Savage Urges (17 page)

She moaned as Ryan kissed her, twining his tongue with hers. Within moments, she was just as naked, and he was giving her exactly what she needed, pounding into her at a feral pace that soon had them both exploding.

In the aftermath, she snuggled into his side as he lay on his back. Sated and riding her post-orgasm buzz, she said, “This territory is pretty awesome.” Her wolf was utterly relaxed, surrounded by the scents of Ryan, pine, grass, and sun-warmed earth. The only sounds she could hear were those of wildlife and water trickling in the near distance.

Cupping her chin, Ryan lifted her head to meet her eyes. “Then why do I hear a little sadness in your voice?” He didn’t like it. Wanted to fix whatever was wrong.

“There must have been countless times in your life when you’ve roamed your territory and found a cozy little spot where you feel safe. My wolf . . . she never had that. I never had it.”

“You can have it, and you know it,” he said a little too sharply. This place was her home. She just had to step forward and claim it. His wolf was just as frustrated by her failure to do so. Others would have been surprised to see his wolf—always so serious and gloomy—playing with her. Ryan wasn’t. The animal adored her, he considered her his own; there wasn’t a thing he wouldn’t do for her.

“So, you told your pack that you believe we’re mates.”

“They guessed. They agree with me. You’re the only one that doesn’t.”

He looked so hurt by that, like she was rejecting him. Makenna snuggled closer. “I would be proud to be your mate. You’re the full package. Loyal. Strong. Hot. Honorable. A born protector who never lets people down. That’s—What? What did I say?” Because he was averting his gaze. “Ryan?”

“I let you down today.”

She frowned. “How?”

“I asked you to trust me to keep you safe. I promised I would. But I wasn’t there for you today.” If there was one thing Ryan was good at, it was keeping people, under his protection, safe. But his mate had been in danger, and he hadn’t been there. That fact had tormented him and his wolf all day long. “I should have stayed with you this morning.”

“That’s ridiculous. You have a job, a very important job.”

“If I’d been with you earlier, you would never have ended up tangled in a net.” Like an animal.

“For someone so practical, you can be seriously dumb sometimes.” Her wolf totally agreed. Makenna propped her chin on his chest. “It’s not that
you
should have been there. It’s that they
shouldn’t
have been there. They were the ones who were in the wrong place,
not
you. And the person who’s most to blame for all of it is Remy.” Assuming it wasn’t Deanne.

“He’ll pay for it.” His wolf growled, fully supportive of that idea.

“But not yet. After the meeting with the council, sure. Until then, we don’t rise to whatever he does. Okay? Okay?”

No, it wasn’t okay at all. It
especially
wasn’t okay that she was right—the practical side of him couldn’t deny that. “You need to understand something. I know we need to be smart in how we handle this situation. So I’ll hold back.” Even though it was killing him. “But if Remy hurts you, if he even
tries
to harm you, I’ll kill him.”

Makenna rubbed her nose against his. “Can I watch? I’ll bring popcorn. We’ll make a day of it.”

Ryan almost smiled. “Insane.” Still, he’d never want her to be anything but exactly who she was. She hadn’t been in his life long, but she’d already brightened and refreshed it. If the extremists had had their way today, his life would have been dark and bleak.

She cocked her head as his expression hardened. “What’s wrong?”

“You could have died today.”

“I did worry for a minute when I noticed there were some magpies.” At his baffled look, she explained, “You know, ‘one for sorrow, two for luck, three for a wedding, four for death.’
At first, I thought there were four, but then I realized there were only three. I wonder who’s getting married. Why are you scowling at me?”

He just grunted. This was what insane people did, and he’d just have to get used to it. Besides, she’d said she’d be proud to have him as her mate, so there wasn’t a lot that could upset him right then—especially since he had her here at his territory for good. If she thought it was temporary that was her mistake. “Do you need someone to go to your apartment and see if there’s anything to salvage?”

“Actually, it’s no longer my apartment. I’ve been evicted.”

“Evicted?”

“My landlord said he’ll box up my stuff.” At Ryan’s growl, she said, “I thought you’d be happy about it. We both know you want me staying here indefinitely.”

“He’s being unfair to you.” Ryan would never be happy about something like that.

