Say You'll Stay (16 page)

Wyatt clears his throat waking me from the half-dazed state I fell under. “The sun is coming up. Time to head back.”

I groan. “Five more minutes.”

Cold water pelts me as I squeal. “Stop!”

I jump up as he continues. “Good morning, Cowgirl. Glad to see you’re ready to head back. I was worried you were going to want to sleep here forever.”

“It’s a wonder why some girl hasn’t married you yet,” I tease.

“Am I throwing you over my shoulder or are you going to be a good girl?”

I climb on his back, and we head to the property. He moves with such ease as I rest my head on his shoulder. Wyatt doesn’t put me down when we get to the creek bank like I expect. He keeps going, and I relax. “Thanks for this,” I say as he gets closer to the house.

“If it’s not going to be me you talk to, find someone. There’s no shortage of people who love you. Even my half-wit brother—either of them.”

We get to the house, and I climb off his back. “I don’t think Zach and I will be talking any time soon.”

He looks up and smiles. “Don’t be so sure of that, darlin’.”

I turn and find Zach sitting on the step. His hat covers his face and it’s clear he’s asleep. Son of a bitch. “Why?” I ask the sky. “Why do you torture me?”

Wyatt kisses my cheek before pushing me toward him. “Either you wake him or I do.”

“I’m going inside. Let him know I have nothing to say to him.”

I’m not dealing with him. That kiss was two weeks ago, and he’s been radio silent since. And there’s no gossip about him and the evil bitch breaking up. So it’s clear that once again, Zach chose something else. I shouldn’t be surprised. I shouldn’t be hurt. I’m nothing to him. Hell, I’d be the homewrecker in this situation. Well, if I had instigated it.

Whatever, it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to talk to him, and I don’t have to.

“I swear,” Wyatt mutters as I walk around to the front of the house. I don’t care if he thinks I’m being a child. I wonder if he knows what his brother did on the ride he manipulated to happen. I would’ve loved to have seen that, then I could’ve had the pleasure of watching him kick Zach’s ass.

I gasp as I sit up in my bed. The clock reads twelve o’clock in the afternoon. I don’t remember going to sleep, but I clearly did.

Quickly I get dressed and head downstairs. “Hello there, sugar,” Mama says as she peels potatoes. “I was wondering when you were going to join us.”

“Sorry, Mama. I must’ve fallen back asleep.”

She smiles and goes back to cooking. “You haven’t been sleeping. I figured you could use the rest.”

My eyes snap up at her words. I thought I’d been hiding it well. Apparently not. “My mind never stops.”

She puts the knife on the board, wipes her hands, and comes around the counter. “You could take today and go into town. Maybe get your hair done?”

I fight back the groan. Going to the beauty shop here is like stepping back into 1980. And not just because they haven’t remodeled since then, the hair styles seem to have been stuck there as well. The thing is, I can’t keep hiding out. “Maybe I’ll head to Nashville,” I say casually.

She scoffs. “I think you get much better service in town. I’ll call over and see if Victoria has any openings.”

Mama doesn’t waste any time as she heads over to the phone. “Mornin’,” Daddy says as he walks in.

My mother yaps on the phone as Daddy flashes a grin. “Save me, Daddy.”

He laughs and kisses my cheek. “Oh, baby girl, there’s no saving you when she gets her mind set. The boys are planning to help Cooper with baling hay later if you want to help.”

“My most dreaded chore.”

“They seem to like it here.” He tosses his hat on the table.

I sit and grab a muffin.

As much as I subconsciously wanted them to hate it here, I’m glad they’re fitting in. They’ve had as much change and hard times as I have. I’m grateful for my brother, Wyatt, and my father being here to help guide them.

“They’re trying. I think it’s hard going from the city to here.”

“It’s been great watching them with the horses. They’re naturals. They didn’t even hesitate with helping Zachary.”

The muffin falls to the floor. “What?” I almost scream. “What do you mean helping him?”

I stand and try to calm myself, but every muscle in my body is tight.

