Kind of. Things have been . . . odd. Let's just say the next time we chat I may have more news for you.”

“A boy?”

“Girlfriend, when isn't it a boy? But this time it's even more. I'm just not ready to share yet. Are you cool with that?”

“I'm always cool with you. I'm here whenever you're ready—day or night.”

“Sunset to sunrise,” Raven echoed, words they always spoke in their friendship pact from years ago. “What about you? Boy trouble?”

“Yeah. A guy from my past showed up in Verily. I'd hooked up with him at a college party six years ago. Imagine my surprise when he walked into Kinnections.”

“Did he remember you?”

“Yeah, he did,” she said softly. “Seems we both had a hard time forgetting each other.”

“Doesn't sound like a problem so far,” Raven said slowly. “What's the deal? Is he married? Engaged? Girlfriend?”

“No.”

“Cheater? Liar? User? Dickhead?”

“No.”

“Then why do you sound wary?”

“'Cause I kind of love him,” she choked out.

“Isn't that good? If he's not an asshole, why do you sound upset? Does he not feel the same way?”

“No, I think he does. But he knows I used drugs, Raven. And he's a cop. A rule follower. He's gorgeous and kind and good-hearted and perfect. We'd be terrible together.”

“Umm, babe, you've been clean for two years. You have a great job. You're back with your family. What's the problem?”

Izzy chewed at her lip. It was hard to explain the demons that still lurked inside of her. As if one day they'd be tempted out of the darkness and she'd break and be back exactly where she was. This time she'd take everyone with her. Did Liam really deserve that type of love? With a woman who always seemed to search for disaster?

She wasn't ready to spill her secret fears yet. “I guess I'm just freaked out. I haven't been involved in anything serious my entire life.”

“Yeah, it's scary as hell. Listen, just remember you're worth everything great in this life, Izzy. Don't forget it. He'd be lucky to score a chick like you.”

Izzy laughed, relaxing a bit. “Thanks. I'll send you pics and call you next week. Peace out.”

“Peace out.”

The phone clicked.

Maybe Raven was right. Liam had told Kate he was pulling out of Kinnections because he'd met someone, but he refused to share who. Thankfully, Kate never questioned Izzy about it. Though they had never announced an official relationship, Izzy began to wonder if she should tell her friends. She'd finally confided in her sister and swore her to secrecy, but maybe it was time to make it more official. Maybe she could continue being with Liam with no complications.

Her phone vibrated. She smiled and hit the button. “Hey, where are you?”

She heard the roar of masculine voices in the background. “I'm over at Ray's Billiards. We had a major bust today and I'm celebrating with the guys.”

She laughed. “Congratulations! I can't wait to hear about it. Take your time; if you want to party tonight, I can always come and pick you up. Or we can just see each other tomorrow.”

“Hell, no,” he growled over the phone, lighting up all her girly parts. “Why don't we go to dinner and celebrate? Can you pick me up at Ray's?”

“Sure. Give me twenty minutes.”

“See you then.”

Humming under her breath, she freshened up, slipping on a pair of designer jeans, high-heeled boots, and a scarlet sweater that left her shoulders bare. She spritzed herself in Light Blue by Dolce & Gabbana, donned a pair of gold hoops and her favorite gold skull necklace, and got Leia tucked away in her crate with her favorite bone.

Cranking up the music loud, she car-danced, thinking over Raven's words. The past weeks had been so good with Liam. Maybe she needed to let go a bit and be kinder to herself. Yes, she might be afraid of screwing things up, but she was in love with him. Wouldn't that be enough to fight the demons? How could she possibly walk away from everything good between them?

She pulled to the curb, parking down the street from Ray's. When she entered, the sound of Irish music, loud male voices, and clinking pool balls met her ears. The familiar scent of beer and whiskey rose to her nostrils. She always thought the place had a great homey feel, where you could grab a good Guinness, listen to some music, and play a few rounds of pool or darts with friends. She spotted Liam with his crew at the far back and held up her hand. He must have changed out of his uniform, because he wore a green Henley, jeans, and sneakers. A Key West baseball cap was turned backward on his head. He looked both sexy and adorable, and her heart leaped.

“Hey, Isabella. Come meet everyone.”

When she reached him, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her solidly. The loud wolf whistling was secondary to the roaring in her ears. She hadn't expected him to declare their relationship so publicly. Stone crossed his arms in front of him and glared at them both.

“You didn't tell me shit,” he accused. “How long has this been going on?”

Izzy shifted her feet, an odd blush heating her cheeks. Holy crap—she never blushed! “Just a little while. The girls don't know yet either.”

“Well, I'm telling Arilyn tonight, so you better spill the beans tomorrow.”

Liam laughed. “You're such a gossip queen.”

“Screw you, Devine. I just like information. It gives me power.”

Izzy tried not to laugh at their banter. She'd learned Liam's language descended into grunts and curses around his male buddies. It was another part of him that fascinated her, along with his delicious dominance in the bedroom that often sprung up to surprise her.

