Saven Deception (23 page)

“I don’t want you to miss out on anything
because of me. And don’t worry about Dante, he won’t be back there.” Logan
resumes staring at the tabletop.

“What do you care? It’s clear from your
behavior that you regret what transpired between us yesterday. So why are you
bothered whether I stay in drama class or not.” I clench my jaw so tightly I’m
sure I’m shaving shards off my teeth.

“That’s not it,” he says sadly. He still
won’t look at me.

“Look at me and tell me what’s going on.
Don’t I at least deserve a proper explanation this time? You promised. You
always promise and then let me down.” I sound petulant, but I don’t care. He
does owe me that much. I’m fed up of people sheltering me from the truth, no
matter the reason.

He visibly flinches as if hit. “I
shouldn’t have made promises I can’t keep.” He finally looks directly at me. “Your
safety is of paramount importance to me. And you are safe, provided you stay
away from me. It’s not what I want, but it’s the way it has to be.”

At least he looks as miserable as I feel.

“Why? Why does it have to be like this? I
don’t understand!” My pitch has risen a notch along with my escalating
frustration.

“It just has to be.” He looks away again.

That’s obviously as much as I’m going to
get. I’m sick of the truth continually being kept from me. Suddenly, I can’t
bear to be in his company a second longer. “You know what? I’m way better off
without you anyway.” I hop up. “I’ve had enough of your mood swings, and your
lies.”

“I’m—”

“Spare me. Yeah, yeah, you’re sorry.” I
walk off but then spin around, colliding with Logan who has trailed behind me.
“You know the worst thing of all?” I reach up on tiptoes so my face is close to
his. “I’ve never let any guy in. You’re the first one I even dared to like. But
you play with my feelings like they aren’t real.” I take a step back, conscious
that I’m losing control of my emotions. “I care for you, but you keep throwing
that back in my face.”

Repugnant tears prick my eyes. I turn to
leave

“Sadie.” Logan takes my arm. “I care about
you too. Honestly, I do.”

If I believed that was true, maybe it
would soften the blow. But I don’t, and his comment rubs me wrong in about a
million different ways. Tears subside, replaced by righteous anger.

“Ha! What a funny way you have of showing
it. I suppose you’ll be back to your endless stream of dates, a different girl
on your arm every night? The idea of kissing the same girl all the time must be
boring for you, huh?” 

“It’s not like that!” His eyes narrow.

“Whatever.” Shoving him away, I march off,
unwilling to listen to any more lies.

A firm arm wraps around my waist from
behind and I’m lifted off my feet.

“Put me down!” I fume.

“No,” he admits without apology. He walks
around the corner with me pressed tight to his front, as if I weigh nothing at
all.

When we are out of sight of prying eyes,
he lets me down against the side of the building. Stretching his arms out
overhead, he cages me in with his body. I hate that it both thrills and annoys
me.

“Leave me alone.”

“Not until you understand something.” His
hair falls into his eyes as he lowers his head. “I’ll do whatever it takes to
keep you safe, even if that means hurting myself. Those other girls mean
nothing to me. Nothing! And I haven’t kissed a single one of them.”

I huff. “Now you think I’m an idiot as
well?” My tone is scathing.

“I don’t think that.” He shakes his head.
“I’ve to keep up appearances, and it’s the best way of deflecting attention
from you. I thought I’d blown it yesterday but all isn’t lost. I don’t like
that it has to be this way, but there’s no choice.”

“You
promised
you’d explain things.
I know this isn’t just about some feud with Dante. You owe me an explanation,
Logan, at least give me that.”

Withdrawing his hands, he steps back and
drags a hand through his hair. “I wish I could explain, Sadie. But I can’t.
It’s far safer if you don’t know.”

All my anger returns in a blinding rage.
“Who are you to determine what is safe for me? Besides, safety is about more
than physical protection.” I stop myself from going further. I don’t want to
get into this with him. I’ve already given him too much of myself.

“I’m more than qualified to decide what is
and isn’t safe when it comes to you. You will not fight me on this.” He has the
look of someone who is used to issuing orders and being obeyed.