“Zach brought the horses that you refused to go get. If you would stop being so damn obstinate, he wouldn’t have had to come all this way.”

I scoff. “All this way?” Please. It’s less than a mile and he used to walk it every day. “When did he leave?”

Daddy stands, puts his hat back on, and lets out a long breath. “He’s with the boys now.”

I don’t say a word. I leave and head right out the door. He’s not allowed near my kids. I don’t want him anywhere around us. If they were to ever find out the truth about Zach and me, it would drum up too many questions. Plus, I don’t want them to like him.

I get out to the corral where the boys are sitting on the fence. Their feet dangle and they both lean forward. Zach stands in front of them with a horse, and I hear their laughter. It stops me in my tracks. Both boys are laughing. I’ve missed that sound so much. A tear falls as I clutch my chest. It’s been so long since any of us have been happy. So many months of feeling nothing.

Zach’s eyes raise and lock with mine.

As angry as I was a few minutes ago, right now I can’t find that feeling. Cayden and Logan have been sad or entirely vacant with me, and here they are, once again, seemingly whole.

“He’s not always a dipshit.” Wyatt nudges me as he sees what I’m looking at.

“Debatable.”

Zach and the boys start laughing again. He gives the boys the reins, and I watch them walk around with huge smiles.

“When are you going to wake up, Pres?”

I look over at him with frustration. I’m so tired of him pushing. “Don’t.”

He raises his hands in surrender. “I’m not saying a word.” He stops talking for only a second before opening his mouth again. “But I will say this . . .”

“You can’t help yourself.”

“I think those boys need to see their mama smile and laugh. They need to see that it’s okay to be happy.”

Wyatt’s arm wraps around my waist. He holds me against him and Zach’s eyes find mine again. “They love you, Presley. They see you and watch how you’re barely holding on. It’s hard for kids to see their mama like that. So, go show them you’re happy they’re allowed to be.”

He’s probably right. I don’t want them to think it’s not okay to live. I want happiness for them. Hell, I want it for me too. I want to stop seeing that night. It’s killing me. I have dark circles under my eyes, my clothes are loose, and I’m so damn tired.

I walk slowly over toward the corral and hold myself together. “Boys,” I say with a smile.

“Mom!” Logan rushes over. “Look! This is mine and that’s Cayden’s new horse!”

“Whoa!” I’m taken aback. “I didn’t know you got your own horses.”

“Isn’t it awesome?”

“It sure is! Did you name them?”

“No! Cay!” Logan yells over to his brother. “We have to name them!”

The boys run off, trotting them around the ring. I smile. Each time the horse does something new, they both come to life. It reminds me of the Christmas that Todd and I got them each the bikes they wanted. We had to bundle them in five layers so they could ride in the freezing cold.

“I can’t believe Cooper and my daddy could afford this,” I say to myself.

I look at Zach, and he smiles. “Well, your dad bought two new horses, but I thought that maybe the boys would like their own too.”

“You did this?” I ask. “You gave them two horses?”

“They can’t live on a farm without a horse.”

“Zach,” I whisper, “it’s too much.”

My heart swells with appreciation. Horses are not cheap. The Hennington Horse Farm has always been extremely lucrative. They breed, train, board, and sell some of the top horses in the state. The gesture is beyond anything I deserve. The last time we saw each other, I slapped him. Yet, here he is, giving each of my kids a horse. It reminds me of the boy I fell in love with.

“I remember being a kid. I can’t imagine this is easy for them. A horse can be a great therapy tool. Think about how many nights we’d take off just to free our minds. I figured with their dad, a new home, and not knowing anyone . . .”

I feel like such a bitch. Here he is going out of his way for my kids, and I wanted to come out here and punch him in the face. I look over at the boys as they pet their new horses. “Thank you, Zach. I truly don’t know what to say. I’m really blown away.”

“Just say, ‘Thank you, Zachary.’” He pauses, smiling. “‘You’re the kindest, most handsome man I’ve ever known.’”

