Schasm (Schasm Series) (19 page)

I bite my fingertip, wondering whether or not I should go down there. I’m not sure why I care so much for a stranger who looks like someone I met in my dreams. Maybe I am crazy after all.

I miss him so much that it hurts.

I take a few steps out of my room and feel a cold hand on my shoulder. I turn quickly.
It’s her
again.

“Hi?” I say, hoping she will say more than one word this time.

“Lost?” she asks. Her voice is creepy, as usual.

“No,” I shout through a whisper. “I’m not lost." I sigh. "Why do you keep asking me that?”

“Found,” she says as she points down the hallway toward the observation rooms. Then she screams it at the top of her lungs. “
Found!
” I take a few steps back, afraid of what she might do. Her scream has brought three staff members running in formation toward us with restraints in hand.

She sees them and runs in the opposite direction, but it doesn’t take long for them to catch up to her and restrain her. I stand helpless while she kicks and flails her arms, trying to push them away. They pin her to the ground and plunge a needle into her thigh as she gives up the fight. One person picks her up by her arms and another picks her up by her feet. They carry her down the hallway out of sight. I’m guessing she’ll be in one of the solitary rooms now.

Security is busy for the moment. I make my way toward the observation rooms, stopping and casually glancing inside.

My mind goes numb at what I see.

I grip the windowsill for support.

He doesn’t just look like Alex…he
is
Alex.

In a straitjacket…

None of it makes any sense, but my nerves flicker back to life regardless. I have to get him alone. We have to talk.

I have to know why he’s here.

As I approach my door, I see Charlie coming from the other direction. “Hey you," she chirps with a cheerful smile. "You look like you just saw a ghost. Is everything okay?” She rests her hand on my back. I know she’s here to take me back to my room. I let her.

“One of the patients started screaming at me,” I tell her as we walk. The doctors restrained her pretty harshly right in front of me. It wasn’t what I was expecting to see while taking a walk through the halls.”

“I see." Her eyebrows furrow. "And what did she say when she screamed?” I stare through Charlie and through the wall behind her, recalling the unsettling encounter. “She just kept repeating the word
found
.”

 “Ah. So you’ve met Ashley, then.” She nods. “She tends to react irrationally to even modest stimulation from others. The fact that you approached her probably made her uneasy. You’re better off keeping your distance.”

“She approached me though.”

“Yes. She does that too, sometimes.” She ends the discussion by pulling out a needle. “Ready for your medication?” I guess it’s a little easier taking the medication today, knowing that Alex is here.

Would I need to drift if he’s here with me?

I think about it all as she rolls up my sleeve and pulls on my wrist, forcing my arm out straight. She cleans the spot with an alcohol swab before plunging the needle into my arm.

“Accepting your medication without resistance is a step in the right direction here.” She tells me as if it’s a warning. “Remember that.”

I don’t want to take a step in the right direction.

In fact, I’m wondering now if I shouldn’t take a couple of steps back.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

SILENCE

I’VE BEEN HOVERING
near the door of the observation room for a few long minutes, waiting for the doctor to leave Alex. I know I won’t have long to make my move, but I have to try.

I walk by the nurses’ station. They’re all distracted with various tasks as I slip through Alex’s door without being noticed.

He’s facing the window.

“Alex,” I whisper to him, smiling. Anticipating his reaction.

My pulse quickens while I wait for him to turn around. But he doesn’t move. I step closer. “Alex?” I whisper again.

He still isn’t responding. My stomach clenches as I endure more silence. I place my trembling hand on his shoulder, nervous but anxious to pull him away from the window.

With a bit of force, he turns to face me. I’m horrified at what I see. It’s him, and it isn’t. His pupils are fully dilated, and his eyes are glazed over. I wonder how many drugs they’ve pumped into him to make him like this.

I rub my hand over his shoulder, trying to snap him out of his funk. “Alex, it’s me." I try not to sound frightened. "Are you okay?”

His forehead crinkles and his eyebrows are pulled in tight. It feels as if he’s looking through me.

Panic rises within me as I duck down to get into his view again. “What have they done to you?”

