Saving You, Saving Me (9 page)

            I was blushing. Was Collins nuts? “You can have anyone you want,” I said.

            “No, not everyone,” Collins said. There was that nervous anxious look again. “Sam, there’s more on the back.”

            I turned the paper over and began reading. When done, my face had turned white. I looked at Collins again and saw the blood drain from his face as he noticed my pale face.

            He looked so sad, so disappointed, as he led me back to the garage, to the Aston Martin. “I’m sorry,” he said, “It’s an addiction I’ve had since I was a kid. I know it’s not what you’re used to, but it’s something I need, and I’ve come to expect in a romantic relationship.”

            I turned to him, my hands trembling. “I’m sorry, Collins. I can’t do all of that for you. I know it isn’t actually sex, but I just can’t.”

            Collins looked like he just received the worst news possible. “Then I guess this is it,” he squared his shoulders and became expressionless. He took out his phone and called someone named Vincent. “Vincent, I need you to drive Miss Sullivan back to her home. Not far. Pronto.”

            He turned towards me. “Vincent will drive you back to your home.”

            “Why can’t you?” I asked, feeling weak suddenly.

            Collins looked anguished now. “Because it’s a clean break for us. If I get into that car with you looking like you do, I might as well kiss that pledge away. I need to keep my distance, Sam, for your sake and mine. And when you become who I am, it’s no longer about protecting myself or you, but the tens of thousands of employees I have, my companies’ shareholders, and anyone associated with me.”

            “Is that what someone in your position does?”

            “It’s what I’ve learned to do in order to survive.”

            “Even when it comes to love?” I asked, tears spilling down my cheeks. I wiped away at them. This whole Collins McGregor thing had turned me into an emotional basket case.

Collins McGregor’s face had turned ice cold frozen. “I wouldn’t know, Miss Sullivan, I don’t know what love is.”

Monday

           
I
t was a school day, but I was still lying in bed. I had been crying so much that my eyelids felt swollen, and my throat parched.

I still couldn’t stop thinking about Collins McGregor, and my brush with Mr. Hot Bod and Sexy. Add Dark, too. I slowly got out of bed, willing myself to get ready. Serious Susan had taken over telling Lola to take a rest. Lola slumped into a plush red velvet chaise, exhausted from beating her chest and wailing.

I ran over what happened yesterday in my mind thinking how I would be able to have a relationship with Collins despite his strange needs. How could I possibly find myself able to fulfill them?  It went against everything I was brought up to believe.

A knock on the door, and then Mom’s head peeked in. “Sam, you were extra quiet last night when you came home, is anything wrong?”

I caught a quick glimpse of my face before I answered Mom. My eyes were red and my skin splotchy, but other than that, I could pass as having caught a cold.  “No, Mom, I’m alright, just not feeling well.”

Mom rushed into my room and placed her hand on my head, surprising me. She hadn’t done that since I was Nydia’s age. Why now? “Sam, you feel fine, now can you tell me what’s going on?”

“What makes you think there’s something going on?” I asked.

Mom wagged a finger at me. “I knew you went out to Seattle’s Best for coffee with Collins McGregor yesterday. Nydia told me, and even the look on Michael’s face when he mentioned you and Collins McGregor said something else was up. Are you and that boy dating?”

“No, Mom,” I said quickly. “We’ve just met actually.”

“Then how come when you came home last night, you weren’t hungry for dinner and you spent your entire night locked in your room? You didn’t even bother coming out to hear what Nydia learned in music class yesterday.  She was a little disappointed.”

“Sorry Mom, not feeling well…It has been a long week, Mom, with me starting at the teen and young adult center…”

“All that call center stuff got you to stop answering your own cell phone, too?”

“Why? What do you mean?”

“That McGregor boy left five messages on our home voice mail this morning.”

“What did it say?” I asked.

“To call him. All five of them,” Mom said.  “I erased all of them in case your father heard them.”

I cringed. If Dad knew, he would not approve. I knew it with one hundred percent certainty. “Thanks, Mom,” I said.

