Saving Ruth (22 page)

“Hey, can I steal your daughter for a sec? Just to talk?”

“Sure you can. Y'all have fun. Khaki, when you're finished, I'll be at our table settin' up lunch.” Khaki nodded dejectedly.

We sat on the grass a few feet away from the entrance. “So,” I said.

“So,” she replied, picking at her purple toenail polish.

“Veggie slices, huh?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“Did you tell your mom that you ran today?”

“Yeah, she doesn't care.”

“Are you sure?”

“Trust me.”

“Well, she should. You can't deny yourself all of the time. If you do, you'll break and eat your way through ten pizzas.”

“Ten?”

“Okay, ten is an exaggeration.”

“Do you eat pizza?” she asked accusingly.

“Well, I—”

“Mmm hmmm. I thought so.”

“Khaki, I want to tell you something. You think I'm skinny and I've got it all figured out, right?”

“You just said you did.
Moderation
, you said.”

I nodded thoughtfully. “The moderation thing is true, but I—I've kind of lost my way a little, I think.” I'd barely admitted this to myself, and here I was talking to a nine-year-old like she was my shrink.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I just sort of wish that someone had been honest with me about the healthy way to lose or maintain weight when I was your age. I mean, I've told you that I've basically been on a diet myself since kindergarten.”

“Like me.”

“Yes, exactly like you. Except you're smarter than I was.” She smiled.

“No one ever really taught me to be smart about food. I think in a lot of ways my mom was just as unhelpful as yours is with you. It's not their fault really—it comes from a place of love and concern, I think—but it's bad news to teach you an all-or-nothing attitude. It's not a fun way to live, and in the long run it does more damage than good.”

“But how? You look great. You're skinny, and everyone thinks you're pretty. That doesn't sound too bad to me.”

“Khaki, you know when you're scared of, say, dogs or thunder?”

“Or snakes?”

“Yeah, or snakes. Well, that's how I feel about food most of the time.”

“It is?”

“Yeah. I'm scared of food. I can save a drowning kid, but I can't eat a bite of mashed potatoes because I'm scared that I'll gain weight. It's sad, and it's not a healthy way to live. I know that, rationally, but once you form a habit, it's hard to break.”

“Like my mom. She smokes cigarettes, but she thinks no one knows. She hides behind the shed in the backyard.”

“Exactly like that.” I swallowed my tears. “I don't want you to live like that. I want you to have a piece of pizza when you feel like it. Does that make sense?”

“How come you're tellin' me to listen to this, but you won't listen yourself?”

“Your mom tells you not to smoke, right?”

“Yeah.”

“But she still does, right?” Khaki nodded.

“I guess it's sort of like that. But I'm gonna try to be better, to moderate. Maybe we could both try it together.”

“But you're leaving soon, to go back to Michigan. How can we do it together if you're not here?”

“Email, duh.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” I stood and reached down to help her up. “And I'll talk to your mom too, okay?”

“She's not gonna like it,” she replied as I pulled her to her feet.

“Yeah, I know. But we're in this together now.”

Was I going to face this problem? Finally, I'd admitted out loud that it was a problem. Yes, it had been to a nine-year-old, but still. It was a start.

I
sat on the deck watching Jason and Dana preside over the watermelon relay. The goal was to swim a length of the pool with a slippery watermelon in tow. Shrieks of laughter and whistle blows filled the air as the glistening fruit refused to cooperate. Should I call David? I could keep my mouth shut and hope for the best—the best being David playing in the game and no one the wiser about the rumor and my subsequent awfulness. Or I could take a risk and warn him ahead of time. My phone weighed heavily in the pocket of my shorts. Could I pull it off in a text?

I pulled it out and flipped it open and shut, and open again, debating. I had to do it. The trick was how.
Just do it, Ruth. He probably won't even respond.
My heart raced.

Where ru?

I typed. I laid the phone on my lap and took a deep breath. The watermelon relay continued. Khaki and her mother swam beside each other, laughing, trying to contain the fruit between them. I smiled, surprised.

Msspi. Why?

I felt like I was going to puke. What now?

U sure?

My sticky palms smeared the phone's keypad.

What?

Are you sure ur in Msspi?

Ruth, what the hell?

