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She drops her lipstick on the counter. Her mouth hangs open in astonishment. “You are kidding, right?”

“Nope. Not kidding.”

“It certainly sounds like you are,” she accuses.

I blush, “We are doing ‘things’. Just not that.”

“Are you a virgin or something? I mean, it’s not unusual for a twenty-two year-old woman to be a virgin. Holding on to your virginity is very in now a days.”

I burst with laughter, “No, I’m not a virgin.”

“Fuck. Is Josh?”

At this point, I’m hysterical. Lena just can’t picture two willing and able non-virgins being mostly abstinent. “No. He is pretty clear that he has had plenty of practice before he met me.”

She sits on the bed facing me with a questionable stare. “Are you scared because of Nick?”

I realize in this moment, Lena cares about me. She’s being a friend. This is what friends do. The concept is a bit foreign to me, but I like how it feels that she is concerned for my well-being. “It’s Josh. He wants to wait. For what? I don’t know. It’s been a decent amount of time since we started dating and I know he wants to take it slow but I’m ready. I know I want this. It feels right.”

“Then, do it. Make the first move.”

“Heh. I’ve tried. Multiple times,” I confess.

Lena sits down on my bed and faces me. I begin to fiddle with my hands. It’s a nervous tick I’ve developed when I’m stressed out. “I’ve seen you and Josh interact over the past few weeks. It’s apparent that there is something really special brewing. Sometimes, when we want something so bad, we end up sabotaging the natural process of obtaining whatever it is that we want. Stop thinking and just enjoy the flow.”

It makes perfect sense. I’ve spent so much time the last few weeks trying to get Josh to prove how he feels for me in a physical way. I’ve been missing beautiful beginnings of this relationship because of my fixation. Thanks to Lena, I realize this. “You are a relationship guru.”

Her hand moves to her chest in question. “Moi? Hardly. I don’t even do relationships because of this shit. My relationship goal is to remain as aloof as I can be so there are no emotions involved.”

I decide to go ‘Dr. Phil’ on Lena. “How’s that workin’ for ya?”

She smacks me. “It works just fine for now. Guys dig a chick that just wants to have a good time without a commitment. I get mine. They get theirs.”

I don’t disagree with Lena. To each his own. But, I’ve seen her with Eric. There is such a comfortable appearance between them. From what I gathered from Josh, Eric doesn’t do relationships either. Lindsay was his only love and he doesn’t want to waste time looking for a replacement. Ideally, Eric and Lena are perfect for each other. But, they are both emotionally unavailable.

“Let’s get going. I don’t want to miss Josh before he goes on.”

As usual, the small yard is overflowing with people, mostly chicks with barely any clothes on. Lena and I make our way to the keg to grab a beer. The guys are arranging their equipment and doing sound checks.

I take my place up against a wall with full access to the alcoholic beverages. Eric quickly looks up from the stage area and winks at Lena. Josh doesn’t see me yet. I see Eric throw a guitar pick at his head. Josh swings around ready to do some damage when Eric signals that I am here. Josh smiles and jumps from the stage to make his way to me.

He surrounds me by placing both of his hands against the wall behind me. No words are spoken. I lean in to him allowing him to possess my mouth. I let out a groan in satisfaction of his greeting. Faintly, I hear Lena say she is going to say hi to Eric.

It’s unusual for me to pack on the PDA. But, with Josh, everything is unusual nowadays. I enjoy the affection plus I like that everyone knows that he is mine and I am his. The problem is, neither of us can rarely stop. One of us has to be the strong one and pull away before we really give everyone a show.

Tonight, I’m the strong one. I pull away and look at him. He’s really quite beautiful. “You’re beautiful,” I blurt out.

Josh makes a husky chuckle, “Thanks. But, I’m not the beautiful one. You are. Look at you…rockin’ a MCR shirt. ‘Well I was there on the day, They sold the cars for the queen, And when the lights all went out, We watched our lives on the screen, I hate the ending myself

But it started with an all right scene’,” Josh sings.

              “Nice rendition.”

              He takes a hold of the straps of my tank top and his eyes rake me over. “Thank you. I can’t believe they are not together anymore. Sucks.”

              “I know. Right?” He laughs, almost to himself. I must have missed the joke.

              “What’s so funny?” I ask.