“But not unfair to the other tenants. He’s doing right by them.”

It was typical of her to put the safety of others before that of herself. It irritated him. He knotted a hand in her hair. “You didn’t call me for help earlier because you thought you were protecting me. I get that. But don’t do it again.” It was his right to protect her.

Both Makenna and her wolf balked at his words. “Like you, I protect the people who matter to me.”

His breath almost caught in his throat. “I matter?”

“You damn well know you do.”

With this grip on her hair, Ryan pulled her closer and took her mouth. Took it with an intensity and possessiveness that reminded her she was his. Would always be his. The sooner she accepted that, the happier they’d both be.

As usual, Ryan woke at six a.m. Seeing Makenna naked and warm beside him, he was tempted to stay where he was. He pressed a light kiss to her throat. She grumbled something unintelligible and rolled onto her side. Being a deep sleeper, she didn’t wake as he washed and dressed before—with a kiss to her shoulder—he left to do his morning perimeter check.

Outside, he picked up Zac’s scent. It was too strong to come from the night before. Ryan frowned. The juvenile was never up this early. Following the scent, he found Zac just past the fringe of the forest sitting on a fallen tree trunk, dark circles under his eyes. Looking up, he tipped his chin in greeting.

Ryan took a seat beside him. “Everything okay?”

Zac twisted the blades of grass in his hands. “I had a shitty dream, that’s all.”

“Do you have nightmares a lot?” The kid just shrugged. Ryan detested the idea that Zac was hurting, but he didn’t know how to get him to talk.

What had Makenna once said?
“Zac feels like we’ll judge him because we can’t understand what he’s been through.”

Ryan, however . . . maybe he did understand. Sort of. Maybe if he made Zac see that he could relate to him in some ways, the kid would open up. But he couldn’t expect Zac to expose such a deep wound unless Ryan was prepared to do the same for him. So Ryan did the one thing he’d sworn he’d never do: he shared what had happened to him all those years ago. “I was once taken by a rival pack.” That made Zac’s gaze snap to his. “They tortured me for weeks. Kept me drugged so I couldn’t shift. Tied me up so I couldn’t free myself.”

Zac swallowed. “Trey and the others came for you?”

“They didn’t know where I was.”

“How did you get out?”

“I gave control over to my wolf. Feral, he had enough strength to shift and get free. Then he killed them, ripped them to pieces. They died too quick, in my opinion.” That probably wasn’t the most comforting thing to say to the kid, he mused with irritation. “My point is that I know what it’s like to have people do things to you—hurtful things, humiliating things. I know what it’s like to feel helpless. I hated that, I hated them, and I hated myself for not being able to stop it.” Just thinking about it made fury bubble inside him. Still, he kept talking. “I know what it’s like to have to relive those moments at night in your sleep. It’s hard to move past something that you have to relive over and over. I’m the last person who’d ever judge you. Was it the Alpha who hurt you?”

Zac was quiet for so long, Ryan thought he wouldn’t answer. Finally, the kid said, “It wasn’t just him.”

“Who else?”

“The pack healer.”

His wolf snarled. “What did they do?”

“The healer, David, took me in after my parents died. I was okay with it. He was always nice to everyone, you know? Kind.” Zac looked down at the ground. “But it’s not real.” A long pause. “They’re like Remy.”

“You mean abusive?”

Zac nodded. “The Alpha’s the worst. He likes to see people in pain. David always healed me so there was no evidence.”

A growl rumbled up Ryan’s chest. He wanted to know every detail, but he knew from personal experience just how hard those details could be to share. “Did you think people here would judge you for not being able to defend yourself against someone bigger and stronger than you?”

“Not for that.” Zac met his eyes then. “I wanted to run for a long time. But . . . I was scared. The night I left, David came into my room, said he was taking me to Brogan, the Alpha. My wolf . . . he just lost it. Like he couldn’t take anymore. He took control, and I shifted, and my wolf went crazy on his ass. He killed David.”

“Your wolf went feral. In dangerous situations, people can lose control of their wolf.”

Zac shook his head. “You don’t get it. I didn’t try to stop him when he attacked David. I didn’t try to pull my wolf back. I just watched. The only thing I did was urge him to run when I heard people coming. That’s it. David is Brogan’s brother. He’s dead because of me. When I say they’ll come for me, I mean it.”

