Saved (Tempted #2) (17 page)

Walking into Emma and Roman’s backyard, I instantly smelled the chicken from the grill. I ran my hands over my white lace sundress. He probably wouldn’t notice me but I wanted to look good just in case he did. I hadn’t seen West in a three months and I was as nervous as I could possibly be.

When Emma called and told me about her baby shower I almost declined. But I couldn’t miss it. I would have never forgiven myself.

She had been with me through my darkness and I was going to be there for her through her light. She wanted her friends and family.

And that’s how I found myself walking into a crowded backyard surrounded by people who knew everything that happened with West and me.

“Mad-dog, over here!” Ethan yelled, waving his arms to show me where he was.

There was no need for that, it wasn’t that big of a backyard. I was just glad that he and Roman weren’t weird around me anymore.

As I got closer I saw Emma and Roman cuddled up on a chair laughing with Grace, Ethan, and West.

Sitting down beside Emma, I looked over at West but he wouldn’t make eye contact with me. In fact he acted as if I wasn’t even there. Maybe he wasn’t acting.

Just like I thought he didn’t notice me.

“Everything looks great,” I told Emma and Roman, putting on my best smile.

The hurt had never worn off. The wound was still fresh. I wanted to sit on his lap and tell him how sorry that I was but I knew he didn’t want to hear it. He probably still didn’t want anything to do with me.

And as much as I wanted him back I knew I would most likely acted the same way if I were in his situation.

“It should, Mads. Emma turned into Hitler while decorating today. You know you were there,” he said, shaking his head.

I had stopped by earlier in the day to help set up but I bolted the moment I heard him laugh from the front yard. I didn’t want to face him in a big t shirt and leggings, so I ran to my jeep and went home to get ready.

But he was right she went ballistic when Ethan hung the banner in the wrong spot. I mean she called him curse words that I didn’t even know existed.

“I did not. I just wanted everything to be perfect,” Emma said, pretending to be offended.

A phone rang and I followed the sound. Seeing West smile down at his phone, made me sick to my stomach.

“Smiling from ear to ear can only mean one thing. That’s a girl calling you,” Ethan said, forgetting I was there.

Realizing his mistake, he looked at me and mouthed “Sorry.”.

“It’s okay,” I mouthed back.

I knew he didn’t mean to say that in front of me. But it didn’t make it sting any less.

“I have to take this. I’ll be right back,” West said, getting up and walking toward the back porch.

I tried to tear my gaze from him but I found that to be impossible to do. I wanted our life together back.

“You really miss him, huh?” Roman said, picking up his chair and moving it closer to me.

“More than you could imagine,” I told him, still looking in West direction.

“You didn’t hear it from me but he misses you too,” he said, patting my back.

I knew that was intended to make me feel better but it didn’t. I mean how could it have? He was avoiding me at all cost. And besides Roman was probably lying to make me feel less shitty. West didn’t look like he missed me. In fact he looked better than ever.

He continued to talk to all of our friends while going at any and all cost to avoid me. Watching him talk and laugh with Ethan and Grace, I got up and walked his way without even realizing it.

“Oh hey, Maddie. How long have you been here?” West asked, looking at me but not really looking at me.

Asshole. He saw me the minute I walked in.

“Not long,” I told him, playing with my necklace.

“It’s good to see you,” he said, turning to really face me that time.

When his eyes finally landed on me, I saw them widen in surprise.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight,” he said, standing up.

I hadn’t eaten much since we had broken up. I just couldn’t eat or sleep. And most days it felt like I couldn’t breathe without him.

“I’m fine. It’s not that much,” I told him, looking down at my frail frame.

I had lost at least 15 pounds. And my mom was constantly on my back about it but I just shook it off. I knew I needed to eat but I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to live without him. Nothing was the same.

He stepped closer to me and his eyes looked menacing. Like he was super mad at me. Taking another look at him, I took off and ran inside the house.

I didn’t bother to look and see if he was behind me. Running into the living room, I collapsed on the couch.

“Did I do that to you? Are you throwing your food up?” I heard West’s voice boom from behind me.

“I’m not throwing my food up, West. I’m just stressed out,” I told him, burying my head in my hands.

“Because of us?”

“Yes. I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry for not telling you when I should have. I’m sorry for ruining us,” I told him as the waterworks started.

“I’m sorry too.”

“For what?”

“For causing your accident.”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it was. I guess neither of us is perfect, huh?”

I wanted to say that we were perfect for each other but I didn’t want to be rejected. I wasn’t sure I could handle it again. Walking over to the couch, he sat next to me and it took everything in me not to touch him.

We sat in silence and it seemed like he wanted to say something. But as soon as he opened his mouth the back door opened and Emma came waddling in.

“West, get your ass back out there. We need the grill master to do his thing,” she said, putting her hands on her hips.

“Yes, Ma’am. It was good talking to you, Maddie. See you outside,” he said, saluting at Emma and nodding awkwardly at me.

Watching him walk out the door, I felt my heart fall to the floor. It was like I was losing him again which was silly because I didn’t have him anymore. He wasn’t mine to lose.

“Did I interrupt something?” Emma asked, sitting beside me.