I laugh. “Still living in a delusional world.”

We both stand there, watching the boys. Wyatt hops in the ring with them and shows them a few tips.

“Are you sure about this? It’s a lot of money. If it’s a problem, we can work something out.”

“Absolutely not.”

“You really didn’t have to do this.”

“I really did. I wanted to do this for them. And for you.”

He doesn’t even know them, but he always had a big heart and a soft spot for kids.

“I wish I could pay you.”

Zach’s hand grips my upper arm. “I wouldn’t let you.”

I look at where his skin touches mine, and we both step back. “Look, what happened two weeks ago—”

“Let’s not,” I reply quickly. The last thing I want to do is talk about that damn car ride home. It’s only going to bring up unwanted emotions.

He sighs and looks away. “The more we keep pretending, the worse this keeps getting. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“No. You shouldn’t’ve.”

“I know you’re not ready.”

“Not ready?” I laugh. “Not ready for what? For the fact that you have a girlfriend? Not ready because my husband died less than six months ago? Or maybe it’s because we haven’t seen each other in, ohhh.” I pause, counting off in my head. “seventeen years.”

“I’m not saying I want to be together, Presley. I mean, you’re not ready to forgive me for something that you know was the right choice. Or at least the choice anyone would’ve made.”

I sigh and close my eyes. ’Round and ’round we go.

“Right for you, Zach. It was the right choice
for you
. It’s a common theme in my life.” It hits me right then. I love men who choose themselves above me.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that it wasn’t the best choice for us. It wasn’t what I wanted. It was what you wanted. If you hadn’t dragged me out there and left, it could’ve been different. I’m not angry because you took it, I’m angry because you decided our life without even talking to me.”

He shakes his head and pushes the air from his lungs. “You couldn’t be any more wrong about that. You think that choice wasn’t for the both of us? I could’ve given you everything. The money I was going to make would’ve given us the life we dreamt of.”

He’s being delusional. Zach wouldn’t have started in the majors. He thought the money would have been there, but he forgets that Triple-A ball players barely make a living wage. Plus, I wasn’t ready to live that life. We had talked about him entering the draft after his senior year, not the beginning of his junior year. We would’ve had almost three years together by the time everything had worked out. Then, to find out he did it all without a word—hurt.

All I wanted was a say in how our life would go.

I don’t speak as my chest heaves. I am so tired of this goddamn merry-go-round. I want off. This is in the past, yet we keep bringing it to the present. “Can we stop? Please? There’s a lot I would change about how we handled things in our past. I don’t want to be angry anymore.”

He steps forward. “I was thinking of you.” His voice is hushed. “I thought about how I could finally be the man you saw.”

“I don’t want to do this.”

“I was ready to give you everything. I
could
give you everything.”

“Now you can give it to Felicia.”

Zach rears back. “I told her everything.”

My heart races. “She forgave you?”

He studies me. “She understands this is difficult for both of us. Felicia isn’t the girl you remember.”

“Maybe not. I don’t know . . . she seems the same to me.”

“I get it now.” Zach’s deep voice seems amused.

“Get what?”

“You don’t want me. You’ve made that clear, but you don’t want anyone else to have me. Did you think I’d live alone and pine over you, Presley?”

Again, we go one step forward and two steps back. Of course I didn’t think that. I wished it, but I didn’t think it would happen. I tried very hard not to think of Zach. Because loving him nearly broke me apart. Even all these years later when I think of him, my heart yearns for him. Zach is the piece of my soul that’s been missing. But he’s not mine anymore.

“Thank you for the horses. Maybe one day we’ll be able to keep things civil.” I raise my brow and pat his chest.

Zach steps closer. “I know you may not want to hear this, but I will always be here for you. You have been a part of my life since I can remember. I hated not having you in it. I missed you.” His eyes stay trained on me. “I don’t know a day that’s gone by when I haven’t thought of you. So, if you want me to be the bad guy . . . fine. I’ll be that because I think you need someone to hate.”