My fists are fidgety at my side, and the
urge to hit something—hit him—is strong. But I refuse to relinquish control
because that would be akin to admitting defeat.  “Screw you, Logan.” Ducking
under his arm, I glare at him. “Stay the hell away from me. You can pass that
message onto Haydn and Neve too.”

“We can’t—”

“We’re done,” I say, motioning between us.
“I never want to see you again.”

I refuse to be a victim, so I invoke my old fail-proof
tried and tested techniques for deflecting hurtful sentiments over the course
of the next two months. Logan is true to his word, and he does his best to
steer clear of me. However, it’s impossible to avoid each other completely
considering we’re both attending the campus on a daily basis and coming to and
from the apartment complex all the time.

My heart is a block of stone—hard and
impenetrable, but not indestructible. Unfortunately. I’m resisting Logan’s
allure, but I’m far from an emotional robot. There are days when I intercept a
sly glance, a sad smile, a yearning look, and my heart pulses to life, but I
beat it back down before stupid hope lays claim.

I have less success avoiding Neve and
Haydn who loiter like annoying siblings. While Haydn definitely got the memo I
wasn’t happy to travel to campus together anymore, he trails me most of the
journey. I had considered reporting him to Vin, but I don’t want to get him in
trouble, and it’s not that
he
has done anything to earn my wrath.

That’s all on Logan.

I’m flat-out stalking Vin these days. He
submitted my application for the special government project, but so far, he
hasn’t received any confirmation of my acceptance. I’m acing all my classes,
and I’ve signed up to virtually every extracurricular project going.

There isn’t much more I can do but sit and
wait. Not my strongest suit.

I manically fill each waking hour so
there’s no spare time to think. I’m participating in the play, and I’ve taken
up yoga and art classes, and Jarod is teaching me how to code. Most nights I
flop into bed, thoroughly exhausted.

To my extreme confusion, there’s been no
further contact from my father. One part of me isn’t all that surprised, or
that bothered, but there’s another side that’s hugely disappointed. I’ve
reiterated his words over and over in my mind, and I can’t believe he wasn’t sincere.
He meant what he said. I’m certain of it. So, why won’t he agree to any of my
weekly Videocon requests?

Now that Jenna has kicked me fully to the
curb, I miss Neve’s friendship, but I’ve no desire to rekindle it when she’s
clearly concealing so much. Subsequently, Fern and I have grown close, and we
hang out with Jarod most evenings and weekends.

It’s early Friday night and the three of
us are in Jarod’s apartment watching an old movie called
Men in Black II
.
We watched the first installment the previous night, and while they’re
practically ancient at this stage, they are hugely entertaining. Cheesy but
funny. Unfortunately, I remember how Logan mentioned he was a big Will Smith
fan, so although the movie is enjoyable, I’m distracted with thoughts of the
boy I still crave.

I’m pathetic, I know.

Even now, months later, the memory of his
lips on mine causes the most illicit desire to ravage my body. That boy really
got under my skin.

Sighing inwardly, I attempt to refocus on
the movie.

Agent J is offering to get coffee for his
partner, and my ears perk up with sudden awareness when I hear mention of
“kiss-my-ass cubes.”  I sit up straighter, blinking ninety to the dozen.
No
way! Logan used a Will Smith line on me?!

That’s actually weirdly endearing.

A little while later, I identify another
one of Logan’s borrowed one-liners. A strangled laugh escapes my throat, and
Fern and Jarod glance inquisitively at me.

“Private joke,” I mumble.

Logan’s geekiness affects me in a way I
wish it wouldn’t. Most guys his age wouldn’t be seen dead watching or talking
about some old movie, let alone spouting lines from it. It only serves to
emphasize his uniqueness, which is not something I want to be thinking about
right now, or anytime really.

