Savage Night (11 page)

I said I thought I had everything down pat, and he left.

I went back to the main stockroom.

I lined up all the sponge pails in a row, measured the dry ingredients into each of them, and carried them into the cold-storage room. I measured in the lard and malt, tucked in the batch cards, and set the pails just outside the entrance to the baking room.

I came back into the stockroom, studying the cards for the sweet doughs.

I was kind of breathless. I didn’t need to, but I’d been rushing my head off. Not out here, but in there. In the cold-storage room.

I lighted a cigarette, telling myself I’d better take it easier. I wouldn’t last long, rushing. Hard work—steady hard work—well, I’d given my lifetime quota on that a long time ago.

Aside from that, it would be easy to screw things up if I hurried too fast. I didn’t know the job good yet. Working with all those different ingredients and measurements, a guy wouldn’t have to be even pretty careless to get a little too much of one thing and not enough of another. And there wouldn’t be any way of spotting the mistake until the stuff came out of the ovens—as hard as brick-bats maybe or as tough as shoe leather.

I glanced at the cold-storage room, and I shivered a little. So it was cold. What of it? I didn’t need to stay in there, like I’d done on the sponges, wrapping up everything at one time. I could stay in, say, for five minutes, come out and go back in again for another five. Why stay in there, freezing my tail off, trying to do everything at once?”

I knew why, and I made myself admit it. The goddam place kind of gave me the creeps. I wanted to get through in there as fast as I could. It was so damned quiet. You’d hear a noise and sort of start, and then you’d realize that you’d gulped or one of your muscles had creaked and that was the noise you’d heard.

The door was so thick and heavy that you seemed locked in even when you knew you weren’t. You kept looking at the scraper to see if it was still in place. And everything was kind of greasy and damp in there—everything seemed about the same shade—and you could look two or three times and still not be sure.

If you could have propped the door wide open—but you couldn’t do that. Kendall had warned me about keeping the door open any more than was necessary. It would be a hell of a cold-storage room if you did that much.

I coughed, choked back another cough. The bug wasn’t active again, I was sure of that, but I was glad I hadn’t had to produce a health certificate.

I dropped the cigarette butt, stepped on it, and looked at the cards for the sweet doughs. They were more complicated than the others, the sponge mixes, and the extra-refined flour had to be weighed out with the other ingredients. They didn’t just draw what they wanted as they did on the bread.

If I took my time on this stuff—and I’d damned well better—I probably wouldn’t have it ready a hell of a lot sooner than I had to.

I took the scraper out of my pocket. I pulled the cold-storageroom door open, and went inside. I laid the scraper handle against the jamb, letting the door settle against it. Then I turned my back on the damned thing and got busy.

There were eight batches in all. I decided to do two, and go out and get the dry stuff ready for them. Then, I’d come back and do two more, and so on until I was through. And if I didn’t like it in here, I knew what to do about it. There was an easy way to save time. I could snap out of the creeps and stop checking on the door every ten seconds.

I got busy, I put two pans on the work table, leaned their batch cards against them, and began pouring and dumping and weighing. And the creeps stayed right with me, but I didn’t give in to them. I never looked once at the door.

The work went pretty fast. It didn’t seem to, but according to my watch it did. I finished the first two batches—the wet part of them—took them out and set up the dry stuff, and came back in again.

I did another two and another two. And started on the fourth pair. The last two I had to do.

I got them done, and somehow they seemed to take longer than the others. It seemed like I’d never get through with them. Finally, though, they were ready, and I tucked the batch cards into the slits at the end of the pans.

Then, I picked them up and turned around and pushed against the door.

I pushed—pretty easy at first. Easy because I couldn’t bring myself to push hard. I just sort of leaned against it, because if I did more than that—if I pushed hard and it
didn’t…

I put a little more steam into it; just a little. And then a little more…and a little more.

And then suddenly I wasn’t pushing, hard or any other way. I was throwing myself at it, giving it every thing I had. And I was still holding onto those mixes, why the hell I don’t know, and they were slopping all over me and the floor. And I hit that door like I was going to drive straight through it. And I bounced and skidded and slipped. And I did a belly whopper to the floor.

The wind went out of me like a popped balloon. I gagged and retched but nothing came up. I lay on the floor, writhing, squeezing my head between my hands, trying to squeeze the pain away. And after a while I could breathe again, and I could get my eyes to focus.

I looked. The door was closed tight.

The scraper wasn’t there, and it hadn’t slipped inside. Someone had taken it away.

I
laughed. I got ahold of the table and pulled myself up. I laughed and laughed, brushing at the crap on my clothes, feeling it cling and stick and stiffen against my fingers.

Because what was the sense to it anyway? How in the hell could you win? You were right on the beam—playing all the angles, doing things twice as well as you thought you could and getting some breaks thrown in. Everything was swell, and you were a bright boy and a tough boy.

And a punchy booze-stupe without enough guts to string a uke could come along and put the blocks to you.

