Authors: Jessica Ashe
Jenny insisted on buying a house in England even though I wanted to wait until I had the all clear from my doctor. I resisted at first because it felt presumptuous, like I was tempting fate, but I relented when she threatened to withhold sex. I doubted she would have lasted much longer than me, but there was another benefit to buying the property now.
We bought the house under a joint tenancy, so if anything did happen to me then Jenny would at least still have somewhere to live, or a valuable asset to sell if she didn’t want to stay there.
The next month passed agonizingly slowly. I finished up the medication and then had to wait two weeks before going in for another scan. Jenny got more and more nervous with each passing day and I found it difficult to reassure her. I needed to be brave for her, but I couldn’t pretend that the constant reminders of my mortality weren’t having an effect on me.
Everything we did seemed to remind me that my future was not assured. We couldn’t even go to the movie theater without seeing a trailer for a movie I might never be able to see. I once joked that if something bad happened to me then at least Jenny wouldn’t get dragged to the movies to see the latest Star Wars film. She didn’t speak to me for an entire day after that.
At least there was a distraction at home to keep our minds off my illness temporarily. Mom delivered some fantastic news; her and Sheridan were getting divorced. She presented the news to me as if it were her idea, but after speaking to Sheridan I knew he had been the one to initiate it.
He didn’t say as much—Sheridan was too nice for that—but I could see how relieved he looked when Mom moved out of the house. He spent more time at home with Jenny and me, and after a few weeks without Mom in his life he looked like a changed man. I even caught him going to yoga class one evening.
Jenny was delighted to see her dad happy and now that Mom had left the house, she had managed to convince her mom to come and visit one day for dinner. Sheridan had taken some convincing on the idea, but he promised to consider it. I warned Jenny that her parents had split up for a reason and probably wouldn’t be getting back together any time soon, but she wouldn’t hear any of it.
Neither of us could sleep the night before the doctor’s appointment. I tossed and turned for hours, and eventually we gave up trying to sleep and just spent the night talking about the future. As usual, I couldn’t mention the possibility that I might not have one, so we stuck to conversation about changes we would make to the house in England and what Jenny was going to do once she arrived there. She’d have to get a temporary visa initially and then would probably move on to a student visa once she’d decided what she wanted to study.
I had a few job offers lined up, but wouldn’t be accepting any of them until after the appointment. Coaching at a Premier League club would be an all-consuming job, so I was seriously considering moving down the leagues and working part-time. That would allow me to do more charity work with children, and I knew the satisfaction I’d get from that would more than make up for the loss of the fame and glory associated with the big teams. Besides, I’d worked my way up from the bottom before and could easily do so again if I really wanted to.
The next morning, we arrived at hospital early and the lack of cell phone reception forced us to sit there and wait patiently. Neither of us felt like talking, so we just held hands and waited until the doctor was ready to see us.
Once again, the doctor asked a few quick questions and then sent me for a scan. Even if I received good news today, I would still have to come back for regular checkups, but I hoped not to see the inside of this machine again for at least a year.
I went back and waited in the doctor’s office while he analyzed the results. This was it now; the moment of truth. Within just a few minutes I would know what the rest of my life would hold. Either way, I knew Jenny would be a huge part of it, regardless of whether I lived for eight months or eighty years.
“What’s taking so long?” Jenny asked. She hadn’t stopped fidgeting since I’d come back from the scan.
“Calm down, it’s only been a few minutes.”
“No it hasn’t,” she replied. “It’s been nearly half an hour. He never usually takes that long.”
I looked at the clock on the wall and realized she was right. Doctor Lee was spending a lot longer analyzing the results than usual.
“Don’t worry,” I said calmly. “He’s a doctor; he’s probably just been asked to give a consult or something.”
My lie calmed Jenny down a touch, but only a touch. The doctor wouldn’t be giving a consult. I had paid for the best care available, and Doctor Lee wasn’t the type to get sidetracked in the middle of an appointment.
The minutes ticked by until we had been sat there for forty-five minutes. “I’ll go see if I can track him down,” I said to Jenny, desperate to get outside. Something was wrong and I didn’t want Jenny to notice how scared I was.
I walked to the door, but the doctor walked inside when I was just a few feet away.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he said.
“You were beginning to get us worried,” I said casually. “Let’s get this over with shall we.”
“Actually, Mr. Foster, I’d like you to go and have another scan please.”
“Why?” Jenny snapped. “What’s wrong?”
“There was an anomaly,” Doctor Lee said. “But it could have just been a fault from the test. Just to be sure, I want you to use a different machine this time. I’ve checked with the technician and there is a machine available now. Please follow the nurse and she’ll show you the way.”
“What anomaly?” I asked the nurse as I walked out of the room.
