Say It With Diamonds (21 page)

Maybe she’d get a cat. A cat didn’t have problems with trust and obstinacy and forgiveness, did it? No, you knew where you were with a cat. They were simple creatures. Unlike men. Unlike Will …

Bella’s heart lurched and she squeezed her eyes tight shut against the images that flickered through her head. Damn. There he was again. Invading her head, the way he did all the damn time.

Well, she was sick of it. Utterly sick of it. She’d had two weeks of feeling like this and she was fed up with it. She’d had enough of the constant misery, the agonising pain that relentlessly gnawed away at her and the hopeless sense of despair that accompanied her everywhere she went.

Why should she be doomed to a life of singledom just because of Will’s emotional cowardice? She glanced around and took another sip of champagne.
How
many single eligible men had Phoebe said there were here this evening? A dozen? Two dozen? Surely one of them would be a fan of commitment and relatively baggage free.

So she’d chat and flirt and have fun for a change. Maybe even throw herself on the dance floor later and shake her groove.

Oh, yes, she thought, holding out her glass to be refilled by a hovering waiter. She was going to get over Will, come hell or high water. Because what option did she have? Was she going to spend the rest of her life pining after him? No, she was not.

One thing was for sure though. She was done with emotion. Emotion made you unstable and unpredictable, and only led to heartbreak. So from now on she was going to be practical. Ruthless. She’d take no prisoners. Break some balls. She was going to—

‘Bella.’

At the sound of the voice behind her Bella froze and whatever she’d thought she’d been going to do went clean out of her head. All her blood rushed to her feet and she swayed. Her stomach leapt, her heart lurched and the room swam. Oh, no. Please, no. Not again.

She closed her eyes and tried not to panic. Maybe she’d imagined Will’s voice. Maybe to add insult to injury she’d finally lost her mind. Because he was supposed to be on the other side of the planet, wasn’t he? Conquering the day-trading world or whatever it was he did and cowering behind his hang-ups.

But while her imagination had been pretty active recently, it wasn’t so good that it could conjure up the intoxicating scent of him. Or the heat of his body. Or the familiar instant response of
her
body.

Slowly she turned, her heart beating so hard she feared it might leap out of her chest, and thought frantically about how she was going to handle this.

‘Oh, Will, hi,’ she said brightly, deciding that ‘greeting an old friend’ and acting as if his appearance at the wedding didn’t mean a thing to her was the way forward.

‘Hi,’ he said, his eyes dark and unfathomable and fixed unwaveringly on hers.

Bella held herself still, which was hard when every cell in her body longed to fling itself at him. It had only been a couple of weeks since she’d last seen him but it felt like a century and despite everything it was so heavenly to see him. Even though he looked haggard and exhausted.

Ignoring the urge to stroke the weariness from his face, Bella injected some much-needed steel into her spine. ‘I didn’t think you were planning to be here.’

‘I wasn’t.’

A tiny spark of hope rushed through her at the thought
he’d come to see her and she stamped it out. Ruthlessly, of course, because she was done with emotion, wasn’t she? She twisted the glass in her hands and then made herself stop it. ‘So how are the Cayman Islands?’

‘Still there.’

‘And work?’

‘Fine.’

‘How nice.’

‘I’m thinking of transferring my business back here.’

Bella’s heart leapt. ‘Oh?’ she said, unable this time to obliterate the hope that his decision might have something to do with her.

Will nodded. ‘Running the dukedom from so far away is proving tricky.’

Her heart sank and she wished she could kick herself. See? This was why she had to be practical instead of emotional. Emotional simply hurt too much. ‘I can imagine.’

He stared at her and for some reason her heart began to thunder despite her attempts to tell it not to. ‘Although it’s not just that.’

‘No?’ Her mouth went dry.

‘No.’

So what else was it? she desperately wanted to know. But he didn’t elaborate and no way was she going to ask.

‘Great wedding, don’t you think?’ He gave her a faint smile and she felt like kicking him, because he must know he was rubbing a ton of salt into a raw open wound.

‘The best,’ she said, furious with the way he could still make her feel. ‘A top London hotel, fabulous food and drink and a twenty piece swing band. What could be better?’

