Scars and Songs (40 page)

Lea huffed, stood up and crossed her arms.  “Okay, I’m going to explain it fast and then I’m going to go over there to Grace and try to talk her out of a bell tower with a rifle.  There are
five
levels of the
douche hierarchy
: douche, douche bag, douche canoe, douche nozzle and right at the top, the king of it all, when the douche is displaying
phenomenal
amounts of doucheness, is a
douche rocket
.  It’s when someone is such a douche, like the KING of douches, they can no longer be described as a douche nozzle, they are ALL the levels of douchery put together, and douche rocket is used.  And right now, Shane Maxton is the biggest Douche Rocket on the planet!”

I had to agree with her. 
I had to laugh too, because that shit was just funny
.   

Behind Lea, I watched as Grace freaked out as her phone started vibrating in her back pocket.  She fumbled for about one minute, almost falling off the bar stool, then finally managed to extract her phone from her pocket to read my message.  “Ha! Sure!” She yelled.

Damn
.

Grace gulped back a shot from off the bar and then Lea was beside her, wrapping her arms around her.  My heart freaking broke.  Again.  I didn’t realize I had
any more of it left to break.

I stumbled my way across the room to Grace.  It took a lot longer than I anticipated since I was still trying not to hurl.  Or fall.  Or just plain pass out. 
Whose idea was it to play that dumbass game?
  Mind Erasers, damn, that’s the perfect name for them.

Grace swirled around on the barstool and I stumbled against her and leaned my hands on either side of her, trapping her.  I breathed her in deeply and looked right in her eyes.  A small gasp left her lips and her body shuddered.  I moved in even closer to her and gently tapped my forehead to hers. Her body trembled more, so with one hand, I grabbed her around the waist to hold her up.  I leaned my whole body against hers and she sank right into me.  She freaking
melted
.  I took another long deep breath and pulled her against me, bringing my lips to her ear and breathed the words, “Band practice tomorrow at ten. Make sure you bring your guitar this time.”

I let her go and stepped away, raking my hands through my hair. I walked backwards, still watching her, towards the door to leave.  I had to walk out that door. 
Why?
  I puked as soon as I got to the curb.  Yeah.

Everything went black after that.  It was extremely hazy but I remembered someone, I think Alex, walking me through the front door of my apartment building.  I remembered leaving voice messages on Grace’s cell phone.  But mostly, the night was blacked out and I woke up at nine o’clock with all my clothes still on,
in my closet wearing a sombrero
, and Alex and Ethan sprawled out on my bed.

Someone put lipstick and eye shadow on me.  Oh, and across my forehead someone wrote the word LOSER. 

With my head pounding and eyes blurry, I gulped down a few aspirin and jumped in the shower.  After I dried and dressed, I grabbed a few ties from my closet and tied Alex and Ethan’s ankles to my bedposts.  Loading my
Super-soaker
was the next thing I did, and I sprayed their dumbass faces with icy cold water and watched as they fumbled and fell trying to get off my bed, but couldn’t.  EPIC.

We all stumbled grumbling into the studio at 9:45.  Immediately, I grabbed my guitar and started playing the melody I had been working on and then sent Alex for coffee.

At exactly ten o’clock, the studio door thrust open and slammed itself up against the wall with a huge metallic bang. Alex and Grace came through the door laughing. Ethan and Brayden moaned in unison and grabbed their heads. Ethan sat behind his drum kit with his forehead on his snare drum and a pair of sunglasses on. “Bro, don’t make another sound until I get my coffee.”

I had been sitting on one of the couches with my guitar between my legs and my forehead resting on its neck nervously waiting for Grace.  I anxiously chewed on a small black guitar pick. My heart stammered and pounded at the sight of her as she stepped in and when those intense gray eyes locked on mine, it stopped completely. I expelled a long deep breath that I didn’t even realize I had been holding while waiting for her. I watched her body tremble and those gorgeous lips smile at me, like she was truly happy to see me. 
She had to have listened to my voice messages
. 
I wish I remembered what I said in them
. Her eyes lit up the room when they stared into mine and I knew that one day soon I would know her like no one else ever had. 