Liam pointed out the three other men with him. “This is McCoy, Make It Work Dunn, and the Rookie.”

Her lips twitched. “Hmm, interesting. Do you think I can have their real names?”

Liam shrugged. “Sure. This is Jason, Tim, and Patterson.”

“Nice to meet you.”

They all welcomed her with warmth. “Beer, wine, or cocktail?” Jason asked.

“Seltzer with cranberry juice would be great.”

“Got it.” He moved to the bar to grab her drink and Liam wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her close. Warmth and security suffused her. She felt like a . . . girlfriend. And it was nice.

“So, fill me in on this bust,” she said. “Unless you can't talk about it.”

Tim groaned. “Here we go. Are we gonna have to hear about this epic bust for the rest of the damn week? I'm bored already.”

“Get over it,” Stone said. “You're just pissed you and Rookie couldn't even get your speeding-ticket quota.”

Liam laughed. “Stone and I were patrolling our normal route and we see this guy running down a side street and jumping a fence. We got curious, so we parked and went after him.”

Stone cut in. “I never knew the woods went that fucking deep! I'm talking serial-killer sheds could be hidden in there. I swear, I plan on staking out the woods more often.”

“We don't have money for stakeouts,” Jason interjected, handing her the drink. “You think you're back in the Bronx, Petty?”

“You're not sulking about pulling crossing guard duty, are you, McCoy?”

Jason stuck up his middle finger.

Liam took up the story without missing a beat. “So we follow the guy out to this building and there it is, right in front of our faces. A meth lab. I'm talking
Breaking Bad
here—they had everything they needed to crank out some serious stuff.”

“So we call it in, keep a watch on the place, finally make the bust, and end up arresting three main guys and confiscating a crapload of meth!” Stone crowed.

“It was a thing of beauty,” Liam said.

Tim made gagging noises and Jason stuck up his middle finger again. Patterson gave a mournful sigh.

Izzy broke into laughter. She loved seeing Liam in his world. He held a comfortable, close dynamic with his work buddies. She squeezed him hard. “Congratulations. It certainly sounds like a thing of beauty to me.”

“Oh boy, Hollywood, you really pulled the wool over her eyes,” Jason said.

“At least I didn't have to blindfold her and beg her to marry me like you did, McCoy,” Liam teased. “How many times did she turn you down before she got weak and agreed?”

“Twice, only twice! Now stop distracting me. I'm one game up and I want my damn twenty dollars. Finish up.”

Liam winked at her, gave her another kiss, and shook out his hands. “Watch the master in action, sweetheart. I'm gonna win our dinner money tonight.”

“You taking your lady out to the taco stand again, Hollywood?” Tim called out.

She chatted with Tim and Patterson, telling them they'd met via Kinnections and sharing easy conversation. “We like to rag on him but you're with a good guy,” Tim said, taking a sip of his beer. “Known him for four years now.”

“I gather there's not a lot of huge busts going on in Verily to get excited about,” she teased.

“Nah, we do pretty good here keeping the crap off the streets. Meth is getting more popular, though. Bastard junkies will do anything to get their fix.” Loathing flickered in his eyes. “I'm so sick of their weepy stories. They give you excuses about their horrible past and how they couldn't help it, but each one of them decided to snort or smoke or stick a needle in their arm because they're weak.”

Patterson nodded. “Yeah, then they do their rehab stint, promise they're gonna be good, and they're back at it again.”

“Junkies disgust me. They're ticking time bombs better left in jail so they can't hurt any other people when they explode.”

Her stomach lurched. The two men across from her held similar expressions. She swallowed, fingering her straw. “You don't think some of them deserve forgiveness? If they don't do it again and try to build a respectable life?”

“Once an addict, always an addict,” Tim commented. “I know I'm not politically correct and people would give me shit, but it's the truth. In all my years as a cop, I haven't found one person who was able to stay clean. Eventually, the demons come get them and it's all over.”

The demons come get them.

The room swayed, then settled. An icy knot formed in her belly. The cold spread through her body, numbing her.

Once an addict, always an addict.

“Sorry, I get worked up over that topic. Anyway, nothing you need to worry about. You're good for Hollywood. Now I know why he's been so damn happy at the station lately.”

Patterson agreed, and they chatted a bit, but their words were a distant roaring around her. All she could hear were the same words repeated again and again in a horrific mantra that described her life.

A shout went up from the pool table, and Liam high-fived Stone. “Winner, winner, chicken dinner,” he sang, pocketing his twenty.

“Yeah, enjoy eating at KFC, Isabella,” Jason called out.

She forced a stiff smile, and they said their good-byes. She got in the car and knew she couldn't do it. She couldn't go to dinner and pretend it was all going to be okay. Because it wasn't.

Izzy cleared her throat. “Umm, Liam, do you mind if I just drop you off at home? I'm not feeling too good.”

“I'm sorry, sweetheart. What's wrong?” He reached over to touch her but she shrank back. He paused, his stare hardening. “Isabella?”

She started the car, swallowing. “I just—I just need some time off tonight. Time for myself. You understand, right?”