He lifts his arms up and places his heavy hands on my shoulders. I want so much to believe that he knows it’s me, that he’s responding to
me
and not just random stimulus. I wrap my arms around him as far as they’ll go. I pull his chin until he’s looking me in the face. His eyes freeze over mine.

His hands drop from my shoulders and he wraps his hands around both of my wrists. His grip is tight and almost uncomfortable. Fear begins to creep through me. He lifts my hands up in front of my face, and pushes me away forcefully. I didn’t expect to fall to the ground. I look up at him to find an unfamiliar anger radiating through him.

My hands tremble. “You’re not in there, are you?” I ask.

He doesn’t respond.

Tears fill my eyes. “Alex,” I whimper. "Can you please say something?”

A profound sense of loss comes over me.

The one person in this world who has ever understood me in our dream world doesn’t even know who I am in the real world.

My chest feels tight, as if my heart has physically broken.

I can’t look at him anymore. I run out of his room, with tears streaming down my face, gasping for air. I was only a few feet away from the nurses’ station, and now I’m making a scene. I've made a scene. It's too late to undo what I just did.

I can hear the approaching staff members in the distance. They’re running toward me with their restraints in hand. I’m not even given enough time to explain before they’re upon me. Three large men grab hold of me and pull me down the hall to my room. They force me over to my bed. I close my eyes to block out what’s about to happen. I feel the needle jabbed into the back of my leg. It works very quickly, and I didn't even fight it.

What reason do I have to fight now?

My body goes numb as my mind shuts down completely.

CHAPTER TWENTY

SOFT AND WHITE

MY EYES OPEN,
but I can’t move. I’m lying on the ground in a square room with no doors. Everything is covered in squares of white cushions. It’s hard to tell where the floors end and the walls begin.

I glance down at my limp body, confirming what I already know. I’m in a straitjacket. This thing is so tight I’m having trouble taking in a deep breath.

My eyes dart around the room. I need to find a way out. There’s a window, but it’s small and covered with bars, and the opening isn’t large enough for a human body to fit through. There’s no way out. I lie here helpless. All I’m able to do is stare off toward one of the white walls in front of me. I stare for so long that the lines on the wall begin to move, making me feel dizzy. At least I feel
something
. I close my eyes.

I’m falling through thin air.

With all the medication they have me on now, I don’t understand how this is possible. I only hope I end up somewhere good.

When I open my eyes again, I’m back in Alex’s living room. My first reaction is to yell for Celia. I have to act fast. I have no idea how long I’ll be here.

“Celia?” I shout.

I see the bouncing red curls turning the corner as she rushes over to be by my side. “What is it, honey?”

I sit up against the sofa and wrap my arms around her neck. “Celia, I probably only have a few minutes, but I need to tell you: Alex is in trouble…and so am I, for that matter." I tell her every detail as fast as I can. "We’re both at an institution now. I’m in a straitjacket locked in a white padded room, and Alex has no memory of me. You have to help us.” I’m pleading now

She looks horrified. “Okay, sweetie…just calm down,” she says, smoothing my hair with her soft hand.

Before I can even take a breath, everything turns cloudy and fades back to white.

Please help us, Celia.

It’s my final thought before I awaken.

I can only assume hours have passed. I have no sense of time, of space, of distance. There isn’t a window to the outside, and I have no clue whether it’s daytime or nighttime. I’m wondering now why no one has been in to check on me. I’m sure they’ll be in soon to give me my medication, at least.

I wish I could disappear again. Instead, I get to lie here on the ground, unable to move. All I can do is stare at nothingness.

Finally, I hear carts rolling down the hallway in rhythm with several heavy clicking heels. The noises all stop, and I hear a key rattling inside of a hollow lock, followed by a door-sized portion of the padded wall creaking open. Three large men walk in, all wearing latex gloves and blue scrubs. They look more like security guards than physicians. They walk in ahead of the doctors like secret service protecting the president from an assassin.

Dr. Greene and Charlie walk in behind them.

“Chloe, what’s going on?” Dr. Greene asks, furrowing his eyebrows. “How did you end up in here?”

