Savin' Me (22 page)

But thoughts of Elise evaporated into fear as
Kat studied Rusty’s expression and weighed his overall demeanor.
She rubbed her hands over her arms, fending off the chill, and
said, “What’s wrong?”

He took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled.
“I got a call from Erik…”

“Is he okay?”

He huffed and slumped lower in his seat. “No,
I don’t think so.”

Alarm shot through her. “What? Where is
he?”

He grabbed her hand to keep her from jumping
up and bolting for the door. “He wants me to take back his
account.”

Shock rocketed through her, and she collapsed
like a balloon that had been hit by a blowtorch. She blinked a
couple of times and shook her head, like that would suddenly clear
things up for her. “I can’t believe he’d do that to me.”

Rusty drew in a ragged breath and shook his
head, like he didn’t believe it either. “I don’t know what the hell
happened with you two, but I can tell you this. The man I spoke
with last night didn’t sound anything like the Erik I know. The
voice was the same, but he was a hollow shell.”

She rubbed her temples, trying to make sense
of the last ten minutes. Elise had broken into her office, taken
her notes, and stolen a potential client out from under her.
Standard operating procedure in this business. It pissed her off,
but it was to be expected.

Erik, the lying bastard who promised their
personal relationship wouldn’t affect their professional
relationship—
I promise it won’t have any effect on your
job
—had just sliced her open and left her bleeding on the
table.

She couldn’t believe he yanked his account
away from her, knowing how important her career and this job were.
And not only did this move affect his account, but it also took
away the cross promotion she was working on with Mazze Builders and
the CPA.

Hurt and betrayal knotted her gut like a
Jack-in-the box wound too tight. She needed to confront Erik before
she exploded and left a mess all over everyone. If he thought he
could get rid of her this easily, he needed to think again.

The hurt and betrayal quickly morphed into
fury. She knew he hurt and suspected this move was a defensive one,
designed to keep her at a distance so he wouldn’t have to deal with
his feelings for her. But she refused to let him take the
chicken-shit way out.

She thought back to Steve’s description of
Erik living in his own personal hell, and an image of Erik wading
around in misery and despair struck her. They’d asked her to not
give up on him, and she promised she wouldn’t.

Unlike Erik, she kept her promises.

She might knock him on his ass first before
grabbing him by the scruff of the neck and dragging him to higher
ground. But she would do whatever it took to reach him.

Because that’s what you did when you loved
someone.

Rusty, who’d been patiently waiting for her
to reach a level state, said, “You okay?”

“I’m getting there. But I need to go see
Erik.”

Rusty gave a half-smile and nodded. “Good.
I’m worried about him.”

Rather than bee-lining for the door, she
found herself sitting in the chair, thinking. Thinking about
everything that had happened this morning, all that had transpired
at Reynolds and Ashbury, and everything Granddad had said over the
phone.

She took several deep breaths to get into her
zone and carefully considered the words fighting to break free from
her lips. One should never make life-altering decisions under
extreme duress, but she was tired of living like this. “Rusty, I
appreciate the opportunity you’ve given me here and have enjoyed
working for you. But I need to give my two week notice. I’ll have
the official documentation for you this afternoon.”

Rusty drew back in shock. “What?”

She reached across the table and took his
hand in hers. “I don’t want to be constantly looking over my
shoulder, wondering where the next knife is coming from. I want to
find something less cutthroat and to work someplace where I can
really make a difference in people’s lives.”

Rusty stared at her with a blank face,
seemingly at a total loss. After several moments, he squeezed her
hand, then stood. “Why don’t you talk to Erik and get that
situation resolved.” He smiled warmly. “Then we’ll talk about this
resignation stuff. Okay?”

By the time she walked home, got her car, and
made the trek to Erik’s office, an hour had passed. The time and
space had been good, had given her the opportunity to calm down,
soothe some of the rawness of her emotions, and figure out what to
say to Erik.

