Search (The Empire Chronicles #2) (9 page)

Normally I’d have been crying, but the ache in my chest became something else entirely. I felt a twitch in my back and knew my body wanted to transform. I let the anger wash over me, but I forced myself to stay in control. “Like I don’t exist? You don’t have to make this so much worse. You want to pretend I’m no more than a girl you slept with? Fine. But you can’t avoid me.”

“Just because Levi decided to acknowledge his bastard sister doesn’t mean I have to.”

My hand moved on its own volition. My palm made contact with his cheek in what felt like slow motion. His head jerked sideways. Then he had his own hand on his cheek with his mouth gaped open.

I turned away. “Good seeing you again, Owen.”

“Same to you, Casey.” Owen gave me a tight smile. He felt bad for me.

I didn’t need his pity, but I needed to act tough. I forced a smile at him before I headed right back to the front door of the hotel. I made it back to Hailey’s Jeep before the tears started. They started lightly, barely noticeable drops of warm salt sliding down my face, but then they changed. I sobbed, and Hailey just sat there. She didn’t put a hand on me, she didn’t make sounds of understanding, and that silence was the greatest gift she could have given me. She gave me the chance to grieve without being alone. I spent an hour that way. We sat in Hailey’s Jeep while cars drove by and happy tourists strolled past. I thought over the night we spent together and then the tears stopped. It had been a night. It was an intense and passionate experience, but it wasn’t a relationship. I’d made a mistake spending that night with Jared, but that’s all it was, and it was a mistake I wouldn’t make again. I began to laugh.

Hailey looked over questioningly, but she remained silent.

I was lucky. I found out my true nature before my feelings for Jared could become something more, before my memories would take an entire night to relieve instead of a few minutes. I was also stupid, but I couldn’t dwell on that part yet. “We can go.”

“Yeah?” Hailey fiddled with the driver’s side visor.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I know what you need.” She pulled away from the curb and drove back uptown. I stared out the window the whole time, trying to get lost in the scenery instead of the dull ache in my chest. Rejection never got easier, not even when you expected it, but I could get stronger. How I responded to rejection was entirely up to me.

One large frozen strawberry daiquiri later, and I was starting to feel like myself again. Who knew there were actually drive through daiquiri stores? Obviously, the alcohol and sugar couldn’t do anything to make Jared’s words hurt less, but I took what I could get. I leaned back on my hands, dangling my feet over the edge of the building. Hailey had taken me to one of her favorite places. The roof of an abandoned house a few miles outside the city. We arrived just before sunset, and now the sky was completely dark. The night was warm, and I was comfortable in a fitted t-shirt and jeans. I could have stayed up there all night.

“You feeling any better?” Hailey watched me with concern. She’d been mostly quiet, seemingly lost in thoughts of her own. There was so much I didn’t know about her, but it wasn’t the time to find out. She’d open up to me eventually.

I took a final sip of the sweet, frozen drink. “Yeah. I’m going to be okay.”

“Yeah. You are.” She smiled. “Tell me when you’ve recovered enough to talk about Allie’s party.”

“I’m ready.” I still felt ready to throw up, but focusing on the negative wasn’t going to help me. Jared had clearly moved on, so it was time for me to do the same.

I don’t like being an asshole. I really don’t. Sure, I like pushing buttons and messing around with people, but hurting someone I cared about sucked. It seriously sucked. I just kept seeing her face. That look of complete and utter devastation and betrayal that filled her eyes and made her lips, those damn gorgeous and perfect lips, quiver with anger. I’d only done what I had to do. There was no reason to regret it. She’d move on if she hadn’t already. So would I.

I tried to get drunk. I tried to get shit faced to make the feelings disappear, but it didn’t work. I switched to shots, but they eventually wore off, making me feel even worse. Those eyes. Why couldn’t I get them out of my head? And her voice… the voice she used when she spoke to me, so different from the breathy one she used in the heat of passion. Why her? Why did the one girl who managed to physically fulfill me and who made me actually feel alive have to be a Pteron? It wasn’t fair. I replayed the night for the millionth time in my head. For once, it wasn’t her body I focused on, but her words.

