Saving from Monkeys (32 page)

"Where did you go?" She asked blearily and, despite everything, he had to repress a smile at the demanding note in her tone.

"Miss me?" He asked arrogantly and her eyes narrowed.

"We need to drink more," she declared in the definite tones of the still very drunk. "Because I want to have more sex with you, but I'm not doing it sober."

OK then, so they weren't talking about it. That was fine with him.

He walked back over to the bed, obediently snatching up a bottle from his liquor cabinet as he approached. It was vodka, not his favourite by any stretch of the imagination, but Rox was right, staying drunk was the only way this was going to happen. And, looking at her, tangled in his rumpled sheets, sleepy and hot and defiant, he knew that, damn it, it was going to happen that night as many times as Rox, and his body, allowed it.

Unscrewing the cap, he tipped the bottle to his mouth and then climbed back up onto the bed and offered it to Rox who copied his movement, although she screwed her face up as she swallowed.

"It's not pleasant is it, alcohol?" She asked, tripping over
the 't's, "Sometimes it's just plain awful. Still," her eyes fell on him, knelt beside her, unself-conscious in his nakedness, "needs must."

And then she was reaching for him boldly and he'd tumbled her back onto the mattress, kissing her fiercely as if, through sheer force of will, he could make her forget.

Chapter 18 – The Bandaid and the Mixed Message

The events of that night didn't come back to me all at once, it was more like Elliot saying I needed saving from monkeys had sent out a little thread of understanding. From there it had been about tugging on that thread until, like the fraying end of a tassel, it all unravelled in a big old mess.

"Rox..." Elliot started towards me, saying my name in that way that made me breathless. It wasn't a good breathless this time, though, it was a 'you come within five metres of me and my head will wobble off' breathless.

I scrambled backwards, maintaining the distance between us and only just barely managing to stop myself toppling off the edge of the bed. Grabbing up a pillow, I held it up in front of me like a shield, feeling that my flimsy little pyjamas just weren't getting the job done. My arms shook as I held it tight.

"You're still bleeding. Here." Elliot moved forward again, holding the bandaid out to me, but the look on my face must have stopped him.
"Christ, Rox," he said quietly, "it's just a bandaid."

"Really?"
I asked through lips that felt numb. "You're sure my mum hasn't asked you to stuff a few hundreds in there as well?"

He had the cheek to look pained at this and I let out a choked exclamation and threw the pillow I clutched at him. He batted it away easily and I couldn't help but feel that
that was symbolic of his whole damn life.

"You
-
" I don't think I even knew the word for what he was. What I
did
know was that I couldn't stay another second in his company. I'd end up doing something unforgivable like try to strangle him with a sheet or, if history was any indicator, have sex with him. I jumped off the bed, reaching for my clothes where they were draped over the couch and yanking my jeans on.

I'd turned my back to him as I dressed, my tumult of emotions making me forget that modesty was completely pointless around a guy who had explored every inch of me countless times, so I didn't see him coming up behind me. I didn't know he was there, in fact, until he'd grabbed me by the wrist. I jerked back in surprise, but he held tight, lifting my hand up and quickly sticking the plaster over my cut.

"It's just a bandaid," he repeated, releasing me. I staggered back, gravity grabbing at me as he let go.

"It was a paper cut, Elliot," I said, putting every last bit of energy I could summon into being disparaging.
"Hardly something I couldn't have dealt with on my own." My eyes started to smart painfully and I dragged my jumper on over my head, before realising it was Elliot's hoodie and ripping it back off.

"
OK, this metaphor is getting laboured." I shoved the jumper at him. "You should have this back, I'm done with doing it like the animals do with you. I need to study."

"S
tudy
?" He repeated incredulously, keeping step beside me as I moved around the bed to grab my books.

I wished he would back off, I felt rubbery and strange and it only got worse when I could feel him next to me. With great effort I managed to get my wibbly arms to solidify enough for me to snatch up my bag and head for the door.
There was to be no escape just then, though.

