Scruffy - A Diversion (42 page)

The Brigadier retired to Surrey where he raises mushrooms with great success, selling them to such famous hostelries as the Savoy, the Connaught, Claridges and the Berkeley, while Lord Cruft was gathered to his forefathers only last year, full of honours and the regrets of the new generation that theirs cannot be Cruft babies.

Sir Archibald before his passing was given a Barony for his many and varied services to humanity, not the least of which was his describing and popularizing what he named the Lovejoy Technique to be applied in certain cases of difficult delivery. He was also celebrated, and after a time was able even to joke on the subject, as the only gynaecologist who had ever successfully brought a pair of twin monkeys into the world.

Alfonso T. Ramirez, retired from the Navy Yard and suitably pensioned, still lives at Gibraltar where he is known as a rabid Anglophile and staunch supporter of the British against enemies past, present and future.

The manner in which this happy transformation came about was the following: On a certain day shortly after the end of the war two special policemen attached to the Colonial Office appeared at his Laboratory where he was working, and summoned him to accompany them to Government House. Half-fainting, convinced that all had been discovered, sure that he was being led off to interrogation, torture and execution, Mr. Ramirez went with them, knees quaking, teeth chattering, sweat pouring from his pasty countenance.

He was taken to the office of the Governor, at whose desk reposed a box. Upon his entrance His Excellency arose and made the following speech:

“Mr. Ramirez: during the war you performed a considerable service to the Government and the nation, which has not been forgotten. Owing to the nature of that service, of which I need not remind you except to say that by using your intelligence and knowledge of certain species of apes you were instrumental in bringing about a conclusion greatly to be desired, it was not possible to reward you suitably at the time lest dangerous information be conveyed to the enemy. Now, however, it is His Majesty’s pleasure to tender you this scroll in appreciation of your deed.”

And suiting action to words the Governor opened the box and produced a beautifully engrossed parchment which detailed the fact that Alfonso Tomaso Ramirez had been of signal service to his country and had thereby earned its gratitude.

As is well known the Germans have a built-in forgetter, an apparatus that aids them not to remember past wickednesses. This Mr. Ramirez shared. The awarding of the scroll turned him from
phobe
to
phile.
Treugang disappeared for ever. Besides, what had the Germans ever done for him?

Old Scruff? In any event he would not be alive today. The life span of apes doesn’t stretch that far. However, he was denied old age. One remembers in the Golden Bough the boxer king of the Greek isle who had to fight every newcomer and kept his crown and his life only as long as he won. Well, it was like that with Scruffy. One of the imports from North Africa was bigger, tougher, stronger, younger, more aggressive, truculent, possessive and malevolent. They had it out. Scruffy lost. He went down fighting, bravely, dirtily, gallantly, struggling to do his conqueror in as long as there was still the faintest spark of life in his great, grey body, and when it was extinguished his canines were still tight in the flank of the victor, who was himself not counted for very much good or use thereafter from the mauling he had received.

It is sad to be compelled to report that Amelia never got over the loss of Scruffy, for whom her affection remained constant, and she was found dead in a tree by Sergeant Lovejoy soon after Scruffy’s passing. The autopsy reported something gastric and pulmonary, but both Lovejoy and his wife knew that she had died of a broken heart. And strange, though grieved, they were content to have it so.

There was then a most private subscription initiated for which contributions were received from such diverse characters as the then Majors Clyde, McPherson and Bailey, Sergeant and Mrs. Lovejoy, the Brigadier, the Colonial Secretary and even, when he heard about the subscription and its purpose, the Governor.

From these funds was purchased a small bronze plaque let into the concrete platform of the look-out on the Upper Rock, inscribed, “Scruffy–Amelia 1945,” followed by a single line of epitaph and accolade, “Thanks to Them.”

P
AUL
G
ALLICO
was born in New York City, but since 1936 has lived partly in Devon and partly in the South of France. He has been in turn a successful columnist, sports writer, journalist, film script writer, novelist and war correspondent. He is today an author of international renown.
The Snow Goose,
his classic story of Dunkirk, was written in 1941. In
Scruffy
Paul Gallico uses an actual wartime incident as the background to his highly entertaining story.