Saving Ella (12 page)

             
“I stumbled across a shelter. It’s the cleanest I’ve ever been in and they serve meals with real meat,” I sighed. I never hid the truth from Rita. She had earned my trust and honesty.

             
“You shouldn’t be living in a shelter Ella,” moaned Rita. I knew she wanted better for me.

             
“It’s okay Rita, honestly. It’s warm and clean. The owner Mercy is amazing and I’ve been helping out around the place. Jax even made me lunch today.” I chuckled at the memory of that little brown bag.

             
“Jax?” Oh wow, had I actually said his name out loud? “Who’s Jax?”

             
“His mother owns the shelter, he works there. He seems like a good person Rita, they all are. I have to get back to work, I’ll call before Christmas, I promise.” I tried not to think about Christmas which was now less than two months away. Holidays and birthdays had lost their joy when daddy had died. 

             
“About Christmas sweetheart, I don’t want you to be alone this year and I know you don’t want to come back to Dunston, so why don’t we meet at Larry’s, I’ll give you a bus ticket as your Christmas gift.” Larry’s place was only a nine hour drive from Marcus, still too close. And I had never really spent a Christmas alone since leaving that hell hole called home anyway. There was no end of volunteer work during the holidays, I always managed to keep busy.

             
“I can’t Rita,” I finally confessed, not wanting to disappoint her but knowing I just couldn’t turn myself around and head back toward Marcus. The closer I got to home the worse the panic attacks became. Rita sighed.

             
“I know honey, I just thought maybe over the years things might have gotten a little easier for you. Maybe BJ, Renee and I could meet you somewhere? Renee would love to finally meet you.” I knew Rita couldn’t afford a trip like that for all of them at this time of the year.

             
“Honestly Rita, I just want to help out at the shelter, it makes me feel good to be helping somewhere. And I’ve got Rebecca, so it’s not like I’ll be completely alone.”

             
“Okay sweetheart. I’m not going to push but I would really love to see you again one of these days. Maybe once Renee is back at college I could come down to Clayton and visit you and Rebecca, I’ve got a free trip up my sleeve with work.” The thought of seeing Rita again actually made me smile. I really did love her, she had saved my life. Oh boy, those damn infuriating tears were threatening me again. I swallowed hard, pushing the lump of emotion back down my throat.

             
“I’d love that. We’ll talk again when it gets closer. Give my love to BJ and Larry, and Renee of course.”

             
“You take care Ella, be smart and keep safe.”

             
I disconnected the call and took a moment to compose myself before heading back into the front of the shop. Rebecca was busy taking an order as I resumed the thorn pruning, a tedious though somewhat rewarding job. It felt like I was ridding something beautiful of something ugly. I wish it were that easy with life. Simply cut away all the nasty, ugly parts of ourselves and leave behind the beauty. Life would be so much easier.

             
When I got back to the shelter today, there was no fainting. Instead I felt lighter than normal, carefree, even excited. Talking with Rita always infused me with energy and hope, and the thought of seeing her after the holidays made me ridiculously happy. My thoughts quickly swung to a certain blonde haired giant with steel gray eyes. My brain was screaming all sorts of profanities about how stupid I was behaving, but my heart was skipping around like a school girl in piggy tails, all full of hope and innocent anticipation. Two more women had left the shelter today, supposedly for good. Well, they had said for good, but apparently they bounced back and forth between their violent home and the safety of Mercy’s regularly. Jax was nowhere to be found and once again I was confused by the relief and disappointment that racked my heart. All this inner turmoil was making my head hurt and my body crazy, I needed a break from it. I sat in the middle of my bed and folded laundry. My mind drifted with the monotonous task as my eyes wandered the long clean walls of the shelter. They were painted blue like the sky and I suddenly wished I had some paint. I could add big fluffy white clouds and a bright yellow sun, maybe some children playing around a big old Oak tree. Better yet I could sketch or paint pictures of all the staff and have them framed and mounted along the wall, maybe even some of the women who passed through the shelter. I snorted loudly, and most unlady like. My fanciful thoughts and dreams would never be anything more than that, dreams. “Idiot,” I snarled quietly to myself.

             
“Who are you talking too?” I jumped so high I nearly fell off the side of my bed grappling with the sheet to hold myself from falling. Jax stood over me with a cheeky grin on his face.

             
“Fuck, you scared the shit out of me,” I yelled.

             
“And you’ve got a dirty mouth,” he smirked. “What if Eli had of been with me?” I looked about feeling a little guilty and Jax chuckled.

             
“Don’t worry, he’s down in the laundry with Mary, and anyway, all those years in the army have turned me into quite the swearing machine so if you ever need pointers, feel free to ask.” He just stood there, his hands shoved deep into his pockets suddenly looking like a tall awkward boy. No words were exchanged, the moment full of unease and uncertainties. Jax boasted confidence and arrogance, but underneath all that big strong handsome man were insecurities, just like the rest of us.

             
“You want to help?” I offered. Part of me hoped he’d say no, the weak part, the scared part. Another part of me prayed he’d say yes, and I was assuming this part of me was all lustful woman. He grinned and promptly sat at the end of the bed and began folding towels.

             
“Looks like you’ve done that before,” I teased, throwing his own words back at him from the previous night. He chuckled and nodded his head.

             
“There was a time when I was referred to as the laundry King round here. People had respect and worshipped my skills.” It was my turn to laugh at his mocking arrogance.

             
“So, what made you decide to become a soldier?” I asked after a short silence. Jax shrugged as he set a pile of clean towels to one side and began folding pillow cases.

