Save Me From the Dark (17 page)

“No!” I scream. “I’ll accept the room and the car ride, but the rest I’m going to figure out on my own. I’m not taking all that. If you can’t agree to that then I’m going back to the other hotel that I can afford on my own.”

“Bella, I’m just trying to help.”

Letting out a big breath, my shoulders drop. “I know, but that is way too much.”

Nodding her head, I know she’s still struggling with not helping like she wants. “Okay, fine. At least I’ll know you’re safe for the most part.”

“Thank you,” I softly reply.

She stands there for a few minutes before telling me she has to go. Walking her to the door, she hands me the room key and hugs me tightly.

“Please take care of yourself and keep in contact with me at least once a day. Please.”

Smiling at her, “I promise I will. Thank you so much.”

She left moments later and I unpack my small bag. In the next few hours, it will determine on if I will be able to continue on with my plan to earn my diploma with high honors.

Taking a deep breath, I move into the room checking everything out. There is a closet not far from the door for coats and the like. Off the living room is a door that leads to one hell of a king bed. The bedding looks almost as comfortable as Ace’s and I resist the urge to run and jump in bed as I did at his place. Similar to the set up in his room, there is a sitting area straight across the room by the window with a small window bench and a television straight across from the bed hanging on the wall.

When I step further into the room, I see to the right that there is a little desk area complete with a laptop, small antique looking desk lamp and a very comfortable looking desk chair. Though smaller in size it nearly mimics Ace’s room with a few less furnishings than his room has. The thought of him has my heart clenching in my chest. Shaking my head, I move to a double door and find a huge – no that word doesn’t do it justice – walk-in closet. Not even bothering to walk in, I close them right away.

I walk to the other door only a few feet away and find a bathroom straight from any woman’s dreams. A big corner tub with jets and a built in pillow is in the corner straight from the door. A separate shower with jets that seem to cover almost every wall and ceiling, a bench on the back wall with built in shelving that hold various hygiene products, not to mention it’s big enough to fit a whole football team in, lines the wall to the left of the door. A long vanity with double sinks cover the wall to the right of the door, and the toilet – in a little room of its own – and a linen closet fill in the rest of the area of the heaven sent bathroom.

“Oh my God, you could get lost in here,” I say to the empty room.

Stripping my clothes, I take a shower and ready myself to face down the principle. When I climb from the shower, I decide to not put my cover up on. Hoping that maybe the proof of what I’m going to tell them will allow me some kind of leverage in proving my case.

Quickly dressing, I grab my school bag and leave the room. Just as I reach the lobby, a man walks towards me. Habit trumping my new found confidence and determination, I step back away from him.

“Sorry Ma’am, I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Hansen Long. I’ll be your driver.”

Letting out a breath of relief, I smile. “Oh, thank you. I’m ready to go to school.”

He stares at me. “Ma’am, excuse me for speaking out of turn, but are you okay?”

“Oh… This?” I ask pointing to my face. “Yeah, I’m fine. This is from my father last week. It’s the reason I’m here. No worries,” I try to smile.

“Okay, Ma’am…”

“Please call me Bella,” I say cutting him off.

“Let’s get you to school, Bella,” he smiles.

Walking out to the waiting car, he opens the door and I climb inside. When he climbs behind the wheel, he heads off in the direction of the school.

“Are you familiar with the area,” I ask unable to curb my nerves.

“Not really, but thankfully we have come a long ways in technology and I have this handy thing called a GPS,” he grins.

“Yes because a man asking for directions is just unheard of,” I joke.

He laughs. “That’s just wrong,” he jokes back.

Before I’m fully ready, we pull up in front of the school.

“I’m staying parked out here. So if you need me, just call this number,” he hands me a piece of paper with his number on it. “But try to have a good day of learning. I hear you are one smart cookie,” he teases.

“Thank you,” I say as I climb from the car and stare at the school before me.

If I’m going to get my life back on track and hopefully get my man back, I need to do this. It is the only way I can fully focus on the feelings and moments shared between us. Taking one last deep breath, I drop my head and walk into the school.

Here goes nothing.

Ace

Jerking awake, I’m shocked that I was able to even fall asleep. Hurrying out of the bed, I trip over my blankets tangled around my feet. Bolting out into the hall, I hurry down to her room. When I see the door cracked, my heart stops in my chest and my feet freeze in place. Finally able to get my feet to move after a moment or two of deep breaths, I walk into the room.

