Scars of the Heart (8 page)

He gazed at her with a quizzical expression. Carly ripped free a bite of jerky and turned to examine a nearby rock. When she looked back, he seemed unaware of her. Kade stared through the trees as if he actually saw something beyond them. His profile stood prominent against the blue summer sky. He’d removed his hat, and thin wisps of hair waved in the slight breeze. Carly tried to conjure a memory—Kade reminded her of someone. But she couldn’t quite make the connection. There was a strength about him, something that both frightened and intrigued her.

Carly realized just how little she knew of him. She’d offered many details about her past yet asked nothing of his. “Were you born here, on the frontier?”

His broad shoulders stiffened, then relaxed. He continued to stare straight ahead.

“Why? Does it matter?”

“No. I just thought a little conversation might be nice. You know a great deal about me, and I—”

“Yes.”

She flinched at his interruption and curt answer; then she continued, undaunted. “Where are your parents?”

Waiting, Carly wondered if he’d answer.

“Dead, like yours.”

“And your home? I mean, surely you don’t just wander about out here in the wilderness. You must have some place, family or friends, somewhere.” She tore at the tough meat with her front teeth. It wasn’t leg of lamb, but it was better than starving to death.

“I had a home. It was taken from me.”

The man spoke just above a whisper, a hush like leaves falling from the trees in the fall. With a shudder, Carly decided not to ask any more questions. But he continued.

“Not because of its beauty. Not because of the hard work it took to carve it from nothing. Not because of the bloodshed and bodies buried there.”

A heavy silence fell between them, making the air difficult to breathe. “Then why?” Carly asked softly.

“Greed.”

The word resounded like a thunderclap. She jumped as Kade whirled to face her.

“You people come west with high hopes and soft hands. Everything you have came easy. You don’t know how to work, how to sweat, how to take your place without taking over.”

Carly knew her mouth hung open. She struggled to understand not only his words but the hostility behind them. “I’ll have you know my father worked hard all his life. He spent many evenings and Saturdays at the family’s lumber mill, especially the year we thought we’d have to let the bank have it to keep the house. Times were tight, but my grandfather—”

“And what did you do? Or did
Betsy
jump at your beck and call?”

“How dare you insinuate . . . Betsy was—”

“A Negro?” Kade crossed his arms over his chest.

Resenting the sarcasm in his voice, Carly raised her chin a notch. “Yes, a Negro but not a slave. Papa paid her to work for us. We believe all people to be equal, not some lesser human beings because of their skin coloring. And we supported President Lincoln, God rest his soul, all through his campaign for abolition.” Carly paused long enough to catch her breath but not to let Kade resume his assault.

“And I went to school. I studied hard so I could take over the family business someday.”

“I’ll just bet you did, a nice school, too, no doubt. And tell me, Carl, did Betsy or any of her kin attend your fine school?”

Carly had the eerie feeling she’d walked into an ambush. “Why, uh, what do you—”

“Were there any Negroes at the school you went to? It’s a simple question. Yes or no?”

Heat crept higher up her neck. “Well, no, but—”

“But what?”

He looked so smug, Carly wanted to claw his eyes out. “It wasn’t because of their skin coloring. It was a very expensive school. The Negroes couldn’t afford—”

“And why couldn’t they afford to attend your school?”

The muscles in her neck slowly coiled into knots. She’d finish a sentence with this man if it killed her! “Because they couldn’t find employment that paid well enough. That’s why.”

“And why couldn’t they find such employment?”

He stood there, arms crossed, eyes glinting with sardonic pleasure. “Because they were uneducated?”

At the smirk on Kade’s face, Carly realized he’d led her headlong into a trap. She saw the picture of injustice he painted and resented his manipulation of her—the brush in the master’s hand. Refusing to crumble before him, she desperately sought an avenue of escape.

“I thought we were discussing my family and your opinion of our shortcomings. How dare you stand in judgment when you have no idea what our life was like. We worked hard for what we had. All of us made sacrifices. Sometimes I worked afternoons and Saturdays at the mill, with Papa.”

“That’s not work. Writing little numbers in little books and taking your money to the bank. You’re a city-slick kid from a lace-collar school where you probably learned some fancy foreign language and some fancy, big-word stories. Well, that won’t do you a bit of good out here, pup.”