“I know your Dad and how overprotective he can be,” Mom said. “You’re his baby girl, and he took it really hard about the Billy Incident. We all did,” Mom said. “But deep down, he still loves you and wants what’s best for you.  As do I?”  Mom rearranged some of the pillows on my bed, and reached out to grab a brush to comb my hair in front of my bathroom mirror.

“Mom,” I said, “I can handle this.”

“I know, baby,” she said. “You act so mature for your age, people forget you’re still so young…like Collins McGregor.”  Mom finished brushing my hair and she began braiding it from the crown, expertly looping it into an elegant chignon on top. She pinned it with some rhinestone butterflies. “There, you look like a princess!” she declared.

“Mom, I’m not five years old like Nydia.  I don’t need to look like a princess.  That’s all just fairy tale,” I said.

“Well look how pretty you look, Sammy Girl. We can see your long elegant neck now, and all of your face instead of having your face half-covered with your hair all the time.”

“Thanks Mom,” I said.

“I don’t want you to grow up too soon,” she said, picking out a royal blue ruffle tank from my closet that matched some of the rhinestones on the butterflies in my hair and jeans with rhinestones. “Now get dressed and tell me why Collins McGregor had left five messages for you this morning?”

I sighed. Mom wasn’t going to let this go. “Mom, I’m not seeing him. We’ve just met, but there is something there.”

“How old is he?” Mom asked.

“He’s about six years older than me, Mom…about 24 years old.”

“What does he do for a living?”

“Runs companies, Mom, some music ones. He’s very successful at it,” I said.

“So why did he make a donation to your father’s church yesterday for one-hundred thousand dollars?”

I gulped. “One-hundred thousand dollars?” No wonder Michael recognized Collins McGregor.

“I don’t know, Mom. Maybe because he can? He’s pretty wealthy, and maybe that’s how he’d like to spend it?”

Mom came over and gave me a quick hug…surprising me again with something she no longer did once I grew out of Nydia’s stage. “I know Collins McGregor is charming, handsome, exciting, and everything that a girl wants, but he’s also worldly and experienced. I don’t know what you did or plan on doing with Collins McGregor, but be careful, tread slowly, I don’t want you getting hurt.” She saw the tears forming in the corners of my eyes and pulled me in to kiss the top of my head.

“Mom,” I said, “I haven’t done anything with him, but I do feel something for him, and I don’t understand why or how.”

Mom laughed. “Well…he is very good-looking and exudes masculinity. He’s the kind of boy who would make any woman weak at the knees. If you weren’t affected, then I would be worried there was something wrong with you.”

I laughed and shook her head.  Mom and her budding cougar instincts.

“Now come on out and have breakfast. I made butter pecan pancakes complete with a whipped cream shaped face, scrambled eggs with tomatoes like you like it, and smoked apple sausages. The works, just for you.” Her green eyes regarded mine and she said, “I’m sorry about what happened last Monday, Sammy Girl. Thank you for being the grown up.”

“We had Collins to thank for that, too,” I said, realizing how much I liked him.

“You’re blushing,” Mom said. “That McGregor boy has some effect on you alright.” She leaned in and said, “I know you’ve been crying. You can’t hide those things from a mother. Do yourself a favor and call him.  See what he wants and deal with it.”

“Ok, Mom,” I kissed her forehead. “I will.”

“Hey Mommy!” Nydia peeked in. “Wow, Sammy, I like your hair. You look like a princess. You’re so pretty. Mommy, can you fix my hair like that?  There’s a little boy in preschool who has a Ninjago Lego set I want to play with but I think he needs to like me first for me to play.”

“I’ll fix your hair, but I’m not so sure about that boy, Nydia. Sounds like a player to me,” Mom said walking out with Nydia.

I rolled my eyes and checked my iPhone for messages. Three missed calls. Unlisted number.

I searched for Collins McGregor’s number on my call list and was about to press dial when I remembered why I left his place yesterday without agreeing to his terms of a pre-dating relationship. My ears burned thinking about it. Yay Collins had called me. It took away some of the pain, knowing he had not completely rejected me. But I needed some time to think about everything.

