Scandalous Redemption (Ladies and Scoundrels #3) (18 page)

She clawed at his waistcoat, freeing him from the garment, then trailed her lips across his skin, teasing the flesh of his neck. Her kisses seared a path straight to his soul. He wound one of his hands into her thick, silken hair and teased her rosy nipples with his other.

She worked his shirt loose of his breeches and pulled it over his head before bringing her mouth back to his. He nipped and suckled at her lips while she ran her hands over his chest. God, he wanted her. More than he had ever wanted anyone.

Her soft moans fueled his need as he pushed her shift down to expose the fullness of her breasts. He bent his head and drew one pink nipple into his mouth, suckling and teasing.

She cupped the back of his neck. “Henry, I need you. I need to feel you.” She pulled at the fall of his breeches. “Make love to me.”

Her words pulled him back from the edge, and his mind cleared, bringing what was happening into sharp focus. He released her nipple then pushed himself back to a sitting position. He wanted to make love to her. His body demanded he do so. He looked away, scrubbing his hand across his jaw. Bloody hell, he nearly had taken her. Another few minutes and he would have been buried deep within her. “I cannot.”

She pulled her shift up, covering her exposed breasts. Her gaze bore into his. “Pray tell, why not?”

He would have to be honest. She deserved to know his reasons. The last thing he wanted was to play games with her. He would lay his cards straight here and now, come what may. Would she understand? Or would tonight be the end for them?

“Henry.” She placed her hand on his neck. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

The soft urging in her tone wrapped around him like a comforting embrace. He drew in a slow breath, steadying himself for the tale. “My mother used to cry herself to sleep. As a boy I listened from the other side of her door, desperate to help, but not knowing how.” He rushed the words out, not at all sure how he would tell her all of it. He had never told anyone the whole story.

Claudia sat up and placed her hand on his, but she did not speak. She gave an encouraging squeeze.

“Once I got older, I learned the truth. Father kept a mistress. Not just any mistress. He loved her deeply. He was hardly ever home because he preferred her and their bastards to his wife and legitimate children. He had no love to spare for Mother. It broke her heart.”

“Oh Henry, none of it was your fault. Surely, you know that.”

He nodded. “I often thought it was as a boy. She was so sad and I so powerless to help her. When I grew older, I came to understand there was nothing I could do to change anything. Then, when I was ten and seven, I came in from hunting. The deep sound of Father’s voice took me by surprise. He had been gone more than six weeks on a trip across the continent with his mistress. Mother said something to him, but I could not make out the words.”

Claudia retrieved the bottle of champagne from a nearby table and brought him a flute. She said nothing, only pressed the glass into his shaking hand.

He took a long drink. “I moved closer to hear what they were saying. Father told Mother he would be leaving again on the morrow. His mistress was in the guesthouse, and when he left that time, it would be for good. Mother begged him to stay, to consider his vows and their children, but he heard none of it. That is when the sobbing began.” He gulped down the remaining champagne. “Father left that night. I found Mother cold and blue in her bed the next day. They said she died of a broken heart. We allowed the story to stand. To this day, no one other than my brothers and me knows the truth. We never told Jane. You see, Mother took her own life that night.”

Claudia swiped a tear from her eye.

He gathered her hands into his and met her gaze. “I swore an oath to myself that same day. I would never keep a mistress.”

She glanced away, breaking their connection. “Have you ever…been with a woman?”

“Not one I cared for. Certainly not one I loved.” He reached for her face and turned it back to him. “Claudia, I love you. I could never use you in that way. I want to make you my wife. Let me hold you, cherish, and spoil you for the rest of our lives.”

* * * *

Claudia’s heart broke for Henry. The very idea of all he had seen and suffered caused her physical pain. A deep ache formed within her for the little boy he had been, the man he’d become, and all he had endured. She wanted to hold and soothe him. He was a good man, but she could not give him what he wanted. Her stomach turned at what she must do.

She desperately wished she were a different person. A person without her own deep wounds. The kind of person who could give herself to him completely, body and soul. For a moment, she allowed herself to consider his proposal. Then panic ripped through her, chilling her blood. “I cannot marry.”

The pain in his expression stabbed her soul. She pulled her hands from his, stood, and retrieved her wrapper. “I wish things were different.”

She heard the echo of his foot falls as she pulled her wrapper on. His arms came around her and his warm breath tickled her ear. She stiffened at the unexpected touch.

“I will not walk away from you. I love you. If it takes the rest of my days to convince you, I will gladly spend them trying.”

Tears pricked at her eyes, but she held them back. “I have my own scars, Henry. Deep wounds that I fear I cannot get past.”

“Perhaps, someday, you will trust me enough to share them.”

This was Henry. The man who did not hold her past scandals against her. Who accepted her for who she was. The one who gave her a chance when he had every reason to run away from her. He loved her against reason and made her feel safe when she never thought she would be again. Her world tilted around her. She
did
trust him. She was a bird-witted ninny for not seeing it sooner.