That was when I knew that he wasn't. My stomach dropped.

Pls call me.

I stood up, my heart pounding in my ears.

“Ruth, where you goin'?” yelled Jason from the other side of the pool. “We're about to play Sharks 'n' Minnows!”

“I'll be right back,” I replied. I made my way to the pump room behind the pool. Inside the tiny concrete room, the pump chugged and whirled. My phone vibrated again. David was calling. I closed the door behind me.

“Hi.”

“Ruth, what's happening?”

“David. Did you drop out of school?” Silence. “David?”

“Why are you asking me this?” he asked softly. I had expected him to be angry and defensive, but instead he just sounded sad and tired.

“I heard a rumor.”

He sighed. “Yeah.”

“Yeah, what?”

“I stopped going last semester.”

“But I don't understand. Why?”

“A lotta reasons, I guess.”

“But why didn't you tell Mom and Dad? Why are you still pretending to go there? Why are you still pretending to play soccer?” I was crying.

“I just—I just didn't know what else to do. I knew they would kill me, you know? I figured I'd stay in Atlanta until I figured out a plan.” I heard the flick of a lighter and then a sharp inhale. “But then I really wanted to come home for the summer and work at the pool. I love that dumb place. I thought not doing that would be more suspicious, I guess. They would've wanted to come visit me here. Jesus, Ruth, are you crying?”

“No,” I sniffled. “David, where did you live last semester? How did you make everything up? Your report card and stuff?”

“Ruth, I know it's fucked up. I'm fucked up right now, okay?”

“I mean, you're pretending to be in Atlanta right now, playing soccer. You're not even on the team. And they're coming down there to surprise you—”

“Wait, what?”

“That's why I texted you. Mom and Dad are coming! They want to surprise you at the game.”

“Shit. Shitfuckshit.”

“What are you gonna do? Where are you anyway?”

“When were they gonna leave? Saturday morning?”

“Yeah.” We sat in silence. The pump heaved beside me.

“Well, I'm gonna have to tell 'em.” He sighed. “Had to come out sometime, I guess.”

“Where are you?”

“I'm at the beach.” I sighed deeply. “Listen, I'm gonna come home tomorrow afternoon and tell them. I need you to not say anything before then, okay?”

“Great, another secret to keep for you.”

“Ruth, please. I'm begging you here.”

“Okay,” I mumbled. “But you will come home, right? You will tell them?”

“I will. I swear.”

“Okay.”

“Ruth?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks. I—I owe you.”

“Yeah, I know you do.”
Again.

I hung up.

24

“L
ooks like she's on safe and sound,” said Dr. Cooper. He fidgeted with the temporary crown that was now adhered to my throbbing gum. My entire mouth was numb, and my head felt like a balloon. I'd had three cavities filled and a root canal in less than two hours. I would never pass a road construction crew again without wincing in pain.

“You okay, Ruth?”

I nodded.

“Now, you're gonna have some pain when the novocaine wears off, no question about it. You make sure your mama has some ibuprofen handy.”
Great, no fun drugs.

“How you gettin' home?”

“I drove,” I answered. My voice bore an uncanny resemblance to Charlie Brown's teacher.

“Honey, you're not drivin' anywhere. Why don't you call somebody to come get you?”

“But what about my car?”

“It'll be fine here till mornin', when you or your folks can come retrieve it.” He patted my hand. “You take as long as you like arrangin' your ride home. I'll see you in a week for the rest of the work.”

He left the room, and I closed my eyes in frustration. For all I knew, David was home confessing to my parents right now, and I knew M.K. and Jill were at the beach.
Shit.
I eyed my phone. Should I call Chris? I was sure I looked like a beast, which wouldn't be good for anybody involved. I hauled myself out of the chair and went to the bathroom to check out the damage. I expected to see the guy from
The Mask
staring back at me but was surprised by the reflection of the same old me. I filled a Dixie cup with water and attempted to drink it. Water spilled down my chin and neck. Sexy.

I had no choice. It was either call Chris or sit around and wait while Charlene the receptionist bored holes of hatred into my skull. I wiped my face off with a paper towel and made the call.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Hey, Chris.”

“I'm sorry, what?”