Instead of returning his call, I came downstairs, had breakfast with Nydia and Mom.  Dad was already at work, and I was glad since I was not ready to talk about Collins McGregor with him.

****

By the time school was done and I drove to Sawyer House, I was itching to call Collins McGregor to see what he wanted. While parked in the parking lot of Sawyer House, I checked my voice messages. He had left two more messages on my cell phone with the same message to call him.

Although I wanted to talk to him, I didn’t want the immediacy of having to answer his questions, but I didn’t want him to worry, too. I pulled out his card and sent him a text message.

TEXT

I’m not ignoring you. I just need time to think about everything. You have to admit, what you’re proposing is unexpected.

He immediately answered me, which made my heart jumped.

TEXT

I’m sorry it came as a shock to you, but it’s something I need in a relationship with a woman. If this is something you decide to do, I will explain in detail.

P.S. I miss you.

-----------------------------------------------------

I smiled. There was something so lost about him that I could not leave him alone. Here he was, a powerful handsome mega music mogul tycoon who could have any woman he wanted, yet he was interested in me, an eighteen-year-old girl. The aspiring psychiatrist in me wanted to help him; Serious Susan wanted to keep him as a friend, while Lola wanted to make love to him in over a hundred ways. All three of them combined made me want Collins McGregor. Our heated steamy kiss in his garage and in his living room yesterday made me want to drop everything and rush over to his house to see him, but Serious Susan took charge and made me stick to my schedule – the second day at Sawyer House.

I got ready to switch my phone to vibrate mode instead of a ringtone and saw another text from Collins McGregor.

TEXT

Sam, I can’t stop thinking about you, especially how hurt you looked when you left with Vincent last night. The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt you.

I saw how frightened you looked, and I wanted to assure you it isn’t something to be frightened about. I’m not a monster, Sam. I hope you don’t see me that way. If so, I’ll have to do whatever it takes to change that. There is something about you that makes me care about what you think of me. I usually don’t give a rat about what people think of me, but with you, it’s different.

What I’m proposing isn’t as bad as it seems. I’ll have to prove it to you, show you it isn’t.  Whatever it takes.

-----------------------------------------------------

            “
H
ow do you feel about being on a call all by yourself today? You’ve been training with me almost every day for two weeks. You are definitely ready,” Derek said, after we went through script after script of scenarios in the Conference Room at Sawyer House.

I felt tired and exhausted, especially since I had been an emotional wretch just last night. “I’ll try,” I said with little enthusiasm.

 “There is no better training than actual experience. Up to it?”

“Derek,” I protested. “I need a break before we go into it. Right now I can’t even keep my eyes from crossing.”

Derek laughed. “Okay, break time. Let’s get something to eat in the break room.”

I put my head down on the table and closed my eyes.

“Never mind, I’ll go to the break room,” Derek said, leaving me in the conference room with my head down and eyes closed. I couldn’t even muster up a mutter, I was out cold.

By the time I woke up, the room was dark and the blinds were closed. On the opposite side of me on the table was a can of Red Bull and a plate piled high with chocolate chip cookies. Oh my did the cookies look good. Taking a bite of the still warm soft cookies, I savored the taste of the chocolate chips melting in my mouth. I ate three more before I opened the can of Red Bull to wash it down. There was no ladylike behavior when it came to eating fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies.

The door to the conference room opened, and Derek stood in the doorway, his face in the shadows while his back was illuminated. “Oh good,” he said, “you’re awake.” He switched on the lights and came over to sit next to me. “Why didn’t you tell me you were too tired to be here tonight? I would have rescheduled you.”

“No,” I said shaking my head. “I need to be here tonight, Derek. I need to think about other people’s problems tonight instead of my own.”

“Oh,” Derek said, with concern. “Do you want to talk about it? I wish you can trust me, Sam. I’ve been working with you and being friends with you for over two weeks now. I’d like to think we are good friends.”

I smiled. “I can’t right now. It’s complicated. But we are good friends.”