Saved By A Siren: Spencers in Love Book One (15 page)

Chapter 24

            Gilles was the last to breakfast. He'd risen
early and took Lucifer for a bruising ride. As he drew close to the dining room
he heard hushed whispers. Another reason he had not told them, he reminded
himself. Entering, he noticed that everyone was in various states of completing
their meals. Alastair's napkin rested on his plate and the paper was folded
next to it. Maman had just her coffee and half of a triangle of toast.
Mirabelle was nibbling a piece of bacon but her plate was otherwise clean.
Elise had eaten about half of the food on her plate but her silverware rested
across it. She held her cup to her lips and listened to his progress through
the room.

            Slowly piling food on his plate, in hopes that
the room would be less populated by the time he was done, Gilles reminded
himself that they were worried for him. It wouldn't do to start snapping at
them. If he were in their place, it would have been unacceptable.

            As he sat, three sets of eyes looked at him
expectantly and one gorgeous head cocked in his direction.

            "The rest of my evening was pleasant. I
hope everyone else slept well." Gilles' jaw twitched as four heads nodded
slowly. "I apologize for disturbing everyone's night and shall endeavor to
be more careful in the future."

            Mirabelle's gaze softened and his mother looked
at him as if he was five and trying to be brave. Alastair stared, his eyes
narrowing.

            "You have no way of controlling that."
He stated. "Unless you're restrained."

            The statement was met with varying degrees of
shock.

            "Not that I'd allow that, but that's the
only way he could keep from disturbing us."

            The unspoken argument that Elise could do
something about it hung in the air but no one wanted to broach that topic at
the moment.

            "No... The idea has merit." Gilles
said between bites of food. "We could send for a straight jacket and I
could be gagged after a glass of brandy." He chewed some more as he made a
show of pondering the idea. "That is what happens when one has a lunatic
in the family, is it not?" He took a drink of his coffee.

            "We don't think you're unstable,
Gilles." Alastair said.

            "Are you certain? The way you've all been
whispering and looking at me as if I ate my own puppy, I can't be sure."  

            "Really, Gilles?" Mirabelle scolded.

            "Really! I have bad dreams. Actually,
bloody terrible nightmares. But that's all it is. As I've said, they won't kill
me. I'm a grown man and have dealt with them for some time. I'm the same as I
was yesterday and will be the same tomorrow. They will pass, or they won't but
I'll be fine. The only things causing me discomfort right now is the fact that
my family is making more of it than they should and the woman I want to spend
the rest of my life with may not have me." He shoveled a generous portion
of food into his mouth and chewed, staring at the faces around the table.
"Pass the jam, please, Mirabelle." He took it and applied it to his
toast. "Is there anything I need to know about in that news sheet,
Alastair?"

            "No. Almost the same as yesterday."

            Gilles munched on his toast and let his eyes
wander over Elise. She looked better than the day before but still pale.

            "You need to eat more." Her head
snapped in his direction.

            He scooped the last of the food from his plate
then downed the rest of his coffee and rose.

            "I have some correspondence to attend to in
the study. Alastair, you may join me if you promise to discuss anything but
last night." He rose and nodded towards the other inhabitants of the
dinning room, "Ladies" and left.

Chapter 25

            Mirabelle snorted.

            "Ridiculous man! I do not envy you, Elise.
You've a lifetime of frustration and grey hair ahead of you."

            Elise stiffened and started to protest. Mirabelle
patted her hand and shushed her.

            "Now is not the time, Elise. You won't be
able to hold out much longer. We just need to come up with a plan for the time
being."

            "But, I..." Mirabelle shushed her
again.

            "Oh! Perhaps a bell! You could ring it in
the hall if he's in distress and we could come running. I'll have to ask
Alastair."

            "A bell?"

            "Or a gong! But I think that would require
too much repetition. I think a bell would do."

            "I'm not sure Gilles would like that."
Elise was certain he wouldn't want that.

            "It's better than the alternative."
Mirabelle stated.

            "What's the alternative?"

            "Alastair said he'd sleep on a cot in
Gilles' room."

            "I'll see about a bell." Elise
offered.

            "I thought so." Mirabelle returned,
her grin more than obvious to Elise's ears. "We'll be sisters in no
time!" She called as she sailed out of the room.

            Elise regarded Celine and heard her chuckle
softly.

            "Try not to be troubled, mignon." She
yawned softly and stood. "Last night was too eventful. I think I will find
a nice, sunny spot and take a nap." Elise heard her draw close as her rose
perfume wrapped about her. She felt small, delicate arms embrace her.
"Thank you for caring so much about him. If you had not alerted us, we
would have not known he was suffering." Elise felt lips brush her cheek
and then Celine floated away.

Chapter 26

            After lunch, Alastair walked slowly through the
ballroom turned gallery, barely glancing at the statues as he made his way
towards Lady Elise's sitting room. Gilles was in his study and maman and
Mirabelle were on the terrace writing letters. He heard the notes of a
delicate, wistful song from the piano in Lady Elise's room. Tense as he turned
into the little hall, he took a deep breath and entered the back room. Lady
Elise stopped playing.

            "I am unarmed, Alastair." She called
from the bench.

            He smiled. She was uncanny. He crossed the room
and sat next to her, his back facing the keys.

            "Is this going to be bad?" She asked
as she rested her hands in her lap.

            Alastair sighed and stared out the door, longing
to escape. He hated involving himself in emotional matters. If it had been
anyone other than Gilles and if he weren't compelled to understand how she
perceived everything around her, he would not have waded in. But it was Gilles.
His brother on the verge of serious disappointment and suffering was something
he couldn't merely witness objectively. Learning what motivated Lady Elise, how
her disability and the way she had adapted to her environment effected her
personal relationships was too tempting to pass up.