She must have noticed how gloomy I looked because that was definitely how I felt.

Gloomy.

“I think he was about to tell me something,” I said, stopping to think.

Maybe he was going to tell me he wanted me back. That he wanted us back. Yeah, that had to be it. It seemed like that was the direction it was going in. But I was in such a funk that I didn’t notice it.

“I might know what he was trying to tell you. I heard him telling Roman this morning,” Emma said, looking straight ahead.

“I have to go to him,” I said, getting up from the couch and running toward the door.

“Maddie, wait!” I heard Emma yell from behind me.

But I couldn’t stop. I had to get to him and tell him that I felt the same. Quickly walking down the steps, I made my way into the back yard and scanned the crowd for him.

Seeing him, I walked toward him with a huge smile intact. After three months I was finally going to be his again.

He through his head back in laughter and looped his arm around a girl. A girl that I recognized.

It was that whore Marilyn. Please, not this again.

I couldn’t stop my feet from walking his way.

“Really, West?” I yelled, causing him to pull his arm away from her shoulders and look at me.

“What?” he asked, folding his arms over his chest.

“You’re dating her? When were you going to tell me?”

How stupid was I to think he wanted me back? He didn’t want anything to do with me. Okay sure, it wasn’t my business who he was dating but running in to check on me and talking about us wasn’t right. He didn’t give me the taken vibe. He gave me the I think we should give this another try vibe.

“I don’t have to tell you anything, Maddie. And yeah, we’re dating,” he said, pulling her close to him.

“For a month,” Marilyn said, pursing her overly lined lips.

“Thank you, now please go back to the peanut gallery,” I hissed at her.

“Don’t talk to her like that, Maddie,” West yelled at me.

He must have really cared about her to yell at me. I turned to walk away but hearing him calling my name made me turn around. I knew all he was going to do was hurt me with his words but I couldn’t ignore him.

“What?” I asked whirling around.

“How does it feel?” he asked, smirking.

“How does what feel?”

“Not knowing.”

“You’re an asshole,” I told him, turning around to walk to my jeep.

Not knowing sucked. I hated the feeling and this was only about his new girlfriend. I could only imagine how he felt not knowing about his baby

And I knew that I may have been overreacting but I was already emotional and on edge. I hadn’t gotten over what had happened months ago. I relived it every day.

Climbing in my jeep, I slammed the door shut and started the engine. I needed to get away from him. Getting in my bed with a bag of chips and reruns of One Tree Hill sounded like a winner to me.

I kept telling myself not to cry over him and her. But my emotions beat out my brain and I ugly cried the whole way to my apartment.

I turned the radio on to distract me but every damn song on every damn station reminded me of him. It was as if he had paid off every radio station to play songs that had something to do with us.

Shutting the radio off, I tried to focus on anything that didn’t remind me of him. As I drove through downtown once again everything I saw reminded me of him. The restaurants he loved, the bakery that brought back memories of frosting, and the tattoo shop he frequented.

It was like the whole town belonged to him and my memories of him. He was everywhere I looked.

Pulling in the parking lot of my apartment building, I let out a sigh because even where I lived and laid my head down at night reminded me of him. I couldn’t escape him no matter how much I tried.

Getting out, I walked into the building and walked to the elevator. I had used it every night since everything when down. I used to think being in closed in spaces was my biggest fear but it wasn’t. My biggest fear was losing West again and I let it happen.

The doors closed and I pushed the button for my floor. Looking at my reflection in the shiny silver doors, I saw a broken hearted, lonely girl. I had to look away because I was the one that caused everything to happen. How could I have been mad at him for moving on? Hiding a miscarriage wasn’t exactly easy to forgive. Especially when I hid it for 5 years.

The dinging sound that indicated that I had made it to my floor filled my ears. Seeing the doors open, I all but jumped out. The quicker I could get to my bed the better.

Unlocking my door, I heard my phone ringing from inside my purse. Pushing the door open, I decided to ignore. I knew it wasn’t West but I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone about anything.

After I took a bubble bath and got changed into my pajamas, I heard my phone ringing again. Getting a worried feeling in my stomach, I picked my purse up and rummaged through it in search of my phone.

Checking my phone, I saw a million missed calls from West and Grace. Hitting West’s number, I heard a lot of voices behind him.

“Hello,” I said, wondering what in the world was going on.

Maybe he was still at the party and wanted to embarrass me in front of all our friends. He probably wanted to lead me on again before ripping my heart out just so he and Marilyn could have a laugh at my pathetic expense.

“Maddie, where are you?” he asked clearly out of breath.

“Why do you care?”

“Because I’ve called you a million times. I thought you’d like to know that Emma has went into labor. We’re at the hospital now,” West said and I could hear Roman yelling at someone.

“I’m on my way,” I said, looking down at my sleep shorts and t-shirt.

Hanging up, I threw my phone in my purse and swung it over my shoulder. Pulling my hair into a messy knob, I slipped on flip flops and bolted out of the door.

As much as I didn’t want to be around West I had to be by Emma’s side.

I was going to be an honorary aunt

And it was weird to think that five years ago I could have been a mother.

West and I could have had a family but I screwed it up.

Like always.