‘They look happy,’ he added, looking over to where Alex and Phoebe were gazing adoringly into each other’s eyes.

‘They are.’ And then anger and frustration surged through her. Because what was all this about? Did he have
any
idea of
the distress he was causing her by just being here? ‘So why did you come, Will? I didn’t think you did weddings.’

Will rubbed a hand along his jaw and shrugged, as if it was a mystery to him as well. ‘Neither did I. Now I do, we need to talk.’

What for? So he could tell her again how he couldn’t risk a relationship with her? No way. ‘No, we don’t.’

‘We do. Because you have no idea of how so sorry I am about the way our affair ended.’

She shrugged as if she’d forgotten all about it and ignored the knives making mincemeat of her heart. ‘Don’t be. Really, it’s nothing. I’ve moved on.’ She waved at the man she’d been sitting next to in the church and shot him a bright smile.

Will frowned as he looked in the direction she was waving in and went still. ‘Have you?’

‘Oh, yes, absolutely,’ she said, nodding and smiling like a lunatic.

She swung her gaze back to him and saw that he’d gone a little pale. ‘And have you found what you’re looking for?’

‘I’m getting there,’ she said breezily, reminding herself it didn’t matter what colour he went.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, the muscle in his jaw hammering as his eyes blazed into hers. ‘So I don’t suppose there’s any point in asking you to marry me.’

‘Absolutely none whatso—’ Bella stopped. Blinked. The blood roared in her ears and for a moment she thought she might be about to pass out. God, how many glasses of champagne had she had? ‘What?’ she croaked.

Will took her arm and Bella let herself be pulled behind an enormous flower arrangement, too stunned to resist. ‘I said, I don’t suppose there’s any point in asking you to marry me.’

She jerked her gaze to his and scoured his expression, but found nothing to indicate that he was anything other than completely serious. ‘That’s what I thought you said.’

The pulse at the base of his neck was hammering. ‘Good. So what do you think?’

What did she think?
What did she think?
Bella blinked and thought that she didn’t have a clue what she thought about anything any more. Because shouldn’t she be ecstatic? Shouldn’t she be leaping around with joy and delight and happiness? She was being offered everything she’d ever wanted by the man she loved to distraction.

So why wasn’t she jumping into his arms and smothering him in kisses? Why couldn’t she forget the way they’d parted? The flat bleak way he’d looked at her as he told her he’d never let himself love her? Or the fact that he must have known what he was doing to her but had carried on regardless?

Did he really expect her to forget the way he’d hurt her and simply tumble gratefully into his arms as if he was the answer to all her prayers? If he thought that he could think again.

Will watched the emotions play across Bella’s face, his heart racing and a bead of sweat trickling down his spine. This wasn’t going the way he’d imagined. He hadn’t had the time to think it through in great depth, but he’d rather assumed that he’d propose and she’d fling herself into his arms, smile up at him as she pressed herself up close and say yes in that gorgeous breathy way she had. And then they’d go and set about making each other deliriously happy for the rest of their lives.

So what was she doing standing there stock still with a frown creasing her forehead and a wary look in her eye?

‘But you don’t want to marry anyone,’ she said carefully and something in his stomach curdled. ‘You don’t do commitment. You have issues.’

Will went cold at the flat tone of her voice. ‘I know. But I’m working on them.’

‘You said you’d never take the risk on us. You said you couldn’t.’

‘I know,’ he muttered again, the panic flooding back as it dawned on him that he was staggering around on unknown territory in the dark without a torch.

‘Do you have
any
idea how much that hurt?’

Her eyes flashed with pain, the pain that
he’d
caused. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, his throat as rough and dry as sandpaper. ‘I’d do anything to be able to go back and fix things.’

She tilted her head and shrugged as if she couldn’t care less. ‘So what’s changed?’ she asked, arching an eyebrow and shooting him a cool glance, and for the first time in his life Will knew what real fear felt like.

It felt like an icy hand clutching his heart. It felt like a gallon of acid swilling around in his stomach. It felt like the bleakness of a lifetime of loneliness, a future that yawned ahead of him empty and cold.

‘I have,’ he said, clearing his throat in an effort to beat back the bone-chilling dread that he’d screwed things up beyond repair.

‘I see.’

