Chapter 98
Nikki slowly walked across the bedroom she had been sharing with her daughter and looked around. Her eyes touched on a framed photo of Psalm, Danielle and her at a festival, smiling into the camera. She picked it up and traced her index finger around the faces. They had been so happy back then. It seemed that nothing could go wrong.
The afternoon of the festival had been one of the most fun times she could remember. They listened to live music, ate junk, and played games. Danielle even pulled Nikki and Psalm up on the stage and they all danced in front of the encouraging crowd. Danielle bought them all T-shirts and funky jewelry from the vendors that dotted the festival site. When Nikki insisted Danielle was spending too much money on them, the other woman had laughed the comments off.
“What are best friends for?” Danielle had said, though she was momentarily distracted by a cute man walking by, as she winked at him.
Nikki put the photo back down. How had they gone from that to this? She moved through the bedroom slowly packing the few items belonging to her daughter and her. She dumped them in a black, plastic garbage bag. Her throat felt as if it were closing up on her and her chest heaved as she tried to calm her breathing.
She snatched the bag up and cast about one last time. She still wasn't sure what had happened, but she wasn't going to hang around to find out.
She hoisted the bag over drooped shoulders burdened by more than the mere possessions. She had everything as far as she could see. She grabbed her purse and keys from the counter and took one last look around the place she had called home for a few days. She leaned against the door frame to catch her breath as sadness tried its best to suffocate her. She glanced down the hall to Danielle's bedroom, but the door shut Nikki out.
She slowly walked away.
Chapter 99
William didn't even bother to respond to what Olivia had just told him. Instead, he grabbed his keys and strode toward the door. Olivia raced behind him. “William, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news,” she said. “I just wanted to tell you before you found out otherwise.”
William turned accusatory eyes on her. “I don't know what kind of mind games you're trying to play or what you're trying to pull, but enough already. I will not sit here and entertain such lies about my wife. You need to get out of my face!”
Olivia recoiled as if struck, and William snatched the door open, not caring that his office staff was staring after him for his display.
“William, all I'm trying to do is help,” Olivia said as she followed him outside. “That's all I've been trying to do, this whole time. I've given my life to this campaign. I would do anything for you. And yes, I do think you can do better than that little country girl who is your wife, but I would never make up something as horrible as this. No, this is the truth, and you have only your wife to blame. And when it hits the papers, all of our work is going up in flames.”
“Bye, Olivia.”
“You're not being reasonable, William,” Olivia pleaded. “I don't know what you see in that woman and why you continue to ignore the obvious. She's not good enough for you and she'll never do anything but bring you down. I know you moved out of the house, but I also know you still have feelings for her. Let that go! If you want to ascend to great heights, you can't have her weighing you down.”
“You've said enough,” William told her in a tone that could freeze water. “You need to end this conversation before it turns into a very bad thing.”
“Fine,” Olivia said, steel coming into her voice. “But you just wait. You'll see that I am right. Mark my words.”
Chapter 100
Nikki drove away from Danielle's condo, not knowing where to turn. She was afraid to go homeâwhat if William was there? What would she say to him after the night they had shared? She couldn't return to Danielle's, not after the woman had kicked her out. Tears started to well in her eyes and she sniffed hard to keep them from spilling, but they blurred her vision.
She pulled into the parking lot of a service station. She shifted the gear to park and left the engine running. Nikki leaned back on the headrest and closed her eyes, the tears finally seeping from the sides of her eyes. She had tried not to cry in all this time, but today, the pressure was just too much. She felt overwhelmed and alone. “God, I justâ”
But she stopped the prayer short. It had been weeks since she had prayed with any conviction. She had felt encouraged at church, but that faded under the weight of her imperfection. She felt too ashamed of her actions to pray, too blocked from God by her mistakes. She felt God didn't want to hear from her. Her heart felt as if it had a hole in it. Everything around her was falling apart.
No, God didn't want to hear from her. He was punishing her for all the bad things she had done.
She wiped the tears with the back of her hand and sat up
.
The thought hit her hard: I have no one.
Chapter 101
Danielle sauntered into the hospital, sultry perfume trailing behind her. Her heels clicked on the linoleum floor. She smiled brightly at a patient who stuck his head out of a door.
