Save Me (24 page)

“River’s dead, Penny. He died after we came back. It’s a mess that’s all I can say.”

Tucker walks back to me and pulls me in his arms. “I love you. I hope you never questioned my love for you in all these years.”

I shake my head. “I haven’t.”

He kisses me just below my ear, but I pull away before he can get any closer to my lips. Ray doesn’t deserve to be cheated on. I don’t care if Tucker’s my husband, too.

Or is Ray not my husband?

“I need to get back. I need to tell Ray what’s going on. He doesn’t know … anything.”

Tucker clears his throat. “The threat is eminent, Penny. She’s out there. I saw her in New York so it’s just a matter of time. We’ll be watching your house, following you around to make sure she doesn’t hurt you.”

I nod, expecting nothing less.

GETTING BACK INTO CARA’S car was the last thing I wanted to do. I have never felt as torn in my life as I do now. To say I’ve been dealt a shitty hand is an understatement. I’ve always prided myself on being a good person: volunteering at soup shelters, donating when I can, and helping those who need assistance. So someone tell me why this is happening to me? My life has been good. I can’t say it’s been great because I’ve had a hole the size of the Grand Canyon in my chest, but it’s been gradually filling. I live a quiet, peaceful, life and keep to myself. I don’t engage in rumors and gossipmongers and always treat people with respect. And yet my world is crumbling down around me.

Why? What did I do to deserve this?

In a matter of minutes I’m going to have to paste a smile on my face and act like everything is okay when it’s not even close. I’m going to have to ask my husband if he’s ready to go home and explain to him where I’ve been for the past hour. He’s going to want to sit down, watch a television show, and maybe enjoy a hot cup of cocoa. I’m going to sit with him because it’s what I always do and instead of flipping through my magazine or working on a crossword, I’ll sit there with my heart pounding so hard my ears will vibrate. My palms, already clammy, will be so cold my fingertips will start to turn blue and no amount of rubbing them down my pant leg will warm them up.

I’m going to have to tell him, the man who took my daughter and I in when we had nothing, that I’ve been living a lie. I should’ve never gotten involved with him, but the thought of providing for Claire was too great to deny.

I love Ray, I do. He may not be the love of my life because that title belongs to Tucker, but he has my heart. He’s a good, caring, and attentive husband who dotes on my daughter. I couldn’t ask for more, except it was Tucker that I was still with. But fate, or whatever the hell you want to call it, intervened and took him away from us.

Cara drops me off behind the store, making it easy for me to slip back into the crowd. If anyone notices me, they won’t think twice about seeing me come from the general direction of the store. Cara even hands me the bag of maple mustard I bought right before she approached me. It’s a good thing she remembered because that was the last thing I was thinking about.

I walk across the street and step into the crowd. More people have arrived and I’m hoping I can use it to my advantage. People I know from town greet me as I pass by; I offer a slight smile, but keep moving. I never realized how hard it is to smile when you’re falling apart on the inside. Right now, my throat has this lingering pain that I can only describe as a building sob. I have to keep swallowing because if I don’t, it’s going to explode right here, in front of everyone.

I’m weaving in and out of patrons, shoulders bumping mine, bodies jostling into me. Each touch makes me more and more nervous. My body tenses at the sound of my name. Not Amy, but Penny. It’s a name I’m not used to hearing. Could Frannie be here? Would she call out my name? Surely there has to be another Penny in this crowd, it’s not that uncommon.

My name is called again, and I stop to look around. I spin, looking in all directions for the voice that keeps saying my name … only to realize that it’s
Claire
coming my way. She’s not saying Penny; she’s saying Mom and Ray’s right behind her. If anything, he yelled Amy to get my attention. So why did I hear Penny? I go to open my mouth to call her name, but shut it quickly when I realize that the name that’s about to fall off my lips is her birth name, and until this past week when my life started to unravel, I haven’t thought of her as Claire in a long time and now that I’ve said her name and heard, I can’t get it out of my head.

This time I’m not careful about the people I’m bumping into as I make my way to Claire and Ray. I pull her into my arms and bury my nose deep into her hair. She wiggles, trying to break free, but I hold on for a second longer.

“Geez, Mom, you’re trying to smother me,” she mutters, pulling away. She fixes her hair and pulls her coat down all while giving me a glance that tells me she’s annoyed. Usually I’d say something to her, but not tonight.

Ray wraps his arm around me and I fall into him. For so long he’s been my security and I can’t help but feel safe in his presence. Tucker makes me feel that way, too, though, and those feelings have me conflicted. The fact that he accepts that I’m married should please me, but it scares me. Was he held captive? Is he not the same man that left on deployment? I’ve read numerous articles about post-traumatic stress and how the tiniest thing can trigger a response. Is Tucker denying himself the chance to be angry that I’m married? Will this come back to haunt me?

The more I think about Tucker, Ray, and everything that’s going on, the more anxious I feel. Smiling at Ray, I’m trying to convey the same happiness he’s always made me feel, but I can see in his face—and his concerned smile—that I’m not successful. His hand slides down my back and into mine, giving me a firm squeeze.

