Saving This (The McCallans #5) (15 page)

“I bet anything you have,” she answered quietly. She let a few seconds of silence pass. “Sometimes good deeds can’t be measured from one person to another. They carry different weight for different people, and for various situations. Right now you’re letting your guilt suppress the good relationship you used to have with your brother. There is way more to life than dwelling on our mistakes, though. Learn from them and move on. If you want a bond with Teague again, it might take some time. So ask yourself this… Even if it took your entire life, would you still work to have that trust again?”

“Fuck yes.”

“Then you have nothing to worry about.”

He eyed her for a moment, the stress apparent across his brow this time. He was finally letting down his guard again. The poker face had disappeared and he actually seemed like a real person instead of a role he’d decided on at the moment.

Feeling they’d already made a huge breakthrough, Anna didn’t want to push him any further with the serious talk. “I’ll tell you five things about me and you tell me five things about you. Deal?”

With a smirk, he turned toward her on the couch slightly, laying his arm across the back of it. “Sure. Go ahead.”

“No, I changed my mind. Share for a share. I give you one, and then you give me one. But they have to be similar in nature.”

Anna held her breath, fearing he’d shut down at the suggestion he may have to answer more than he was willing to.

Chapter Seventeen

After what felt like a drawn out deliberation, Max finally shrugged, seeming apathetic. “Go.”

Pleased he was being agreeable, Anna started with, “Well… I’m allergic to cats.”

He grunted, but at least there was a tiny smile on his face. “I’ve always wanted a dog but never had one.”

She slowly nodded. Easy. She could do this. He didn’t seem cornered in the least bit. That was the last thing she wanted him to feel. “My middle name is Sinclair and it’s my mother’s maiden name.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Interesting. My full name is Maxwell Fitzgerald McCallan. Fitzgerald is
my
mother’s maiden name.”

She raised both eyebrows in surprise. “Interesting.”

“Not something you already knew?”

“Hmm, I’m not sure. Maybe. But I do know your mom is Elaine Fitzgerald of
the
Fitzgeralds.”

He paused for a moment. “Well-known scandal, yes? My father’s affair with Teague’s mom, the whole Fitzgerald dynasty out for blood… Yeah, not so secret. Divorce, settlement rumors, all that fun stuff.”

“I actually don’t know much about any of that. I’m not up-to-date on my celebrity gossip. Or…maybe there’s just too much to keep up with.”

“I’d agree with the latter.”

“Do you ever see your mom or talk to her?”

No reply. He glanced away and back again, but didn’t answer.

Moving on
… “Hmm, let’s see… Oh, I have horrible handwriting. I mean worse than a dude. I lost my girl card on that one a long time ago.”

Max smiled. “I can sign my name perfectly with both hands, left or right. Broken hand when I was twenty-two, my dad said no excuses.”

Anna stood from the couch and trekked to the desk to retrieve a pen and paper. “Oooh, you’re gonna prove it. And then I’m going to sell it on eBay.” She handed over both and motioned for him to demonstrate.

He set the paper on the coffee table and uncapped the pen. “Okay brat, but you better buy me something nice with what you earn from this.” He signed his name with his left hand, and then did the same with the other hand right underneath it. He handed her the paper.

Looking it over, Anna pursed her lips in concentration. They really did look exactly the same. “Wow, very impressive, McCallan. But check it out. I can do it too.” She placed the paper on the table and took the pen from him, first scribbling with her right hand, and then with her left. “See, exactly the same!”

After one look, Max laughed out loud. “Oh my God, you seriously do have horrible handwriting. What the—what the hell does that say? It says ‘anus’. Out of all that, I read
anus
. Are you kidding me?”

“It doesn’t say anus!” she exclaimed, smacking him in the shoulder. “Anna. Evans. See, right there—”

“Whatever you say, Anus.”

“Shut up!” she laughed.

“Did Kobe come up with your signature for those boards? Because I guarantee if you’d done it yourself, everyone would be surfing on an anus board.”

“You’re not funny!”

“Then why are you laughing?” he chuckled. “And wow, would that be a cool marketing strategy or not?”

“Shush your mouth.”