She doubted Erik had thought to warn Elaina,
Monteague Boats' receptionist, that a pissed-off Kat might show up
on their doorstep. But just in case, she slipped on a friendly,
non-threatening mask before entering the lobby. “Good morning. I
need to see Erik.”

Elaina didn’t seem to be concerned about
Kat’s unstable emotional state, but she also wasn’t carrying the
same lightness as the day Kat toured the plant. “I’m sorry. He’s
not in.”

Kat studied her expression for a moment and
decided she wasn’t covering for Erik by giving the old
he’s-not-available response, when he was actually hiding in his
office. “Do you know where I can find him?”

Elaina chewed her bottom lip as her brow drew
into a sharp V. “He hasn’t been in all morning.” She leaned forward
and glanced down the hallway toward the suite of offices. Lowering
her voice, she said, “He hasn’t even called. Mr. Monteague has been
trying to reach him all morning, but as far as I know, he hasn’t
gotten through.”

Kat’s anger circled the drain as concern set
it. Despite her angry crack about him needing to be less of a
playboy and focusing more on work, she’d come to realize he was
extremely dedicated to his job and doubted this was a common
occurrence. “Has he ever not shown up before?”

Elaina shook her head. “Never.”

Hard to believe being abandoned at the beach
could be a good thing, but Kat had just found the silver lining.
Because of needing to leave his car in the driveway, she knew where
he lived. “Thanks, Elaina. I’ll go by his house.”

***

Erik jabbed… jabbed… jabbed at the punching
bag, but his muscles were exhausted from hours of rigorous
exercise, and he didn’t have enough strength left to make the bag
move. He wrapped his arms around it and leaned against the heavy
mass, relying on its weight to hold him upright.

Despite the hours of abuse he’d put his body
through, he still felt the pain and agony of what he’d done to Kat.
Leaving her at the beach had been low. Taking his account away from
her was something only the lowest, slimiest, nastiest slug in the
puddle would do.

Between that and going to Lindsey’s grave
yesterday, his guilt, shame, and self-loathing had reached new
depths. He literally felt like he was drowning in a poisonous
well.

He shoved off the bag and looked over the
rest of his home gym, determined to find something that would give
him relief from his all-consuming pain. What he found instead was
Kat, standing in the doorway watching him.

He closed then reopened his eyes, making sure
he wasn’t hallucinating. Nope, she was still there, with anger and
disappointment written all over her face.

The sight of her amplified his ache to the
point he felt ripped inside out.

He pulled off the boxing gloves and dropped
them to the floor. Grabbing a towel, he wiped the sweat from his
face and neck, then grabbed a bottle of water. He was having a hard
time catching his breath and gathering his thoughts, so he decided
to address the fuck-ups in sequential order. “I’m sorry for leaving
you at the beach.” He swiped at his forehead again and dropped his
head in shame. “It was a horrible thing to do.”

“That’s okay. Kevin was more than willing to
drive me home.”

He squeezed his water bottle so hard water
gushed out of the open spout and over his fingers. Ignoring the
liquid dripping from his knuckles, he flipped his gaze to her and
saw a crack of a smile. Despite his anguish, he couldn’t help but
smile back at the teasing. “I had that coming.”

“Yeah, you did.” She moved into the weight
room and glanced around. After taking stock of the machines and
playing around with a few of the weights, she turned to face him.
She crossed her arms over her chest and studied him with an odd
combination of anger and compassion. “Why did you leave me like
that?” She laughed without humor. “Gee, I guess I had it coming
too, since you had to ask me that same question once.” She
swallowed hard and storm clouds filled her eyes. “But what I really
want to know is why you yanked your account away from me. You
promised my going to the beach wouldn’t affect our working
relationship.”

He dropped onto a weight bench, propped his
elbows on his knees, and let his hands fall loosely between his
legs. He owed her the truth, but he couldn’t bear to look at her.
The disappointment in her eyes was more than he could handle.