“They’ll die if they do.” It was a vow. “I’ll end them. I won’t allow them to hurt you again. You got me?” He needed Zac to believe that.

“I got you.” The words were low but strong.

“Good. It was brave of you to share what happened. Is it okay with you if I give the basics to the pack?” They needed to be prepared for the inevitable battle ahead. “They will not judge you.”

After a moment, the kid gave a curt nod. He looked a little lighter. Maybe opening up had helped him in some way. Ryan hoped so.

When he returned to his room, it was to find Makenna dressing. He shared Zac’s story with his mate, not at all surprised when she paled and sank onto the edge of the bed.

“No wonder he’s so sure they’ll find him,” she said. “If he killed the Alpha’s brother, they’ll never stop until they do.”

“As I told Zac, we’ll kill them if they come.”

Makenna nodded. “I know. That’s why, on some level, I hope the bastards do.”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

R
yan had just finished a training session with Dante, Tao, and the other enforcers when his cell phone rang. He was surprised by the identity of the caller. “Garrett,” he greeted.

“One day, you could try saying
hello
.”

“I could.” But he probably wouldn’t.

“I’m calling about the salamander brand.”

Ryan stopped in his tracks. “You remembered something?” It had been over three weeks since he’d mentioned the matter to Garrett.

“No, but you know I don’t like unanswered questions, so I looked into it. Asked a few people. The Alpha of a wolf pack in New Zealand made a point of branding each of his wolves. His name was Conrad Griffin. He was a sick bastard.”

“Was?”

“He’s been dead for seven years now. From what I’ve heard, the new Alpha’s nothing like him.”

Ryan would decide that for himself after he’d done some research. “Thanks, Garrett.” Ending the call, he went to his room, took a shower, and then pulled out his laptop. He could have asked Rhett to do the research, but it wasn’t right to share any of this without Makenna’s permission.

Two hours later, Ryan’s head was swimming with information. He wanted to share it with her, and yet he didn’t. Some of it would hurt her; he didn’t want that. But she was already hurting, wasn’t she?

Torn, Ryan spent the rest of the day debating what to do. Makenna deserved to know her past. But she’d already told him she didn’t want to know. The thing was, he didn’t believe that. Not for a minute. And neither did Dawn.

That night, as they lay in what had become their “spot” in the forest, she braced herself on one elbow and said, “Okay, spill it.” She jabbed a finger at him. “Don’t blow me off. Something’s been bothering you all day. I gave you the chance to tell me, you didn’t. So now I’m asking, what is it?”

He played his fingers through her hair. “You’ll be mad at me.”

Makenna stilled as various bad scenarios ran through her head. “What?”

“I couldn’t let it alone, Kenna. Not when it hurts you.”

Just like that, she knew what this was about. “What have you done?”

“I haven’t killed them, if that’s what you’re asking.” He rolled onto his side to face her. “You have a choice to make: you can ask me to share what I’ve discovered about your past, or you can tell me to keep it to myself and we’ll never speak of this again.”

She ground her teeth. “I trusted you with my secrets, Ryan.”

“I haven’t shared them with a soul.”

“All I asked was that you let it lie.”

“I’ll never overlook something that hurts you.” Ever. She tried to stand, but he curled an arm around her waist and pulled her close. “I can tell you about your pack. About your father. I can tell you what your real name is, what your mother’s real name was.” He raked a hand into her hair. “If you don’t want those facts, I’ll drop this forever. I just wanted you to have the choice.” He rested his forehead against hers. “But I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you.”

She knew he was; knew he never meant to hurt her, so she couldn’t stay mad at him. She’d always thought she didn’t want any answers. It should have been easy to tell him to do as he’d promised and drop it forever. But now that the answers were close, now that curiosity was biting her, it was hard to let it go. There was no harm in asking at least one question, right? “What was my mom’s real name?”

Ryan had suspected she’d want to know that, if nothing else. “Sinead Gannon.”

Makenna frowned. The name wasn’t bad, but it didn’t suit her mom at all. She shouldn’t ask. She should drop it, but . . . “And mine?”

