Savage Run (39 page)

The paramedics carefully unfasten my harness
and help me onto the bed. On the way to the hospital, Mai drives in
a transporter behind us and Nicholas sits in the back of the
ambulance with me. The paramedics are hooking me up to all sorts of
machines, poking me with needles and sticking devices into my
mouth. They’re throwing around words like echocardiogram and
hypovolemic shock.

“
You’re going to be fine,”
Nicholas repeats over and over. “Just fine.”

The paramedic must have given me something
for the pain because I feel really woozy and the burns don’t sting
as much. I can’t get over how afraid Mai looked when she saw me.
Now that I think about it, her face was more than concerned, more
than worried about one of her participants. It was as if her eyes
carried extreme regret and loss of something that was a not only
familiar to her, but a true part of her.

“
Can I ask you something?”
I say.

“
What?” Nicholas
says.

“
Does Mai…know me from
somewhere?”

Nicholas folds his hands. “Hmmm. That’s a
conversation for you and her to have.”

So she does know me. But from where? I’ve
ruled out that she is my mother—not that mothers don’t leave their
children, but what mother would leave a baby with such a cruel man
as my father? And then pretend to not know me when we meet
again?

“
So what happens now is we
wait for the results from the Savage Run,” Nicholas
says.

“
Oh—those…”

“
The Closing Ceremonies are
in two days, and that will give you ample time to recover. You’re
not considered a Master citizen until you receive your official
certificate and ID, so until then, I’ll be or a Unifer will be
staying with you at all times.”

“
Do you know…did
I…?”

“
You made it, Heidi. You
were in the top three.”

“
You don’t think your
father…?”

“
He may be a tyrant, but he
doesn’t lie about everything.”

“
No, only when it’s
important,” I say more bitterly than I meant.

Nicholas squeezes his lips to a line. “He’ll
keep his promise because this has to do with money.”

“
That didn’t stop him from
trying to kill me off.”

“
I know what happened to
your parachute. And with Johnny.” He caresses my hair, probably the
only part of me that doesn’t hurt. My life, he says, is still in
danger from Johnny. And of course I know that. Nicholas thinks that
maybe Johnny went off the deep end when chasing me. President
Volkov claims he didn’t rig my parachute, but Nicholas is almost
certain he did. But of course he has to deny it, Nicholas says,
because if he doesn’t, President Volkov will lose the support of
his benefactors. I’m not going to bark up that tree—not until I
have made sure Gemma is safe.

“
I told Johnny,” I
admit.

Nicholas’s eyes squint for a moment, but
then he says, “I’m sure you did it to save your life.”

“
So you’re not
mad?”

“
All I want is to take you
in my arms right now, and the only thing stopping me is that I
don’t want to hurt you.”

I want that, too.

Chapter 31

After two days of intensive treatments and
several rounds of surgery, Asolo Hospital finally gives me the go
ahead, and I’m released into the care of Nicholas. I’ve soaked in
the blue liquid for the past twelve hours, my mind running wild
with ideas of what I’ll do once I return to Culmination. I won’t go
home first; I need to hire an advocate the second I step off the
aircraft. The most ruthless one in town and I know exactly which
one. I delivered blood pressure medicine to him all the time. I
don’t know his relationship to Master Douglas, but I hope he’ll
represent me.

My burns are completely gone, the wounds
from the arrows healed, but my shoulder still hurts from where
Johnny threw his knife into it. And because my foot was broken in
three places, the doctor said it would be a few more weeks until
I’m completely back to normal and walking without pain.

Once we’re seated in the transporter, the
doors closed, I remember the very first time I met Nicholas—just
shy of ten days ago—and how afraid I was. I’m still afraid now, but
for different reasons. And so much has changed. I feel like I know
Nicholas, not like I just met him. We’ve been through so much
together, and being partners in crime, as he calls it, makes me
feel even more bound to him. I wonder if things will be the same
for us now that the stress of the Savage Run, and me surviving it,
is gone. The second he reaches over and takes his hand in mine, I
know it is.

“
Before I forget,” I say.
“I wanted to tell you that while I was in the Caves of Choice, I
finally understood what you meant by saying that sometimes freedom
is a burden.”

A crinkle appears between his eyebrows.
“That’s funny.”

His comment surprises me. “Why?”

“
Because you taught me that
responsibility is something I should never again take for granted.
And you were right.” He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it.
“Heidi. I thought…I thought I would lose you.” His voice is
trembling.

“
Well, you’ve lived your
entire life without me, so I think you’d be just fine.”

“
But I wasn’t really alive
before I met you.” I give him a smile and he commands the
transporter to start.

As if avoiding talking about us, we
immediately begin to discuss what our next steps of action will be.
It’s decided that he flies with my to Culmination, bringing both of
his bodyguards just in case Johnny or his father have any ideas.
And we’ll hire the advocate with the money I’ll receive from having
finished third place. As we drive into the Savage Run housing area,
Nicholas explains I can either stay with him in his townhome or I
can go back to the hole in the floor toilet room. I laugh. Of
course I choose his place, though all of a sudden I’m terrified of
being alone with him. He drives all the way up to his doorstep.

“
Are the others in there?”
I ask, eyeing the Nissen hut across the way.

“
Yes. Johnny included. I
think he felt snubbed when President Volkov didn’t invite him to
stay elsewhere.”

It’s too early to tell whether or not that’s
an indication of what will happen in the future. “It will be
interesting to see what happened tonight at the Closing
Ceremonies.”

“
Unfortunately, I know
about as much as you do about what’s going to happen.” He follows
me inside the townhome and closes the door behind us. When he comes
up behind me and places his hands on my shoulders, I tense up. Does
he expect something of me? Maybe I should have gone to my room. I
don’t know what to tell him because I don’t know what I want.
There’s nothing holding me back now and without the stress of the
next obstacle looming in the distance, I feel myself
floundering.

