Scratch the Surface (Wolf Within) (28 page)

“Yes, you can. I can have up to four Advisors. You and Liam would be used sparingly during your time as Alphas.” Allerton had an answer for every argument. “Stanzie, if you ever want to be on a Council, Regional or Great, you’ll need to be an Alpha at some point. That’s how it works.” His voice was gentle.

“Council?” I cried. “I’m not Council material. Murphy is, but not me.”

Allerton and Murphy exchanged glances while I stood there feeling exposed and idiotic.

“Well, you’re his bond mate and Murphy can’t be on a Council without being an Alpha either.”

“He’s been one!” I said.

“We can talk about this another time.” Allerton noted the hectic warmth spreading over my face.

* * * *

When I woke the next morning, Murphy was pressed against my back. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck and I knew he was awake. I waited for him touch me so I could melt into him and we could make love and I wouldn’t have to think about all the shit that was going on in our lives, but he didn’t.

Instead he rolled out of the bed and got into the shower.

Breakfast was a largely silent affair, at least between us. Murphy forked up eggs and sausage, stabbing at them as if they’d personally offended him, while I cut my sausage into little tiny bits and mixed them with eggs and ketchup. I think I ate about four mouthfuls before I gave up and concentrated on my coffee.

Allerton read the newspaper at the table, spreading it on the table next to his plate. I sneaked a peek to see what part he was reading and was astounded to see him perusing the advice columns as well as the comics. He particularly enjoyed Dilbert, judging by his chuckles.

Kathy Manning drank tea and nibbled on toast and peanut butter while flipping through a cookbook. She asked my opinion on several recipes, none of which I gave a shit about but my lackluster responses did not seem to faze her in the slightest.

Murphy’s fork clattered down on his aggressively empty plate. He shoved back his chair and left the room, and Kathy looked up from her cookbook to give me a conspiratorial smile.

“If I were you, I’d let him brood alone. Don’t chase after him,” she suggested.

I considered her words for three whole seconds before I pushed back my chair and left the room.

Murphy was at the window in the front room. He heard me in the hallway and turned his head expectantly but, all at once, I could not face him and kept walking until I found myself at the front door.

Since I had no choice except to go outside unless I wanted to be an idiot and creep back, I put on my coat and unlocked the front door.

Boots crunching on the snow, I made my way down the side path to the driveway where the cars were parked.

Ice coated the windows and both cars were streaked with dried mud and crusted sand from the road. I bet this was killing Murphy, not being able to wash his damn car.

More boots crunched across the snow and Murphy’s shadow fell across the hood of the Prelude as he stepped up beside me.

His breath plumed white into the air and neither of us said anything. Stalemate in some half-assed game I was pretty goddamn sure I didn’t even want to play.

“Can I have the car keys?” I asked after half a minute of escalating agony. At least it was agony for me; I wasn’t sure what it was for him except he didn’t like it. Not if his expression was any indication.

Eyebrows elevated. “What for?”

I sighed and tried not to roll my eyes but I don’t think I was successful. “Murphy, I want to take a drive.”

He opened his mouth three times to say something then closed it again.

At last, he reached into his coat pocket, extracted the keys and handed them to me.

Fuck. He’d called my bluff, the bastard. Now I was committed.

I figured it was only seconds until I’d begin to cry like a goddamn baby the way I always seemed to in times of nervous crisis. Damn it. I had no choice now. The Prelude’s lights flashed in response when I pressed the unlock button.

“You’re really going to drive?” Murphy tried to sound encouraging but I could hear the doubt loud and clear.

I gritted my teeth and resolutely opened the door. I tried to get behind the wheel but my knees locked rebelliously.

“It looks like you can’t bend your knees,” he said after a moment. His voice was both ironic and kind, and I winced.

“I can so,” I argued. Murphy waited. I took a deep breath, held it, counted to twenty three, exhaled before I passed out and tried to bend my knees again. No dice.

“This is so fucking stupid,” I muttered.

“Where do you want to go? I’ll drive you,” he offered.

“You always drive me everywhere. I want to be the one to drive.”

He waited again. He was very patient. My knees were completely uncooperative.

“Oh, fuck.” I handed him the keys and all but ran away from the car. Damn thing. My knees worked fine walking away from the driver’s side.

“You did try,” he said, coming closer to me. He gave me an encouraging smile. “It won’t be long now before you’re driving, Stanzie.”

“Please don’t patronize me,” I whispered and his smile went away.

“Where do you want to go?” he said after a moment.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I just want to get the hell away from here.”

“Boston?” His laugh was wistful and so was my smile. “Let’s just drive,” he suggested. So we did.

He drove through Hartford for a little bit but when he ended up on the highway, I abruptly knew where I wanted to go and gave him directions.

* * * *

The house was smaller than I remembered. They’d painted the shutters black, but they’d been Cape Cod blue when Grey, Elena and I had lived there.

Murphy parked at the curb so that my side of the car had the best view of the house.

The big bay window sparkled in the winter sunshine and I remembered Elena’s collection of glass cats. She’d put them all on the little shelves built into the panes of the window glass. They’d all been smashed to hell the day of the funeral. She’d spent her whole life collecting them—since she was five years old. Every birthday, every Christmas, people gave her glass cats.

The wooden box Grey and I had given her when she’d bonded with us had been painted with calico cats. She’d squealed in delight when she’d seen it.

