Saviour (3 page)

“
Any one got a cigarette? Let's go outside for a smoke and I'll talk” Yeah, I’m well aware of the health implications, but I’m in crises here and I need a smoke. We all look at Jo, who is a sometimes social smoker

“
Come on, I've got smokes”

We
go out onto the veranda of the bar, which is the designated smoking area and all but Lulu light up a cigarette. After a couple of puffs, I begin to talk. I start by telling them how good sex, and things in general have always been between myself and Jay, they know this any way, we have all been friends for a long time and it’s a standing joke amongst them that Jay and I still fuck like rabbits, even after all these years but I just feel the need to point out the good aspects of my marriage, the positives, before I share with them all the bad shit. I then explain that my marriage has been on a downward spiral over the past couple of years and that for me at least, it was now over and I was going to leave him.

They
all look stunned. Jemma is eying me, she knows there is more to it, she knows how much I have always been in love with my husband. Lulu starts rambling, something she does when she’s stressed or upset…

“
But why Lauren? Surely things can’t be that bad, surely with some counselling or…something, you two are so good together, surely nothing can be that bad, that it can’t be fixed…. Oh no, my God, he’s not having an affair is he? No, he would never …. Shit, it’s not you is it? You haven’t met someone else have you? Shit Lauren, not an affair, you wouldn’t?”

Hang
on ….this isn’t my fault…. I interrupt Lulu….

“He
hurts me Lorraine, if you really must know, my husband physically hurts me, he pulls my hair, he smashes my head into walls, he kicks me, he physically and verbally abuses me and I have had enough and I am leaving him”

I’m
so fucking angry with her for jumping to conclusions….about me…that I deliberately call her by her real name, Lorraine….knowing that she hates it! This is so hard…such a struggle for me to admit, without being questioned by a friend like this and I can’t hold it back, if they are going to doubt my motives and probably my sanity, then they need to hear the truth. So, there I have said it now, I have said it out loud, admitted to it, it’s no longer my dirty little secret.

It's
possibly the quietest I have ever known the girls when we are all together. I knew Jemma would take it bad, she looks totally shell-shocked, she’s shaking her head and has started to cry. Jo offers another smoke to each of us. This time, even Lulu takes a cigarette...

Jemm
a is the first to speak “Fuck Lauren, why have you never told us, why have you put up with this, why haven’t you told us before now? I knew something wasn’t right but I never imagined this, fuck, we’re your friends and you didn’t tell us…why?” She raises her hand to cover her mouth and shakes her head.

“
What a total Bastard” says Jo.

“I
couldn’t Jem, I am so sorry, I just kept thinking, things would get better, and if you knew, if you knew the things he did to me, then you would judge him, and if we stayed together, well then, you would judge me for staying with him, I’m truly sorry”

“
No, no, no” Lulu says… “No Lauren, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said all of that, I’m just so shocked, I was trying to think of a reason why you would leave him but I never thought this….And please don’t call me Lorraine…ever” She smiles at me sweetly which makes me laugh

I
give them all the details; telling them there has always been an element of violence to my marriage, right from the very start. But that now, well things were at a stage now, where I thought he might be more than capable of doing me some permanent damage!

Lulu
puffs on her cigarette, looking at me...And after a few a moment says

“
You have to leave him Loz, you can't stay there with him, what if one day he doesn't stop, what if one day he loses complete control? The boys aren't there now to protect you and if he's getting worse like you say, then you just can't take that chance”

“
Lauren, I know you love him but this is wrong, what he's doing to you is wrong, you are doing the right thing you have to get out” Says Jem

“
I know what I should do ladies but I'm shit scared and where will I go and what if he comes after me? I've tried to leave after fights before and he's always stopped me, I just don’t know what I’m going to do, I am definitely leaving him, but I have no idea where I am going to go”

“
Do you have money?” asks Jo….Always the accountant….