I’ve never been able to give myself to someone so completely before.

Yeah?

The one guy I was with… I didn’t even like having the lights on.

I’d be able to see you even in the dark.

I know… and I like that.

I took another shot before burying my head in my hands. I needed to be numb. I needed to stop picturing the way her eyes lit up and her chest heaved when I was inside her. This was ridiculous. She was just a girl. Just a stupid Pteron girl I needed to forget.

“You look like shit.” Owen broke his silence. I gave the guy a hard time, but he knew when I didn’t need his nagging. Well, most of the time he did.

“I feel just about that good.” We were at one of the hole in the wall bars near our house. I needed to be somewhere that I couldn’t possibly run into her.

“You didn’t need to do it.” He took a swig of his beer. He followed me over there even when I told him I wanted to be alone. He was annoying like that. Maybe in another state of mind, I would have appreciated it. He just sat there watching me drown myself in alcohol for well over an hour.

“Yes, I did.” I picked up the discarded cap to his beer and squished it in my hand.

“Why? Why couldn’t you have just let things happen?”

“You know why. You know what she is.”

“Yeah. But so what? Do you even know why we’re not supposed to mate with Pterons? Have you ever wondered why?”

“It’s wrong. It could be incest for all we know.”

“Bullshit. We all know who we’re related to.”

“Do we? What if Levi had slept with her.”

“We’re not talking about Levi. We’re talking about you.”

I tossed a hundred down on the bar and got up from my stool. “You saw what happened when Bryant spent too long with Michelle.” I cringed thinking how close I got to his fate. Being sent away by my father had hardened him, had ruined him.

“You’re smarter than that.” Owen caught up with me outside.

“Smarter than what?”

“Ever stop to think that the fault for Bryant’s break down is on your dad? Why did he have to send him away? Bryant was in love with her….and her with him. Why did your dad have to get involved?”

“My dad has done some pretty shitty things, but Bryant knew what he was doing. He knew what he was getting himself into. Now I know the truth, and I was strong enough to stop.”

“Strong enough? See, that’s the reason why you don’t deserve her anyway.”

“Shut the fuck up, asshole.” Some friend.

“I’m just being honest. If you really wanted her, you’d keep her. You don’t. That’s okay, but it means you can’t sit around here moping like someone did something to you. And you owe her an apology. You’re not ready to give it now, and she’d probably break you in two if you tried.”

“Oh you think so?”

“Have you seen your face?” Owen gestured to my cheek. I could still feel the sting from the contact of her hand.

“Let’s go home.” I didn’t bother to go into the shadows. I ripped off my shirt and transformed right there on the sidewalk. Who the hell cared if someone saw? I was tired of caring about anything. What good did caring do for anyone? Walking wouldn’t have taken long, but I needed to stretch my wings. I needed something.

The flight home was far too short. I did an extra loop before heading inside. Levi sat on the couch, playing some video game.

“Forget you don’t live here anymore?” I snapped.

He ignored my obviously pissed off mood. “What? I can’t come by and hang out with you guys?”

“I know why he’s here.” Owen took a seat on the couch next to him.

“Why?” I grabbed a beer from the fridge. At least the alcohol provided some numbing.

“He heard about the bachelorette party that Hailey’s planning for Allie.”

Levi groaned. “Can’t you talk your sister out of it?”

“Yeah… that’s a good one.” Owen put his feet up on the ottoman.

“Bachelorette party? You’re letting her have one?”

“If I tried to stop it, I’d look like I don’t trust her.” Levi caught the beer I tossed him.

“What are they doing? Having a pajama party or something?” I took a seat on the couch across from them.

“Hailey’s planning some crazy bar crawl or something. You know how she gets.”

“When is it?” I stretched out my legs. “We can do your bachelor party the same night.”

“No way. I’m not going there. Especially with all that crap about my dad. I’m not going near another woman.”

This was the perfect excuse to forget about Casey. I needed something other than work to focus on. “I figured that much. I have to plan something though. A guy’s night. What do you want?”

