Saven Defiance (The Saven Series Book 4) (19 page)

“What if it’s too late?” I whisper, giving into my worst fears. The VP had only given me twenty-four hours to kill Logan, and that was weeks ago in Earth terms. I’m petrified to put into words what that could mean.

Logan brushes some stray strands of hair back off my face. “Let’s hope it’s not.” I respect that he doesn’t try to placate me. He understands the implications as much as I do.

A few minutes slip by before he speaks again. “I think the king’s logic is sound. Once we Eterno bond, we’ll be more intimately linked. We’ll share traits, and our ability to mindspeak will expand exponentially, irrespective of how far we are apart. I don’t know how everything will manifest, but it can only add to our collective strength. That said, I won’t push you into this, Sadie. If now isn’t the right time, we can wait. So it’s your decision.” He places a tender kiss on my cheek.

“Is this real?” I speak softly.

He runs his thumb across my lower lip. “We don’t need to put a label on our feelings, because we fit perfectly together. I am yours and you are mine. Sharing an Eterno bond, no matter how it came about, doesn’t alter that fact. We were always meant to be together.”

Tears glisten in my eyes. He always knows the absolute perfect thing to say. “Is it selfish to
want
to do it?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think so. It could be argued it’s prudent to do it, but the romantic side of me won’t hear of it.” He tweaks my nose playfully. “I want to do this because I love you. Because I want to bind myself to you for all eternity. It’s as simple as that for me.” He releases a shuddering breath. “But I’m not going to force you into something you don’t want, whether it’s the timing or … anything else, holding you back.”

He thinks this is because of Ax? That I’m not sure?

I take a long, hard, inner look at myself. I want this with him, I genuinely do, and what I said about feeling selfish, and guilty, and worried and scared over Ella, is all true, but there is also another sentiment holding me back.

I’m terrified.

Terrified of losing myself.

Terrified of something going wrong.

Terrified of sleeping together, which is kind of ridiculous, because the thought also excites me.

I’ve dreamed of having this with him, and now I’m running scared?

Sitting up straighter, I stare into the hidden depths of his eyes. If we are going to be as one, I need to start giving him insight in to how I’m feeling. “Would it make sense if I said I’m scared?”

“Completely. Would it help if I said I’m scared too?”

That surprises me. “What are you afraid of?”

“Hurting you. Changing you. That you might turn around one day and realize you made the wrong decision.” He averts his eyes but not before I see the flash of anguish.

My heart pings around my chest. “We’re both going to change, and we don’t know in what ways, so I’d say that’s a healthy fear. But the rest? You won’t hurt me. I know you won’t. I mean, Alex is okay, right?” I vocalize my last fear.

Logan touches my lips with his fingers and my mouth tingles all over. “Losing your conscience is definitely not something to worry about. Neve and Alex are at it like rabbits, and he’s perfectly fine.” He chuckles, as I blush.

“Jeez, not the type of visual I wanted. Thanks.” I roll my eyes.

His confident swagger falters. “Are you sure about me? That I’m what you want? I mean, you and him …”

I hate that my past keeps threatening my future. Pressing my lips to his forehead, I spear him with a fiercely determined look. “The feelings I have for you are undeniable. My heart is yours. Always. I won’t ever regret choosing you, Logan, and that’s a promise.”

As the words leave my mouth, they strengthen my resolve. While this is a life-altering decision, I’m being silly, because I’ve already decided to go there with him. Whether it is now or at a later time, nothing will amend that fact. So, there’s no point in hesitating, in procrastinating. If the king thinks it will make us stronger, and he can accommodate it now, it would be mad not to take that step, not when I decided ages ago that I wanted to take that step with Logan.

Cupping his face, I push my fear aside. “I want to Eterno bond with you today. Let’s do it.”

Blistering emotion burns the back of his hesitantly hopeful eyes. “Really? You’re sure?”

My smile is expansive. “I am. I want to connect with you in every way possible. I’ve already chosen my life, and it’s with you. There is no need to wait. I want this. Now. Tonight. Forever.”

His mouth collides with mine in wild abandon. Every brush of his lips, every sweep of his tongue, ferments the decision. I am ready to give myself to him completely. The thought makes me giddy with excitement.

An embarrassed cough breaks our embrace. We pull apart, panting with frenzied need. The king looms over us sheepishly. “I apologize, but time is ticking. Have you made a decision?”

“We have,” I answer for us. “We want to Eterno bond tonight.”

“Congratulations.” He places his hand on Logan’s shoulder. “It’s your best defense, and you two clearly belong together. Everyone can see that. I’m happy for you.” He smiles generously. “I will make plans. Do you intend on sharing the news?” He lifts a brow.

Logan and I face one another. “It’s your call,” he says. “I don’t mind either way.”

“Would it be okay if we kept this a secret, for now?”

He trails a finger across my cheek. “Whatever you want.”

“I don’t like lying to anyone, but we need Ax on our side, and I have to keep him safe. If he knows, he’ll take off. And, besides, I like the idea of keeping this as our own special secret.”