“Not
really, everything's in a joint account and he checks it every day. I have my secret stash but there's only a couple of thousand in there, I've had to send money to Sonny a few times, when he's been short”

“
Well I'm sure that between us, we can come up with a bond and a deposit on a rental, if not, I will lend it to you, and you can stay with us until you get yourself sorted... But you need to get out of there Loz” Jemma says shaking her head as she speaks

“I’m
sorry girls; I've totally put a downer on everyone's night now”

“Don't
be daft” Jo says, “You have just given us a legit excuse to get totally hammered, not that we really needed one. But no matter what state we end up in tonight, we will meet up tomorrow and hit the agents and see if we can't find you somewhere to live, then, we'll know what sort of money we are gonna need, but remember Loz, as Jemma just said, there's always a bed for you with one of us”

Lulu
gives me a cuddle and asks if I'm okay, I shrug, no I'm far from okay but I'm so over talking about it.

“Let’
s be really mature and get fucked up and dance our arses off” shouts Jemma, lightening the tone.

Heading
back inside, we order two rounds of shots for each of us, and then head straight back to the dance floor.

I
have a quick look around for Mr. Hot Stuff and see him chatting to a woman so decide now wouldn’t be a good time for me to thank him for my drink. I feel a little stab of disappointment and maybe even a pang of jealousy as I watch them for a few moments, she seems to be pleading with him, and he's shaking his head. Oh well, it’s none of my business. Go home Lauren you’re drunk…but before I look away, our eyes meet and he raises his bottle to me, as if to say cheers, I do the same with my glass and give him a small smile as my insides do backflips and forward rolls, the young woman looks at him, looking at me and turns and walks away, he doesn't follow her, doesn't even look in her direction, he shrugs his shoulders and smiles again at me. A full on, beautiful, million dollar smile. Cart wheels and handstands have now joined the gymnastics floor show going on inside me and every flip ends with a little clench, a delightful, little sensation, right between my legs, he is making me horny, just looking at him smile is making me breathe heavy. I have to force myself to look away. Shit I hope I haven't caused a domestic, the last thing I need is to get caught up in someone else's problems, I've enough of my own to keep me busy for a while. Half hour later as I'm returning from the ladies, I notices Jo is talking to him again. As I pass them Jo puts out her hand and calls,

“
Lauren, come here” Oh shit, how embarrassing, don’t do this to me Jo, please.

“I
was just going to the bar Hun, you want another?”

“Forget
that and come here”

I
walk over to where she's standing

“Lauren
, this is Gabriel, a client of mine, Gabriel, this is Lauren, a very good friend”

“
Hey” I say, “Thanks for the drink” feeling ridiculously self-conscious as I put my hand up in a stupid sort of little half wave…..What was that? I must have looked like a T Rex trying to catch a ball, shoot me now!

He
smiles at me, not a big smile, just a small smile, his head slightly tilted to one side but it’s not the smile, it’s his eyes but not just his eyes, it’s just him. My hand goes up and touches my hair….Really? Classic flirting move. Could I be any more obvious? My cheeks are burning; in fact my whole body is on fire, embarrassment, alcohol, menopause, desire? I haven’t had sex in well over a month and I must admit, it has been on my brain constantly this past week or so, there is only so much pleasure a girl can get from a kinky romance novel and BOB. Its intimacy I crave, a kiss, a cuddle, skin on skin. I realise this is all running through my mind as I stare blankly at him, Gabriel, Gabriel Wilde, even his name is just, sex, everything about him is sex, everything about him is….Well whatever it is, it’s obviously affected my ability to think straight, or is that the Vodka?

“Lauren, you’re
welcome, Jo was just telling me you’re an interior designer, I will have to take your card, I have a couple of rental properties I will be renovating after Christmas and will be looking for someone to work on the interiors”

“Well
yeah, I would definitely be interested, I don’t have a card on me at the moment, but I can always give one to Jo to pass on to you”

I
swallow, well at least I managed to make that make sense, if that makes sense?