I’m starting to wonder if he has the ability to show any other emotion besides distant concern. I pinch my lips together, and inhale sharply through my nose, trying to conceal my anger. “You don’t want to know,” I say.
And I don’t want to tell you.

Dr. Greene pulls out his notepad and scribbles down some notes. Charlie continues staring at me like I’m some kind of exhibit in an art museum.

Dr. Greene addresses me again. “Until you explain to me why you were agitated when you ran down the hall—out of another patients room, no less—I can’t release you.” He sounds so disappointed.

I can’t stand that.

“I saw someone I knew…I thought he was a friend of mine.” I try to shrug. But I can’t do that either. This is not a good time for a tear to be pooling in the corner of my eye. I won’t be able to wipe it. I pull in a long breath to regain control over my emotions. “When I got in there, he had no idea who I was. It was as if someone had stolen his mind.” Someone probably did.

Dr. Greene releases a sigh. “I see,” he says. He says that too much.

This time, though, I think he really does see.

Dr. Greene squats down in front of me. “You really need to leave Alex alone, Chloe. I don’t think he is who you thought he was. I’m sorry.”

It really is him, then.

I’m even sadder and more horrified now.

“But he’s my friend, Dr. Greene.” I beg for information. “How long has he been a patient here?”

He stands back up and places his hands on his hips. “You know I can’t share that information with you, Chloe, any more than I could share your information with anyone else.”

I just shake my head.

 “If there’s a chance that you’ll be trespassing in his room again, I’ll have to get you moved.” I look at him like he’s broken me. “For your own safety, and for his.”

It’s not like Alex knows who I am now anyway. “Okay,” I agree. “You’re right. I won’t bother him.”

“Really?” He doesn’t seem to believe me.

“I have no reason to anymore.” And I really don’t.

Dr. Greene takes a couple of slow steps around to my back and I hear metal against metal, followed by a couple of tugs that allow my arms and shoulders to release. I still feel as though my arms are glued behind my back. I force them out in front of me, trying to stretch the muscles back to where they belong. They ache like I haven’t used them in days.

Dr. Greene stands beside the door and motions for me to walk out, and follows me back to my room.

He pushes my door open and gestures inside. “Please stay put, Chloe. Relax. Watch TV until dinnertime.” His eyes narrow. “Stay out of trouble.”

Bastard.

“I’ll do my best,” I roll my eyes and sling my blankets over my body.

***

I’ve been lying in this horrible bed all afternoon and all night, just like I was told to. I can’t fall asleep thanks to the drugs they’re pumping into me. I’ve been listening to all of the doctors and nurses congregate in the hall for the past few minutes. It’s odd to hear them all together, and it’s kind of late for a meeting.

A loud male voice yells over everyone else’s. “Staff meeting in the employee lounge. Be there in two.” I hear one pair of footsteps clunk down the hallway, followed by the clatter of voices pick up where they were interrupted.

It only takes me a second to realize that all of the staff will be temporarily occupied.

Alex…

I know what I promised Dr. Greene. But I need more information.

I run carefully on the balls of my sock-covered feet and make it down to the nurses’ station in less than thirty seconds. My heart is racing and my mouth is going dry. I search their patient files. I see stacks of alphabetized filing cabinets underneath the counter. I crouch down and kneel near the cabinet with the letter
L
on it. If his file is anywhere, it will be in here. I thumb through each file while peeking over the counter every few seconds. Getting caught wouldn’t do Alex or me any good. I come to a folder with his name on it. “
Alex Levette.”
I say it out loud, as if this proves his existence.

Inside of the folder, my eyes focus on the top line of the front page. It says
Advanced prolonged psychosis
in bold letters. Under the initial description, there is a list of the times he has been taken into solitary confinement, and why he was brought in. Each one was a suicide attempt. “Oh, Alex.” I hear a scuffle of footsteps down the hall, and I don’t know if it’s a patient or a doctor, but I need to get out of here before someone see's me. I shove all of the papers back together and slide them into the filing cabinet. I move as far away from the desk as quick as I can, but I’m too late.