“It’s okay, Angel,” Logan says, pressing a sweet kiss to my lips. “You don’t have to explain.” He turns his attention to the king. “How can we pull this off? Do you have an Elder tucked away that I don’t know about?”

The king plops down in a seat, and grins. “Actually, I have a whole bunch of them sequestered away.”

Logan sits up straighter. “The Elders are here?” His eyes pop wide.

“Yes. I gave them asylum when Dante first took control. You know they have the power of foresight, among other gifts?” Logan nods, as a smile forms on his mouth. “They came here to wait for you.”

I raise a palm. “Hold up. Are you saying they knew we were going to come here and want to Eterno bond?”

“I don’t understand how it works, but they know things, see things, that haven’t yet happened. When they approached me, they said they knew I would be supporting their rightful king and that Logan would need them soon. I hid them in the Vendura caves. They are protected by a mute-shield, and they are more than welcome to remain here until it’s safe for them to return to Saven.”

Logan lifts me with ease onto the other chair and stands in front of the king. “It appears I have much more to thank you for.” He kneels down and bows his head reverentially.

“At ease, Crown Prince. I’m glad to help.” Logan sits back up. “I’ll arrange transport for later tonight, when it’s dark and after the others have retired to bed. Pack a bag and be ready. I will send a guard to escort you.”

Our friends congregate in the outside area after dinner, but I make my excuses. “I’ll come with you,” Logan offers.

“Stay if you want. I’m going to lie down for a little while.” Another niggly headache is building in the base of my skull, and I want to try to nip it in the bud before it destroys our plans for tonight. My heart rate accelerates at the thought of what we’ll be getting up to later.

Logan gives me a wicked grin. “
Good plan, because you won’t be getting much sleep tonight.”

Blood rushes to my cheeks as I swat him playfully.
“Actually, Casanova, I’m trying to deflect the onset of a headache. I’m already banking on the whole ‘not sleeping’ front.”

His look switches to one of concern in a nanosecond. “Another headache? I think you need to get that checked out. I’ll bring you to our room, and then I’ll get a medic.” He gently strokes my face.

I plant my hands on his chest. “Stop worrying.” I kiss him chastely. “I’ll be fine after a nap. No need to start fussing. Go.” I push him gently toward our friends. “Chill out.”

He takes my hand firmly in his. “If you think that I’d let you go back to our room by yourself when you’re not feeling well, then you don’t know me as well as you think you do.”

He mock-huffs and I roll my eyes in a teasing gesture. I can’t deny how heartwarming it is to have someone care about me so deeply. Looping my arm through his, I let him escort me back to our suite.

Thankfully, I’m headache-less and feeling well rested after a few hours’ sleep. Packed and waiting for our escort, I’m restless. My knee taps up and down, and Logan drums his fingers impatiently off the tabletop. Realizing the implication at the same time, we giggle as our eyes lock together. “It’s totally normal to be nervous,” Logan reassures me.

“Is it normal to feel like I’m gonna puke?”

Walking behind me, his hands drift to my shoulders. I lean back as he massages the rock-hard tendons bunching across my upper back.

“I’ve never felt nauseous, so I don’t know.”

“Never?” I stretch back and peer up at him.

“Nope,” he confirms, as a strident rap knocks on the door. “We’re on.” Helping me up, he draws me into his arms. “Any cold feet?” His eyes probe mine with grave seriousness.

“None.” My voice is confident.

He kisses me all too quickly. “Me either. Come on, then.” His face glistens with excitement, and I feed off it like it’s my favorite cappuccino, practically sprinting the whole way to the hangar.

It doesn’t take long to reach our destination. The king’s shuttle floats over the highest summit in the Vendura Mountains and waits. Several triangular-shaped peaks, molded to jagged points, rest under the belly of the craft, like giant daggers poised to rip us to shreds. The mountainous terrain stretches for miles in either direction, and it’s the oddest mountain range I’ve ever seen. But I’m growing accustomed to strange environments, and it only raises minor curiosity.

After a brief period, a huge creaking sound surrounds us, and the sky rumbles and sways as an errant breeze surfaces from nowhere. The shuttle starts a slow, gradual descent. We stare out the window as the crown of the mountain magically disappears revealing the hidden Vendura caves below.

Okay, now I’m seriously impressed.

Sinking farther into the heart of the mountain, the outside environment is bathed in darkness as we descend. Framed by sheer, craggy mountainous partitions on all sides, there is little sign of life until we reach the halfway point. Vast cave-like holes open up in the rocky walls, growing larger and more regular the lower we travel. Dim lights glow softly from the caverns, casting eerie shadows on the hollowed-out walls. Underneath us, a cluster of curved domelike brown roofs hides the structure beneath.

When the shuttle approaches ground level, it glides effortlessly into a huge opening in the wall. The engine purrs softly as the craft comes to a stop.

Logan holds my hand as we exit the shuttle. The hangar is quiet at this hour of the night. A host of pods and small ships fills one side of the capacious surroundings. Muddy reddish-brown walls rim the space from floor to ceiling. The air is cool and a mellow breeze wafts tentatively around us.