He could do it because he
didn’t
have anything. Nothing to lose. He didn’t need to be smart, to cover his tracks. You had to cover them for him. He could make one dopey move after another, and all you could do was duck and keep your mouth shut. He didn’t need guts. He could run from you, but you couldn’t run from him. He could pick you off any way, any time, and if he got caught…? I had to choose between times and ways, and if I got caught…? Not responsible? Not a chance. If you beat the law there was still The Man.

I laughed and choked and coughed. It was such a hell of a good joke, me feeling sorry for Jake.

That was my first reaction—that it was the damnedest funniest thing in the world and it was a relief to get it all over. It hadn’t made any sense from the beginning. I’d go right on looking for whatever I was looking for, and I wouldn’t stand any better chance of finding it than I ever had.

So it was funny. It was a relief.

Then that cold really began to gnaw into me, and I stopped laughing and I wasn’t relieved any more.

It was too simple, too clear-cut and easy. I’d been swimming in muck all my life, and I could never quite sink in it and I could never quite get to the other side. I had to go on, choking to death a little at a time. There wouldn’t be anything for me as clean and easy as this.

I looked at my watch. I got up and started walking back and forth, stamping my feet, rubbing my hands and slapping them against my body.

Four-thirty. It seemed like it ought to be hours later than that, I’d done so much that day and got started so early, but it was only four-thirty…Kendall would knock off at a quarter of six to go to the house for dinner, and he’d come in after me. And then I’d get out of here.

No one would come in before then. There wasn’t any reason for them to, and—and they just wouldn’t. And Kendall wouldn’t dress out without me, and go on to the house by himself.

Either way, see, would make it easy for me, and that was against the rules. I wouldn’t be found soon enough to really help, or late enough to…to do any good.

Four-thirty to five-forty-five. An hour and fifteen minutes. That would be the score. No more, no less. Not enough to kill me; too much, a hell of a lot too much, to leave me unharmed. Just the right amount to knock me on my ass.

I should have given up, just relaxed and stopped trying to do anything about it. Because whatever I did or didn’t do, I wasn’t going to change a thing. I’d still be just
so
sick,
almost
completely screwed up, not
quite
stripped of everything I had. Right at the time when I needed everything I had and I couldn’t be screwed up at all.

No, I couldn’t change a thing. But I had to try.

Relaxing, giving up, those were against the rules, too.

I walked back and forth, stamping and slapping and pounding, hugging my arms across my chest, sticking my hands between my crotch and clasping my legs on them. And I kept getting colder and stiffer, and my lungs began to feel like I was breathing fire.

I climbed up on the table, trying to warm my hands against the light in the ceiling. But there was a wire guard around it, and it was just a little globe, and it didn’t do any good.

I climbed back down and started walking again. Trying to think…A fire? Huh-uh. Nothing to burn, and it wouldn’t do anyway. It wouldn’t even be smart to smoke. The air wasn’t too good now.

I looked along the rows of shelves, looking—for anything. I studied the labels on the thick jugs: Extract of Vanilla, Extract of Lemon…
Alcohol 40 per cent…
But I knew better than that, too. You’d feel warmer for a few seconds, and then you’d be colder than ever.

I began to get sore. I thought, for Christ’s sake, what kind of a dope are you, anyway? You’re supposed to be smart, remember? You don’t just take things. You don’t like something, you do something about it. Locked up, not locked up. It’s still the same, isn’t it, except for the air. Suppose…

Suppose you were riding that manifest out of Denton, the fast meat train that balls the jack all the way into El Reno. It’s November and all the goddamned reefer boles are locked, so
you’re riding the top, in the goddamn cold wind. And you can’t die, and you’d better not get down. Because you remember that kid in the jungle at St. Joe, the color of the weeds he was lying in; taking on the boes for a dime or a nickel or a cart of coffee or…So?

I remembered. I didn’t invent the trick but it’s a good one:

You crawl down inside your cotton sack, the sack you pick cotton into. It’s nine feet long and made out of canvas, and you kind of flap the end over itself so that just a tiny bit of air comes in. And you breathe practically the same air in and out, but you warm up fast. After a while your lungs start itching and smarting and your head begins to hurt. But you stay there, keeping your mind on warm things, warm and soft, and safe…

I didn’t have a cotton sack now, of course, or anything in the way of a big piece of cloth. But if I could get inside of something, pull something over me, and put my breath to work…well, it would help. I took a long careful look around the room.

Egg can? Too small. Lard barrel? Too big; it would take too long to dig the lard out. Mincemeat…?

The keg was only about a fourth full. I squatted down, trying to measure myself against it, and it was pretty small—not really what I ought to have. But it was the only thing I did have.

I turned it upside down, then got my arms around it and banged it up and down, dumping the sweet-smelling, semifrozen slush on the floor. I scraped the inside with a scoop, and I knew I could scrape all night and not get it completely clean. So I gave up and got it over me.

I sat down on the floor with my arms at my sides, and stuck my head and shoulders into it. Then, I sat up and let it slide down over me. It only came down to my hips, and little gobs of that goo kept letting go and trickling down onto me. But that had to be it—it and me was all I had. So I breathed hard and tried to concentrate on…on warmness and softness, comfort and safety.

