Sea Dweller (Birthstone Series) (10 page)

“I imagined myself swimming
and being underwater like I belonged there. That was when I noticed the
change.”

“You mean the way I saw you
in the cove?”

I nodded. “I think I had to
mentally envision myself in the water for it to happen. As soon as I did, I
grew a second layer of skin. Inside of it, I can breathe. And I’m stronger. I
can jump and swim as well as any sea creature and see better underwater.” I
sighed. “But it leaves me so tired afterwards. I’ve only had two swims but last
night, I was so exhausted, I could have slept for an entire moon cycle.”

“Aylen, do you realize what
this means? You’ve found the only Sea Gem this island has seen since the first
settlers. There has to be a reason for this. It’s a sign you’re a true
islander.”

I smiled at him before
shaking my head. “I felt strange when I first picked up the gem. It felt like
only a small piece of me. There are things I don’t know about myself and need
to figure out. I’m not sure how all of this works or why I discovered it, but I
don’t think it was just so I could stay on the island and pretend to be like
everyone else.”

“Do your parents know?”

I snorted before shaking my
head. “Of course not. They barely let me out of their sight. What would they do
if they knew I had a gem that allowed me to breathe underwater and swim leagues
from home?”

Sai chewed on this for
several minutes while I watched the clouds blacken and rumble outside. I moved
further from the cave opening, the sense of uneasiness returning as more
torrents of hard rain engulfed the island.

“Can I look at it?” Sai
asked.

I nodded, but gripped the
stone a little possessively. “I’ve wondered if it will do anything to you when
you touch it.”

Ever so slowly, I held out my
hand and unfolded my fingers. Turning my hand sideways, I let the gem slide
from my palm and onto the floor. It stopped falling inches about the ground and
hovered there, a shining beacon in the dim cave.

“Amazing,” Sai muttered.

“Do you want to hold it?” I
tried to mask the hesitation in my voice.

“You sure?”

“Go ahead. It should fall
into your palm when you put your hand under it.”

Sai cautiously lowered his
hand beneath the gem but it only rose higher. He lifted his hand and again, the
gem rose with it. Confused, he withdrew.

“Try to pick it up from
above,” I suggested.

Once more, Sai reached for
the gem, this time going toward it from above. When he was inches away, he
snapped at it with his fingers and it disappeared inside his fist.

“Anything?” I asked, looking
for his reaction.

“No. Maybe a little spark but
nothing similar to what you described. Should I try to use it?”

“You may as well. Just
picture yourself underwater.”

Sai closed his eyes and
furrowed his brow in concentration. Several minutes passed and I nearly laughed
at the mental strain pinching the edges of his face.

“It’s not working,” Sai said,
finally opening his eyes and eyeing the gem in wonder. “In fact, it feels like
just another ordinary rock to me other than the fact that it floats and glows.”

“Maybe it only works for the
person who first touches it.”

Sai studied at me for a
moment before handing the gem back. “You could be right. Do you think there are
others on the beach?” He straightened up, eager at the thought.

“I didn’t see any, but it’s
possible.” I plucked the gem from above Sai’s open hand and wrapped my fingers
around it protectively. “We can look to see if any have washed up after the
storm.”

“Really?” Sai smiled at me,
one side of his mouth pulling up higher than the other. My stomach fluttered
dangerously.

“Of course.”

“Does this mean you’ve
forgiven me?”

I looked away. I still felt
humiliated and I cringed at the mental image of Sai’s lips on Faema’s.

“I want an honest answer to
the question I’m about to ask you,” I said to him. When Sai nodded I took a
deep breath. “Are you really going to marry Faema?” My voice trembled slightly
but it was lost in a peal of thunder.

Sai chuckled a little, almost
covering the frustration in his voice but I knew him too well to miss it. “I
don’t even like Faema. My family does, but that’s only because her father is
Chief and she’s pretty.”

“Do you think she’s pretty
too?”

“In a way. But every time she
opens her mouth, she gets less and less attractive. Like those stupid birds in
the forest. The bright blue ones with the purple and red throats. As soon as
they start squawking, your ears begin to ring.”

I nodded, thinking his
comparison brilliant.

“Then why the kiss?” I asked
as I wrapped my arms around my legs, unconsciously protecting myself from his
answer. In spite of the many times I’d been laughed at or embarrassed on the
island, no experience had hurt me more than watching Sai kiss Faema.

Sai watched me for a moment,
his steady gaze burning into mine. I held it, hoping, praying I would be able
to read the thoughts he was holding back. Then suddenly, he turned his face
away and the opportunity dissolved into vapor.

“I’m not sure,” he said. “All
my life, I’ve been with you. Besides chores and school, I’ve spent almost every
spare second with you. I’ve never regretted a moment of it.” I smiled at him
but he didn’t turn to see it. Wetting his lips, he continued. “But I’ve always
wondered. While Haran and the other guys have gone through their share of
relationships with girls, I’ve never known what that was like.”

“I didn’t mean to keep you
from that,” I whispered, suddenly feeling I was no better than Faema, trapping
Sai into spending time with me.

“You don’t need to apologize.
You’re misunderstanding me. I never wanted any other girl.”

“Any
other
girl?”

“Yes. No. I always wanted to
be with you. But I know that with my parents’ expectations and their plans for
my future, not to mention your hopes to leave the island someday, it would be
pointless to even consider . . . us.”

I felt the color drain from
my cheeks. When I finally found my tongue, I chose my words carefully.

“You must realize that one of
my main reasons for wanting to leave is because I’ve never been fully accepted
in Vairda. Are you saying my status here is what’s keeping you from . . .,” my
voice trailed off. I didn’t know how to finish the thought.