“If that day should ever come, you will find me here waiting and loving you.”

She turned in his arms to face him. “I do trust you.”

“Then share your fears with me. Allow me to help you.”

She nodded before leading him back to the settee. Once they were seated, she poured them each another glass of champagne. She would need the courage the alcohol brought to get through her story. “I only recently told some of this to Vivian.” She took a drink. “I suppose that night we met, I told you a bit as well.”

He tried to pull her into his arms, but she held up her hand, stilling him. She needed to do this. She was strong enough to do this without the safety of his embrace. “I told you Akford was a monster. That I was pleased he died. Later, I shared with you how he trapped me.”

Henry nodded. “I recall that night like it was yesterday.”

“I did not tell you what made him a monster. How he lured me into a false sense of security then ruled me with iron fists.” She closed her eyes for a moment, searching her mind for the right place to start.

Henry took her hand in his. “You are safe with me.”

She opened her eyes, meeting his tender, brown eyes. “For a while our marriage seemed tolerable, pleasant even. I recovered from the way he had trapped me and cost me Julian. I allowed myself to believe I could come to care for Akford and I worked to be a good wife to him. After all, I could do nothing to change the past. Akford treated me with kindness in those early days. I did not know what a demon he could be or how short-lived my contentment would be.”

She refilled her glass, desperate to numb the pain of her old wounds. “We attended our first and last ball all in the same night. I had spent hours making myself beautiful because I wanted him to be proud of me. When I came down the stairs to leave, he sent me back up. He demanded I change into a less revealing gown and have my hair redone in a more matronly style. In the end, I looked like a dowager. I did not understand what I had done to upset him and I did not ask. Instead, I followed his orders. If he preferred me dressed more modestly, I could oblige. What would it hurt? I was already married.”

She took another drink and glanced at the hearth. “He demanded we leave the ball before dinner was served. He accused me of flirting with other gentlemen. I had not flirted with anyone, but he believed I had and that was all that counted. When we arrived home, he pulled me upstairs and ripped my gown from my body. I begged him to stop, swore I wanted no other. He struck me with his fist. I fell to the bed…”

Henry reached for her again. This time she did not resist. She settled against him, drawing strength from his embrace.

“The blows kept coming as I curled into a ball on the mattress. He told me over and over that I had embarrassed him and made a fool of us both. Then he climbed onto the bed, forced my legs apart, and took his marital rights. I tried to deny him. Tried to push him away, but he was stronger. He reminded me time and again that I belonged to him. Once he had finished, he left me there battered and bruised. Afraid to move, I stared at the ceiling all night, wondering what I had done to upset him so much, to make him believe I had been flirting.”

“You did not deserve to be treated in such a way. No one deserves what you endured.” Henry stroked her hair and murmured a string of consoling words.

Claudia swallowed back the lump in her throat. Tears stung her eyes. “That night was the first time he abused me, but it would not be the last. He forbade me from leaving the country estate. Dismissed any servant that dared to befriend me. Punished me when my family or friends came to call. He berated and controlled me like I was his puppet.”

She looked up at Henry. “You see, I made myself a vow, too. Never again would I give a man power over me.”

“Who could blame you after the atrocities he rained down on you.” Henry stroked her arm with his soothing touch. Her eyes grew heavy as he comforted her.

Her eyes fluttered open to find sun streaming through the window. When had she fallen asleep? She reached out for Henry, but found no purchase. The previous night slammed into her. He had bared his soul to her, and she to him. She could not lose him now. He was no Akford. Henry was kind, loyal, and loving--everything she wanted. He would never hurt her. Why had she failed to see it sooner? She had to go to him.

SCANDALOUS REDEMPTION

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Claudia paced the
length of Henry’s parlor. His butler had told her to wait while he checked to see if Lord Shillington was in residence. She nibbled her lip, anxiety coiled in her belly. He had to be here. She had to confess her feelings before fear consumed her once again.

When she turned to start back across the room, Henry strolled over the threshold. She ran into his arms, burying her face in his chest. He held her tight against him.

“What is it, love? Has something happened?”

The worry in his tone wrapped around her, warming her heart. She was right to come to him, to entrust herself to him. She met his concern-filled eyes. “I have been a complete ninny.”

He arched one golden brow. “About what?”

“I love you. More than that, I trust you. You said you would wait for me, but I have no wish to wait. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me, Henry.”

He brought his lips to hers in an all-consuming kiss. She slanted her head as he devoured her mouth. The world spun around her and she held onto him for support. Her heart soared as everything around them fell away.

She could not say how long they clung to each other or why it had taken her so long to see what was right in front of her, but this was right. They were right. Her very marrow cried out for him, her heart begged for him, her body needed him. She needed him.