“I think I’m ready to go home,” he says, giving me a slight tug. It wasn’t a question as to whether I’m ready because I think he knows. I reach for Claire’s hand, holding mine out until she grabs it. She does, realizing I’m not going to give up. I want her close to me, at least until we get home. Once we’re there, she can stomp up to her room and listen to her music. She’ll get over the embarrassment she’s feeling right now by the time school starts on Monday.

The drive home is quick and silent. The radio isn’t even on to drown out the loud thumping in my chest. Telling Ray about my life isn’t even something I can put off until tomorrow or next week, and Claire needs to know, too. From her I expect anger, resistance. It’s bad enough that she’s bordering on her teenage years, but to find out the life she’s been living since around the age of two is a lie, is enough to send her life into a tailspin. She’s going to have an identity crisis.

From Ray, I expect hurt. The lies may be too much for him to get over. The fear that I’ll leave him for Tucker and the thought of losing Claire, he may never recover from. He’ll have every right to ask me to leave. It’ll be me and me only; he’d never do that to Claire. He’d never put her in harm’s way.

By the end of the night, my husband and daughter will hate me and there isn’t anything I can do about it.

“Chloe, I’d like to talk to you before you disappear into your room,” I say, as we walk into the house. Ray mumbles something, but is smiling when he passes me.

“I told you she’d find out, Care Bear.”

Chloe huffs as she hangs up her coat.

“Find out what?” I ask both of them and find they are sporting mischievous grins.

“Dad bought me cotton candy.”

“Oh, was it maple flavored? That’s my favorite.” I’m not a fan of her eating cotton candy, but tonight I don’t care.

“Yes,” she says, excitedly. “I should’ve saved some for you.”

“It’s okay. Here let’s sit at the table. You too, Ray.”

The sound of the chairs scraping against the hardwood sends a chill down my spine. I’m already on edge and this is making me more so. I’m jumpy and dreading the words that are about to fall out of my mouth.

Across from me, my husband and my daughter sit. Their hands are folded as they both watch me expectantly. I wish I were about to tell them something to make them smile, but that’s not the case.

And now that I look at Claire, I wish she were upstairs with her headphones in, not hearing a word I’m about to say.

The rain is coming down in sheets and the wipers are barely able to keep the windows clear. Of all the times it has to rain in San Diego, why now? Every few seconds my eyes glance in my mirror. Claire is sound asleep with her bunny rabbit tucked under her arms. The lack of traffic on the highway makes it easy for me to spot if I’m being followed. Right now I feel safe.

My GPS indicates that I’m nearing my exit. I don’t like this part of town, but this is where Buzz told me to go to get a fake ID. I don’t even know how I came to ask him. He had a feeling something was wrong when I was writing the check for Tucker’s storage unit. My hands shook and I broke down in front of him. He said his friend could help.

Right now, I feel like I’m back in high school, except I’m running for my life. I shouldn’t be doing this; I should be home waiting for my husband’s body to come off the plane and giving him a proper burial. I can only hope that Ryley will. That she’ll be there for Tucker.

The building is run down with no lights on out front. “Just knock,” Buzz said. What if I don’t knock and just drive? ‘He’ll find you, Penny.’ This time I can’t ignore the voices in my head. I know I have to follow my instincts and hide. There’s no doubt in my mind Ted Lawson killed Tucker and his friends, but why? Why do four men need to die? And Frannie … why would she do this to River?

Unbuckling Claire, I pull her to my chest and attempt to shield her from the rain, but to no avail. She’s tired and fussy, and doesn’t understand the magnitude of our situation.

I knock, just like Buzz instructed, and only seconds later the door opens.

“What?”

“Buzz sent me.”

The man in front of me nods and steps aside, slamming the door behind me.

“Is your husband beating you?”

The question takes me by surprise, causing me to let out a gasp. The man stops in front of me and looks at my face.

“Is he?”

I shake my head. “No,” I squeak out.

“Follow me,” he says, turning away from me. His stride is long and I have to jog to keep up with him as we walk down a long hallway. When we come to a door, he punches numbers onto a keypad before it opens and we step in.

“She can sleep on the couch.”

I’m reluctant to put Claire down, but do so anyway. Right now I’m fucked if he wants to kill me so what does it matter?

“Buzz called, said you were coming. Said some fucked up shit is going on.”

I nod, but am confused as to why he’d ask if Tucker was hitting me.

“Why did you ask about my husband?”

“To make sure I’m getting the same story. Give me your license.”

I do as I’m told and peer over my shoulder at Claire, sleeping without a care in the world.

“I’m going to give you cash for your car and drive you the bus station. I’ve wiped out the cameras on the interstate so no one can trace you here. Your new name is Amy Jones. What do you want to call her?”

“Um … I don’t know,” I say, shaking my head.

“What’s her name?”

“Claire.”

He punches a few keys before saying, “Her name is now Chloe Jones. It sounds the same and shouldn’t confuse her. She seems young enough to not have many memories.”