“Yeah
do that, please. Can I get you another drink, Jo would you like a drink?”

“No.
No thanks Gabe, Lauren, have a drink with Gabe, I am just going to have a dance with the girls”

What
is she doing? Leaving me here with him, forcing me on him. Thanks Jo, I’m so embarrassed, my stare must be burning a hole in her back as I watch her walk away.

“Drink,
then, what would you like?”

“No,
no you got the last one, I will get these, what would you like?”

He
looks at me, intently; I think he’s debating whether or not to argue so I look at his glass.

“Bourbon
please, with ice, thank you”

I
head to the bar and he goes to follow when a girl approaches him, a different one to earlier, I hear her say “Hi Gabe” And I can’t help but mimic in my head ‘Hi Gabe, take me now Gabe, you’re so hot Gabe’…….Then I catch my reflection in the mirrored wall behind the bar and realise I’m pulling faces as I talk to myself, and I’m tilting my head side to side as I carry on with ‘Outside Gabe, now Gabe, Gabe, fucking Gabe’

I
stop and almost laugh out loud….Ohhhh I really need to make this my last

“Hi
” is all he says back to the girl …. “Yeah Byyyyyeee” I say under my breath as he joins me at the bar. We get our drinks and head over to a space by the edge of the dance floor, I put my drink on the table and he leans against the wall, sipping his, he crosses one long leg over the other, I feel so self-conscious, aware of every move I make, his eyes are the most intense blue and he hasn’t taken them off me. His tongue flicks out and licks his top lip. I close my eyes for a second too long to be claimed as a blink as I think about where I would like those lips to go. Was that his intention? Did he do that on purpose? Shit, I’ve got no chance.

“So,
you come here often?”

I
raise my eyebrows and look at him.

“Really,
that’s the best you can do?”

He
runs his hand through his hair and laughs, looking around self-consciously, what? Is he actually looking around for another conquest as he talks to me? Another little bimbette, or would she be a Gabette, what am I doing? I’m so out of my depth, I need to get out of here.

“Sorry,
that was poor, I’m sorry, I’m really shit at this”

“Oh
I doubt that” And yes, I did mean that to sound sarcastic. He tilts his head to one side and unleashes a full on smile, that’s what it is, it is not just his smile or his eyes, it’s a combination of the two, he smiles with his eyes as much as he does with that beautiful mouth. I raise my chin and swallow, hard, fuck me but he’s hot.

“What?
Do you doubt that I’m not very good at hitting on women?” Is he mocking me, I bite down on the inside of my bottom lip as I try to think of an answer, I shrug and reply,

“
I do doubt that, I very much doubt that, in the short while since we have been introduced you have had more than one woman obviously trying to throw herself at you”

“This
is true but that doesn’t make me any good at conversation, if you want me to take you outside and fuck you, that’s easy, no worries, let’s go, that, I am very good at, what I’m not so good at though is standing and talking, holding a conversation that goes beyond…get your knickers off… but give me a break, I’m trying here”

Was
he actually giving me a choice? Was he actually asking me if I want to go outside, for a fuck? I might just have said yes to the fuck, just the thought of it has set my skin on fire again and has caused that familiar sensation stirring between my legs and I shift my position, just slightly but enough to make my jeans rub me. I don’t quite know what to say. I knock back the rest of my drink and without even asking; he heads to the bar and gets us another. He puts his down on the table next to us when he returns and then passes mine to me, as he does he puts his hand on the middle of my back and just that slight touch is setting my skin on fire again, I turn and look at him, his hand feels red hot on my skin through the chiffon of my blouse but I am head to toe goose bumps, I have no bra on and my nipples instantly become erect, I am so turned on by his touch, I actually feel light headed. His eyes look all over my face, did he feel that too or did he just know that would be my reaction? He leans in and I think I might faint as I panic that he’s going to kiss me,