“
Mai wanted me to give you
this.”

I turn around and see him holding a white
envelope with my name on it. “Where is she?”

“
She needed to
leave.”

I gaze into his blue eyes while taking the
letter out of his hands. The letter feels heavy in my hands, like
there is something more inside than just paper, and I sense that
this is more than just a farewell letter from a registrar.

“
I need to make a last
visit to the office,” he says. “Please, make yourself at home.” He
walks toward the front door.

It’s clear to me that he’s giving me room to
read the letter by myself, and I’m sure once I read the content of
it, I’ll be grateful to be alone. But right now I just want to be
near him—not alone. Watching him walk away, I wait too long and
soon he’s out the door.

I sit down at the round kitchen table—the
table where just a few days ago we discussed how the three
remaining would survive the last phase together. I’m the only one
left. I remember grabbing Arthor’s hand and how Timothy said he
couldn’t handle being around gays. And what about Danny? I wonder
how he died, because I doubt he quit; he doesn’t seem like the type
of guy. Fighting against my tears, I open the letter. A locket
falls onto the table—the locket I gave to Sergio, trading it for my
freedom. My mother’s locket. And though I had suspicions about Mai
before, now I know. Of course. I just wasn’t ready to see it.
Didn’t want to see it. How did she get it, though? I inhale deeply
and start to read.

Dear Heidi,

I have completed my commitment to Savage
Run, but I needed to leave before I had the opportunity to speak
with you. You have proved that you are a fearless girl. But now you
must be braver and more unwavering than you’ve ever been, do you
hear? Stronger than you ever thought you could be. I’ll be thinking
of you day and night, praying for you. I love you.

It’s the first time ever those words have
been spoken to me and all at once the strength and courage I have
managed to cling to for the last few hours, days, months, year
crumble in my chest. I bring my hands to my eyes and sob quietly
for a long time. Drying my tears, I continue to read.

I knew your father was a cruel man, I knew
he would abuse, demean you, and blame you. But when I left, I had
no way to keep you alive. Or safe. At least when you were with him,
I knew you’d stay alive. Being a Laborer isn’t all bad. There’s
safety in it. But when the one you love turns against you, life
becomes a living nightmare. I couldn’t stay with him and be me. And
I left you with him because he was the only one who could keep you
alive. Nicholas said to me that freedom is more important than
being safe; he knows you well. You are your mother’s daughter. He
is a good man, Heidi, and if he rises to power, this country will
finally have the leader it deserves. He needs a good woman by his
side—one who believes in freedom, but who also cherishes life,
love, friendship. And he’s found all that in you. In the Caves of
Choice, you proved how much you have grown by choosing to give up
freedom for friendship. I wish I were as strong as you, but I have
other demons to battle. Maybe one day I can. Maybe never. But I do
love you, and I do believe as I said before that everything is the
way it should be. I made the right choice and because of it you are
alive.

I wish you well, Heidi, and maybe one day we
will meet again. But as things are now, please respect and know
that though nothing has been discussed, there’s nothing more to
talk about.

Mai

Just as I let my hand fall to the table,
Nicholas returns. His eyes narrow and he walks over to me. I stand
up and curl one arm around his neck and the other around his waist,
burying my face in his strong, warm chest. I hear his
heartbeat—strong and fast. The top of my head reaches his nose and
I feel his warm breaths against my hair, smell his mild
cologne.

“
Are you okay?”

I cry silently for a while, uncertain of
what I’m supposed to be feeling, far less uncertain of what I
really am feeling. “She says…there’s nothing more…to say.” I
sniffle

“
I know.”

“
She needs time, I think.
She’s not really the motherly type. She has fought so hard to get
to where she is and she’s afraid…maybe…to be—”

“
You don’t have to defend
her to me, Heidi. How she’s dealing with this, though it may be all
she can manage right now, it isn’t right.”

No, it isn’t. But maybe there are no more
words to say because those words would only be angry. Hateful.
Bitter. Accusing. Because I do despise how she left with just a
letter. And all the years she’s been gone, I’ll never get them
back. Now she’s taken away the future, too.

“
When my father divorced my
mother, it was the hardest thing in the world.”

I remember reading about it in the news, and
it was the talk of Culmination how their relationship ended. And
how President Volkov won custody of their nine-year-old son.

“
How did you
cope?”

“
It’s probably not what you
want to hear, but Mai was there with me, guiding me through it. My
second mother. Looking back now, I think she tried to atone for
what she did to you, like helping me through troubled times would
somehow erase the past. She’ll never admit it, of course, but she
knows leaving you was wrong. Freedom was more important for her, I
suppose. And it still is.”

Freedom was more important for her. Than me.
Those words are the harshest yet. And I will never again wear her
locket.

“
But that’s where you’re
different.” He looks me in the eyes. “That’s why I fell for you
from the very beginning. And wanted to be around you.” He closes
his eyes and exhales, and when he opens them again, I see the
fearless young man I first met. “I don’t understand this. All I
know is that when I’m around you, my life has purpose again. And I
just want to be with you.”

I give him a smile, and though Mai’s letter
still hurts me, his words are like blue liquid on a sweltering
burn. I want to be with him, too. More than be with him—be his.
Because of how he cares for me, how he notices my shifting moods,
making me feel important. How he makes me feel safe. Home.

He chuckles and suddenly the room seems so
much lighter.

“
What?”

“
I’ve wanted to call you my
girlfriend ever since you scrambled through that ridiculous
magazine on the aircraft.” He takes a step closer.