While I’ve put on a great show—if I’m
being brutally honest— that’s all it is. My heart hasn’t yet recovered, and I’m
not sure it will. I know how dramatic that sounds, but seriously, Logan reached
into that innermost part of me and held me captive. Even though it’s strange,
because we haven’t spent that much time together, it’s as if I’ve always known
him, or we were meant to be.

Perhaps my head has been stuck in too many
romance books, or it’s a side effect of my involvement in the play. I can’t
fully explain it, but there’s no denying the impact Logan has had on me.

While he told me hanging out with other
girls was all for appearance’s sake—I silently pout, as if I understand what
that
means—it’s still hard to see him out on dates. I haven’t bumped into him
that much, but it’s harder to avoid the lingering gossip that’s traded all over
campus. He’s starting to pick up quite the reputation even if his new player
status doesn’t deter most of the girls.

“What about it, Sadie? You game?” Jarod
asks, reclaiming my attention.

“Sorry, what?”

“She was miles away,” Fern says knowingly.

“Please say you’ll come to the party. You
never come, and it’ll be fun. Promise.” Jarod throws puppy dog eyes at me.

I’m supposed to be at the auditorium for
rehearsal, but since my demotion from Juliet to her crude, loudmouth nurse,
I’ve all but lost my appetite for drama. Besides, there’s enough of it in my
personal life without the need to indulge in any fictional stuff. I’m sure the director
won’t question me if I tell him I have a term paper to submit. And it’s not a
lie; only that I haven’t completed it yet.

I remind myself of the promise I made
before I came here. That I would maximize the opportunity, and while I have
been partaking in plenty that’s on offer in Thalassic City, I’ve tended to shy
away from social interactions for fear of bumping into Logan. That stops right
now.

“Still waiting,” Jarod taunts.

“Okay. I promise to go if you lose the
puppy dog eyes.”

“Too much?” Jarod cocks his head to the
side.

“Most definitely,” I say, shoving him
teasingly.

***

My eyes drink in the scene. Boys and booze: The duo of
destruction. This place reeks of trouble.
How on earth did Jarod and Fern
talk me into this?
I’m tugging furiously on the hem of the clingy, silver
strapless dress that Fern coaxed me into, but no amount of tugging is going to
add a few inches. It hugs my body dangerously, and I’m aware of the
appreciative looks I’m receiving from several of the boys at the party. Feeling
practically naked, I wish I could find somewhere to hide.

This apartment complex is ten blocks from
ours. Mal—the guy hosting this bash— works with Jarod in IT Security.
Apparently, his Adaptation Officer has an alcohol addiction and he passes out
most nights by eight. Poor guy. Hence, the reason why Mal’s apartment has
become the equivalent of party central.

“Here.” Jarod hands me a white plastic
cup. “Non-alcoholic punch as you requested.”

“Thanks.” I take a tiny sip of the pungent
fruity drink.

Fern nudges me in the ribs as she accepts
a drink from Jarod. “Look who just arrived.”

I follow her gaze to the tall good-looking
guy from our Business class. She has it bad for him; they’ve been exchanging
smoldering looks for weeks now. “You should talk to him.” I give her a gentle
push in his direction.

“I don’t know.” She purses her lips. “I
suspect he’s a bit of a player.”

Logan’s image instantly fills my mind and
a familiar pang assaults me.

“My dad said he’s been featured on the
show a lot lately, always with different girls. A bit like
you know who
.”
We have an unofficial rule forbidding mention of Logan out loud.

I stopped asking Fern for weekly updates a
while back. It was clear from her dad’s summaries that Logan is one of the
stars of the Thalassic City TV show, and it appears he’s acquiring quite the
reputation back home. In fact, if her intel is correct, we’ve all acquired
mini-celebrity status. I’m glad they aren’t airing the program here. I’ve zero
desire to watch myself on screen.

I refocus on the current conversation.
“There’s only one surefire way of finding out. Talk to him and see if you can
figure out his game plan. I know you want to.” She’s flat-out lusting, and he’s
drooling over her as if she’s the only girl in the room.

I give her another gentle shove.
Confidently flicking her hair, she saunters toward him.