             
“Laundry expertise only gets you so far,” he winked at me, “And I always considered myself as some sort of defender of the human race. For a short while I considered being a superhero, but I had no special powers or cool costume, so military it was.” I folded my legs in front of me Indian style, a grin stretching from ear to ear. I liked his playful nature, it helped me to relax. “I thought about the police force and even being a fireman, but one day a few weeks before graduation this guy turned up at school to talk to some of us about the forces. The opportunity to travel, learn skills, make a difference, it was everything I needed to hear. I signed up the next day. You already know how the story ends.”

             
“Do you regret it, being a soldier, going to war?” Jax shook his head, his eyes serious.

             
“Not at all. I learnt skills, I learnt how to build, fix things, shoot a gun,” his grin was cheeky. “Every boy’s dream is to fire a weapon. When I was a boy I had so many damn toy guns I could have started my own neighborhood armory.” Guns made me nervous. Sure, I had handled one myself, clicked off the safety and pointed it directly into the heart of a demon, but I know if I had of pulled that trigger it would have changed me for the worse. Jax watched the play of emotions on my face.

             
“Don’t get me wrong angel, I’m not some crazy hillbilly weapons freak. I have a gun, I have a license to carry it, but it stays locked up at home and it’s only taken out to be cleaned or for the firing range now and again. I got my gun play out of my system in the army.” I nodded and found myself paying far too much attention to the folded towel before me.

             
“What about you angel, any regrets?” I laughed but it wasn’t a laugh filled with humor, more like a noise filled with shame.

             
“Much of my life is regret.” I sighed and unconsciously rubbed my arms. “I do wish I had graduated high school though,” I quietly added, locked in memories of the few times I actually enjoyed school, before hate caught me in its ugly grasp.

             
“Why don’t you then?” I looked at Jax and saw the sincerity in his words. I knew he was right, I could take night classes and graduate but then what? I couldn’t plan beyond a few days let-a-lone my entire future.

             
“Thanks for helping,” I quickly stood, abruptly ending the conversation and gathered the washing as Jax slowly stood with me.

             
“I’m off home tonight,” he said. I hated myself at that moment, the panic and disappointment that blindsided me. I nodded sharply and turned to leave.

             
“I’ve got the day off tomorrow but I thought I’d drop by and say hello anyway,” he called out at my departure.

             
I stopped and glanced back over my shoulder, my heart flipping wildly at just the sight of him.

             
“I’d like that,” I confessed, before quickly running away.

             
The next afternoon I dropped by the office of my construction company to take care of a couple of things and ended up giving Charlie, my best friend and manager, a ride home. He jumped into the passenger seat of my pickup, pushing the package that had been sitting on the seat to the floor.

             
“Shit, take it easy,” I growled, reaching down and picking it back up, securing it safely between us. Charlie couldn’t help himself as I drove off down the street peaking in the package like the nosy prick he was prone to being.

             
“You heading back to kindergarten?” He smirked, waving a box of pencils about like a complete child. I grabbed the box and stuffed it back in the bag.

             
“It’s a gift,” was all I offered. But Charlie never gave up that easily.

             
“Uh-huh, for a kindergarten kid?” I shook my head. He patiently sat and stared and I knew if I didn’t give him something else he would continue to harass me.

             
“For a girl,” I mumbled.

             
“A girl girl?” He said with a light innocent voice, “or a girl girl?” His voice deepened and his eye brows wiggled in an attempt to look and sound like a seductive deviant, but he couldn’t pull it off, he was too much of a douche to look seductive.

             
“A girl, as in a member of the opposite sex, I’m sure you remember them.” Charlie laughed.

             
“I do, in fact I enjoyed the company of one last weekend.” My eyebrows rose in surprise. Charlie had been going through somewhat of a dry spell for a month or two now. I had never pried before, but I got the feeling he was into someone and taking things slow.

             
“Who?” I demanded.

             
“No one you know, now back to your girl. I’m assuming your elusive answers mean it’s a girl girl,” he wiggled his eyebrows again and I laughed. “And knowing you, she is sex on a stick, so spill.” I rubbed the back of my neck as we drove and shuffled in my seat nervously. I never had trouble telling Charlie about girls in the past, shit, he seemed to enjoy living vicariously through me so I was happy to divulge all the nasty details. With Ella, there were no nasty details, and even if there were I didn’t want to share them with Charlie.

             
“Fuck me, it’s a girl girl and you fucking like like her.” I laughed at Charlie’s childlike words. In all the years I had known him he hadn’t changed. He was all about goofing off and pissing people off. He was the exact opposite of his strict catholic parents. When we were in school Charlie gained a reputation for being somewhat of a badass. He started training with a local kickboxing school and was pretty fucking good at it too, unfortunately Charlie knew it. His arrogance saw him rub plenty of kids up the wrong way and he began getting into fights, his temper unhinged and fragile. His parents were at a loss which only spurred Charlie on, anything to ruffle his parent’s feathers. It took Mercy dragging him into the shelter one summer to adjust his attitude. Charlie bitched and moaned for weeks about having to work his summer vacation, but it wasn’t long before he saw the future that might lie ahead of him if he continued down the path he was on. With a little help from Mercy he whipped himself into shape quick smart. Today, Charlie could still kickass with the best of them. In fact he still trained regularly at the Rochester Kickboxing School, but street violence and bullying was no longer apart of his life. He had embraced his calling, Charlie was all about protecting and defending now. He hated the brutality that Mercy’s Shelter protected women from and he was more than happy to put in shifts whenever my construction company wasn’t demanding his time. His cocky and smartass attitude obviously still thrived though.