“I try not to think about
it,” Sai said. “There’ve been times when I thought it might not matter so much,
but then, a few days ago my parents and brothers began pointing out that I
would soon be of marrying age. My brothers were already pursuing wives by my
age. The way my family sees it, I’ve been wasting my time with you and putting
my future on hold to play like a child with no responsibilities. I can’t tell
you how difficult it was to be accused of not being a dutiful son.”

I kept my lips pressed tight,
preventing bitter words from escaping.

“By then, they’d already told
me I would be going with Faema to the festival. I didn’t really have a choice
and when Faema asked me, I had no way of refusing since my parents had already
arranged for it. They’ve been eyeing her as a marriage match for years and I
never knew until a few days ago.”

“But you don’t care about her
like that and you still kissed her,” I accused.

“I didn’t know you were at
the festival, Aylen. I never meant for you to see me with her. And I didn’t
kiss her. She kissed me. But I’d never kissed a girl before. How could I have
when my time has always been spent with you? I was curious.”

I felt as though he’d struck
me. “I wasn’t good enough to be your first?” The words flew from my lips before
I could halt them. I slapped my hand over my mouth, embarrassed I’d said so
much.

Sai met my eyes, quiet for a
moment. Slowly, I dropped my hands to my lap and glared at them, bracing myself
for words I knew would only break me.

“I should never have tried to
kiss you that day last year,” he finally said. “It wasn’t fair to you or me. It
only made you hope for something that can’t happen.”

“But it can happen with
her
?”
I choked on the words, wondering why I was torturing us both with questions I
wasn’t sure I wanted answered.

“No! I’ll never love Faema.
But someday, soon now, I’ll have to find someone else.” Sai shuddered, as if
trying to shake off the looming prospect. “I wish it didn’t have to be this
way.”

  I opened my mouth to tell
him it didn’t, but foreseeing my response, Sai turned from me.

“I’m nearly eighteen now,
Aylen. I’m almost of age and I have to accept that. I can’t just spend all my
time with you and not prepare for my future. My parents expect me to have a
family of my own and pass down the island traditions to my children. I’d be
denying my parents’ greatest wish for me if I ignored that duty.”

“Is there another girl
besides Faema?” I asked.  My heart thumped painfully behind my ribcage. No one
would ever appreciate Sai the way I did. There was no one on the island who
knew him better or loved him more.

“Not right now,” he said.

 I couldn’t help it. I sighed
in relief. Sai, hearing me, furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head.

“Aylen,” he said, misery
cloaking his features, “we can’t be more than friends.”

For a single moment, I was
warm with the realization that Sai cared about me, maybe as deeply as I cared
for him. No one could feign the unhappiness in his face. But like a flame being
snuffed out, the warmth fled as I realized what he was telling me.

“You’re choosing the island
traditions and your parent’s expectations over me. Over us.”

“You’re my best friend. I
never wanted to be around anyone other than you but my life is on this island.
My future is tied up in these traditions. I can’t abandon them. I’d be
abandoning my family. My culture.”

I stupidly nodded, wishing I
was leagues away at that moment. I avoided his dark eyes— the only eyes I had
felt could look past my deficiencies and still love what they saw. Apparently,
I’d been mistaken.

 Instead, I blindly looked
out the cave entrance and peered toward the distant, raging ocean. Pushing past
all I’d ever known and everything any Vairdan had ever seen, I tried to imagine
something beyond the jagged crags and borders of the island.

“I don’t belong here. I need
to leave the island soon,” I finally said, unable to control the chill in my
voice.

Sai jerked upright, his
shoulders taut. “Where will you possibly go?” He took a deep, panicky breath
before going on. “People don’t just leave Vairda, Aylen.”

“You’ve just told me yourself
I’ll never belong. How can you expect me to sit by and watch you marry some
island girl while I live the rest of my life without friends or family? I won’t
do it. We’re together now, but you’re telling me— no,
promising
me that
because of your duties and responsibilities, I’m going to be pushed out of your
life sooner or later.” I shook my head. “You can’t expect me to be alright with
that. Not if you care about me as much as you claim. I need to make a life for
myself.”

“Nobody knows where the nearest
land outside of the surrounding islands is. How do you know where to go?”

I shrugged my shoulders and
offered a wan smile. “I can swim forever if I want to. I could disappear from
the island tomorrow and no one would care or realize until it was too late.”

“Aylen, you can’t do that. I
. . .” He paused. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“I’m not enough for you.” I
turned to meet his gaze, unable to keep the accusation from my tone. “I won’t
live my life being labeled as nothing more than an ‘outsider’. Even you can’t
look past the fact that I’m not like the rest of you. Not even this stone makes
me good enough for you. If I’m not a native Vairdan, I’m nothing here.”

I stood and brushed myself
off, as though I could rid myself of the shattered hopes clinging to my soul.
My eyes roved over the island terrain, now drenched in cloud and water. The
storm seemed to be gaining momentum and a sharp gust of wind urged goose bumps
on my skin. “Sai,” I began again, rubbing my arms, “I don’t know how to get to
the mainland yet and I still need to get used to what this gem can do. But I
know I’m not meant to watch as everyone around me lives the life they were
destined for while I rot alone in a leaky hut. Would you want that for me?” I
turned to face him but his eyes remained on the ground.

“Give it time, Aylen. Things
can change.” Sai didn’t raise his head but I heard desperation in his voice.

“I promise I won’t just take
off one of these days. You’ll have warning. In the meantime, you figure out
what you want.” I paused, unable to stop my mouth from twisting into a bitter
smile. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll want to come with me. There’s a lot more to the
world than Vairda.” I wasn’t sure how true this was, but it sounded right.
There had to be more beyond the horizon and I longed to explore it. But before
I could move forward, I needed to learn more about the mainland.
My
land. It wasn’t just something I was curious about any longer. It was
imperative to my survival.