SEALs of Summer 2: A Military Romance Superbundle (107 page)

But it’d been different with Jill. She’d burst into his life like a whirlwind, and suddenly he’d been smiling again. He’d started cooking again, something he’d quit doing the moment he’d lost Alana. He’d made an effort to leave the house, whether to visit Jill at the restaurant, or catch a movie with her at the theater he hadn’t visited in two years.

Jill had breathed life back into him. He couldn’t deny that, and he also couldn’t ignore the fact that he’d been racked with agony since the second he’d kissed her goodbye.

“Hon?”

He spared a glance at the blonde. “I had a crappy day,” he said absently. “Just came in to unwind.”

A possessive hand rested on his arm. “I can help you with that, if you want.”

Shane’s gaze landed on the red-painted fingernails that were now stroking his forearm. Christ. He didn’t want another casual hookup. Not tonight.

Not ever.

Fuck. Maybe he
was
an idiot. He’d broken up with one of the most amazing women he’d ever met, an action that certainly had
idiot
written all over it.

But he’d had no choice. He was being deployed. He was too emotionally damaged. He was…

Making excuses.

“I have to go,” Shane said abruptly.

He ignored the blonde’s disappointed face and staggered off the stool, abandoning his drink as he hurried toward the exit. Outside, he breathed in the dry night air, his hands trembling as he allowed the truth to sink in.

Max was right. He really was making excuses. Jill had gotten under his skin, it had scared the shit out of him, and so he’d done the one thing he’d gotten extremely good at these past two years—run away.

He’d given up on them, and the thought brought a rush of anger, because damn it, he wasn’t the kind of man who gave up. He’d fought hard for his relationship with Alana, fought with every breath he had to make their relationship flourish.

And now…

Now he had to fight for Jill.

*

The chopper touched
down on the helipad at ten thirty the next morning. By ten thirty-eight, Shane was in his SUV. By ten forty-two, he was on the highway, heading for Jill’s apartment.

He’d called her several times but she hadn’t picked up the phone. He was hoping it was because she was sleeping, and not because she was avoiding him.

It was Monday, and he knew the restaurant didn’t open until one for lunch, which meant that Jill should still be home, but when he got to her building and buzzed the intercom, he encountered nothing but crackling static. It occurred to him again that it might be an avoidance tactic, but since when did Jill shy away from a confrontation?

Her building was nice enough that it had a person at the front desk twenty-four-seven, so Shane drifted over to the counter and awkwardly greeted the dark-skinned man behind it.

“I’m here to see Jill Marshall in 4B. Do you know if she’s home?”

The clerk was quick to shake his head. “Actually, she stepped out about twenty minutes ago.”

“Did she say where she was headed?”

“Work, I think.” The man shifted in his chair, looking apprehensive. “I don’t know if I should have told you that. How exactly do you know Ms. Marshall?”

“I’m her boyfriend.” The answer came out smoothly, and to his shock, it felt
right
to say it. “I’ll try her again on her cell, though. Thanks, man.”

Shane darted out of the lobby before the man could continue the interrogation. In the front seat of his car, he dialed Jill’s cell again, but it went straight to voice mail. Battling frustration, he quickly pulled up the number for the restaurant and punched
send
.

A second later, a frazzled voice echoed in his ear. “Hampton Grill, Susie speaking. How can I help you?”

Susie. He remembered the pretty young hostess from the times he’d picked Jill up from work. “Susie, it’s Shane,” he said gruffly. “Is Jill around?”

“No, she’s at St. Mary’s. She—”

“The hospital?” he interrupted, a jolt of alarm seizing his gut. “What happened?”

“There was an accident,” the girl blurted out. “And things are so chaotic now! We’re trying to figure out if we should open for lunch or not, and—forget it, you don’t want to hear all this.” There was a loud crash in the background. “Oh shoot! I’ve gotta go, Shane. Try her cell.”