“I don’t know about your first name. Your surname would have been Gannon-Paxton.”

Makenna’s nose wrinkled. “Why couldn’t you find out my first name?”

“You weren’t born in the pack. It’s a long story.”

That made absolutely no sense. She inhaled deeply, unable to resist asking, “What’s the story?”

“You’re from the Geraint Pack in New Zealand. When the old Alpha, Conrad, was in charge, it was very cultlike. He was controlling and oppressive. He branded each of his wolves as a symbol of dominance and ownership. He had a tattoo of a salamander, which was why he used it as a symbol for the pack. No one complained. They saw him as their savior.”

“Savior?” she repeated, incredulous.

“The prior Alpha was even worse. When Conrad stepped in and killed him, the pack was grateful. He rebuilt the place, gained them more land, found them a healer, and brought order. In doing all that, he bought their loyalty and took control. They felt indebted to this person who convinced them that everything he did was for the good of the pack. They were devoted to him.”

“Why did he banish my mother?”

Ryan slowly skimmed a hand up and down her arm as he spoke. “Your parents weren’t true mates, but they cared for each other and asked Conrad’s permission to mate. There were no unsanctioned pairings. He arranged every mating, whether those wolves were true mates or not, whether they cared for each other or not.”

“But that would be sabotaging the future of his pack. Only true mates or imprinted couples can develop mating bonds, and only mated couples can have pups. He had to know that.”

“It’s said that he wasn’t altogether sane. Maybe that blinded him. Maybe he didn’t want his pack to expand because it was easier to control a small one.”

“He didn’t give my parents his permission to mate, did he?”

Ryan shook his head. “But imprinting can happen without a couple’s control. They probably tried to hide it at first. But once their scents mixed it would have been impossible. Conrad was furious. Especially since it was obvious by your mother’s scent that she was in the early stages of pregnancy. He wanted to publicly execute them as an example to the others. But your parents were able to escape. Probably because Conrad wouldn’t have ever expected them to dare try.”

“Wait,
both
of them escaped?”

“Conrad sent his enforcers after them, but they were smart. They disappeared.”

Her mother had told her that she and Makenna were banished when she was a
toddler
. If Ryan’s info was to be believed, Makenna had never known her pack at all. “But . . . my father.”

“Nobody knows what happened to him. I couldn’t find out, Kenna, I’m sorry.”

“Why would my mom lie and tell me we were banished? Why wouldn’t she tell me the full story?”

“Maybe the truth was too painful for her to talk about. Maybe she intended to tell you what really happened, when you were older.”

Maybe. “You called Conrad ‘the old Alpha.’ He’s dead now?”

Ryan nodded. “Which means I can’t kill him.” And that was terribly disappointing. “The new Alpha seems to be a good one. He’s also your mother’s younger brother. He’s been looking for you and your parents for a long time.”

Makenna puffed out a long breath, overwhelmed. The answers she’d fooled herself into believing she didn’t want were much worse than she’d expected.
So
much worse. Her Alpha had not only been a traitorous bastard but a twisted one. He hadn’t banished her mother, he’d refused to allow her to mate and then he’d hunted her—forcing her into hiding. As for her father . . . Makenna still had no idea what happened to him. She did know one thing. “My parents didn’t deserve what happened to them.”

“Neither did you.”

“I don’t really know what to do with all that information right now.” It was too much for her to process while she felt so raw. And, honestly, she didn’t want to process it. She didn’t want to lie there dwelling on how different things could have been. She just wanted to let her mate hold her and comfort her.

Not liking that she was retreating inward but understanding why she would wish to, he said, “You don’t have to do anything with it.” He dabbed a light kiss on her mouth. Gripping his nape, she tried to take over the kiss—to make it rough, wild. He didn’t let her. He kissed her soft and slow and deep, skimming one hand up her thigh and under her dress to cup her ass.

As Ryan possessively dug his teeth hard into her throat, she hissed in warning. He growled. “Mine to bite,” he reminded her. He expected to see a spark of defiance in her eyes. Instead, there was sadness and longing. “Tell me your fears, Kenna. They’re the only things left jamming the bond.”