“It’s probably nothing,” the nurse said. “The image wasn’t crystal clear so we couldn’t identify the tumor correctly.”
“So the tumor’s still there?” I asked.
The nurse remained silent. The tumor was supposed to be gone by now. If there was still something there… Best not to think about it.
“This was a newer machine,” I told Jenny when I returned from the second scan. “I reckon the other one is old and on its way out.”
Jenny didn’t even move. She looked terrified and I didn’t feel much better myself. The doctor only took a few minutes to do his analyses this time. Was that a good thing? Or did it mean that the machine had confirmed whatever anomaly he’d seen before?
“I don’t need another test, do I?” I asked. “I’m getting kind of bored of those things.”
“No, I have the results now. I apologize for the confusion. The first set of results were… unclear, so I wanted to run another test.”
“What’s the deal here, Doctor?” I asked. “Should I avoid making any long term plans?”
The doctor dug out the images of my brain. I just wanted an answer, but he insisted on showing me all the details. I took hold of Jenny’s hand and squeezed it firmly. Her hand was cold and she didn’t react in any way to my touch.
“The first scan showed some signs that the tumor was still there,” Doctor Lee said, pointing to the images. I nodded as he pointed at various colors and blotches on the images, but I didn’t understand much of what I was looking at.
“My concern was that the tumor had grown since the last scan,” he continued. “However, there’s a reason why we often run these tests more than once. The second scan gave us a much clearer image. Mr. Foster, you are in the clear. Hopefully for good this time. The tumor and all traces of it seem to have disappeared.”
I felt light-headed, as if my mind were drifting out of my body. Typically, people breathed a sigh of relief at moments like this, but I’m not even sure I breathed at all.
“He’s going to be okay?” Jenny asked. The words came out quietly as if she didn’t believe them.
“He’s going to be just fine,” the doctor said. “Make whatever long term plans you like. Given your history, I would still like you to come in for regular checkups, but I don’t expect there to be any problems.”
I expected Jenny to leap into my arms with delight, but she just sat there looking utterly drained and exhausted. The doctor popped out and came back with two plastic cups of water. I gave them both to Jenny and made her drink them.
“That was good news, Jenny,” I teased. “You can smile now.” She did smile, but also broke out into tears at the same time. I hugged her close to me and let her cry on my chest. It would take a few days before the news sunk in, but by that time we would be packing, ready to begin our new life together.
“What will you do to celebrate?” Doctor Lee asked.
“We’re moving to England soon,” I replied.
The doctor nodded. “If I may be so bold, I would recommend you take a vacation first. Somewhere hot and relaxing where there’s nothing to do but sunbathe and swim in the sea. I think she needs it.”
I nodded and took the doctor’s advice on board. In the taxi on the way home I sent a message to Sheridan letting him know the good news—Jenny’s hands were shaking too much to use her phone—and then a more formal message to Mom. After some thought, I also sent a message to Dad, but deleted his response before I could read it. He deserved to know I was going to be okay, but he didn’t get to talk to me about it.
By the time we arrived home, I’d already booked a vacation. The doctor was right; Jenny did need it and so did I. Two days later we were relaxing with cocktails on the beach. Life was good.
“Is it bad that I’m getting used to this?” I asked Jaxon, as we relaxed in first class on a flight back to New York.
“You deserve the best,” Jaxon replied.
First class flights were one of the luxuries we afforded ourselves. First class flights and a lovely home. We had to travel a lot, so flying in comfort was important and it was always nice to come home and relax in a mansion. Other than that, we kept our spending modest.
We had the money. Jaxon’s job working for his old club paid more than enough to live comfortably, but Jaxon and I both saw so much hardship on a regular basis that it was hard not to feel guilty about spending lavishly. We gave a significant chunk of our money to charity, and I insisted on only being paid a minimum wage for my job with an NGO.
Minimum wage was an improvement on my year as a student. Even though I could rely on Jaxon for support, it still felt strange to go from taking home a decent paycheck, as I had done with New York United, to earning nothing at all. Still, it had only been a year, and the master’s degree in Middle Eastern Studies had helped me get a job with an NGO doing charity work and infrastructure support in the region.
“Are you going to see your mom at all while we’re in New York?” I asked.
“Not if I can help it,” Jaxon replied. He barely spoke to his mother and never spoke to his father at all. Sometimes I answered the phone when they called and let them know that Jaxon was in good health before promptly hanging up. I took a slightly twisted satisfaction from listening to his dad’s voice. The man sounded weak and pathetic these days. It was a far cry from the arrogant man who’d tried to make me sleep with him five years ago.
I usually hated leaving the plane when we were in first class. Lying in a comfortable bed was infinitely better than lining up to get through security, but this time I jumped up and was off the plane the second the flight staff gave us the okay. I’d not been so excited about a trip in a long time.