“Hey!” Raymond said in surprise, looking her up and down, taking in the black miniskirt and low-cut red top that showed off her breasts. “You must be off work today or something?”
“No, I'm working,” Danielle said, sitting down at her desk. She opened a drawer and pulled out a red lipstick and compact.
“What about your scrubs? Aren't you going to put them on?”
“I've decided my patients would get more out of me just being myself,” Danielle said, fluffing her hair in the mirror. “Besides, whoever came up with that silly rule that we must all wear those absurd things anyhow?”
Raymond cast a sidelong glance at her as he gathered his reports. “I don't think the bosses are going to really be interested in your new wardrobe idea,” he said.
Danielle looked around and lowered her voice. “Do you want to know the real reason I dumped those scrubs?”
Raymond looked at her with curiosity. “Why are you whispering?”
“Shhh, come here,” she beckoned to him with a perfectly manicured forefinger. Raymond inched closer. Danielle looked around and dropped her voice even lower. “I think that's how they track you.”
“Huh?” Raymond was befuddled.
“That's how they track you, with those scrubs,” she said. “Haven't you ever wondered how it is they always know where we are when we're in the building? It's because the scrubs are their way of keeping tabs on us.”
“I'm not sure I'm following,” Raymond said.
“See, I figured it all out. They give us these keycards to let ourselves into the building and the keycards let them know our comings and goings. And the scrubs, in turn, let them know when we move around in the building. They're watching us with all those cameras and if a nurse in red scrubs goes to a floor where they wear blue scrubs, it's a dead giveaway. See.” She smiled smugly at the brilliance of her discovery.
Raymond stepped back. “Danielle, I believe you've been thinking about all this way too hard. Yeah, they know our comings and goings because of the keycards, but those cards also provide us security so we know only authorized people have access. And the cameras are there for our protection as well. As for the scrubs, it's a hospital. They like us to wear scrubs, not street clothes. I really think that's all there is to it.”
Danielle looked at him with pity. “You poor, unenlightened thing. But don't worry, I'll look out for you.”
Chapter 102
Nikki planted both hands on the steering wheel to keep them from shaking. She looked into the rearview mirror and her eyes caught Psalm nibbling on a breakfast bar.
“Mommy, where are we going?”
Nikki tried to make her voice sound normal, but it was shrill, even to her ears. “We're going to have an adventure, sweetie,” she said.
“Oh, goodie!”
Where would they live? Nikki had one credit card that was at its limit and twenty-seven-dollars to her name. The bank account she and William shared was empty, as they had begun operating out of the new personal account he said Olivia or somebody had helped arrange. But Nikki had left before getting her new debit card, and so had no access to that money.
Maybe she would see if Keedra would let them stay with her for a while, but Nikki instantly rejected that idea. Keedra was cool, but she had only known the woman for a few months. Nikki reasoned that if her own best friend would turn her back, surely someone she had only known for such a short time would do the same.
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She drove around in circles, aimlessly. “You're driving around like gas is cheap
,
” she chastised herself.
“Mommy, I'm hungry.”
“Sweetie, you just ate a breakfast bar.”
“It's nasty,” Psalm whined. “I don't want that. I want some orange juice and pancakes.”
Nikki's eyes met her child's and her heart felt as if it were breaking. This wasn't Psalm's fault. “Okay, well, Mommy will stop and get you something to eat.”
They pulled over at a pancake house and Nikki ordered two pancakes off the children's menu. The server scribbled the order then looked up at Nikki. “And you, ma'am, what will you have?”
Nikki squeezed her stomach to cut off a growl. “I'm not hungry.”
Chapter 103
William rapped on the door to Danielle's condo. He pressed his ear against the wood to see if he could hear any movement, but all was silent. He knocked again, louder. He hadn't seen Danielle's car or his wife's outside, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. He turned and walked back to the Yukon, and dialed Nikki's cell phone.
It went straight to voice mail. She was ignoring his call again. That wasn't going to stop him, though. He had to find Nikki. William gunned the engine and headed to Danielle's job.