All that is left of my beautiful Bella, is a note sitting in the middle of the bed like a beacon. Walking much slower to the bed, I grab the note and begin to read it as I sit heavily down on the bed.

Dearest Ace,

I know this isn’t fair to you to leave in the middle of the night, but it’s the only way I know to save some of myself. In order for me to fully commit to you and what you are offering, I need to get my life right first.

In all my life, the only time I dared to dream was when my mom was still alive. Ever since, I just knew what I was worth and never even tried to entertain myself. Yet, one day, I heard this incredible song on the radio and my life changed. There was an outlet for my pain, fears. It was your song. You changed me even before I met you.

There was a point (there’s been several actually) that I felt like ending it all was better than going on. Can you blame me though? Knowing what you know now, which I know you know isn’t everything, can you blame me for not wanting to be around anymore?

To suffer through those beatings, honestly, was nothing compared to what I’m suffering now. The life I can see when I look in your eyes or wrapped in your arms… I want it so badly, but then the clouds roll into the fantasy. The fight to survive my father’s beatings is nothing compared to trying to survive you. You, Ace, are truly the only person that can hurt me.

My father’s fists, feet, bats, voice, it leaves marks that fade away and sure it leaves behind more than that as you have attested to, but you… You could destroy the very shell of a person I am right now.

The shell of a person I am is the very reason I have to leave. I have to get out from behind the images of my past to be able to fully live in my future. I see a future with you Ace. I see love, kids, the happily ever after, the whole nine yards. However, none of that can happen until I can fully put behind what haunts me even when my eyes are open.

I’m leaving tonight to grab on to my future, not let it go. I don’t want to lose you Ace, but at the same time, I can’t hold onto you if I have all this unresolved stuff in the way. You have my heart. You always have. I know I’ve not told you how I feel (and I won’t in this letter either), but no one else has cared to gather the pieces of the woman I’ve become and slowly start putting her back together.

In just the short amount of time that I’ve spent with you in person and the six months we talked, you’ve given me the tools I lost so long ago. Because of that, I’m fighting this battle on my own. When I told you to save me from the dark before it consumed me and claimed what was left of me that was wrong of me to do. I realize now that I have to save myself if I want to be saved. Not that you couldn’t do it, but for me to heal, I need to do it myself. This is me trying.

Please know that just because I am gone doesn’t mean that my feelings for you are too. They aren’t. However, I can’t hold you to me when I can’t fully commit to you. So, I want to let you know, I release you. You are free to do whatever you want. If while I’m fighting my demons you find your happiness somewhere else, I understand. I’m not going to lie, it will kill me, but I’ll understand. I’d never stop your happiness, but right now, the half of a woman I am… You deserve more than just a part of me. You deserve the whole me.

One day if you are still willing, you can have her, all of her. Please understand that what I have to do is so that the woman you say you love is really that woman and not a mirage. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, to walk away from the only thing that gave me life. But as I end this letter, I will take with me all our memories we’ve created.

You managed to take a damaged and shattered soul and bring her back to life. I’ll forever be in your debt for that. I hope that our paths cross soon, but until then, I wrote something for you.

When I look up at the sky

And I see the stars twinkle in the night

I’ll remember all the reasons why

And to each of them my heart will hold tight

You gave me a reason, you gave me life

I’ll hold it all deep within my heart

That nothing can take it out not even a knife

For as long as I look up, we’ll never be apart.

So when I see it hanging there, the bright moon

I’ll talk to it and hope that you will hear

Pray that we’ll be brought back together soon

And share so many happy years.

Today and forever, I will always be yours

Today and forever, I’ll keep you safe in my mind

I am yours no matter if the rain does pour

My heart is yours so please be kind.

So I’ll talk to the moon that hangs there high and bright

It’ll help bring me through these lonely nights.

Goodnight my moon,

Your heart forever

Dropping my hands to my lap, I let out a shuddered breath. My girl just does not realize exactly how strong she really is. If she thought for a single moment that I’m going to let her go, well, then she has seriously underestimated me.

However, right now, I don’t know where she is and that kills me. Pulling myself together, I quickly grab my phone and call Gary.

“I was sure you were going to convince her to stay and this call would never come,” he says groggily.

“She’s gone. She left in the middle of the night. We have to find her.”

“I’m on my way over,” he says right before he hangs up.

Running downstairs, I pace the living room and try to think of any place that Bella has said she loves to go. Her letter keeps running over in my head on repeat. Gary quickly enters the suite, talking so quickly, I almost didn’t catch what he is saying.