Makenna worried her lower lip. His words weren’t coaxing; they were a pure demand. Her time had run out, just as he’d warned her it soon would. She couldn’t really blame him for his insistence on the truth, especially when he believed it would be the answer to their problems. Unlike her, he didn’t see it as a risk or as something that could lead to the end of what they had. He truly believed that the mating bond was waiting for them to clear the path. She didn’t have that same faith, and she didn’t want to gamble and lose him.

The truth was, she loved him. But that wasn’t an excuse to hold her to him like this by dragging her heels. And that was exactly what she was selfishly doing. If there were a female waiting for him somewhere—her wolf snarled at the very thought—he deserved to know and be free to find her. Rising to her feet, she folded her arms over her chest and took a deep breath. “Okay. Fine. Let’s find out once and for all if you’re right.”

Ryan got to his feet, not liking her defensive body language or the distance she’d placed between them. He also didn’t like the way she was looking at him. Sad. Regretful. Moments went by, but she said nothing. “Tell me, Kenna.”

She straightened her shoulders, trying to ignore the anxiety curdling in her stomach. Her lungs seemed to hurt with every breath. She wasn’t ready to let him go yet. But her instincts told her that it was exactly what she’d have to do. “You’ll want me to rely on you.” Swallowing the emotion clogging her throat, she admitted, “I don’t think I can, even though I want to.”

“Because you lost the last person you did rely on.” He understood that. It was a fear Ryan could easily chase away. “You won’t lose me, Kenna. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yes, you are.” Her smile was sad. “Because there’s no mating bond.” There was nothing at all there. But she would
not
cry. Even though her throat ached, her chest was painfully tight, and her world was fucking falling apart, she wouldn’t cry in front of him. She wouldn’t guilt him into staying with her. He didn’t deserve that.

“That’s because you’re holding something else back.”

Cold all of a sudden, she hugged herself as she shook her head. “No, Ryan, I’m not. That’s the only fear standing in the way of me ever accepting a mate.”

Ryan advanced on her, gripping her hips when she tried to back away. “If that had been the only thing jamming the frequency, the mating urge would have kicked in by now.”

“Only if we were true mates.”

“We are,” he growled.

“There’s no mating bond, Ryan. I don’t feel it, and neither do you.
There’s nothing there.
”

“Then something else is jamming it.”

“There is nothing else! You were wrong!” She shoved at his chest, but he didn’t budge an inch.

“I know I’m not wrong. If I was, we’d be at least partially imprinted by now.” The vulnerability in her expression made him want to punch something. “Look at the facts, Kenna. Imprinting can happen without the conscious decision of the couple. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want you. I told you before, I’d kill to have you. When I say you belong to me, I fucking mean it. Nothing and no one will ever take you from me. You can’t feel that way about someone who isn’t your mate and
not
imprint on them unless you mean nothing to them.” He didn’t know what Makenna felt for him, but he believed she felt something.

“Imprinting would never happen for us. Not given your feelings about it.”

He frowned at her, not understanding.

“Growing up, you saw how it can go wrong. Your parents made themselves and you miserable. If they had just waited for their true mates—”

“Their relationship isn’t bad because they’re not true mates. It’s because they didn’t work at it. Instead of trying to fix their problems, they constantly lashed out at each other. Gwen blames just about everything and everyone for her unhappiness. She constantly tells him she wishes she’d waited for her true mate. Galen just laughs and dares her to leave, even though her words hurt him. They poisoned their own relationship.”

Ryan could see that his answer had knocked her off balance. Apparently, Marcus was right: she’d thought his past would stop him from ever imprinting on someone. He rested his forehead against hers. “There is a mating bond. We just can’t feel it.” He didn’t understand why. Maybe he was the one jamming it. But he believed with every breath in his body that it was there. When he saw that she was about to object, he said, “Even if I’m wrong, it doesn’t change that you’re mine and I’m keeping you.”

He kissed her, pouring his hunger and resolve into it so she’d feel and taste his sincerity. She kissed him back, but there was a hesitance to it. His mate was holding herself back from him. He’d never tolerate that. Collaring her throat, he hardened the kiss, dominating and consuming and owning. Claws pricked his arms, warning him not to push too far. Ryan growled. He’d push as hard as he damn well had to until she understood and accepted that she was his.