Ethan’s deep voice boomed, “Play that new rhythm again, Shane, let’s all listen to it and improvise.  Then we could sit around and think of some lyrics for it.”

Grace unbuckled her guitar case and slid her guitar out.  She looked down at it with a reverie and awe that made my insides ache.  She carelessly tossed her case against the wall with her coat and sat down crossed legged on the floor in the middle of us and tuned up.

Without thinking, I answered Ethan, “It’s got lyrics.” The only thing I was concentrating on was Grace and how I needed to touch her. Somehow right then, I
needed
to touch her more than I needed to take my next breath. I walked slowly over and sat across from her, crossing my legs as she had done. Our knees brushed each other’s and my body trembled when I felt her tremble against me.  There was something alive and electric between us. There was no one and no way that it could be denied.  You could see it and feel the crackling and thickness of it in the space around our bodies whenever we touched.

“What did you say, bro?” Ethan asked looking awkwardly from me to Grace.  I wondered if he could see what I was feeling.

Grace’s eyes looked from Ethan’s into mine. 
Beautiful
. “It has lyrics. I’m just not ready to sing them yet...it’s called
Until You
,” I told Ethan but I never looked away from Grace. I wanted to sing the words to her, but I couldn’t, not yet.  I was going to make this girl love me for who I was now, not what I had been.  And those words, they would tell her
everything
.  It was killing me not being allowed to tell her everything.

A heavy silence lingered after the last of my words, and my fingers danced along my guitar strings, killing the quiet with the life of the song.  A slow addictive melody languidly sang through the strings of my instrument as I watched Grace inhale and watch me wide-eyed. The notes started as tiny whispers; little echoes of murmurs; of secrets. They rose in volume and intensity and I smiled as I watched goose bumps travel all over her skin.  I
wanted to kiss each and every one of them.

I nodded my head at her, “Come on, girl, play with me,” I whispered.

She moistened her lips and closed her eyes, listening to the melody I played for her. A stunning smile passed over her lips, lips I wanted to kiss more than I ever wanted anything in my life.  Her fingers moved across her guitar, and I was lost, lost in the music that we were both creating.  She thrust herself into the emotional passion of the riff and I could swear I saw something inside her break loose and knock down the wall of stone that she had built up around her. Our bodies swayed to the rhythm, forgetting who we were, just our raw souls singing through our guitars.

We played as one.  Her elegant fingers pulsed along the strings with slow and steady notes telling of her longing and desire.  I was completely mesmerized and captivated by her.  She played the instrument in front of me as if it was an intimate part of her body.  It made my skin tingle and burn to touch her.

I didn’t.

The sharp tones of my melody are what I touched her back with; full of strength and power. Our harmony quickened together as if we needed a rush to our release, until an explosion of sound tore at our hearts, our souls. You couldn’t tell our melodies apart, where my story began or her story ended.  We reached inside ourselves and told each other our secrets through song, secrets that we couldn’t say with words yet, like we wanted to linger in our anticipation of the beginning of our forever.

We twisted our notes together until we were breathless and there was nothing more to play.  The silence deafened me.

Tears filled her eyes.  I looked everywhere at her all at once. I wanted to devour her. Her pink wet lips, her tear filled eyes, her neck, her hands; all of her. I frantically searched her face, wanting…needing to let her know, my face heated and I swallowed hard, “I’m so sorry, Grace, I...”

“Please don’t,” she whispered, her eyes pleading. “Let’s not try to hurt each other anymore with words. There’s been enough damage. Let’s just play,” she said looking away.  “And there are too many eyes on us, another time, Shane.”

In between Alex’s mad attempts to discuss the pros and cons of Grace’s virginity, we practiced for three hours.  “Hey, Grace. 
Do you know why men want to marry virgins?” Alex asked.