“Hi,” I said again, trying my best to enunciate. “I'm at the dentist.”

“You're at the what?”

“
The dentist
.”

“Oh, the dentist. No wonder you sound like you're chewin' on cotton balls. You have some work done?”

“Oh yeah. Major work.”

“Major Tom? What?”

“Are you busy right now?” I watched my exaggerated mouth movements in the mirror. I looked like one of those ventriloquist dummies.

“Naw, actually. I just got off work. You need me to pick you up?”

“Could you?”

“Sure, Ruth. You at Dr. Cooper's office?”

“Yeah, how'd you know?”

“Where else would you be?” Every time I forgot how small this town was, it reminded me. “No problem, I'll be there in ten.”

“Thank you, Chris. I appreciate it.”

“You ate what?”

“Nothing. Thanks. See you soon.”

“Yep.” He hung up. So this was what having a good boyfriend was like. You needed their help, and they delivered. I thought about Tony for the first time in weeks. He wouldn't even walk me home, and my dorm had been a block away.

I waited outside on the sun-drenched curb, burning the backs of my thighs in the process. I felt woozy and out of sorts, but also strangely aroused. Maybe it was because a man was on his way to rescue me. It wasn't exactly a Disney plotline, but it was enough. Chris's truck pulled into the parking lot, and he honked hello. I stood up and waved.

“Hey there,” he said. He reached over to unlock my door. “Hop on in.”

“Hi!”

“You okay?” He gave me a concerned look. “Is your mouth all jacked up?”

“Yeah, I got a bunch of stuff done. It's a mess.”

“It doesn't look like a mess to me.” He grinned and began to drive.

“How was your day?” I asked.

“Oh, it was fine. I was workin' a construction job, so I apologize for the smell.” He sniffed his armpit. “I'm pretty rank.”

“You smell like roses.”

“Yeah, roses dipped in shit.” I stole a glance at myself in his rearview mirror. Was I drooling on myself? I touched my chin. It was wet. I tried to wipe it away as subtly as possible. “So, where can I take you, m'lady? You want to go home and rest?”

“No, don't take me home.” The novocaine was wearing off, but my mouth still sounded a bit like it was filled with marbles. “Let's go to the playground at Jacob Ray.”

“The elementary school? Really?”

“It'll be fun. We can swing on the swings.”

“What did they give you at that doctor's office?”

“C'mon, it'll be fun.”

“You sure? Aren't you in pain?”

“It's not so bad anymore.”

“All right. As you wish.” He put his hand on my knee. “So, how was your Fourth?”

“I've had better ones.”

“Why? Cuz you were workin'?” I wanted to tell him about David, but I had promised to keep my mouth shut.

“Yeah, I guess. And some family stuff.”

“What kind of stuff? Is everyone okay?”

“Oh yeah, we're fine. It's nothing.” We drove in silence for a bit.

“You know, you can tell me anything, Ruth. Whatever is bothering you, I'd like to know about it. I like you.” He glanced at me with a hopeful smile.

“I like you too. It's nothing. Really. My mouth just hurts, that's all.”

“You sure? Sometimes I feel like you keep everything inside of you, locked up.”

“Whaddya mean? You haven't even really known me long enough to say that.”

“Girl, I've known you since you were in kindergarten. C'mon now.”

“Yeah, technically. But you don't really
know me
, know me yet.” We turned into my neighborhood. “We haven't been doing this that long.”

“What do you mean by ‘this'?”

“You know,
this.
Us.”

“That is true. What do you think about
this
, by the way?”

I blushed. “I like it. I mean, I'm going back to school soon, so there's that.”

“Yeah, that's true. But that doesn't mean we can't make the most of right now, right?”

“Yeah. I guess I'm a little bit worried, though, to be honest.” Maybe the ibuprofen doubled as a truth serum.

“Worried about what?” He pulled into the school parking lot.

“I mean, what is this leading to? We can't expect a long-distance thing. That just seems silly to me.”

“Well, maybe. But who knows? I like you. You just said that you like me.” He turned off the ignition, and I nodded. “We'll just see what happens.” We got out of the car.

“See, that's hard for me—to just see what happens.” He took my hand, and we walked toward the playground.

“I just have a hard time letting go, I guess. I like to be in control.”