“No, let me think about this for a second…”

“Yes, Kobe made me practice signing my name better, okay? Are you happy now? Sheesh!” She shoved him in the shoulder again before dropping onto the couch.

“I’m curious, when you used to sign autographs before—”

“It never said anus!” she laughed. “It was just an ‘A’ and an ‘E’ for the most part.”

He picked up the paper and studied it again, arching that damn eyebrow at her. “Okay, because I’d hate to think some sex-crazed teenaged boy may have thought you were giving him a secret message or something.”

“Whatever.”

“Well it was the first thing I thought of when I saw it.”

Her eyes went large with embarrassment, but she teased him back. “You thought about assholes?”

His expression never changed as he nodded his head. “Yep. Or that you like it in the back door.”

She covered her face with both her hands. “You’re terrible!”

All he did was laugh. Who knows how this topic got so astray, but at least he was relaxed enough to joke around with her. She’d witnessed his humor on talk shows and such—the guy was extremely clever—and she also knew about some of the antics he and his brother had contributed to over the years. How he’d become so serious and somber all the time was somewhat of a mystery.

“What number are we on?” she asked, deciding to change the subject. “Four?” After thinking for a moment, she decided on a fact. “I can only sleep on the left side of the bed.”

He cast her a side-glance. “Hmm, I don’t care what side I’m on as long as I’m naked.” He shrugged, but she could tell he was waiting for her reaction by the way he was studying her.

“Interesting,” she nodded, forcing herself not to smile, and especially not to actually think about him being naked right now.

But it was a bit difficult, and as she bit her lip to keep from breaking out in a big ass grin, she couldn’t help glancing his way. How could she
not
picture that right now?!

Quickly gathering her composure, she fired off one last fact. “I didn’t learn to drive until I was eighteen.”

Max cocked a surprised eyebrow at her. “Seriously? How come?”

Reflecting on that time in her life, Anna felt a familiar sadness return to her chest. “Well…I had an older brother, Chad. He died six years ago, but a few years before that, when I was fourteen, he got into a fender bender and my dad pretty much ripped him a new one. No one got hurt, but it was scary. And the way my father reacted freaked me out. So…yeah, it kind of took me a long time to get over my fear of driving.”

“Because you didn’t want to screw up and disappoint your dad?”

She shrugged with uncertainty. “I’m not quite sure. Chad was taking me to one of my amateur competitions that day, but because of the accident, we didn’t make it in time. My dad was more furious over missing the tournament than anything. It was kind of the first time I started to see how differently he regarded me compared to my brother. Chad liked to surf too, but he never got into competing. Looking back, I now know it was because he didn’t
want
to, and my dad was always openly disappointed with him over his ‘lack of ambition.’ It wasn’t that… He was just a different kid my father didn’t want to accept.”

“And you said he died a few years later?” Max asked.

Swallowing, Anna nodded. “Yeah, he committed suicide.”

He bowed his head. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you. It still hurts, but sometimes I look back and wonder what the hell was going on for me to not put the pieces together.”

“About what led him to that?”

“Yes. And how my father used all of that to his advantage by making the public think Chad was my driving force in all my competitions. Of course he was because he’d always supported me one-hundred-percent, but my parents started to over-glorify me in that aspect. And then so many people had that ‘oh, Anna surfs in memory of her dead brother’ mentality. Even if I didn’t win, I was still the media’s soft spot. It stripped away my method of coping and turned it into tabloid drama.”

Max slowly nodded as he leaned forward onto his knees again. “I get it. Is that why you ended up quitting?”

“Yes. I’m not sure why I let them manipulate me for so long, but I just couldn’t deal with it any more. And I found out some things about Chad that made complete sense to me. My injury was a blessing in disguise. I had enough down time to really look back on my life and consider my options instead of my father constantly distracting me with new things. And that’s when I met Tyse for physical therapy,” she added, looking at Max.

His expression was neutral but he was listening.

“And I was a total bitch to him at first,” she smiled guiltily. “I wasn’t about to do the therapy my father was forcing me to do. But…I guess Tyse had a way of getting through to me. I think we could relate to one another because of our family situations and I learned to trust him. I really did want to get better, but for myself. And upon going through some of my brother’s life and his past during that time…things really became clear to me. I knew I needed to walk away from what was currently happening, and what I finally realized had been happening for a while.”