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Nikki saw the incoming call from William and sent it to voice mail. She could not talk to him right now. She knew he wanted to get back together, to explain away everything that had happened between Olivia and him, but she could not allow herself to believe him. She thought back across her life to so many hurts. When her father had picked her brother to live with him, but had left Nikki with her motherâthat had crushed the young girl's soul. At the time, she thought it was because she had said too much, had complained too much, had been too bad. That's what her mother had told her; that Nikki had run her daddy off with her incessant complaints and whining. And so Nikki vowed she would never complain againâeven when William told her he wanted her home and not working, she bit back protests.
She knew what could happen when someone complained. When her mother remarried and all but ignored her in favor of the new husband and stepdaughter, Nikki had retreated into herself, making herself invisible.
When Danielle slept with Nikki's boyfriend that early summer at college, Nikki hid her hurt. After all, she had a new best friend, someone who would be there for her, and why would she give up her friend over some guy? So she again lost her voice.
That's why she allowed Spencer to pull her into his scheme back in college. He had come along and soothed her hurt feelings. He looked so good, so handsome and said the right sweet things that she had easily fallen for . . . so grateful that someone like him would want her. When he asked her to join his network, she had, at first, balked; but his words seeped into her consciousness.
“If you loved me, you'd do it,” he had said, looking at her with sad eyes. “I love you; that's why I want you to be my best girl.”
And so she had. Nikki tried to squeeze the images from her mind, to push the secret back into the dark recesses of her consciousness. She had lost her voice in all that, speechless to voice her protest.
She had found comfort in joining William's church, because it was nice to have people who seemed to genuinely care about her, and hearing about God's love was something new to her. She soaked in the idea of a God who loved her no matter what, but somehow, she sometimes doubted that He could love her unconditionally. Not her; this flawed woman who had made so many missteps.
Even at church, Nikki felt she didn't have a voice. At church, she did what she was told, and never dared to go against something or someone. That's why she hadn't told Sister James she simply could not afford to purchase a new usher's uniform. She was afraid of the rejection.
Leaving William was the first time Nikki had found her voice. It frightened her, this newfound speech. But something inside told her she had to finally stand up for herself. Even faced with nowhere to turn, she knew she couldn't go back. She couldn't survive another betrayal. Especially one that came from her husband.
Her phone rang again. She looked down. It was Danielle.
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William slammed his hand against his steering wheel as again Nikki sent his call to voice mail. He sat outside Danielle's job, more determined than ever to speak with his wife following his conversation with Danielle. Danielle had walked down to the lobby, smiling. But when he questioned her, her expression had immediately changed.
“Where is Nikki?” he had asked.
“I wouldn't know,” came the short retort.
“What do you mean, you wouldn't know?” William demanded.
“Just that,” Danielle said. “I kicked her out of my house.”
“You did what?” William's eyes bored into hers.
“Yeah, she was being mean and bossy to me,” Danielle said. “I told her she could get out. I have no idea where she went.”
“Danielle, you have got to be kidding me.” William stared at her. “I know you did not put my wife and child out on the street. Where did she say she was going?”
“I just told you, I don't know,” Danielle said. “That should teach her to smart off at me. But look, I've got to get back to work. So if you'll excuse me . . .”
She moved to turn around, but William caught her forearm. Danielle gasped and the receptionist's eyes bugged. William dropped Danielle's arm, but his voice was serious. “If something happens to my wife because of some stupid fight you two had, I will see that you pay,” he hissed. “You've always been so full of yourself. I can't believe you'd be so selfish.”
Danielle narrowed her eyes at him. “You probably already know where she is. You probably came here snooping around for information on me. Just like she did. I know you two are in this together.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You, Nikki, even the people I work with,” she said, extending her hand to the lobby. “I know every one of you are trying to get me.”
“Danielle, I don't know what kind of off-the-wall stuff you are talking about,” William said. “Look, I've got to go. I need to find my wife.”
He turned to leave, then glanced at her quizzically. “I had the weirdest conversation with somebody today. Now, I don't put much stock into what was told to me, and I know you probably won't know what I'm talking about but, what's the Welcome Wagon Contingent?”
Danielle's head snapped back as if struck. “The . . . who told you about that?”
William's heart sank. “So you know what it is?”
“I can't discuss this with you.”
Back in the car, William replayed the conversation with Danielle in his mind. He let his head fall to the steering wheel, feeling as if someone had kicked him in the stomach.