“Isn't that kind of boring?”

“Yeah, it is. But also comforting. I like seeing point A and B and C in my mind.”

“So what happens when you're thrown off course? Life does that all the time, ya know.”

“I freak out,” I answered. “I obsess.” It occurred to me that that must be a part of the reason why David's behavior was so upsetting. His character had already been formed and determined in my mind, and now his behavior was eradicating all that I expected him to be. I couldn't even fathom what his point C looked like right now.

“That doesn't sound like much fun,” said Chris. “Sometimes the unexpected stuff is the best stuff.” He laughed. “I sound like a Hallmark card.”

“You don't. And you're right, anyway. I want to let go, but it's just really hard for me.”

“What's the worst that could happen?” We stopped in front of my old third-grade classroom. I peered through the window to marvel at the tiny desks. When I stood up, he kissed me.

“Can you feel that?” he asked, cupping my jaw. “Or are you all numb still?”

“Not really,” I answered, laughing. “Let's try it some more.” As we kissed, I felt a wave of aggression wash over me. It was as though all of the nerves in the rest of my body were making up for those that were off-duty in my mouth. I wanted to jump up and wrap my legs around him like they did in the movies, but my fear of paralyzing him with my weight in the process stopped me. You never saw that onscreen.

“Let's see if one of the portables is open,” I said.
Do it, Ruth. Just go with it.

“You serious?”

“Do I look like I'm serious?”

“Okay, I'll start down at the other end, and you start here. If one is open, just shout,” I strategized. I needed to act fast before I lost my nerve. Not only had Dr. Cooper fed me truth serum, he had apparently dissolved an ecstasy tab in that little blue cup of mouthwash as well.

I ran down the line of white boxes, feeling silly and exhilarated. Up the first set of stairs I went.
No dice
, I whispered, trying the lock. Onto the next.
Nothing.
Third time's the charm?
Nope.

“Hey, Ruth, we've got a winner!” called Chris. He stood two portables away with the door open in front of him. Was I really doing this? For a moment, fright seized me. I hadn't shaved, my mouth was still sort of numb, and I was bloated.
Please, Ruth, stop overanalyzing everything. Just do this.
I willed my feet to run over. He took my hand as I bounded up the last step, and we looked at each other shyly.

“You sure you wanna do this? We don't—”

“I'm sure, Chris.”

We began to kiss again, this time fiercely. I ripped off his baseball cap and threw it across the room.

“Hey, careful,” he purred. He pulled my tank top over my head, and out of habit I sucked in my stomach nervously. “Relax, Ruth. You're beautiful.” He unclasped my bra and stroked the sides of my torso before cupping my breasts gently.

I ripped off his T-shirt and pushed him back onto the desk before unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them off roughly. I straddled him and began grinding against him, as the pressure built inside of me. The pressure of not eating . . . the pressure of my parents . . . the pressure of David and his secrets . . . the pressure of not knowing what I would open the door to when I went home after this. A million vibrations coursed through me like fireworks as the dam burst, and I threw my head back in blissful surrender.

I collapsed against his chest. “Oh my God,” I panted.

He picked me up and sat me back down on the desk, removing my underwear with focused concentration. He took his off and put the condom on before pulling me toward him. My whole body moved with him until he gasped and fell into me. I lay back on the desk, and he lay on top of me—his heart beating like a hummingbird's wings.

He moaned, rolling off of me. He sat on the desk's ledge. “Well, that was about as unexpected as it gets.” He turned to smile at me. I sat up. We were both completely naked except for his shoes and socks.

“That's a good look for you.”

He laughed. “Thanks. I got it off one of them fashion shows on the teevee,” he replied in an exaggerated southern accent. He stood up and pulled on his underwear and shorts as I scrambled for mine.

“I don't know what got into me,” I confessed, pulling my shirt on over my head.

“That was somethin'.” He buttoned his shorts. “Let's sit here for a minute. Where are we rushin' to?” He took my hand, and we leaned against the desk.

“You seduced me,” he whispered.

“I guess I did.”

“How's your mouth? You wanna go get somethin' to eat?”

“I can't. I need to get home.”

“Heartbreaker.” He pulled me into a hug, and I closed my eyes against his heartbeat.