Susie hung up, leaving him to clutch the phone in panic.

Jill had been in an accident?

A hundred grisly scenarios blazed through Shane’s head like a forest fire. Before he’d left for Nevada, Jill had been talking about buying a car…

Jesus Christ. Oh Jesus fucking Christ.

His heart hammered against his ribs as the unthinkable hit. What if she’d bought a car and someone had hit her again?

White dots obscured his vision as the panic intensified, twisting inside him and making his stomach go rigid. He blinked, took a breath, tried to steady his heart rate so he could start the car and drive to St. Mary’s without getting in an accident himself.

But his hands shook on the steering wheel during the entire drive. She had to be okay. She
would
be okay. He repeated the assurance over and over again in his head, but the panic refused to dissipate. It had wrapped around his chest like a boa constrictor, squeezing the life out of him.

That he was going to the hospital only made it harder to breathe. The last time he’d been at St. Mary’s was after Alana’s mastectomy. The surgery hadn’t worked, and the cancer had spread, and three months later, she was gone.

Shane didn’t know how his shaky legs managed to carry him to the front entrance. He had no idea how he got inside, how he ended up in the ER waiting room, what he said to the orderly at the nurses’ station. But he snapped back to reality the moment the man in the green scrubs informed him there was no record of a Jill Marshall being admitted.

“I was told she’s here,” Shane argued. “Check again, damn it.”

“Shane?”

All the oxygen was sucked out of his lungs as he heard Jill’s voice.

Shane spun around, frantically taking in the sight of her, his gaze doing a mad sweep in search of bruises, cuts, any sign of injury. But she looked unharmed. Safe. Alive.

“Thank
God
!”

He pulled her into his arms and hugged the living daylights out of her, and the feel of her slender body tight to his nearly brought tears to his eyes. When he took a breath and inhaled the sweet scent of orange blossoms and woman, the familiar fragrance made him sag against her.

“Christ,” he choked out. “I was so worried.”

Her confused voice was muffled against his chest. “What are you doing here?”

He relaxed his grip, but didn’t let her go. “I called the restaurant and Susie said there was an accident, and then she hung up before telling me what happened!”

Jill’s green eyes widened. “Oh. Shit, I’m sorry. You thought…?”

“I thought you were in the hospital.” A lump clogged his throat. “I thought you were hurt.”

“I’m not. Seriously, I’m fine, Shane. One of our lunch chefs cut his finger when he was slicing tomatoes.” She grimaced. “Sliced the tip right off, actually. I have no idea if they’ll be able to sew it back on, or if they’ll even have to.”

Shane barely registered what she’d said. He’d heard
chef
and
finger
, and as awful as that was for the chef and his finger, he was too overcome with relief and gratitude over the fact that Jill was standing here in front of him, safe and sound.

Jill was still talking, oblivious to the storm of emotion whirling inside him. “Vincent insists that fingertips grow back, but I’m not too sure about—”

“I’m in love with you,” Shane blurted out.

Her jaw snapped shut. Then opened again. “What?”

“I’m in love with you,” he repeated.

She blinked a couple times, angling her head in confusion. “You are?”

He nodded.

In typical Jill fashion, she crossed her arms and said, “Since when?”

Shane gave a helpless shrug. “I don’t know. It caught me by surprise, too.”

“Uh-huh. I see.” Her lips twitched. “Are you sure you’re not just saying that because you got scared that I might be dead?”

“I’m sure.” The lump in his throat got bigger, harder to swallow, but he managed to speak past it. “I figured it out in Nevada, long before I spoke to Susie.”

“I see,” she said again.

“That’s it?” Frustration rose inside him. “I bare my soul to you and that’s all you’ve got to say?”

Jill had a
tough time keeping from laughing. Shane looked incredibly offended, but did the man really think that saying “I’m in love with you” and nothing else would make her forget that he’d walked away from her? He hadn’t called her once in the week he’d been gone. Hadn’t given her any indication that he’d changed his mind about their relationship.

