Scarred (3 page)

“Thank you, Sir.” She moved to close the door and he couldn’t help himself.

“It’s Benjamin, and you’re welcome.” The door closed firmly in his face and he walked back to his SUV.

Six Months Later

Benjamin had no idea when he became obsessed with Amelia. It just was, like he needed air or water. She still hid herself from his gaze and he had seen every conceivable color and style of turtleneck that had ever been made. She still made him leave her parcels at the front door every Tuesday night. The only difference was that the last few months he had the chance to get to know her. He treated the scant minutes weekly as they were a date and ensured he smelled nice, even if that meant a shower first. He made sure that he always served her with a smile. For some reason, he had to know all there was about her.

They had an unspoken game where every week he would ask her a single question and most weeks he spent thinking long and hard about what he really wanted to learn. The only sacrosanct topic was her injury and how it happened. It wasn’t anything that she had to spell out, but he could see that there were certain borders that she was comfortable within and he refused to ruin the twenty minutes he got with her once a week by pissing her off.

Benjamin rubbed his knee, it was full of pins and with the way he’d been pushing himself he couldn’t see how he was going to make it today without a painkiller. He hated the damn things, as the pills made him slightly loopy. But, if he could hold out until this evening, he promised to reward himself with a beer.

After he was done for the day, he loaded her groceries into his car and headed towards Austin Road. When he parked, the house was unusually dark but he rang the bell anyway. There was no answer and for a moment he felt a vague sense of concern. Where was she?

She popped around the corner wearing a dirty apron and carrying a bucket of gardening supplies. “Hi, Ben. Sorry about the wait, I was out back gathering some of the veggies for my dinner tonight. I have some really beautiful cucumbers and tomatoes. Would you like some?”

“I’ll take some of the cucumbers. Thanks.”  He was allergic to tomatoes, they gave him hives. But he would be happy to eat some fresh cucumbers tonight. It’s not like he had eaten stranger things for dinner.

Today, she wore something aside from a turtleneck and he was shocked slightly. In place of her usual top she wore a crisp button down men’s shirt and a pair of leggings. Both were black, but the fact he got to see the hollow of his throat surprised him, as she didn’t usually show even that much skin. He could clearly see her wrists and just a few inches of her forearm from the rolled back sleeves also. But to keep her comfortable, he didn’t mention the change in her wardrobe at all.

She walked to his Durango and popped the trunk hatch. He ambled down the steps and grabbed the bags in the space before she could take anything.

“I would have liked to help.”

“Nah, I’ve got this.”

But when he turned around he saw her holding two books. Shit.

“Some light reading?” She asked, but the expression on her face was one of surprise or confusion. He wasn’t sure which. “Just kidding. For your girlfriend?”

“You know I don’t have a girlfriend Amelia.”

She quirked a brow upwards. “For your mom then?”

“Nope, they are mine.” She chuckled and he felt a bit embarrassed.

“Okay then.” That was all she said and even though the words weren’t posed as a query, he felt like he was supposed to respond.

“I was in a bad accident a few years ago. My sister, Lilith, gave me a box with random books and there was a copy of the Straight Jacket diaries along with a few other novels. I ended up reading the entire series and loved it. The other is the most recent copy of Ambrose Jenner’s series. The first installment was in the box Lilith gave me and I have to admit that I’m hooked on it.”

“Wow. I never pictured you as the type…”

“To what? Read, Amelia? Yeah, I like to read.”

“Not that, Benjamin. Just romance novels? Didn’t see that one coming.”

“Yeah I bet you didn’t.  There’s a lot about me that you don’t know. And that’s because you don’t want to find out.” He was pissed. In all of the months that he tried to get to know her, she hadn’t even paid one iota of attention to him or the tidbits he dropped into their conversations. He heard every word she said, along with parts unspoken and she was unable to even retain whether or not he had a girlfriend.  Even though he had made it clear on several occasions that he was single.

Why he even bothered trying to get this woman’s attention when it was clear that she didn’t even want it was beyond him.

“Sorry that I pissed in your Cheerios this evening, Benjamin. Excuse me.” She walked past him, lugging one heavy sack inside with her.

Today, Ben wasn’t feeling the idea of being dismissed like an errand boy or menial servant at her doorstep and he followed her inside with the remaining parcels. When she turned around and saw him inside of her space, he saw a look of terror flash in her eyes.

“Here you are, Amelia.” The fear quickly melted into scorn and she took the bags into the kitchen.

When she returned she had yet another fistful of bills in her hand, despite the fact he’d never taken anything extra.

“Here you are.”

“Amelia, how many times will I have to tell you that I’m not going to take your money before you get it through that thick skull of yours?”

“I am far from stupid Benjamin. What in the hell do you want from me? Is this help a cripple month or something?” She spat the words at him and they hit him like bullets one after the other.

“Cripple month? Is that what you think this is? How about pity party month? I don’t see a crippled woman in front of me. But if that’s what you see…” He let the words trail off as there was nothing more he had to say.

“If you don’t mind, I have some things to take care of.”

“Like what Amelia? Hiding in your plantation house on the backside of Union County?”

Her eyes narrowed and Ben knew he had taken this too far. But he was too incensed to stop now. He could see the look of ire scroll across her features, but shoot, he took the cake for irate. He’d been enamored with a woman for months. And she not only refused to give him the time of day, he wasn’t even on her radar.

When she grabbed the nearest bag and began to unpack it, Benjamin took the others and did the same. He found the gift that he’d brought her and sat the bottle on the counter.  She looked up from her freezer and he enjoyed the amazed glint her eyes took.