"Hang
on, you're just going to walk out?" He moved to block my way, making me draw up short before I got too close. "You're not going to talk to me about this? I get no say?"

"Nope," I said tightly. "You get to stand there with your mouth and your wallet shut.
Should be a novel experience for you."

I could sense that he was about to say something else and I threw a hand up to stop him. In the past I would've clapped my hand to his lips, but I couldn't see myself coping with that just then.

"I have exams," I said, with a very credible attempt at calm. "Right now I feel like my brain is sludge which is kind of inconvenient timing. Besides which," I had a go at smiling, but I'm fairly sure I just trembled my lips at him, "it turns out I'm an investment of yours and if you want the best pay off you need to let me go coagulate in peace."

I skirted round him and he didn't try to stop me this time. As I opened the door, however, I heard him say lowly,
"You're not my investment, Rox, you're my girlfriend."

I couldn't respond to that, so I just walked out, shutting the door firmly behind me.

~*~

"Rox?"

I was about halfway back to my room, working hard to put one foot in front of the other on the asphalt, when I heard my name being called. With great effort, I looked up and saw Abi hurrying towards me, weaving through other students, bangles-a-jangling.

"Abi?
What are you...? Oh," I nodded as understanding hit, "Elliot called you." There was some grim comment about 'Mr Fix-it striking again' hovering at the edge of my brain, but I didn't have the energy to bother with it.

"Yeah
, he called, and he sounded freaked," Abi said in a rush. "He told me I should come and find you and hung up." She seemed to take stock of me for the first time and I must have looked at least partly as odd as I felt because she sucked in a low breath and asked, "What the hell's going on?"

"Well," I kept plodding forward, "the whole black-out thing has reversed itself, which is exciting. And it turns out Elliot and my
mum have been lying to me this whole time, which is significantly less exciting and more just...fucking shit."

"Woah!"
The usually graceful Abi tripped over her own feet and grabbed me by the shoulder, pulling me to a stop. "What did you say?"

The last thing I wanted to do was to repeat myself, but I forced myself to say again, "My mum and Elliot-"

"No, not that." Abi waved my words away. "The 'fucking shit' bit."

Huh. I replayed my words and realised that I had cursed without even thinking about it. After all that maybe Elliot had at least been successful in saving me from monkeys. Still...
"I don't think
that's
what you should have taken from what I said," I was vaguely censorious, but Abi was unrepentant.

"Yeah, well, the Elliot and your mum stuff, that's them. Losing your monkeys, that's
you
."

She was so very right.
My head whirling, I threw my arm out towards her. "Do I feel normal?" I asked desperately. "Because I don't feel normal. I feel...plastic-y."

She looked unsure, but prodded my arm obligingly.
"Blood, skin, bone, all the usual stuff," she confirmed. "So, Elliot and your mum?"

Ergh.

I forced my legs to start moving again and as we headed back to our room I sketched her a quick explanation of what I'd remembered. I kept it very basic, almost disengaged with what I was saying. Abi, however, was my best friend, and if there was one thing best friends were good at it was cutting right to the heart of an issue.

"So...wow. It's not been about protecting your mum from money stuff, then, it's been about protecting you."

Twang. Right in the bullseye.

"Right, so what happens now?" She persisted.
"You and Elliot? I mean, how did you leave it?"

"My exams start next week," I said firmly, glad that that at least was something that was categorically not going to change. "I don't have time to be angsty, I need to study."

"Right," Abi said uncertainly, "except..."

"No!" Some of the plastic coating me seemed to melt off. "No except. Promise me, Abi, promise me that the next couple of weeks are all about exams, with no except."
My voice had risen shrilly and I felt tears pricking my eyes so, although she looked unconvinced, Abi nodded.

"
OK, the next couple of weeks are all about exams," she repeated with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. "Yay."

~*~

And, bless her heart, Abi did do her absolute best to keep her word. In fact, it was the two people who should have been most committed to making sure I succeeded in my exams that caused the most distraction to my study schedule.

"Who's winning?"