“I’m not sure I like this idea,” Jarod
says a few minutes later, reminding me he’s still here. He’s watching the
exchange across the room with obvious suspicion. Fern and the boy are angled
toward one another, his hand resting casually across her lower back. They are
laughing as they stare intently at one another, and it looks like she’s in
there.

“Do you think Jen will be here?” Jarod
asks, perceptibly changing the subject. His mouth is pressed close to my ear so
I can hear him over the music.

I shrug.

“You’re still not speaking?”

“Nope.” I absently scratch my wrist. It’s
not through lack of trying on my part, even though I was the one hard done by.
But she’s consistently given me the brush-off, and she spends most of her time
in Dante’s apartment. I don’t understand how they’re getting away with
that—with the whole no fraternizing rule in operation—but at least I don’t have
to worry about him hanging around me anymore. I feel guilty all the same
because it’s as if I’ve abandoned Jenna to her fate, and I’m not comfortable
with that. Short of barging into Dante’s apartment and trying to reason with
her again, I don’t know what else I can do.

I worry about her incessantly. The last
time I saw her was four days ago when she put in a brief appearance to change
for work. I was shocked at how pale and gaunt she appeared. When I asked her if
she was ill, she blatantly ignored me and went straight to her room.

Another pang of sadness wafts over me. I
wish I understood how things deteriorated so rapidly, and why she’s changed so
much. The sour taste in my mouth whenever I think about Dante refuses to go
away.

“You’re doing it again,” Jarod says.

“Sorry. Force of habit.” I throw my hair
back marveling at how natural it feels to have long flowing locks. I love the
versatility, and I’ve become quite adept with various hairstyles.

“So, she’s still with the freak then.”
Jarod swigs from his beer bottle.

“Afraid so.” Out of the corner of my eye,
I notice a good-looking blond-haired guy staring at me.

Jarod takes another hefty glug of his
drink. He looks pensive. He inquires after Jenna a lot—more than most would
consider natural. I’ve never questioned his motives before but now I wonder.
“You like her.” I put it out there as a statement.

“I … yeah.” He looks sheepishly at me.

“How long?”

“Pretty much from the start,” he admits
candidly. I punch him in the arm, and he stares at me dubiously. “What was that
for?”

“Why didn’t you make a move on her? Maybe
you could’ve gotten her away from him!” It’s unfair to pin that on him, but I
can’t help feeling it might have worked.

“It was already too late by then,” he says
ominously.

“You don’t know that.”

“Maybe not then, but trust me, I do now.”

I sense hidden meaning behind his words. I
know he’s been continuing his investigation into the government’s shady activities,
but he hasn’t shared anything new with me in weeks. Has he discovered something
to do with Dante? I stretch up and he inclines toward me. “Have you discovered
something?”

He nods.

Yanking on his shirt, I pull him down
closer. “Sharing is caring.”

His lips curve up at the corners. “I was
planning on asking you this anyway. I’m going on a fact-finding mission
tomorrow night. Do you want to tag along?”

“I’m in,” I hiss, without needing to
consider it.

“If we get caught, we’ll be in huge
trouble. We could get expelled. You okay with those terms?”

He said pretty much the same thing the
last time we snuck into the gala event in City Hall. Now I’m even more
determined to go. “Count me in.”

Jenna and Dante show up ten minutes later,
swiftly followed by Neve and Haydn. Logan steps into the room behind them, his
arm draped over a tall girl with a headful of bouncy black curls. My instant
good mood evaporates on the spot. To be fair, the minute he notices me, he puts
some distance between them, but it does nothing to appease my splintered heart.

Jarod props a protective arm across my
shoulders, and my heart mends a little. I haven’t had any male friends before
and I quite like it. Jarod is the best guy friend a girl could wish for. Hands
down. Logan scowls and that pleases me to no end. Childish, I know.

Neve appears in front of me, holding out a
cup. “Peace offering?”

“I don’t drink,” I say curtly.

“I know. It’s non-alcoholic.”

Glancing at my empty cup, I reluctantly
accept it. “Thanks.”