“What’s that?” She asked. But her eyes seemed to thank him.

“It’s a bottle of moscato. I know that it happens to be one of my sister’s favorites and I thought that you may enjoy it. “

“Lucky sister.”

“Do you have any siblings?”

”Nope.” Her tone was a bit lonely, as if she was an only child that longed for a sister or brother growing up.

“Don’t sound so sad. It’s not as much fun as it seems. The grass is always greener on the other side.”

“That’s easy to say Ben, especially when you’ve got Kentucky blue grass in your own yard.”

“You act like you’ve got crab grass here.”

“I do.” He knew she wasn’t referring to the yard, which was immaculately trimmed and green as a Georgia pine.

He thought a change of topic would be welcome. The last thing he wanted was to have her associate him with bad memories. “What are you cooking tonight? Smells good.”

“Cornish game hens.”

“You held on to those for a while.” She had ordered the hens well over two months ago.

“Yeah, well I felt like having that today.”

“Wish I could have some.” Yeah, he knew that he was being obvious, but the last months of hinting at what he wanted hadn’t worked.

“Sounds like you are angling for an invite.” She sounded nervous, almost as if she wanted him to be asking for a meal, but in the same token was afraid of him.

“Yeah, I guess I am. But the question is, are you gonna bite?” The expression on her face was priceless, and he wasn’t sure what answer he would get.

“Since you brought me a bottle of wine, I don’t think I have much choice here. Do I act like a boorish, uncouth asshole and drink your wine by myself tonight? Or do I act according to genteel southern manners and say yes?”

“You’re not an asshole if you truly would prefer to dine alone. But if you’re saying no because you would prefer to shut me out?  Well, that’s a whole ‘nother kettle of fish.” He was grateful she didn’t take offense to his statement as her laughter pealed around him in the confines of the large country kitchen and let him know she could take a joke.

The joy changed her face from lovely to stunning, as if she glowed from within radiantly. “Alright, have a seat. It should be ready in a few minutes. Do you want anything to drink while you wait?”

“I’m not completely helpless in the kitchen. That is, if you don’t mind help.”

“There isn’t much left to do Ben.”

“Well, how about I pour us both a glass and we can watch water boil together?”

It was the beginning to a beautiful friendship. But Benjamin wanted more than to be her friend. He wanted to be her lover. He wanted to be the person she told all of her secrets to. If she would let him in that close. The evening was spent with a heady mix of laughter as he told self-effacing jokes and she chuckled in all of the right places. He knew there was chemistry between them, if she would just let her guard down long enough to feel it with him. But at the end of the night he knew she was the most gracious, personable and lovely woman he’d ever met.

And he’d met plenty of women in his time, just none like her. She was unable to be herself around other people and she closed off the natural facets of her personality due to her shame. He could tell she was embarrassed of the way she looked, but none of that mattered. She was healthy enough to renovate her own home and she was healthy enough to spend time with him. Those things mattered more to him than all of the sex the world had to offer, or all of the physical perfection that could be found on Earth.

He’d had his fair share of women who were unable to see anything beyond themselves and what things appeared to be. The only things that concerned them were broken nails and whether their outfits were couture designs down to their drawers or not. Or whether he would purchase said outfit. People who were only concerned about how far they go in life and everything else be damned. But Amelia cared about others and what the state of the world around her was like.

He knew she appreciated the finer things in life, her home and the care she took in her own appearance showed him that. But it was far from the end all, be all, to her existence. He still had no idea what she did for a living. He knew it was enough that she didn’t have to leave her house if she chose not to. But then again she had no idea who he used to be either, and he had to admit that he could care less about the people they were. What truly mattered was who they were now and planned to be tomorrow.  

By the end of the night, he was sure that she could grow to care for him, just like she had wormed her way into a piece of his heart over the last months. It would just take time, and he had plenty of that in spades. 

It seemed that for the next few weeks, she allowed him into her sanctuary with less reluctance, and more excitement. Even he felt the change, the easy transition from acquaintances to a comfortable casual friendship, one that he had never been privileged to have with another person before. It was more than the testosterone laden joviality between men and more than the heat of attraction he would feel with a woman. It was more than all of those things, but less as well. The new emotions were fragile, they felt like a house of matches waiting for the wind to blow the flimsy structure down and reveal everything within.

Like the fact that he wore his heart on his sleeve.

The idea of feeling so much for a woman, especially one that he knew wanted to keep him at arm’s length was a bitter pill to swallow. So he left the thoughts behind and picked up the latest copy of Ambrose Jenner to pass the slow moments at work that had left his idle brain with too much time to think.

A few days later, Ben was back at Amelia’s for dinner. She had gone out of the way to make him country fried steak and mashed potatoes complete with tea after he mentioned it was one of his favorite meals the week before. She had gotten him good and he had no idea what was on the menu until he arrived that Tuesday evening. The smells of the frying steak and butter greeted him at the door before he could even lug the first bag inside.

“That smells fantastic.”

“Hope it tastes that good, I’ve never made this before and I had to look up a recipe.”

“Well from here? It smells like a country kitchen, amazing, especially considering you’re a Yank.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

“I would never be so crass as to insult you, Amelia.”

“I would hope that you would be a gentleman when dining in my home Ben.”

The night continued as usual, laughter and jokes amid a fine meal. Only tonight, Ben planned to taste her lips finally. He had an obsession with her full mouth and wanted nothing more than to kiss her. But he was trying to take it slow. The last thing he wanted was to push her away by being too forceful. She was a mite skittish and he knew she would bolt if he pressed his suit too far, too fast.