I got to thinking about the farm that guy had up in Vermont, where he grew all those things. And I remembered how he’d said that he didn’t have any demand any more except for just the one thing. I closed my eyes, and I could almost see them, the long rows of them. And I grinned and laughed to myself, beginning to feel kind of good and pretty warm. And then I thought, I began to see:

…the goats were going up and down the rows, walking sideways on their hind feet. And every time they came to one they’d raise their tails and cut loose with the fertilizer. And each time they came to the end of a row they’d stand on their heads and bowl. They had to do it. They knew it wasn’t going to get them anything because there was nothing there to get, but they kept right on. Moving sideways and backwards—because that was the way the rows were laid out. And at the end they stood on their heads, howling…

I stopped thinking about it.

There was no warmth in it.

I brought my mind back to Kendall, him and Fay. Wondered what I’d better tell them. And I knew I’d better not tell the truth.

She might blow up—jump Jake about it or give it away to someone else. She might scare off. If she got sore or shaky, if she thought Jake could take the ball away from me…

And Kendall. If he was on the level, he’d have Jake in jail so fast it would make his head swim. He’d gotten a bang out of the other, the frame-up, because nothing had come of it and he’d outsmarted Jake. But if he thought Jake had tried to kill me, and
if
he was on the level, he couldn’t let it slide. He’d have to crack down to protect the bakery.

If he was with The Man—that would be worse yet. The Man already thought I might have a few rocks in my head. He’d been sore about me dragging in Fay and…
why, in hell had I done that, anyhow? I could have got along without her
…He probably had a hunch that I might have seen through that Fruit Jar frammis and didn’t trust him as much as I had to trust him. And if he thought I couldn’t do any better than this, get it thrown into me by the guy I was supposed to throw it into…

No, it had to be an accident. That would be bad enough.

…I twisted my wrist and looked down. Five-twenty. About twenty-five minutes to go. An hour and fifteen minutes plus the time before I’d got locked in. It wouldn’t be enough for a guy in good health. He’d have the sniffles and a sore throat, and that would be about the size of it. With me, though, it would be exactly enough. I couldn’t have timed it better if I’d been trying to knock myself out.

Twenty-four minutes…

Ruth. As long as I’d known I was going to use Fay, why had I made a play for Ruth?

And Fay; getting back to Fay. It wouldn’t have been any wonder—I wouldn’t have blamed The Man much—if he’d given Fruit Jar that knife instead of me.

Sure, Fay could be a big help. Sure, she could make things a lot easier for me. So what? She could do something else, too. If she was smart enough to see it. Because how can you really trust a dame who’ll help kill her own husband?

The Man had told me what she could do; he’d pointed out the spot where I could go down and never come up. He’d just mentioned it once, then he’d let it lay and gone on. Fay was already in or as good as in, and there was nothing to do but like it. But he wouldn’t have been The Man if he
had
liked it. Brother, he must have thought I was a goof!

Me—Little Bigger—putting the one rope in the world around my neck that would hang me!

I didn’t have a record, none that they could pin on me. I could line up before every cop in the country and there wasn’t a one that could say, yes, that’s our Bigger boy. No one could say it and prove it.

No one could, now.

But if I could be caught in the act of trying to kill Jake Winroy—if they had that much to go on, and could work back from it…

All those rewards, all for Fay. Forty-seven thousand dollars for Fay…and no half-blind runt with a mouth like a dog’s behind to get in her hair.

…I got out just about on schedule. Kendall found me around ten minutes of six, and he and one of the bakers got me home. By six-thirty I was in bed with two hot-water bottles, feeling sort of drowsy and dopey from something the doctor had given me.

It was the same doctor—Dodson—that Fay had called for Jake. But he wasn’t at all crusty and tough with me like he’d been with him and her. My own moth…you couldn’t have wanted a guy to be nicer.

He pulled the blankets back up over my chest, and tucked them under my chin.

“So you’re feeling fine, huh? No pain at all…Never mind. I don’t want you talking with that throat.”

I grinned at him, and my eyelids began to droop shut. He turned and gave Fay a nod.

“I want this boy to rest. He is to have complete quiet, understand? No nonsense. No disturbance such as occurred here yesterday.”

“I”—Fay bit her lip, blushing—“I understand, doctor.”

“Good. See that your husband does. Now, if you’ll get that bedpan I spoke to you about a quarter of an hour ago—”

She went out.

The doctor and Kendall moved over near the door.

And I wasn’t quite asleep yet, I was just drifting off. And I got a little of what they said.

“…all right?”

“This time. Stays in bed, and…Ought to be up by…”

“…relieved to…strong personal interest…”

“Yep. This time…wouldn’t bet a nickel on…”

“…pessimist, Dod. Why a next…”

“…teeth out…lens. No, better do it my…”

“…don’t mean he…?”

“…everything. Straight across the board…nothing really right…no good to begin…”

That was the last I heard.