And as he looked at her, clearly deliberating over what decision she was going to make, he realised he was going to have to fight as he’d never had to fight before.

‘I’m sorry I reacted like a jerk when you told me you loved me,’ he said, nearly passing out with the force with which everything he wanted to say slammed into his head. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you I loved you. I didn’t think I deserved it. I never allowed myself to wish for it. I didn’t think I could have it.’

Bella blinked. ‘You could have had everything,’ she said simply, and his heart wrenched. ‘And you rejected it. Deliberately.’

‘I was terrified.’

Her eyes widened. ‘Terrified?’

Will raked his hands through his hair and dragged in a deep ragged breath. ‘My feelings for you scared the hell out of me. They still do a bit, to be honest.’

Bella frowned. ‘And what feelings would those be?’ she said cautiously.

‘I have so many I barely know where to start.’

‘Well, I’m not going anywhere,’ she said, her frown disappearing as she flashed him the ghost of a smile. A smile that, however faint, warmed his soul and gave him more encouragement than he could have hoped for.

Will swallowed and felt a tremor run through him. ‘I am utterly in awe of you, Bella. The way you don’t let the past dictate your future. The way you’ve always chosen the path you want to take. The way you face your demons head-on and don’t hide behind anything. You are the bravest, most incredible woman I’ve ever met.’

A light flickered in the depths of her eyes and his heart began to thunder. ‘Really?’

He nodded. ‘Really. You are also beautiful and clever and kind and talented and-’

Her smile deepened. ‘Don’t forget my wicked way with a pair of handcuffs.’

‘As if I could ever forget that.’ He gazed at her. ‘I love you, Bella. I love you more than I ever thought possible and I just want to do everything in my power to make you happy. To make your dreams come true.’ He paused. Felt his heart quake a little. ‘If you’ll let me, that is.’

As if she’d ever really had any choice, thought Bella, her whole body shaking with happiness as she looked up at the earnest expression on his face and the promise blazing in his eyes. She’d been utterly lost the minute he’d admitted to being terrified. Ah, who was she kidding? She’d been lost the minute she’d laid eyes on him.

‘That was quite a speech,’ she said, feeling an unstoppable smile spread across her face.

Will frowned. ‘Yes, well, I’ve no doubt it could have been better but I didn’t have much of a chance to practise.’

‘You didn’t need to,’ she said, closing the distance between them and winding her arms around his neck. ‘It was perfect.’

Letting out a deep breath, and with it all the tension that had been gripping his body, Will folded his arms around her and clasped her against him as if he never wanted to let her go. ‘You can’t imagine how delighted I am you think so.’ His eyes blazed into hers and Bella trembled. ‘So will you? Let me try and give you everything you want, I mean.’

‘I think I probably should.’ She lifted her eyebrows and grinned up at him. ‘After all, it sounds like you could learn a lot from me.’

‘I could.’

And then he lowered his head and captured her mouth with his and kissed her with the passion of everything he’d just said. He kissed her until she was melting with desire and happiness and love.

‘Not to mention the fact that I love you too,’ she murmured against his mouth.

He bent back a little and smiled. ‘Despite my many failings?’

‘And because of them.’ She grinned. ‘And I’m not exactly without fault, you know.’

‘You are to me.’

She traced the creases at his eyes with her fingertips and felt him shake. ‘You look like hell.’

‘The last couple of weeks haven’t exactly been my finest.’

‘Nor mine.’

‘You look amazing. You smell amazing.’ He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. ‘God, I’m sorry I was such an idiot. And for so long.’

‘That’s OK. You can spend the rest of your life making it up to me.’

‘I intend to.’ Then he released her, dug in his pocket and drew out a small velvet box and handed it to her. ‘This is for you.’

Bella took the box with shaking fingers, her heart squeezing and her throat tightening.

‘Actually, maybe you shouldn’t open it now,’ he said, his voice sounding a little shaky. ‘Maybe you should open it later. Maybe doing this kind of thing at someone else’s wedding isn’t really all that appropriate.’

‘Nervous, Will?’ she said with a tiny smile.

‘Petrified. I’ve never bought jewellery before. Plus, you’re a jeweller and that makes the whole thing even more nerve-racking.’