            "I hope not." He exhaled as he crossed
his ankles and folded his arms over his chest.

            "Is this about his dreams or me marrying
him?"

            "Why do you believe one is not about the
other?

            Lady Elise inclined her head in agreement.

            "Go on."

            "You do not strike me as a coward, Lady
Elise."

            She laughed.

            "I have not left the grounds of Longwood
for seventeen years, I believe that makes me the definition of a coward."

            "Not at all. There's nothing worth exposing
yourself to that level of discomfort outside of Longwood. I believe that if one
of us were in trouble or Gilles asked you to, you would go."

            She almost argued but stopped. He was right,
under certain circumstances.

            "My brother needed help and you ran into an
area of the house you've likely never entered before. Not the most dangerous of
feats. But for you, it had to be terrifying."

            Lady Elise nodded.

            "It takes a great deal of strength to live
as independently as you do. You've worked very hard to learn to use your other
senses in place of vision. Trusting the people around you takes a great deal of
courage as well. I know, because it is something I struggled with much of my
childhood. Still, I have a very small circle of people I am comfortable with.
Yet, you have welcomed and accepted us when it must have been difficult. I'm
sure it's been unsettling having us in your home."

            "It's not my home. It's Gilles'."

            Alastair gently nudged her shoulder with his.

            "This is your home and it would mean
nothing to him without you. If you were to leave tomorrow, he'd close it and
never return."

            Lady Elise gasped.

            "No! Longwood needs someone here that loves
it"

            "Indeed. But he does not love Longwood. He
loves you."

            Her shoulders sagged.

            "You don't know that."

            "You think I'm wrong?"

            She shook her head.

            "You love him. Enough to leave
Longwood."

            Lady Elise nodded.

            "Then tell me, what could come of marrying
him that would be worse than the pain you'd both experience by staying
apart?"

            Alastair held his breath. This, he was sure, was
the answer, the key. Both to understanding her and his brother's future. A
thought bloomed.
What if it was something insurmountable?

            A tear slipped between her closed lashes and he
frowned.

            "Children." Lady Elise whispered.

            Alastair's gaze became unfocused as he
considered the consequences of her having children.

            "Are you afraid they'll be blind?" He
asked gently.

            "No. My mother was very ill during her
pregnancy. She'd been sickly most of her life. I'm not like her in that
way."

            "Are you afraid you will not be able to
parent them well? Many people of our class rarely see their children and they
aren't blind."

            Lady Elise laughed softly and shook her head.

            "I believe I would be a very attentive
mother, though a baby or small child would not be as safe with me unless I had
almost constant assistance." She frowned. She hadn't really considered
that aspect, Alastair suspected.

            "I'm confidant you'd be able to adapt many
of the skills you've developed in your parenting. And you'd have plenty of
help. We'd always be around when you needed us. In fact, I don't think you'd
ever be rid of maman."

            Lady Elise smiled.

            "If that's not it, what then?"
Alastair asked.

            "I rarely feel sorry for myself Alastair. I
never minded that I don't know what pink looks like, despite Martha insisting
that most of my clothing be pink. Or if a rose is as lovely as it smells. These
are minor things and I am not pained by not understanding them. It's an
entirely different matter when the thing you love most in the world is withheld
from you in that way. I can learn everything there is to know about Gilles but
I will never know how devastating his smile is or what his hair looks like when
the sun shines upon it. I'll never be able to see him sleeping and be comforted
by how peaceful he looks. If we had a baby, I'd never be able to see him
holding it his arms." Lady Elise's voice broke and a tear rolled down her
cheek.

            Alastair turned and squeezed her arm
reassuringly.

            She smiled softly.

            "I'm fine. So, if you can imagine how much
it hurts not to be able to look at the man I love, imagine how much worse it
would be to not be able to see our children. As much as I love him, I would
love them even more."

            "And it would hurt that much more."
Alastair whispered. He understood.

            "I'm afraid it wouldn't just hurt. I'm
afraid it would slowly destroy me. I'm afraid of that more than anything in the
world."

            Alastair's head tilted to the side and his eyes
began darting back and forth as he weighed probabilities and played through scenarios.

            "No. You're wrong."

            "How so?" Lady Elise asked carefully,
hopefully.

            "You're highly intuitive and extremely
aware of those around you. You would know your children as well as you know
yourself. You may not be able to see the color of their eyes but you would know
them in ways that most mothers never could. They would be a part of you in more
than the obvious ways. Your blindness would cause you to bond with them in ways
you don't yet anticipate. I think motherhood would fill a void you've felt your
whole life."

            Elise reached for his hand and squeezed it.

            "As for not seeing Gilles' devastating
smile or the sun on his hair, these things are all overrated."

            She laughed again and reached for his face. He
froze. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

            "Thank you, Alastair!"

            "No. Thank you." Alastair stood and
walked out the French doors. Once again, romantic love seemed like more trouble
than it was worth. He hoped he had helped Gilles. He certainly understood Elise
better. He was very sympathetic towards her. The concerns his family had been
aware of before weren't as serious as she had insisted but this was different.
Alastair had pondered the vulnerability and fear inherent in parenthood. Small
children were often unsteady and prone to injury. Older children were noisy,
complicated and irritating. This he knew from his own childhood with his
siblings and Lucien. To combine all of this with blindness, her fears seemed
entirely reasonable.

            Despite wanting some time to reflect and to
avoid more discussion of emotions, Alastair cut across the garden to the back
doors of the study. The sooner Gilles understood and he could resolve things
with Elise, the sooner Alastair could stop worrying about Gilles' nightmares
and his life in general could settle into a peaceful routine again. Bracing
himself, he opened the doors and waded in once more.