She rolled her eyes, “No, Alex.  But I bet you’re going to tell me.”

“They can't stand criticism,” he laughed. 

Alex quickly walked out from behind his keyboard and sat in front of Grace, his expression completely innocent.  “So, I’ve been thinking seriously about this.  And I think I came up with an amazing idea, so just hear me out okay?   The idea of a twenty-three year old virgin is thought by many to be an
endangered species
.  So, I was hoping you would let us take you through the spiritual journey of this undiscovered land.  I’d like to start a blog, a documentary of sorts, about the experience of
going where no penis has gone before.”

Grace’s face increased in darker degrees of redness with each word from Alex.  “Alex, I think…”

“No.  Grace just…just hear it all out, okay?”

She nodded her head, laughing, and her eyes dancing playfully.

Alex continued.  “In our documentary blog, I will be portraying the role of head
virginarian
, strictly for the sake of research purposes,” Alex giggled. 

Grace laughed louder, “Alright, I’ll bite, what is a v
irginarian?”

Alex’s face reddened even darker than Grace’s as he explained, “It’s a person who only practices the fine art of having relations with those of the virgin persuasion.  Now, let’s shut off all the lights and play a game of who am I tasting.” 

Before I could punch him in the arm, Grace did.  “Ugh, Alex don’t even…Blah.  Just stop,” she laughed.

He looked back at her seriously, “You know,
Grace Taylor
, there are only two four letter words that are offensive to men.  The words
don't
and
stop
.  Well, unless they are used together.”

Everyone burst out laughing. 

Alex grabbed her by the back of the head and planted a friendly kiss on her forehead.  “I’m glad you’re back in the band, love.  And I love that you let me tease the shit out of you.  If I wasn’t such a
LOSER
, I’d probably ask you to marry me; make me an honest man.”  He gave me a sideways glance and winked in my direction.

Right after band practice, I met up with Conner at the park and went for a run.  When we finished, we wordlessly walked to Grace and Lea’s, the front door was unlocked so we walked right in and dropped our sweaty shirts on the floor by the front door.

Conner and I walked into the kitchen to hear Lea sigh, “Yeah, but he’s just not Shane.”  We both leaned against the doorway of the kitchen, arms crossed over our bare chests smirking. Grace’s eyes roamed all across the muscles of my chest, and slid down my skin over my stomach to my running pants. Her lips parted and her body leaned toward me.
Holy Eyeball Sex, I’ve never seen her eat me alive like that before
.  “Who’s not me?” I interrupted Lea. 

Lea jumped and her hands flew to her chest and she yelped loudly, “You just scared the crap out of me!”

“Uh,” was all Grace could manage as she blatantly gawked at me.  I loved it.  I freaking wanted more.  I didn’t want her to have any damn control, just like me, when I saw her.  I wanted,
no, I fucking needed
her to run her hands up my chest and slam her fucking lips against mine.

I unfolded my arms and walked into the kitchen, tossing my cell phone on the table near her. Smiling at her, I grabbed a water bottle from the refrigerator and leaned against the counter, giving her a full view.  Her eyes widened. I flexed and stretched muscles I didn’t even know I freaking had as she watched me. I did freak out a little when Lea whispered under her breath, “
Hot damn
.  That looks delicious.” 

Trying to ignore Lea, I twisted the cap off the bottle, held it to my lips and gulped the water down,
slow
. I let a long stream of it drop down my chin and onto my chest.  A stunning blush spread across Grace’s cheeks, down her neck, and I could tell she was struggling for air.  Thousands of dirty thoughts raced through my mind as we watched each other; they all ended with her legs wrapped tightly around me, with me whispering her name over and over again.  I was throbbing to be inside her, my hands tingled with the anticipation sliding them slowly over every inch of her skin.  My lips burned to touch hers; my tongue craved to taste her.  It took
all my fucking self-control
to stay on the other side of the room and just watch her, just touching her with my eyes, instead of throwing her on top of the table and claiming her as
mine
in front of everyone.