It was the day before my first exam, but instead of being focused on my books, my eyes were locked on my mobile where it sat on the bed beside me. Lifting my head guiltily I glanced over at Abi who, despite not looking at me, was managing to be extremely pointed.

"Elliot or your mum?"

There was no point pretending I didn't know what she was talking about. Scrolling through my missed call log I did a quick tally and replied, "Elliot, by two."

The phone in my hand started to jitter as I spoke and, checking the caller
ID, I corrected myself, "by three." I sighed heavily and threw my mobile back down, reaching for my notes.

I hadn't spoken to either Elliot or my mum since finding out the truth, despite their numerous attempts to contact me. Very early on in the piece I'd noticed a pattern with how Elliot rang, once in the morning, once in the evening. Not a serial killer stalker abuse of the redial, but more than enough to keep him front and centre in my thoughts…like I needed the reminders for that.

My mum's calls were more random, but consistent enough to make my brain hurt. Elliot had obviously told her that I'd remembered my drunken epiphany. That the two of them had their own special 'let's talk about, and make decisions for, Rox' club made my stomach churn unpleasantly.

That being said, I wasn't trying to make a point by not answering their calls, I just still didn't have any clue what I would say to them.
Plus
, I told myself firmly for approximately the millionth time, I needed to study.

My eyes sharpened down on my
notes with a practice borne from days of having to switch off thoughts of being a sad sack charity case to focus on my study schedule, and I buried myself deeply into my third year quantitative methods formulas. I got perhaps ten minutes of solid cramming done before there was a sudden booming knock on the door and, in the next second, it was thrown open to reveal Jonah.

My heart, which had leapt up hard and fast at the first bang, sank down dizzily and I dropped my head immediately back to my books. As every entrance made by Jonah was the equivalent in noise of a Viking invasion I didn't take too much notice of his dramatic appearance.
I expected him and Abi to start back into their training for the most nauseating couple of the year award, so was confused when I realised it was
my
bed he was standing over.

"Joe, what are you-?" Abi started to ask, but Jonah's attention, for once, wasn't on her.

"So you haven't even turned it off?" He asked and I looked up at him in surprise.

"What?"

"Your mobile." Jonah pointed one of his big, blunt fingers at the object in question, his expression thunderous. "So it's not as if you don't know he's bloody calling you."

"I-
" I flicked a desperate look over at Abi who seemed to have frozen halfway through rising from her bed.

"You know he's going out of his mind, you know he wants to talk to you about it, but you
're just ignoring him? What’s that about, huh? Some sort of power trip? You found out he'd tried to help you and now you're punishing him?"

"Steady there, babycakes." Abi seemed to have shaken off her momentary paralysis and jumped forward to wrap her hands around one of her boyfriend's mammoth elbows. "Let's let them sort this out themselves, yeah?"

"Easier for you to say," he growled, not taking his eyes off me. "
Your
friend isn't the one who just lost the only person he thought gave a damn about him growing up and then had
her
," he jabbed a finger at me this time, "turn around and-"

"Out!"
Abi gave his arm a massive tug, her expression hardening. "You don't get to come in here and talk to Rox like that. This is
her
room, not yours."

"Yeah?
And who's paying for it?"

It was like he'd reached down with one of those massive paws of his and smacked me clear across the face. I felt smaller than the runtiest gnat.

"Get out." Abi lowered her voice, a dangerous thread running through it. "Right now." She gave him another shove and, later, when the shock had worn off, I'd realise that the expression he'd turned to her then had been one of horror at what he'd said.

Great, and now I'd broken nice guy Jonah. I wasn't having a good week.

Abi escorted Jonah to the door, whispering to him furiously the whole way. Busy squeezing my hands tightly in a somewhat illogical attempt not to cry, I didn't hear anything she said until the last bit, "I love you, but you're a dick." Then she slammed the door shut and turned to look at me.

My
mind was whirling, but it came to a stop abruptly as it realised what Abi had said. "You
love
him?" I repeated incredulously.

"Yes, Rox," Abi sighed and I saw that the annoyance she'd flung Jonah's way didn't seem to have been switched off when focusing on me.