Staring at a fleck on the tile floor, he
said, “Let’s start with the first one. I’m a self-absorbed prick. I
needed time and space to think. It was four o’clock in the morning.
I’d been awake all night, and I wasn’t thinking clearly.” He shook
his head, utterly disgusted with himself. “As for the business side
of it… I can’t sit through meetings with you and not go crazy. Or
cave in and beg you to give me another chance. I’m no good for you.
I’ll only end up hurting you… or worse. But I couldn’t look you in
the eyes and say it, so I took the coward’s way out. All the way
around, I took the coward’s way out.”

“What happened to Lindsey?”

The sound of her name on Kat’s lips snapped
his head up. “How do you know about Lindsey?”

Gently, as if approaching a wild animal, she
moved across the room and knelt in front of him. “You said you’d
been almost-engaged once. While trying to explain what a tough time
you were having and why you’d left, Kevin mentioned her name. I put
together that Lindsey must have been the one you were going to
marry. But neither Steve nor Kevin would give me any details about
what happened.” Her voice didn’t carry any accusation or
incrimination, only soft compassion and concern.

He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes
shut, blocking the past as well as Kat’s tenderness. He didn’t want
her compassion, or he’d never be able to keep her at a
distance.

“Erik, I’m not leaving until we’ve hashed
this out. And I might not leave even then. I love you.”

He swallowed the compulsion to echo the
words. He loved her more than she’d ever know, but he couldn’t
allow her to think there was a future for them when he’d never
allow it.

“Tell me what happened to Lindsey.”

He shook his head side to side in jerky
movements. “No.”

“Steve said you’d grown comfortable living in
your own personal hell over the past ten years. Well, guess what?
I’ve waded in, I’m standing neck deep in it with you, and I’m not
leaving without you.”

Shame stroked his skin like an old lover.
“There’s no savin’ me, Kat. I don’t deserve to be saved.”

She shifted around and he thought she would
stand, but instead, she flopped down on her ass and got
comfortable. “I’m not going away.”

“Jesus Christ.” Frustration ripped out of him
with the words. “You’re determined to hear this, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

He pushed to his feet and paced back and
forth, while she calmly watched him stomp around the room like an
angry bull. She was as stubborn as him, and if the situation had
been reversed, he wouldn’t leave either. He didn’t want her to know
about his past, but getting it all out might be the best thing.
After hearing his story, she’d probably run from the room and out
of his life without ever looking back.

“Lindsey and I started dating our sophomore
year of college. We dated for two years, and in all that time, I
never brought her home with me. Or introduced her to my family. It
didn’t matter in the beginning, but as time went on, she started
pressuring me about it.”

He absently punched at the punching bag. “I’d
gone home with her several times, and her family was wonderful.
They were kind and accepting and as good of people as you could
ever meet. Nothing like my family.”

Bitter resentment rose as the words flowed.
“I knew my pretentious, arrogant-bitch mother would never approve
of Lindsey because her family was poor. She would’ve gone out of
her way to make Lindsey uncomfortable. In my mother’s mind, Lindsey
would’ve been on the same level as a servant. Not one of the
family.”

He stared off into space, remembering his
thought processes and how he thought he could make it all work out.
“I had the ridiculous notion that once we were engaged, or married,
my mother would be more accepting. She’d see I loved Lindsey, and
she wouldn’t be so quick to point out the socioeconomic
differences, because at that point, Lindsey would’ve been one of
us.”

He rubbed his chest, trying to alleviate the
burning tension and ache, but it only intensified. Taking a deep
breath, he forced himself to continue. “I had the engagement ring
and planned to propose on Saturday. But on Thursday, I had to come
home for a family meeting. Since it was just one night, and she
didn’t have class on Friday, Lindsey wanted to come too.

“I tried to tactfully explain how different
her mother was from mine. My mother is judgmental and not accepting
like hers. But she was too kindhearted to understand. Out of
frustration, I blurted it all out in plain terms. My mother
wouldn’t think she was good enough for our family, and I didn’t
want to subject her to that.”

He ground his palms against his eyes, trying
to wipe away the image of Lindsey’s crushed expression. “I wanted
to protect her, but she didn’t see it that way. She thought I was
ashamed of her.”