Bolting to his feet, Kade closed the space between them. “This land is for real men who aren’t afraid to sweat. Men who aren’t afraid to bleed, to die if necessary. Men who are willing to risk it all to carve out a life. And for what? To make it easy for folks like you to come along and steal it out from under our noses.”

Dropping the jerky to the ground, Carly scrambled to her feet. She glared at the raving stranger. Anger boiled within her chest. He had no idea how hard her life had been. Even her earlier confessions couldn’t truly convey all she’d been through. He didn’t know her father . . . the way he worked to keep the business afloat. How dare he accuse her of any injustice! The people of this land were barbarians! Lawless criminals who took without asking, who had no regard for the rights of others.
His
people were the true savages of the world!

Carly opened her mouth to speak her mind, but Kade’s sharp words cut her off.

“Well, it won’t work. I won’t give up so easily what is mine. I will fight with everything left within me for the land of my birthright, even if I have to kill or be killed.”

They stood facing each other, both breathing heavily. Carly stared into eyes like obsidian chunks. A fire burned within them, and she swallowed the words she wanted to say. For a time neither moved; then Kade turned away.

“I need to water the black.”

He moved to gather the animal’s reins, then led him through the trees. Carly’s chest still rose and fell in a heavy rhythm. She stared at the forest in fury, needing a valve for the head of steam building within her. “Why don’t you give your horse a proper name?” she hollered after him. “Sounds pretty stupid just to call him ‘the black.’”

Timid stars twinkled from behind the thick blanket of clouds. The murky shadows moved slowly across the dark sky, covering the moon and taunting the night. An owl hooted somewhere in the distance. Carly stared upward, Kade’s blanket pulled snug beneath her chin despite the warm temperature.

Occasionally, she glanced to where he slept—head propped against his saddle, hat covering his face, arms crossed over his chest. She could just make out his silhouette in the dim light.

Kade had stayed away for quite some time, long enough that Carly grew nervous. She kept telling herself that he wouldn’t leave her, no matter how mad he was. Yet he had his horse, his gun, everything but the food and water. Something told her that a man like Kade didn’t need food and water to survive. He seemed to be as much a part of this land as the coyote or the mountain lion.

With effort, she had managed to act nonchalant when he finally returned, just as the last rays of sun began to slip from the sky. And when he’d built a fire to cook the second rabbit of the day, she’d helped gather wood and collect the tin dinnerware from the saddlebag.

But sleep eluded Carly. She replayed their heated discussion time and again in her mind. Kade’s accusations of injustice burned within her like embers from the fire. He had a handful of hate and heart full of hurt. He was dangerous and unpredictable.

She thought of the town they would visit sometime tomorrow. Telegraph or no telegraph, stage or no stage, aunt or no aunt—she had to get away from Kade. She had to escape as soon as possible. Somehow, Carly sensed, she had more to lose at the hands of this man than any who came before.

Kade sat cross-legged on a large, flat rock. His hands rested lightly on his knees. He lifted his face to the warmth of the morning sun. Bright-orange light spread behind his closed eyelids, and he prayed. He beseeched the God of his mother and the Gods of his father.

Clearing his mind, Kade meditated. He pictured himself in a spiritual place—walking among the clouds, gazing down at the mountaintops, and breathing deeply of peaceful serenity.

Life, as he knew it, came to an end just over three years ago. Every day since had been like flashes of a nightmare, the type that haunted the dreamer the morning after. Each time he thought he had the answers, felt he knew how to proceed, something happened that caused Kade to falter—a new obstacle or fork in the road.

He didn’t feel as if he was in control of his life at all. After spending months with his father’s people, having both physical and spiritual life pumped back into him, Kade thought he knew the path to follow. Yet things kept happening to confuse him. Perhaps he’d made a mistake. Perhaps he’d traveled in circles. Perhaps he needed new guidance. That’s what he sought as he walked among the clouds.