If he truly believed she’d take him back without some hardcore groveling, he was nuts.

“You didn’t bare your soul,” she answered, wagging an accusing finger. “You just said you love me.”

Shane sighed. “Isn’t that enough?”

“Ha. Yeah, right, dude. I’m gonna need more than that.”

The waiting room was packed, so she sauntered toward the corridor. He stayed hot on her heels, and with his muscular body clad in green camo pants, a black long-sleeve, and dusty boots, he looked good enough to eat. Big and manly and oozing power.

But he still wasn’t groveling.

Jill folded her arms and fixed him with a stern look. “What changed?”

He hesitated for a second. “I guess I did.”

“Why? How?”

“I missed you,” he said simply. “And I realized that I can’t lose you. No. I realized that I was pushing you away so I
wouldn’t
lose you.”

The crack in his voice made her eyebrows soar. She’d never seen Shane look vulnerable before, but he did now. He was all but standing naked in front of her, his blue eyes revealing an emotion he’d never let her see before.

Fear.

“I was a mess after Alana died,” he said hoarsely. “Losing her was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced, and trust me, I’ve experienced some pretty gruesome shit. But losing someone you love…watching her wither away while you can’t do a damn thing to stop it? It was torture.” He gulped. “I never want to go through that again.”

“Nobody does,” she murmured.

“But I don’t want to be alone anymore.” His gaze shone bright, earnest. “I’m ready to take the risk, baby.”

“What risk?”

“Of opening my heart to someone again,” he said thickly. “Opening my heart to
you
.”

Her pulse sped up. “Do you really mean that?”

“Yes.” His conviction rippled in the air between them. “I loved my wife, Jill. I loved her so damn much, and a part of me always will, but she’s gone.”

Wariness prickled her spine. “I…I can’t be a…replacement…” She struggled for the right words. “I’m not Alana, Shane.”

“I know that. And I don’t want you to be. I loved her for who she was, and I love you for who
you
are. I love your enthusiasm and your confidence. I love talking to you and kissing you and making love to you. I don’t want to give that up, even if it means accepting the possibility that I might lose you one day.”

“You won’t lose me,” she whispered.

Shane’s expression flickered with regret. “I might. Someday. Maybe even today if you decide not to take my dumbass self back. But it could happen, and I’ll just have to deal with that.”

“It won’t,” she vowed. “I don’t
want
you to lose me, and you already know this, but…I
always
get what I want.”

A grin lifted the corner of his mouth. “Does that mean you forgive me for being such a stubborn, terrified ass?”

She grinned back. “What would you do if I said no?”

“I’d get down on my knees and start begging. And if that didn’t work, I’d leave this hospital and give you a day of space, and after that I’d be at your door again, on my knees again, begging some more. I won’t give up, Jill, not unless I’m convinced that there’s no hope for us. But I know there is, and I’m going to keep trying until you give us a chance.”

His intensity floored her. So did the sheer force behind his words. He meant it. He wouldn’t walk away from her again.

“Okay.”

Shane froze. “Okay, what?”

“I’ll give us another chance.”

The biggest, goofiest smile she’d ever seen stretched across his face. “You will?”

“Of course I will, you idiot. I’m in love with you, too, in case you didn’t figure it out.”

“Why is everyone calling me an idiot lately?” he grumbled.

“Because you’ve been acting like one.” She beamed at him. “No worries, though. I’m willing to whip you into shape.”

“Sweetheart, you can whip me any time you want.”

His seductive wink sent a shiver racing through her body. She was about to respond with a saucy remark about whipping being a
wonderful
form of punishment when his expression turned serious.

“What about my deployment?” he said quietly.

“What about it?”

“Six months is a long time. I would totally understand if you didn’t want to wait around.”

She raised her eyebrows. “What, you think I can’t keep my pants zipped for six measly months?”