She tried keeping real cats but they always ran away. Cats and wolves don’t generally mix.

I sat in the car with one hand pressed to my mouth and stared, while Murphy waited behind the wheel, head bowed a little, allowing me my space and privacy.

When I could talk again, I said, “The shutters used to be blue.”

“Yeah,” said Murphy. “Things don’t stay the same, do they? After Sorcha died, I got an offer for our apartment and that’s when I decided to move to Belfast. The company who bought the apartment house wanted it for office space. Tore it all down and rebuilt it. Paddy tells me I wouldn’t even recognize it anymore. I can’t decide if this is a good thing or not.”

“I hate change,” I whispered.

“It happens anyway.” He switched on the ignition.

I gave him directions back to the highway. There was one more place I wanted to visit.

“I don’t think this a good idea,” Murphy told me when he realized where we were and why I wanted him to pull over on the off-ramp.

There wasn’t a lot of traffic. More than there’d been that night, but there was never that much.

I ignored him and got out of the car.

The guard rail had long since been replaced. The new part gleamed in the winter sun. The small ravine below was a shining, pristine sheet of white tucked into the hill.

During the accident, the Mustang had taken out several bushes and a tree. There had to be a blank spot where they’d been, at least where the tree had stood, but the snow covered everything and made it hard to tell.

It was a deceptively peaceful place. I detected no psychic echoes of Grey’s dying agony or Elena’s last shriek of terror before her neck snapped.

I looked and looked but could not find the exact spot the car had come to rest.

If it hadn’t been so icy, I would have gone down the hill. I did try, but Murphy grabbed me.

“I can’t find it. The place exactly,” I told him when he wouldn’t let go of my shoulder.

“Maybe that’s a good thing.”

I shrugged. I didn’t know for sure. “My cellphone was in my purse. My purse was in the back seat with...with Elena. After Grey died, I left him and went back to the car. I found my cellphone. It worked. Do you know who I called?”

“Grandfather Tobias,” he guessed, his face very grim.

I squinted against the blinding sunlight and nodded. “He called the others, Vaughn, Peter and Jonathan. They left Callie and Nora behind. I waited for them to get here and went back and forth between Elena and Grey. Because I didn’t want them to be alone. I was talking to myself. Babbling really. Telling myself it was just a dream, a nightmare. But it wasn’t. They got here and they saw all the blood on me. It was Grey’s blood but they didn’t know that. Peter thought I was hurt and he ran to me. Jonathan saw Grey’s body and got sick in the bushes. Vaughn found Elena and started to cry. He kept saying, ‘no, no, no, not like this, no.’

“Grandfather Tobias put me in Jonathan’s car and I lay down in the backseat. I don’t remember what happened then except I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes I was at Callie’s house, in the driveway. Peter was shaking me awake and we went inside and told Callie and Nora that Grey and Elena were dead. They started screaming and crying and, oh, Murphy, it was a mess.”

I stopped talking and looked down the hill again. I still couldn’t find the exact spot.

“It’s over, Stanzie,” Murphy whispered. He tucked a lock of my hair behind one of my ears. “It’s the past. Don’t let it hurt you anymore. It wasn’t your fault and nobody blames you and you can let it go now.”

“Can I?” I turned to look at him, at his familiar, attractive face. I wished I could touch him but I didn’t. “Someone else was in on it with Grandfather Tobias. I can’t let it go until I know who. Not just because Allerton wants to know, not just because the Great Pack needs to know, but because I do. I want to let go, Murphy, and I’m a lot better than I used to be. Look at me, I’m not even crying. Am I?” Amazed, I put a hand to my cheek. It came away dry.

My mouth trembled. “Is that a good thing?”

“It is.” He gave me a subdued smile. “Now come on, let’s go find someplace and have lunch.”

“Is your wolf still awake?” I wondered and his subdued smile became an outright grin.

“He is.”

“Want to shift?”

Chapter 20

Run, run, run and run more. Friend chases me. I run faster! I want words but I want to run too! Friend chases me. Friend tries to catch me! Me run, fast, fast, fast! White stuff flies up in the air. Paws cold! Cold paws, but me warm. Me...I...I happy! I run! I run fast!

* * * *

Jesus, it was cold. I came back to myself in human form, naked and colder than midnight in February.

Murphy was close by and swearing in Irish. Luckily, our clothes were in neatly folded piles right where we’d left them. The first thing Murphy’s wolf had taught mine was to remember where we left our clothes and to return there before shifting back. It was a simple, obvious thing, but it was something my wolf was notoriously awful at remembering.

But she had remembered this time. Here was the clearing where we’d shifted near the lot where we’d left the car. It was so cold no Others were around. The parking lot was empty save for the Prelude. One good thing about shifting in the daytime in winter, when it was this cold—the Others stayed away.

Grey, Elena and I had loved this small state park in Manchester and used it far more often than we’d gone to the Devil’s Hopyard. That was more for the whole pack, not our triad.

Today seemed a day to go back to old haunts, and I was handling it relatively well. I knew it was because Murphy was with me but I was still proud of myself.

“Jaysus, goddamn, sonofabitch!” Murphy switched to English and half-ran, half-hopped to his clothes and began with his jeans. I swore too and stood on my coat so I could put on my socks. My nipples were so hard they hurt and my teeth chattered so loudly I could barely hear Murphy’s steady stream of inventive cursing.