              “Nothing really. You are the real deal, huh? You really love music. You have such eclectic taste. One minute you are chillin’ out to Toris Amos and the Sundays. The next, you are thrashin’ to Metallica in your kitchen. And…here you are… standing in front of me in a My Chemical Romance shirt. Is there any music you don’t like?”

              I think for a minute. Sure, Country music is not my thing, but it serves its purpose for those who like it. “Country,” I state flatly.

“Got it. You’re a country music racist,” he teases.

“Ha ha, you’re funny.” I playfully pinch the sides of stomach.

“Ouch!”

I draw my hands back quickly in hope that I really didn’t hurt him. “You okay?”

He chuckles, “You are too easy. I’m fine.”

“I’m easy. But, you’re a tease,” I joke. However, there is a bit of truth to my words.

Josh hovers above me, pressing his chest to mine. I’m sandwiched between him and the wall. His mouth moves to just below my left ear, a sweet spot he had found very quickly. His lips brush against my skin in a feather like pattern. Then, I feel the cold metal, first from his lip and then from his tongue.  I let out a soft moan.  He grabs my hands and throws my arms above my head. He has me by the wrists now, holding me in place as his tongue trails down my neck. My soft moans turn in to pants. As I respond to him, Josh growls in to my neck.

I’m sucked back in to reality by Eric’s voice. “I’d totally dig this if we could just replace Josh with Lena.”

Josh pulls away quickly remembering where we are. His eyes are glazed and it takes a minute for him to get what Eric is saying.

“Don’t stop on my behalf. I’m always up for porno affection,” Eric baits him.

“Fuck you, man.”

Eric laughs at himself in satisfaction. “Eh…maybe some other time. I’m not really in to threesomes unless it involves two chicks.”

“Whatever, asshole. You don’t have enough game to pull that shit off.”

Eric cocks his eyebrow, clearly amused by Josh’s accusation. “Bitch, I already have. Now, get your ass on the stage. Sorry, Bree.”

I should be embarrassed. But, I’m not. It takes a special kind of guy to give you the freedom to forget your inhibitions. I push Josh towards Eric. “Go play me some music.”

Josh gives me a quick peck, “Kay, baby.” He heads for the stage with Eric in tow. 

Josh

The restraint I have for Bree is wearing thin. I almost fucked her against a wall in front of everyone.

I’m trying to show her that I’m different than the prick she dated before me. Sure, I’m different. I don’t hit chicks. Never will. But, I want her to know it this isn’t about my needs and me. It’s not about her giving her body to me. I want the whole damn package. I want her heart.  Fuuuck. It’s getting harder and harder…literally…to wait.

Hell, when I told Eric that I was holding off, he laughed in my face. His theory is that we are two consenting adults who care about each other and we should just get it over with. Stop the torture. Maybe he’s right.

After playing a few sets, I dedicate a Bush song to Bree. I introduce the song, Glycerine, by announcing my inspiration. “This is for a girl who stole my heart by wearing fishnets and a Bush shirt.” I see her grin and drop her lashes.

              As I sing, we make eye contact. I see some of the other girls cast dirty looks her way. Oh fuckin’ well. There is no competition when it comes to Bree. I hope she knows that.

              I’m almost done my song, when I see Amy. Fuck me. I really thought she had moved on this time around. I’m hoping she didn’t see me staring at Bree from the stage. Eric must have seen Amy too because he is eyeballing me from where he stands. I finish the song and Eric announces that we are taking a quick break.

              I try to make it to Bree by pushing my way through people. It’s like a pinball machine of females. I bounce off one and I’m pushed in to another. Once I catch Bree’s eyes, I can tell she’s startled by my sudden exit from the stage. I look around trying to catch where Amy went. Then, I see her come up right behind Bree. She taps her on the shoulder and Bree turns around to greet my ex.

              Before Bree has the chance to say a word, I interrupt. “Amy what the fuck do you want?” Bree’s confusion lifts and she allows me take over the conversation.

              “I hear you have a new girlfriend, Josh. I just wanted to meet her. Why are you so agitated? I got something to take the edge off, if you’re interested,” she offers.

              “I don’t want anything you’re offering, Amy. It’s my house and I want you gone.”

              Amy laughs. She’s clearly amused by the way I’m treating her.  “You are being so rude. You never minded me coming before, Joshy. What’s changed?” Amy studies Bree with intensity. “Is this the reason?”