Sitting back against the couch again, Max sighed. “Some situations in our lives show us things we’re not expecting to learn. About ourselves, or about others in our life.”

“I honestly believe that. I have no regrets after walking away from the pro circuit. I’m a happier person. It made me who I am today. I can’t change what happened with my brother, but I know he’d be proud of me no matter what. I feel he’s in a better place, not hurting or struggling anymore with who he is.”

He didn’t ask her to expound, nor did she expect him to. But she truly wanted to. She wanted to open up to him and share a part of her life she had always kept private. Putting complete faith in Max was a bit daunting, but she honestly felt she could trust him.

“Chad was gay,” she informed him. “He came out to us first when he was seventeen. I had suspected, but you know, it didn’t matter to me. I loved him no matter what, and he was truly the only person I could talk to back then. He never judged. Not one single time. And even though it’s a lifestyle that is more widely accepted these days, I just thought he wasn’t ready yet. And my parents reacted in a way that would shame even the worst criminal. It was so awful. My father refused to believe it, for one. But he also threatened Chad’s silence, and
forced
him to keep it private. He even went as far as using my career as leverage, claiming there shouldn’t be anything distracting me from my next title; that it was for the good of the family.

“Long story short, it’s been a very bumpy ride. Sure, I was successful, and yes, my brother’s life was kept a secret. I told him I supported him completely, but he said he only wanted
us
to know and wasn’t ready for the rest of the world. I believed it at the time. And the year leading up to his death, he was seeing someone who didn’t want the relationship public. Do you know how hard it is to love someone so much, but they won’t let you in all the way? The only thing I wanted was for Chad to be happy, but he closed himself off to
everyone
. Including me.”

She didn’t mean to get emotional, but a single tear pushed its way down. She brushed it away quickly, but Max already witnessed it. He sat there completely still, probably by design, and let a few moments of silence pass. She wondered if she’d made him extremely uncomfortable, but when he moved her direction a couple of feet and slid his arm around her shoulder to hug her to his body, it seemed like he’d just been contemplating the action.

Not questioning it, she allowed the contact. It was amazing to be pressed up against his body, but she also felt relieved, like he understood what she’d struggled with.

“One thing you should never take into consideration is what the outside world will think,” he finally said, his voice soft and deep. It was soothing, and actually made Anna take a deep breath and relax. “You can do great things and you can do shitty things, and there will still be mouths that will judge. My father always tells me that it doesn’t matter what actually happened; the only thing that matters is what the media
thinks
happened.”

She scoffed. “That’s…” She was going to say
terrible
but didn’t want to offend him.

“It’s awful, I know. He considers the McCallan family to be royalty in a sense, and the amount of time he spends building up our name and the image it represents is extreme. It’s all about the perfectly placed stories and news, and all about a random spotting of us during this good deed or that. And when something does blow up that’s not on the good scale, it’s all about damage control and a shit ton of well-placed write-ups that are redeeming enough to turn some opinions around. It doesn’t matter that we’re human too. When we fuck up like any person does, it’s worldwide news and blown way out of proportion, causing debates like you wouldn’t believe. It’s incredibly absurd.

“So yes, I understand what your father’s intentions were, and it’s not that I agree with it, but I just recognize that desperation to keep what you can of your family name intact. Trust me, I’ve lived with it my whole life. My father and I have different opinions when it comes to all of that, but I do know that discretion is most often your biggest defense. If he taught me anything useful in my life, that would be it. I’ve never been allowed to
just be
. It has always come with a list of carefully drawn up instructions. Because of my career and status, I could never go anywhere mediocre. Since my brother and cousins had ‘rebelled’ against his wishes, I wasn’t allowed to be gracious to them in any way. I pretty much had to be a dick to show that I supported my father and the empire he’d helped my grandfather build.

“But…some of that has slowly been changing. I’ve had too many slip-ups, apparently. I’ve been slumming it with my ‘lesser family members’ too often. I guess at some point…enough is enough. I cannot be pulled in two different directions anymore, and seeing that one side has been more affable than the other… it’s obvious that my decision to make some changes is warranted. There will be hellfire as a result, but it’s necessary.”