Levi looked pensive for a moment, and I knew I wouldn’t like what he said next. “Invite Toby.”

“What?” I spit out some beer. “No fucking way.”

“Yes.”

“Why? Why would you want Toby there?”

“I heard he brought in someone for interrogation but he didn’t keep any records.” Levi set down his beer.

“So?”

“So, I’m positive it’s important.”

“I’ll find out what it was about.” Why was Toby holding back information from me? Was this because of Casey? As much as I didn’t want to talk to him, I needed to. Casey needed to be protected.

“Will you?” Levi watched me. “Do you think he’ll tell you anything?”

“Who said I’d ask him? I have other ways to get the information we need.”

“Fine. Then let’s just do a poker night. We never have time for those anymore.”

“Okay.” I leaned back against the leather couch. There wasn’t a chance I was inviting Toby.

“You okay, man?” Levi asked.

“He treated your sister like crap tonight,” Owen quickly supplied.

“Shut up.” Owen was getting on my nerves more than usual. Did he have to tell Levi everything? Then the reality dawned on me. I would have done the same thing to him.

“Apologize. She’s a princess whether you like it or not.”

“I don’t think she’ll want to see me.” At least that was my goal, as little as I actually wanted it.

“Then make it up to her in another way. I don’t want any more problems than I already have.”

“Understood.” I got up and headed down the hall to my room. I wasn’t in the mood for making conversation.

Hopefully I had enough alcohol in my system to put me to sleep.

Georgina was all about the quality time thing. After parading me around town and introducing me to so many Pterons I lost track of the names, we ended up back at the hotel. Considering I was staying in a room of her suite, that meant down time together. She made a pot of coffee, and we sat out on her balcony that overlooked the courtyard. She had a second balcony that overlooked the city. I’m pretty sure she had the nicest suite in the hotel.

“You have his eyes, you know.” She watched me so closely it unnerved me.

“The king’s?” I still struggled to call him anything else.

“Yes. Your father’s. I’d have known you were his daughter even without being told.”

I found that hard to believe, but I chose not to argue.

“He won’t talk to me. He won’t talk to Levi either other than to say it isn’t what we think. What does that even mean?” Georgina sounded uncharacteristically vulnerable. She was the type to tell you what to do, not ask rhetorical questions.

“I’m sure finding out about me was hard on him.” The words sounded off and sour. He fathered me. He had no right to think that. I’d tried to call my mom finally, just to touch base, but I got her voicemail. Maybe that was a good thing because I still wasn’t sure what or how much to say.

“Robert has some flaws, but I still can’t imagine he’d do this.” She looked off at some distant spot. “He understood the consequences of his actions…”

“Yeah.” What was I supposed to say? If he hadn’t done something stupid, I wouldn’t exist. Could she really expect me to agree with her?

She quickly put that thought to rest. “That being said, I’m glad he did it.”

I watched her expectantly.

“Your existence is worth that, and since Allie chose Levi, the crown is safe for the time being.”

“You said you had something to show me. A book?” I needed answers. I understood her need to talk, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to think about the man who fathered me.

“Yes, but probably not the kind of book you’re expecting.”

“I wasn’t really expecting anything.”

She grabbed a canvas bag off the end table and pulled out a large book. “This is your family.”

I gaped in surprise when she handed over a weathered photo album.

“I’ll have to update your section, but I thought you’d want to learn more about your family.”

“Thank you for this.” I opened the front cover. “But I don’t see what kind of answers this is going to give me.”

“I said I’d have to update your section, not that I didn’t start on it.”

I flipped through the pages as slowly as I could manage. I wanted to see pictures and descriptions of my ancestors, but more than anything, I needed to know more about where I came from.

“Where did you get this?” I ran my finger over a photo of a baby. The tuft of dark hair and wide blue eyes were exactly the same in every other photo of me from that age.

“I found it the day I came up to see you.”

“What?” I looked up at her.

“I found it in Robert’s things when I was in his home office. They’ve been out of town, so there’s no telling how long it’s been there.”

“Oh. So he did know about me?”

She didn’t respond.

“What’s the point of telling me all this? How does this help?”