              I put my arm around Bree to comfort her. She is so tense. I can feel it in her shoulders. “She’s none of your business, Amy. Get the fuck out of here.”

              “Hmm. You’re very protective of this one. Does she know about us, Josh? Does she know that we fucked at least 3 times a day?  How about that time that I went down on you in the corner of that bar where you had a gig? That was fun.”

              I let go of Bree moving forward towards Amy. I don’t know what I am doing. I just want her to shut the fuck up. Bree doesn’t need to hear this shit. Hell, I’ve done nothing but try to forget the train wreck in front of me. I point my finger in Amy’s face, “I told you. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. Here.” I feel Bree pull on my arm trying to ease me back.

              “I don’t need to know anything about you, Amy. That was then and this is now. If you’re trying to rattle me enough to let Josh go, well, then, you are really going to be disappointed. I’m not going anywhere,” Bree pulls me back to her.

              Bree’s arms enclose around my waist and she is behind me. I’m so proud of her for speaking up. “Go. Now.”

              “Well, well, well. If it isn’t the local junkie...whatever you came looking for isn’t here. So leave.” Eric is right by my side.

              Amy looks stunned for a minute but she regains her composure. “Aww. Now big brother is making sure you’re okay,” she points at Bree. “I get it. Y’all are tight. You fucking Big ‘E’ too?”

              Something in me snaps. I don’t know if it was the image in my head of Eric fucking Bree or if I had enough of Amy’s shit. “Listen, whore. I’m about two seconds from picking your ass up and throwing you out myself. Take your sorry ass and get the fuck out of here,” I scream. I can see Amy is shocked. Hell, I can see that Bree is shocked.

              Amy begins to laugh, “Aww. C’mon Josh. I was just having some fun. I’ve missed you.” She tries to run her hand up my chest. I swipe it away. I know that she is toying with Bree. Amy’s that kind of girl. It’s all about the push. She’s expecting Bree to start a fight with her. Little does Amy know, Bree is a classy chick.

              “Amy? Did you come here with someone?” Bree asks. Amy looks around and seems a bit confused. Hell, I’m confused. What does it fucking matter?

              “I’ve seemed to have lost my date,” Amy looks around, “Wait. There he is.” She points at a dude leaning against the Tiki bar. I recognize him. He’s a staple figure at local gigs. One word comes to mind. Dealer. Shit. It’s not like he’s hiding it. You could pick one out anywhere. Nice, expensive clothes. Surrounded by pretty girls, pretending he’s interested in what they are saying. He gives the occasional nod to Amy.

              Bree walks towards him. What the fuck? “Bree, what are you doing?” I try pulling her back. “Let me talk to him.”

              “No, Josh. You are too upset. I got this. Watch Amy.”

              Fuck. “Eric go with her. Please.” Eric strolls behind Bree as she makes her way to the dealer.

              I focus in on Amy who seems content that she has me alone. “You happy now? Amy, I’m begging you. Get your fucking life together. Leave me alone.”

              Her face falls in to a frown. “Josh, my life will never be together. You know that. The closest I have ever been to happy was when I was with you.”

              I feel like a dick. It was never my intention to lead her on. She caught me when I was drowning my sorrows in whatever bottle or chick came my way just to numb the pain of my sister’s death. “Amy, I am sorry. I should have been honest with you from the beginning. I didn’t want anything serious with you,” I confess. “You gotta kick this habit, Amy. Go to rehab or something. Do something.”

              The tears are forming in the corners of her eyes. It’s hard to look at her. At one point, she was attractive. Now, she looks worn out. Hard. “I was better when we were together.” Her black hair is hanging down in greasy strands over her blue eyes that are bleeding black mascara.

              “No. You were fucking dealers the whole time we were together. And…you know what’s fucked up? I didn’t care, Amy. I didn’t fucking care. People who love and care for each other don’t do things like that.”

              Her eyes peek through her hair and it’s like she is seeing me for the first time. “I’ve watched you the past couple weeks with her.”

              I’m livid. Amy’s been stalking me. Bree. “You fucking what?”

              “Calm down, lover boy. I’ve seen you at some of the bars with her. You are different with her. You watch her everywhere she goes. Christ, I’ve seen you hanging out in front of the Ladies rooms waiting for her,” Amy swallows the lump in her throat. “You’re in love with her.”