When Kade opened his eyes, he wasn’t sure how much time had passed. The sun, which had only peeked from the horizon earlier, now sat well above the flat terrain. He lifted his face to the heavens. A lone eagle floated in lazy circles. He watched, spellbound. The huge bird glided effortlessly. It spiraled downward, directing its slow flight toward Kade. The eagle cocked its head to the side, blinked one golden eye, then rose with a beat of mighty wings and disappeared into the vast blue sky.

With a deep breath, Kade thanked the spirits for not denying him. But he hadn’t gotten the precise answers he sought, like the purpose for his being or the course of action for justice . . . and especially no explanation for why his path had been crossed with Carl’s. Of all things, this caused Kade the greatest unrest.

He’d awakened the boy before first light, explaining that he had some scouting to do. In truth, Kade had already explored their perimeters and found no sign of any unwanted visitors. They appeared to be safe . . . for now.

His harsh words of last evening had caused guilt to rule Kade’s tongue. Before he knew what he was doing, he’d offered to allow the child time to bathe this morning. The stream emptied nearby into a clear pool no larger than a wagon bed. Kade knew of the lad’s obsession for cleanliness. He sent him off with the small cake of soap.

Something about that pup disturbed Kade. He didn’t understand his feelings for the waif. Why would he choose to burden himself when other duties beckoned? True, he felt compassion for such a frail thing beneath the whip, but how did he come to be traveling with the boy and promising to help him find his aunt?

Kade shook his head. There was more, something he didn’t want to think about or admit to. He had actually gazed upon the ragamuffin as a man does a woman! Kade’s manhood had stirred to life when his companion stretched long and languid before him. And in his dreams last night, Kade held a beautiful woman—warm, willing, and with the biggest, greenest eyes he’d ever seen. Eyes like emeralds. Eyes that could hold and keep a man forever.

Standing, Kade ran fingers through his straight black hair. He’d heard of men who preferred boys to women, but he’d never truly believed it was so. And he certainly knew better of himself. He’d enjoyed the soft skin and round curves of the fairer sex since he was still young enough to fetch a willow switch. Never had he entertained any thoughts to the contrary. Never . . . until now.

With another deep breath, Kade tried to rid his spirit of the discourse within. Soon he would have to find time for proper meditation, when he could thoroughly cleanse his soul of all turmoil and distraction.

He peered into the southern sky. The great eagle had flown away in that direction, the very direction Kade traveled. Perhaps he hadn’t gotten all the answers he sought, but he now knew his course was true. With renewed conviction, he started back to camp and the source of his discord.

Leading the stallion, he picked his way along a rocky ridge. They moved at a leisurely pace, Kade still navigating the maze of his thoughts. Tall evergreens crowded the ravine to his left. A glimmer of light caught his eye. He sought the source, realizing that beyond the trees lay the pool he’d sent his companion to.

Pausing, he knelt. He could just see through the branches. The morning sun reflected off the surface of the water.

Carl, with his back to Kade, stood in the shallow pool. The water lapped about his thighs as he scrubbed his hair vigorously, working the soap into a rich lather. Kade started to smile at the waif’s diligence, then stopped, noticing the way his tiny waist flared into shapely hips and a well-rounded bottom. Kade could just make out thin red marks crisscrossing the ivory hide. Tiny’s signature, thankfully, wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been and would’ve been had he been more sober.

With a nudge from the black’s long nose, Kade had to brace himself with one hand on the ground to keep from toppling. His gaze never wavered.

No wonder I’ve caught myself looking. That boy’s put together better than most whores I’ve met. If I didn’t know different, I’d swear he was a
—

Kade’s thoughts trailed away as the lad turned around, revealing a triangle of golden curls and rose-tipped breasts.

Plunging into the cool spring water, Carly shook her head beneath the surface, rinsing away the thick lather. Coming up for air, she folded her legs beneath her. She could sit on the bottom of the little pool, allowing the water to lap about her shoulders. Never had she enjoyed a bath so much. She felt truly clean for the first time in more than a week.

Gazing upward, she issued a heavy sigh. The sky had changed from cobalt blue to a flood of vibrant hues. It appeared as if someone spilled pink, gold, and orange paint on one of Papa’s chambray shirts. The colors seeped across the heavens as the sun continued its ascent. Carly turned to see the clothes that she’d scrubbed and draped over nearby bushes. With a groan, she rose and waded from her liquid haven.