He’s grown very fond of Bella over the course of our talking and this weekend. We are in the middle of a heated discussion when the door opens again and my heart freezes for a moment. Has my Bella returned to me? But just as quickly as my hopes rise, they fall just as quickly when I watch Dawn and Jarrett walk in.

Jarrett looks a little pissed. “Dawn has something to tell you.”

Dawn looks down at her hands. “I know you know that Bella’s gone by now. She snuck away late last night. I rode with her to make sure she was okay. I checked her into the hotel that you reserved for her without her knowing. She thinks I’m paying for it. She has Hansen as her driver, who has been informed that she doesn’t know you’re paying for the hotel. He’ll protect her need be. He knows she’s not to go anywhere on her own. I also made her promise to keep in contact with me.” She looks up at me with guilt all over her face. “I only did this because I knew she’d fight me on it if I told her the truth. At least this way, we know where she is and that she’s protected.”

“Send Heath and Ethan down there immediately. She’s not to leave their sight. Make sure they understand this,” I growl at Gary, who’s already on the phone.

Looking back at Dawn, I can see that she’s sorry for not just telling me. Sighing, I run my hands through my hair as I plop down on the couch.

“Did she say anything to you?” I ask quietly.

“She said that she can’t be the woman you deserve without doing this. She prays that you’ll forgive her and that this is the only way she knew to be able to be happy. Ace she loves you, of that I have no doubt, but she doesn’t feel like she deserves you. This is her way of getting there.”

Flopping back onto the couch, I run my hands over my face roughly and roar loudly. As hard as this is, I’m going to have to wait. I’ll protect her from afar, but I’ll wait for her to come to me unless I need to intervene.

“We’ll let her be then. I’ll keep the guys on her and Hansen and go from there,” I say dejectedly.

“Um, Ace, can I make a suggestion?”

Looking at Dawn, I see how nervous she is. “Go ahead.”

“Maybe just leave Hansen on the job. She told me that Ethan gives her a funny vibe, so I’m sure she’d run from them even if she was in trouble. However, from the text I just got from Hansen, she’s warmed up to him and he’s fond of her as well. Maybe just having Hansen stand by her side…”

“I’ve not personally worked with Hansen before. Is he trustworthy? Good at his job?” For this question, I look at Jarrett, of course I’m lying. I’m familiar with Hansen, but now we’re talking about my girl.

“Yes, he’s very good and thorough. I trust my world to him,” he says looking down at Dawn.

“Okay, then,” I sigh. “Let’s leave it just Hansen for now, but the guys can still be on call should Hansen report back with anything suspicious. You need to also inform him, Dawn, that he is to check in with me and Gary. I need to be in the loop on what is going on with my girl.”

“You got it,” she says as she starts tapping away at her phone.

Placing my hands back over my face in frustration. “I can’t believe I’m just going to sit here and let her do this all on her own.”

Dawn sits next to me and places her hand on my shoulder. “This is what she has to do in order to be with you. If you interfere, you may lose her forever.”

“I know, but I just wish she’d lean on me. I’m more than willing to do this for her.”

“That’s exactly why she left brother,” Jarrett says sadly. “She didn’t want you to interfere. In her mind she needs to do this herself to fully be free from him. Remember how hard it was for you to get out from behind your family when you were finally taken from their custody?”

Gary sits on the table in front of me. “He’s right son. I wanted to do it all for you. To make it all better so you didn’t have to worry about anything, but being that fifteen year old punk, smart mouthed kid you were,” Gary smirks. “You wouldn’t let me. Do you remember what you told me?”

Thinking back to that period of my life was hard. What I told Bella was only half of my story. I left out the part on how I chose to deal with it all and the continual beatings I received until it landed me in the hospital with a sprained neck and injured spinal cord. They didn’t think I would walk again. Gary assumed care of me, but even then, my parents still had control over my estate until they were found guilty.

“I told you that it’s not closure or a victory for me if someone else did it for me. I needed to know I was strong enough, good enough, to stand against them and make me a better person.” Pushing myself off the couch, I huff. “Okay I get it. I know what I need to do, but that doesn’t change the pain I feel or the loss I feel with her not being here. I wonder if I would have told her the whole story, if maybe, she might have stayed around instead of sneaking off.” Running my hands through my hair, “I didn’t even get to say goodbye to her.”

“I know buddy,” Jarrett stands next to me with his arm around my shoulder. “But think of it this way. You never wanted to say goodbye to begin with.”

Giving him an ‘are you crazy’ look, I snort. “Man you’re full of the obvious today.”